Love how Grammarly added a tone detector that helps you get the right feeling across in whatever you’re writing. Like if you sound confident as opposed to defensive or whatever.

Last night, as I was listening to a symphony of night sounds like the freeway and all kinds of planes, a part of me wanted to cry at the thought of being forever cursed with excessively noisy places for reasons I’ll never understand. It’s been that way since 1992, although Maricopa wasn’t too bad in general, and Auburn would have actually been the quietest place we ever lived if we could have gotten Jesse’s mutts out of the picture.

Anyway, I started to tell myself it would be pointless to cry over what fate can’t be changed and all that, but then we have lived in quieter places, so I know it’s possible to get one. It may not be possible to get a place that’s literally quiet, but every other single place I’ve ever lived in has been quieter than this. So it’s doable.

So what was today’s project? Oh, I just got to wake up to insanely loud sawing and woodchippers. Now, they didn’t actually wake me up because I had the sound machine going, even though according to Google Maps, the activity took place just 150 ft from the bedroom. It sure would have woken me up when the tree actually came down had I not already been up! it really hit with a ferocious stud.

When I first got up, I thought it was coming from the oak tree in the center island down the street, but then I looked out and saw that they were in the common area between Dal and Santa. So it was the park that ordered the job, not surprisingly, even though I don’t recall seeing any dead or dying trees in that area. Even Dixie was wondering why they were killing that tree. Tom said if it was leaning over a house, that may be why because if it were to get struck by lightning, it could fall on the house. I don’t remember if any were leaning over anybody’s house but there were three huge branches stemming off of the trunk. They cut it down to where you had just the trunk and two big branches, so about a few thousand pounds worth. They sawed the thing and then with amazing precision and strength, a guy whacked the wedge in the center of it forming more of a gap. When the thing finally went down it was with such a mighty boom that the entire house shook and the windows rattled in their panes. I was so glad I had gotten up when I did because there’s no doubt that it would have jolted me awake. I would probably think someone kicked the door in if it wasn’t for all the people and activity that goes on regularly here. It may have been cool to watch the tree coming down but I’m sick of this shit. Just totally sick of it. We can’t even go one fucking week without some loud annoying project. They’re not done yet either. They’re going to have to come and haul everything away, and if they choose to grind down the stump, it’s going to be loud as hell.

The last commercial plane wasn’t until 12:30 last night and then the small planes and helicopters took over along with the freeway and it just gets old. It really does. Sometimes I just want to hear nothing. I just want peace and quiet. But those moments are few and far between here. Projects in the daytime on top of regular landscaping and traffic, and planes at night. The planes are actually a 24-hour thing, it’s just that they’re more audible late at night and early in the morning when sounds carry better. Same with the freeway which is about 1000 feet away.

We both happily escaped to Rite Aid for a few minutes where I got some wine and we both got treats. So what if I’m 156 lb. Maybe someday I’ll actually care enough about my weight to stop eating for a while. I guess it’s just that age thing. You get comfortable with who and what you are, you don’t give a s*** what others think, and you get tired of filling in the swears that Google Docs doesn’t like. :-) Rite Aid was giving away free Halloween candy so we each got a bite-size candy.

Despite how slow it’s been at work, which Tom expects for the rest of the year, he worked at home yesterday doing a meeting. It kind of sucks because while he does make more money than most people, we as a couple don’t make as much as most people, so doing a detour in New Mexico is probably going to be out of the question even though I’ve asked Becky for some info on the land and the job market in her area. I don’t think we can go straight to Florida without him having a job first, but if we can buy a cheap place with the sale of this place and stay there till he’s 66-70, I’d go for it because almost any place has to be quieter than this!

Dixie saw and heard the felling of the tree too, and said I was the first one she thought of when they came in early this morning and miraculously managed not to wake me up. I did have both sound machines blasting, though. It’s the only way for a light sleeper to sleep on such a busy street.

Love her nickname for Joan… Mrs. Claus. So there’s Santa and then there’s Mrs. Claus. LMAO! I told her that was a good one. I get the impression she doesn’t like Mrs. Claus very much but she’s always been nice to me.

Dixie also cracked me up when she said no hurry on helping her organize the clothes, if Diane comes out dressed for the beach, she’ll just go grab some warmer clothes, haha.

She wishes they would take down that center island tree because it messes up her gutters since she’s right by it, but it’s one of those protected trees in Cali. That old oak tree is probably 100 years old at the very least. I just wish they would stop with all the tree-cutting in general. I’m not only tired of having to hear it, but we need our trees! I’ve lived in other areas that were heavily treed and never did I hear so many of them being cut down.

Since we’re allowed to have up to five accounts on Twitter’s account switcher, I created a fifth account to tweet pictures when I’m about to go out walking. Then when I return, I can see exactly how long I was gone.

Started writing a letter to Stacey which I’ll send her on Facebook since it’s been a while. Almost 2 years. I know she wouldn’t mind an update from me, though I don’t hear much from her, understandably. I really do miss her at times.

So disappointing to see those wonderful orange lines begin to disappear on my book reports. The old setup put an orange line by the date something was either bought or borrowed. I seemed to be starting to be on quite a roll, too.

Okay, Becky just gave me some info on taxes and property and things in general about where she moved to in New Mexico. Tom and I will look around on Zillow over the weekend but I’m not holding my breath. It’s just not that easy to up and move, especially when you’re still working.

She cracked me up after I told her about all I have to listen to here, and not only said that would drive her fucking crazy but also, “God bless you. I’d have killed someone by now.”

Yeah, I think maybe that’s why I keep killing people in my stories; so I don’t in real life. Speaking of that, NaNo starts in just over 2 hours, so even though I’m not very prepared, I’m going to dive in and see where it takes me. One doesn’t have to win in order to have fun, which is a good thing because I don’t expect to win this time around. Just not enough of an idea for the story to reach 50k words.

Tom won a raffle at work and will receive a $25 gift card. That reminds me… It’s the end of the month when most sweeps expire, so I should make some entries soon using the new Gmail account.

Fortunately, I was tired yesterday due to waking up too soon and not because of lowering my dose. I was able to go out walking today just fine. I passed a guy in his 70s or 80s on the way down toward the back of the park and we exchanged hellos. Caught him again on the way back and he stopped to chat and asked if I lived in the park, probably figuring I wasn’t old enough to live here.

Anyway, I pointed toward our house and said I lived on the corner and he said, “Oh, across from Jon and Carolyn?”

I confirmed and he said his name was Ken and shook my hand.

Back at the house, I gathered a pile of leaves that always love to settle in the middle of the carport.

“Hey, Jodi, you back there?” I heard Jon call.

I stepped around the mesh screen that shades the carport and Jon thanked me for pulling their trash and recycle bins in when they were in Reno, which I assured him was no problem.

Around the corner and down the street I soon went to pick up the mail where I waved hello to Joan who confirmed she got the email with the link to the screen we have. A short while later there was a knock on the door, and it was her. She said she wanted to show it to Santa but couldn’t find the link so I told her I would send it again.

Tammy said they don’t know what caused her infection or why her kidneys aren’t functioning properly. Because her immune system is shot, if she has allergy attacks or gets a cold, that’s all it takes to trigger her sarcoidosis.

Because it’s important that she get her health back on track, the house probably won’t go back on the market for a while. She’s already established with her doctors who know everything that’s going on and she feels comfortable with them. Therefore, getting a new team of doctors would be a bit stressful. I can totally relate to that one. Even though I’m healthy and go years between colds, I still have to see a PCP, dentist, and ENT once or twice a year, and now that I feel comfortable with them and they understand me well, the thought of having to start over with new doctors does kind of suck but should be worth it in the end.

Did she have to mention one of her bitches? Of course she did, and I knew she would, too. It’s a little more tolerable with voice clips, though, because then I don’t feel as obligated to acknowledge and respond in the way I would in a live chat.

When out on my walk I heard more planes than traffic and landscaping, even though I still heard plenty of that too, especially landscaping. The planes have definitely become the worst of the annoyances around here. Traffic is the biggest threat to my sleep, though, as I’ll be reminded when that loud car returns. I doubt it’s disappeared because of anyone’s complaints. More than likely something is preventing them from coming around to mooch off of mommy and daddy.

The brown noise played all through the night whereas the night before it cut out before I got up. Will probably have to have a sound machine in addition to Alexa no matter where we live since she’s not 100% reliable. But hopefully, I can just use a portable one. The goal is to get rid of the stereo. Damn is it getting old now! Got it toward the end of our time in Phoenix, so we’re talking a little over 20 years now.

I woke up having to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I’m a little tired today. I crashed around 2 a.m. and expected to get up at 10 a.m., but I was up around 8. I lay in bed for a while before actually getting up, though.

Found a really nice message waiting for me from Tammy about how I’m going to be rolling in dough from selling my books, I’m an amazing sister and she’s proud of me.

LOL, unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be rolling in any dough and happily home-hunting in Maui or Lanai, but I appreciate the vote of confidence and love her too. :-) Haven’t gotten a health update from her yet, but hopefully, as I told her, she’ll be making that mountain dream home a reality soon and I’ll be right there to laugh my ass off every single time it snows. She’s not going anywhere that has brutal winters, but still.

Five or six years ago she read the rough draft of Renting Ginny which I sent to my dad, minus some intimate scenes, and now I’m sharing the newer, much-improved version of it with her which will soon be submitted for publication on Amazon. Where I sometimes read old manuscripts and decide it’s crap not worth trying to salvage, I’m also surprised at times by how well something comes out that I feel is worth editing and putting my all into. Once I started getting published, I began omitting X-rated scenes to appeal to a larger audience.

What pisses me off about Amazon is that they won’t allow reviews from friends. It’s creepy, as Aly said, but nothing online is ever really private. I’ve shared the link several places and it’s kind of a no-brainer for them to check out who we’re closest to.

Although I haven’t had any specific dreams pertaining to it, I still have heavy vibes about change being on the horizon even though I’m clueless as to what it could be. I’m a little worried since most change isn’t usually very good. At least not for us. But then it gives me hope that maybe it could lead to something better, not that we’re in a bad position right now.

There are only a few ants left on the farm, but they don’t seem in any hurry to join the rest of their colony in their little makeshift graveyard.

These new giant pee pads are working out so well for the pigs. if only I’d known what to get from the get-go. They’re easy to shake out and they’re way less smelly and I don’t think I’ll even have to change them every other day which was the longest I could stand to go with the fleece liners. I’m going to try 3 days between changes. They now have 3 times more living space which is also part of why they can go longer between changes.

Looks like I might have finally gotten Ashworth College off my ass. They finally responded to my message on Facebook about their annoying daily calls, asked for my number, and told me they removed it from their system, so we’ll see.

Now that I actually want scammers to email me so I can have fun sending them whatever gibberish speech-to-text comes up with when he and I are chatting or I have a show running, I’m hearing less often from them.

Been having a real problem trying to keep from getting bored. It seems like it’s been harder to entertain myself lately. Despite having so much more I could do than I did 20 years ago and even 10 years ago, I struggle to keep myself occupied. I just get tired of doing the same things. Well, actually that’s not it. I don’t mind doing the same things. I enjoy the things I do. It’s after those same things are done for the day that I’m sitting there like…now what? It’s too early to start reading myself to sleep, so what do I do now?

I’ve got NaNoWriMo coming up in a few days but even that might not solve my boredom problem if I can’t come up with enough of an idea for the story to last that long. Even if I did, NaNoWriMo is only a month. I just can’t keep coming up with story ideas like I used to. I hate to say it, but this is part of why I wouldn’t be all that sad if I was told right now that I had some terminal disease. It would be a lot easier to accept than 20 years ago. I would be sadder for Tom than for myself. Why? Because I’m just running out of steam in life.

We don’t have the means or the money to do new things or some things we’ve already done more often. I can’t just say, “I want to go swimming right now.” It’s too cold for swimming. I can’t go for a dip in the ocean. I can’t go snorkeling. I can’t go sailing. I can’t go water skiing. I can’t explore other countries. I can’t spend the day at a luxury spa. I can’t go get my armpit hair removed. So even though there are other things to do, it’s not like I can do all these things whenever I happen to feel like it.

The self-cleaning feature on our oven is absolutely worthless. I thought it a bit strange that it only ran for two hours whereas the one we had in Arizona ran all day or all night, depending on when I started it. I had to scrub the window of this one myself. The one in Arizona didn’t have a window which I hated, but it always got it as clean as new.

While I could complain about all the landscaping noise I’ve been hearing for hours now, the windstorm we had really took down a lot of leaves and twigs, so clean-up is necessary, like it or not. I had to be careful when out jogging not to slip in piles of leaves that haven’t been blown away yet.

Haven’t gone to Sam’s yet for my trifocals, but my reading and computer glasses arrived. I can actually see a little better with my older work glasses with this giant screen, so I’m going to wait for my new computer to use the new ones.

I was thinking of possibly getting an angled bob for my next haircut. When it first came into the style it just looked all wrong for the sides to be longer than the back. But the more I see them, the less strange they look. The pros to an angled bob would be that I would have a little less hair to have to deal with, but then I couldn’t gather it in a ponytail.

His app is now on Amazon as well. Work has been slow, but he doesn’t know what to expect. As in whether or not he might be laid off. I haven’t had any dreams suggesting a particular change is on the horizon, but sometimes I’m blindsided by life’s events and I don’t get any warnings. However, I’ve always had dreams in the past so I would think I’d get a heads-up if we were going to move sooner than expected. I do kinda have a feeling that change is coming, not tomorrow or the next day, but soon. I just don’t know what it could be. Hopefully nothing bad. I beat the worst of the anxiety, I hit menopause, the loud car hasn’t been around, I’ve gotten more familiar with and comfortable with more people here… Those are typical signs of the end times of a particular period.

Just my walk shows change. It was 63° and sunny and I was able to handle the walk just fine. This would have killed me when I was in the worst of the perimenopause as I was just so damn heat-sensitive then even when it really wasn’t literally hot. It was cool in the shade but slightly warm in the sun. Still, that’s all it would have taken to cause me to really feel overheated.

Never thought I’d say this but a part of me hopes they lay him off. We decided that if that happens, we’re going to aim for both things as far as moving and getting another job here. We’ll start making decisions as far as what’s to go and what’s not as if we’re about to move, but while we’re at it, he’ll look for a job and see if he can get something with better pay that would be too good to resist and worth sticking around for until he’s 66. The thing is, I can’t see him ever getting a better-paying job while I also can’t see anything up there paving the way for us to get out of the noisiest place I’ve ever lived in sooner.

I think that if they lay him off and he can’t find a better job here, we may have to do a rural detour in New Mexico or something on the way to Florida. If we have the money to buy a place outright, even if it has to be a dump, they won’t care if he hasn’t had a job in the area for a year. Assuming we couldn’t find the perfect piece of land in Florida, a Florida park is gonna want a year of employment. So we might have to detour. I just want to live where I don’t need sound machines all day and I only need Alexa to sleep with!

On the downside, being laid off could also pave the road for a similar disaster as when we left Arizona. Better to play it safe and hope to stay put till 2024. I guess it is, anyway.

The last Alexa device we got started going out when I would have her play the same brown noise to sleep with that I often have her play when I’m awake, which helps me sleep a little better during the daytime. OMG, that is so, SO typical and NO coincidence! Everything that seems to help my sleep backfires somehow. Earbuds give me earaches and now this Alexa “happens” to crap out at bedtime.

For now, I’ve swapped that one out for another device and we’ll see what happens, though I think I can guess. Some curses really are that hard to fight. I’ve been sleeping fine lately, but that could change without the extra help.

Couldn’t find Joan’s profile on Facebook but I found Santa’s. I didn’t friend him, but I see he’s also fed up with this country putting other countries first and illegals before veterans. He also seems to be sick of everything being labeled as racist and anti-Kamala Harris because of the way she’s demonstrated a desire to focus on minorities and not US citizens as a whole.

Yeah, that was my impression of her as well, and while I would rather her than Trump, I would be a little concerned with her as president because whites are being treated like second-class citizens enough of the time as it is.

I’m guessing he’s a Trump supporter, though not everybody that believes veterans should come before illegals and that the US should take care of its own first is necessarily a Trump supporter.

I know I don’t want a Republican for president because they’re the ones who go after the rights of gays and women and won’t do anything to better the healthcare system. The only problem is the yo-yo effect you got going on every time political parties change. We could get a Democrat next election that sets certain things up or implements this and that, but the next time a Republican is in power they’ll just tear it all down. One undoes what the other creates. Abortions will be easier to get as soon as a Democrat gets in, but then when the next Republican is elected women can kiss their reproductive rights goodbye until the next Democrat is elected. So what’s the point of a Dem being elected and being able to get better insurance if you’re just going to lose it 4-8 years later?

The 33 MPH winds we’ve been having took out Geri’s umbrella across the street. At least she won’t have to go too far to get it. I was hoping the wind would cancel out the planes by carrying the sound elsewhere, but that was the first thing I heard as soon as I got up and turned the sound machine off. Not going to get a break from the damn things until we move. Until that becomes a flight path too, of course

On our way to the store the other day, we saw a coyote on Oak run from where the houses are down to the creek with something in its mouth.

Tammy messaged me to say she was very ill but is finally feeling better and will send details soon. I was afraid something was up just because of the lack of contact and not seeing her on Facebook as often.

The pee pads came yesterday, and I think these are definitely going to be the best liners for where we have them set up in the kitchen. They fit in that spot well and since they’re quilted on top rather than fleeced, they should be easier to shake out. The hay clings to fleece easier than this slicker surface. Wasn’t really smelly when I got up this morning, so I think I can change them every other day. Since they’re waterproof, I should no longer have to mop the floor underneath.

I had a bad backache yesterday and the day before. It was just a small spot in the middle of the right side of my back. I don’t know if I pulled a muscle or what. Tom gave me a massage earlier and that helped. I’m sure my sleeping conditions don’t help, though. Yes, the bed situation is frustrating. It’s a horribly uneven sleeping surface and I don’t see how it’s going to hold up another 5 years. I had wanted to wait until we got settled in the new place before I got a new bed. It’s either deal with being tilted and lumpy or having to blow up the leaky airbed all the time since we don’t have the money now for a quality bed. The new computer is most important.

Made Tom and I those Brit-style jacket potatoes yesterday and he loved them. I still can’t believe how much I’ve learned to cook! Haven’t yet learned soups or casseroles but I’m sure I could find a video that would teach me if I wanted to make those too.

Had a dream I got in trouble doing something that involved getting caught by that pig back east, Laurie H, plus something else. I woke up relieved to know it was just a dream.

Signed up on Author Central and created a bio page on Amazon which looks very nice and professional looking. Not too fond of the picture I used, but hey, it’s me.

Felt pretty wound up yesterday so I’m just going to go back to 50s daily except for Mondays and Thursdays until 6 weeks before my next trip to the lab. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to get past 6 weeks without having to lower my dose.

28-mile-an-hour winds are expected tonight beginning at 11. Hopefully, it will give me a break from the planes for a while. Beginning to wonder if it’s going to rain again this year.

I think when the clocks go back I’m just going to ditch my alarm clock since I can’t see very well anymore, especially with the damn thing being backlit which makes it even harder to see, and eventually get an Alexa with a clock in it for when I wake up in the middle of the night and don’t feel like shouting over the sound machine. I don’t need a traditional alarm clock anymore since I can use Alexa’s alarm.

Haven’t heard Santa’s mutts lately, which even Dixie says annoys her at times. I can see where it would since she’s closer to them. I’m surprised that such nice people would be so inconsiderate too. That’s usually the kind of thing you expect from freeloaders, not sweet little old grandma and grandpa.

We’re deciding on what kind of insurance plan to go with beginning next year. There’s a plan in which you could text a doctor for free, but they take more per paycheck. Then there’s a plan where they take less per paycheck but charge $5 per text. Since he’s healthy and I don’t plan on having any more problems for a good long time, we’re probably going to take the second plan.

Went for a walk earlier and now I’m relaxing with some chardonnay. Had a very violent dream last night. I was forced to kill some guy that was trying to kill me. I knew without a doubt that it was a case of me or him and it wasn’t going to be me if I could help it. I don’t know why he was trying to kill me, but I had a rock in my hand and managed to stun him by whipping it into his face. After I hurled the rock and stunned him with surprise and pain, I pummeled his face with my fists to the point that my hands were bloodied. Whenever they would hit his teeth, they would receive gashes, but since it was a life-or-death matter, I wasn’t the least bit worried. I only became concerned after he was dead because I wasn’t sure if I should dare take a chance on trusting the police to believe I was forced to kill, or just keep quiet about it and hope for the best.

Tom’s building was closed due to it being slow, so he has today off. They’ve closed before but this is the first time he was told he could take the day off. I don’t sense any impending layoffs but when I asked him about that he said he didn’t know anything for sure. I’m not worried about it, though. Nothing is going to let us lose a house this noisy. But then again, there are signs of the “end,” so to speak, which I’ve learned to recognize when we’re about to move or end/begin a certain period of our lives. I worry that because I’ve gotten my physical and emotional health back on track within a year or two there’s going to be some new long-term problem.

We always move when I meet nice people in the area if they don’t move first. Plus, the loud car is gone, and while it’s still noisy here in general, everywhere I live seems to get a little quieter at the very end of my time there.

It doesn’t make sense that we’re nearing the end of our time here, though, because even if they did lay him off, that doesn’t mean we could just move.

We went to Walmart at 7 and were going to go for a walk when we got back. Started out in my hoodie but was too warm so I turned around and dropped it off at the house, then found I was too cold. I just couldn’t get my body temperature comfortable so now I’m on the treadmill where I have more control over that.

Okay, it’s a little later after I’ve done some cooking. This time I roasted some chicken wings in one of those bag-and-season things with diced potatoes and some mushrooms. First time I’ve ever added veggies and potatoes to this kind of thing.

Our latest project was the Twenties getting a shed installed yesterday. They’re one of our top project junkies but as I’ve learned, if you live with people with money, they’re always going to be doing shit. Love those two, though. Fortunately, I only heard a few bumps and bangs because it was just a 4-hour job and I spent part of it visiting Dixie. I was glad to learn they aren’t going to be putting up a garage since that would be way more noise. I think their driveway is too steep for it. They replaced the old shed in the back of their carport that most of the houses here have. We call ours a storeroom. It’s not as nice as Tammy’s, though.

Speaking of her, she’s still ghosting me.

Before I saw Dixie, I briefly chatted with the Twenties and it was nice to see them since it’s been a while. Jon was his usual funny self. I started talking to Carolyn first and he came up to us and said, “What are you doing harassing the neighbors?” LOL

He also asked me what a musician’s favorite pastry was. The answer is a drumroll, haha.

They said they were going to Alturas for a few days and asked that I keep an eye on their place. I just asked if they needed their trash and recycle bins pulled in and she said, yes. They’re on the road to Reno now but aren’t sure when or if the person they asked to pull them in will do so.

And now it’s later still. Yeah, sometimes I work on entries on and off for hours at a time.

We ran out to Rite Aid where I grabbed mini bottles of Merlot, Moscato, chardonnay, and Pinot Grigio. No Rosé this time. We got some treats too since we’re having a long weekend. Felt wound up today for some reason, though not in an anxious kind of way, and the wine was very relaxing. Maybe it was just because I’ve been on the go non-stop for about 10 hours doing so many different things in and out of the house. Every time I would think I was done with things, I would remember something else to do.

We ordered a 2-pack for $50 of large quilted, washable, waterproof pee pads with a silica slip guard on the bottom for the pigs since having them in the kitchen is really working out well. So, $140 wasted on their cage, and $100 wasted on fleece liners. Sort of.

Also got a corner hideaway made especially for this fence which some people use for their own guinea pigs as well as puppies. I chose pink, of course, but the pee pads are going to be brown with black paw prints.

Hate it when I forget I have speech-to-text running and then I go talking on my phone, to Tom or the animals, and it inserts text in my journal. I deliberately let it run when I’m not doing any actual writing and let it pick up whatever bits and pieces of conversation it can, then send it to scammers that send me shit, LOL.

Since we have several old phones, and they all have cameras in them, he set one up in the living room window and I’m watching what traffic goes by from the bedroom where I work. Being the middle of a Friday I’m surprised I haven’t seen a lot more vehicles than I’ve seen. Because my screen is so big, I can have the camera display on one side of the screen and Google Docs on the other. It’s going to suck giving up this giant monitor but it’s not practical with my vision being the way it is. Can’t have it far but can’t have it too close either.

This is pure fantasy, but it would be so cool to have a way to spy inside people’s homes. Those I know, of course, like the Twenties, Bob and Virginia, and Dixie.

Aly said: I didn’t say he took over the account. I had him change the password, I no longer use the email I’d used for it, so I had to get him to deactivate it but I have control now if I want it back up. He gave me the password he’d used and I did briefly reactivate it long enough to delete my phone number from it and change it to a password I know.

She also said: You’re reading waaaaaay too much into the D/s stuff. We’re on a break for a totally different reason, has to do with his physical and mental health. Just because I like to write DMS doesn’t mean I like to live it, this is why I don’t tell people personal stuff they don’t get it.

As I told her, I would get more things if she wasn’t so cryptic and vague. :-)

Just saw Dixie leave.

Going to be heading down to Dixie’s place in about an hour to visit her and thought I would get in an entry first.

Yesterday I walked down to the mailbox and had just gotten back and was going through the mail when I heard a knock on the front door. I opened it to find Joan, Santa’s wife, standing there. She looked great for someone I’m guessing has got to be around 70. She wore a nice shiny sleeveless top, and every time I see her she has her hair in a side ponytail, though it suits her well. Her face was made up nicely, too.

She came to ask where we got the screen in our carport and I asked for her email and told her I would email her the link to where we got it on Amazon.

She didn’t come inside the house, but she saw into the living room as we were discussing home improvements and I was telling her we didn’t have a traditional living room setup and all that. Functionality is more important than appearance to us while we’re still in this place.

Their place is bigger than ours. They have a 1700-square-foot triple-wide. She was telling me about their plans for replacing carpet and installing the kind of flooring I wish we’d installed. Also, remodeling the kitchen. Fortunately, I shouldn’t have to hear any of it from here. But then if they’re sawing and hammering some things outside, I might. I swear I’m done with living with those with money! I don’t want to live in the slums, of course, and I know people do home improvements everywhere, but this has been unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Then again, everything about this whole damn place is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

Anyway, I learned something interesting from her. It turns out she’s been a real estate agent for over 25 years and still is. There are some regular realtors in the area, including a woman named Peggy who lives here. Well, Peggy didn’t disclose to Dahl (spelling?) and Barbara, the couple that bought Ralph’s place, that Ralph died inside the house. I didn’t even know that myself. His son was staying with him when he got up one morning to find he passed in his sleep. A lot of people are freaked out about the idea of buying a house someone died in. I remember seeing the EMTs there one last time and thought he had another stroke or heart attack and later died in the hospital, but nope. Wonder if whoever is in my grandparents’ house knows my grandmother died in her bed? I guess disclosure laws vary from state to state and they may not go that far back unless it’s something like a mass murder that took place or something out of the ordinary like that.

Anyway, looks like we’ve got ourselves a realtor nearly half a decade before we’re ready to get one, lol. I did tell her that we’re probably going to sell as is and that I joke with Tom about this place being every realtor’s worst nightmare because of the way I made quite a circus of it with wall stickers galore. Plus, we really fucked up the laundry room and small bathroom floors.

I was surprised when she said she doesn’t hear all the planes we’ve got going here and I’m beginning to wonder if everyone is deaf or if my one good ear is bionic. But then Carolyn did acknowledge them, so I don’t know. Every fucking time I opened the door yesterday to shake out my duster or dump recyclables or something, there was a plane roaring overhead. :-(

Tom saw his new doctor yesterday and sure enough, it’s a foreigner. Some older Asian guy whose accent was a little hard to understand. They really, really should be mandated to do speech exercises to get rid of their accents. When it comes to doctor-patient communication, there should be no misunderstandings!

We were talking about how sad it is that he won’t have good insurance for another 2.5 years and even sadder that I’ll likely have to wait 11 years. Just wish this country wasn’t so obsessed with independence and we didn’t have sick, twisted presidents who think everybody can afford to pay everything themselves as they can, but that’s the attitude here. You want it, you got to get it yourself unless you’re illegal. No one wants to help anyone that’s from here.

We have money budgeted for different things and the money budgeted for medical stuff is kind of low right now, so he hasn’t even gone to the lab yet which he told the doctor. He’ll get to it in another month or two and then they’ll call with the results. Of course they couldn’t just use the damn portal. They’ll probably post results there too, but all the phone calls people waste time with simply aren’t necessary. If something was wrong, that would be different. So far, he’s been very lucky, though. Other than struggling with obesity, he’s only had high blood pressure so far. He does have exercise-induced asthma, but he doesn’t trigger that very often.

The whole medical situation in this country just pisses me off. There’s got to be a better way so that not only can poor people afford the services they need, but so that middle-class people like us don’t lose such a huge chunk of our income to basic things. As usual, only the rich have it the best. Although in this state, even the fucking illegals have it better than we do. Everything’s about putting the outsiders first. Meanwhile, if this country wanted change, it would have been done ages ago.

I realized it was silly to gather the pigs in boxes and set them aside when changing their pen when all I have to do is move the gate in a way that blocks the entrance to the kitchen and have them just step aside while I pull up the dirty liner, clean the floor below, and place the new liner down. They were very good about it. They didn’t try to break away or go anywhere they shouldn’t, although these big beefy guys could never fit under the stove or beside the refrigerator even if they wanted to.

I’m getting the sense that Aly is on the verge of breaking up with Cam because they’re taking a break, as she told me. I’m not the least bit surprised. She’s sounded doubtful on and off yet when you find the right person, you know it. You don’t have so many doubts for so long. I think the type of guys she’s going for is part of the problem. The dominant-submissive thing may be a fun fantasy and may be ideal for those not looking to get serious, but I question just how ideal a guy like Cam could possibly be in a long-term relationship because of their thirst for control. When he mentioned bending people to his will in his old Ask profile, I remember being like no, just no. Seriously, if I was looking for someone, a profile like that would scare me right off. That alone right there tells me something about the guy. Anyone who’s going to want to be that dominant in bed is going to want to be dominant elsewhere as well. If I’ve got my facts straight, he stole a Twitter account of hers she can’t get back. Well, isn’t that pretty controlling?

When they do break up, hopefully she’ll stay single for more than a few weeks rather than jump into a whole new relationship. Not wanting to be alone is one thing, rushing things is another. It’s easy for straight people to do, though. I can just imagine how many boyfriends I would have had before meeting Tom had that been my main cup of tea.

Personally, I can’t picture her ever getting married and if I were less than a year from 40, I would wonder if maybe all my failed relationships had something to do with what I was attracted to, or maybe it was something about me, or maybe I was just plain old cursed in that department. I still think she might have better luck if she searched for an equal instead of a Dom.

“I’m not going to be an author,” said I in a journal entry less than a month ago. Apparently, I got that wrong since I got another borrow yesterday of guess what? Yeah, that Heart of a Forest has become my definite bestseller. They estimate $4.48 so far in royalties for October. A barely noticeable amount, but I seemed to be making less than that in a year last time around, and I probably could have remained on Kobo forever and not made a single sale.

Anyway, I’ve had a productive day. I walked around the park from 8:30 to 9:00. This meant I had to deal with landscaping sounds, planes, and potentially pesky mutts, but it was otherwise a pleasant walk. I jogged a little of it but not much.

Then I checked in with Dixie who wanted to know when I would be visiting, and I asked if tomorrow morning would be okay. She misses me and I miss her too, motormouth or not. That’s why I finished the rest of the house cleaning today; so I can visit her tomorrow and then do laundry and change the rats on Friday. I like to space out the things I do, even though sometimes I’ll do something spontaneously. Like reorganizing the hall closet. Did that earlier and rearranged the kitchen a bit as well. How did we survive the kitchen in Jesse’s trailer when this one seems too small? Not enough counter space and definitely not enough plugs being that it’s an older house.

I moved the fish by the sink and put the oil diffuser where he was to mask the pigs’ smell.

It’s going to be nearly 90° today and tomorrow, which is fine with me. Makes it a little warm for sleeping and exercising but not so cold in the early mornings in here.

Tom is going to leave work a half-hour early today because he has a doctor’s appointment with his new doctor in the new medical building they recently opened here in town.

As for the truck parked close to the house yesterday…it never woke me up, fortunately. Tom confirmed on his way in that they’re painting the place. I could see this myself when I left for my walk this morning. It actually looks like whoever lived there moved out.

The ants are dying off fast and I think we’re down to just about 8 ants.

I’ve already decided which two pairs of glasses I’m going to donate when I get my new ones. I usually donate the amount I get, but I think I’ll just donate the horribly large red ones and my first mid-range pair. I like to keep two pairs of the same prescription or close enough to it so I have a backup. Actually, I do have another pair of progressives that can go.

Going to use these cheap, thin rainbow washcloths I was sorry I bothered getting for a while to mop the pigsty. It would be cheaper to spray the pen with some kind of cleaner and mop it up with that rather than using wet Swiffers every day. Yes, I’m changing them every day, alternating between a pink-orange fleece throw that fits in perfectly, a purple zebra fleece blanket, and the two Maui beach towels.

Forget the ants not making it to the end of the year. I wonder if they’ll even make it to the end of the month. They’re really starting to die off. Tom said he read they can live as little as a month, so three months isn’t always the norm but more like a possibility.

For the first time ever, I now have four Twitter accounts. Decided to create one to log medication doses and just how I’m feeling in general. I love the new account switcher and how we can have up to five accounts. I’d still like it if we could edit tweets and make some private but then I do like to keep certain types of tweets separate which makes multiple accounts more useful.

NaNoWriMo’s getting closer, so I’ve begun fleshing out my main characters. Suki Akamu will work the Cyber Crimes Unit of the FBI, and the crazy FBI agent will be Special Agent Marlene Hughes, thanks to a random name generator. I had to put a little more work into the Japanese name.

Not sure of a setting or if I’m going to bother having one in the first place. I suppose there isn’t any point in a location unless it’s pertinent to the story somehow. I’ve used all the states I’ve lived in for settings, plus some randomly generated states I’ve never lived in.

I was going to go out walking earlier in the night before it got cold but the thought of what skunks or loose dogs I may encounter made me hesitant. I tried to tell myself I didn’t need a man to keep me safe, but I wasn’t very convincing because I waited for him to go with me. He didn’t mind, though. :-)

There’s been a vehicle parked on the side of the road by the house in back of Bob and Virginia. They’re parked almost up to where Lawrence’s place starts which is way too close to our bedroom. When I heard some banging, I looked out the window by the street and now there’s a fucking vehicle parked between us and next door, barely more than an arm’s length away. I have a bad feeling I’ll be hearing a lot more than what I’ve already heard.

I am so, SO fucking sick and tired of all the projects people do around here. I have never experienced this anywhere else in my life. Ever. We can’t even go more than a fucking week or two without someone doing some shit I have to listen to. Tom said he thought they might be painting that house but whatever it is, I want people’s vehicles away from the bedroom! You’re not even supposed to park on the street there to begin with. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen a vehicle parked back there. Over the weekend there was a white pickup truck that looked like a gardener’s truck of some kind, but instead of being parked in the driveway or in front of their house, they were at the side. Then there was a white SUV last night and now there’s some kind of light-colored vehicle on our side. I don’t know what it’s doing there but with the way people love to slam vehicle doors, I worry about it waking me up. This is just way too damn close.

Damn, I’m sick of this fucking place and being surrounded by so many houses, streets and people! I love how the loud car hasn’t been around, though.

I got curious and went out and checked and it’s that same white pickup that was there this weekend. I think he’s right about them painting or at least doing something. But hey, someone’s always doing something around here. The house for sale on our street is still hammering away at God knows what outdoors. So fucking sick of this shit!! And the fucking traffic, planes and landscaping.

I’m going to have 5 eats a day starting on Monday. Three of those eats will be 160 cals worth of potatoes. Then I’m going to have meat and veggies which will be anywhere from about 100-300 cals. Lastly, I’ll have a banana, a kiddy yogurt, and of course my coffee. They will happen in no particular order. Beginning 1-2 hours after I get up, I’ll eat every 3 hours. I’ll be making a point of getting about a half-hour of cardio, plus strength training during weekdays. This is barely 1000 cals. If I can’t lose on this then I can’t lose on anything.

Tom says it will work if I stick to it, but I have stuck to other things long enough before to get no results. If something really is going to work, you should start seeing results within a few days to a week. Not be the same weight or more 1-2 weeks later. I get that after a week of dieting you can appear to be the same when you really lost a pound of fat and gained a pound of water. Don’t know if I can stick to it but I’m pretty sure that if I can, it won’t do me any good but to keep me from gaining more.

Aly is getting stranger by the minute when it comes to Twitter. When I mentioned that account disappearing, she said that that was because Cam deactivated it. She said he’s why she couldn’t get into it, though originally that was a good thing.

Uh-oh, something going on between those two I don’t know about? Maybe it’s time to find a partner who believes in equality within the partnership and drop the Dom/submissive thing she’s into. There’s a reason guys like him want to dominate and control. That’s simply the way they are, and if they’re going to be like that in the bedroom, why not elsewhere? Well, I hope this relationship continues to last for her, but it might be that she’s going after the wrong types of guys. Could be something wrong with her as well that’s driving people away or maybe she’s simply cursed in the love department. I don’t know. I’m not there. I don’t see and hear what goes on between them.

I had a dream I was staying in a hotel with Becky H. There might have been other people with us. While we were in the hotel suite, a small group of people entered and one of them was Steve. I pretended to be oblivious to his presence and hoped he wouldn’t recognize me after all these years.

Then we were alone again, and Becky was confiding in me about something personal that got her upset enough to bring her to tears. I hugged her and assured her she would never have just one sister.

Then I followed her into the bedroom as we continued talking. she started going through some of her stuff and I asked if she snored.

“Jodi, I won’t wake you up,” she said in a playfully scolding tone of voice.

A few more ants might have died. Definitely going to just chuck the entire farm when they’re all gone. Not worth refilling, not worth cleaning. Especially when you don’t have a big enough opening in the first place like some of the other farms do.

Watching season 2 of Haunted on Netflix. It’s been a long time since I watched the first season. They’re quick episodes and there aren’t many of them, and while they’re entertaining enough, I don’t know. I just wonder how anyone can validate the authenticity behind any of these stories. It’s like me and my dream premonitions. Unless you’re one of the ones I’ve had dreams that turned out to mean anything, how do you know I’m not just full of shit? These people did seem pretty genuine, though, and I’m guessing that if they were actors, they would all be thin and beautiful. But they come in all shapes and sizes so that at least gives them a little more credibility since if ghosts really do exist, I’m sure they’re not going to pick on just the young and skinny.

Decided I really don’t like painting as much as I thought I would. I would rather color with colored pencils than paints or even markers. So I don’t know if I’m going to bother to finish the two paint-by-number kits I got but we’ll see.

We went to Sam’s on Saturday and Walmart yesterday. At Sam’s, I decided to get a bag of small potatoes instead of the usual size you make baked potatoes out of. Since I mostly make roasted home fries these days, they’re much easier to work with. I don’t have to slice them first with a big knife. I can just shove them through the dicer. Not sure if they taste as good as the russets, whatever these things are.

On weekends I allow myself a sweet treat and a meal I don’t have regularly which means it’s probably processed since I try to keep it fresh these days. I made us some spaghetti and we decided to try a three-cheese sauce, but neither of us could taste any cheese. I wasn’t really impressed with it at all. I prefer Ragu with mushrooms, but he hates mushrooms.

Then when I was scanning the candy bar section, I noticed they had a new Snickers bar with maple flavoring, so I decided to try it and it was pretty good.

And now I better shut up about food otherwise I’ll make myself hungry, LOL.

Still excited for my new computer which is now looking like it’s going to be a Windows desktop solid state. Definitely need more RAM. Love the idea of having the option of switching back and forth between using a mouse and a touch screen. I’m likely going to scale back from my 43-inch monitor to a 21-inch monitor because I’m just too damn blind. With something this big, you can’t pull it too close to you, but you also can’t push it too far away either. It just won’t work well with any type of glasses I have.

Probably won’t get to Sam’s for another week or two to see about trifocals, but I’ve ordered a couple of pairs of Zenni glasses. A child’s pink translucent pair for reading and clear ones that are a little larger because they’re rounder for the computer. I think mid-range lenses are going to be best for any type of computer work I do. My reading glasses are really only good for things like the Kindle and my phone. Those are going to be upgraded as well. If we stick to androids, we’ll renew them every other year or so. This paperwhite is getting pretty old, too. I don’t remember exactly when I got it, but it seems like I’ve had it most of the time we’ve lived here and that’s over six years. This place is now the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere as an adult. Figures that the longest place is the noisiest place.

The only unfortunate thing was that toward the middle of my day yesterday, I began feeling anxious, so I took a 50 today instead of 75. I’ll probably do the same tomorrow.

Started pulling up the elephant mural which has six panels. Tore just a teeny bit of paint but it doesn’t matter because we’re going to have to whiteout the area beneath the strips we popped off. God, I hate these fucking paneled walls! I wanted tape-and-texture in the house we bought in 1999 but it was just too expensive. Maybe our next place will have that from the get-go. If not, I’m going to make sure it does soon enough because the next place is likely to be where I’m going to spend the rest of my life. If we like the climate we end up in, there’s no sense in continuing to hunt for a quiet place that I’ll never have. I hate struggling for something that isn’t meant to be. However, if we stick to adult parks and get off the busy streets and out of the flight paths, it’s got to be somewhat quieter. It’s just got to be.

Using our Maui beach towels to line the pigs which we’ve decided to keep in the kitchen. They really like the extra space and it’s nice to have them there to interact with more and all that. Definitely not going to do this pig thing again, though. These are definitely the last ones we’ll ever have. They’re cute but they’re too much work, money and mess. Hell, a dog has to be easier than this! I also have a fleece throw I can use to line them with, but sheets are definitely too thin. It’s got to be something more absorbent.

Sure enough, as soon as I disconnected from Aly on Twitter, the account she claims is “complicated” and that she didn’t know if she’d ever gain access to again, no longer exists. So she had control all the time and I just can’t find the new handle. I see what she’s doing, though. She’s trying to disengage from me on Twitter for the reasons I’ve always suspected and that’s why she only connected with me there with an account she uses for sweeps which for some strange reason got reported for suspicious activity. But she obviously doesn’t want to be rude about it or lie either. Or at least lie as much as she used to. And also not surprisingly, she changed handles on the other one we were never connected on but I told her that showed up in the ‘people you may know’ section, but I found that handle.

I still miss having a voice blog but was hesitant due to tech issues that can happen and not wanting to scroll back to older clips. But screw scrolling and worrying about tech issues. I’m going to use VoiceSpice again. No one could search for it since you don’t need an email or an account that you have to create in order to use it anyway. I love how it keeps a list of my voice posts (made a few in June and August), even though I don’t know how the hell it remembers who I am.

There’s another reason I thought I would go back to it and that’s because I accidentally discovered that I don’t have to be in the tab Google Docs speech-to-text add-on runs in for it to keep recording my voice. The others will turn off soon. Not this one. I recorded a lot of a show I was watching the other day and thought it would be funny to send to spammers and scammers and play that game again since it’s been a while. It doesn’t record everything perfectly, so it’s the perfect thing to mindfuck them with.

Aly says she has a few friends who do medical transcriptionists and they rave about it due to the flexible hours. She said that since I’m a good typist she thinks it’s right up my alley. This tells me it’s not that obsolete yet and that speech-to-text hasn’t replaced it totally. After I thought about it, I realized one would really have a hard time with speech-to-text if one had a foreign accent and was too lazy to get rid of it. Most doctors aren’t from here anymore and I can tell you that if it doesn’t like the few words that I still have a hard time making sound more generic and less northeastern, it’s certainly not going to have a clue when it comes to Ecuadorian, Indian, or other accents. While I may always believe that if you go to another country you should learn their language and talk like them, it may be a good thing that people don’t.

The above paragraph was written before Tom did some more research and it isn’t good. Unfortunately, it’s not something I can train for in just a few months and for just a few hundred dollars. Looks like you have to take a year of anatomy and then another year of medical terms and stuff like that and the cost is likely to be in the thousands, which we don’t have now. Even if we did, I’d hate to spend anything without a guarantee in the end. That’s the other thing that sucks is that most jobs can’t be done at home and they want you to have experience. I don’t know how you’re supposed to get experience if no one will give you a chance in the first place but that’s just how it is. Aly’s going to ask her friend more about it.

If I can’t do it because of money or whatever, that’s fine. I’m used to not getting what I want in life and it seems I’m not meant to make a steady income any more than I was meant to be tall. I’m just as cursed with that as trying to get a peaceful place to live. Didn’t get up until 10:30 p.m. and the planes have been totally annoying. Big planes, small planes, helicopters… I’ve heard it all. Plus, the freeway.

But I can still make some money winning both cash and merchandise, and apparently I’ve gotten much better at making book sales. I was just starting to get a little disappointed because the sales and borrows were starting to slack off and so I figured there wouldn’t be anything for a while until I found that someone in the UK borrowed Heart of the Forest and has read 176 pages so far. I wonder what makes that book so popular? I guess there’s something in the synopsis that must appeal to people.

Anyway, my only other concern about the transcription job is whether or not I really have the brains to learn what I’m supposed to do. I would think so, but I’m still having noticeable memory issues. When I was learning ASL and Spanish in my teens and twenties, I would usually remember signs and words the first time I learned them. But now it sometimes takes a few takes for things to stick. Plus, there’s the fact that I would be working in a noisy environment. I can throw the sound machine on when I want to focus on my writing but not with something I need to hear as clearly as possible.

My heart went into A-fib yesterday for 5 to 10 seconds and it was unnerving. I hate when that happens but fortunately, it doesn’t happen very often. That’s the “vibrating” one that can put you at risk of a stroke or heart attack, unlike the one where it seems to beat hard for a few beats and that’s it.

Love having the pigs in the kitchen and they seem so much happier too, but won’t decide on anything permanent till the new bedding arrives. Today will be the second part of the kitchen experiment where we see how easy/hard it is to shake the blanket out that they’re on. Then I’m going to try a wool sheet that I hate and regret getting because of how scratchy it feels. With them covered in such thick soft fur, it won’t matter to them.

The ants now have quite a maze going in their little habitat. They’re definitely bigger than when they first got here but several of them have died. I only expect to have a few left by the end of the year, if any at all.

I like the new shampoo and conditioner bars. Now we’ll see how long they last.

The dinner plates look nicer in person. The red one is actually orange. I’m washing them right now along with the tapestry which doesn’t look as nice as it does online. the image isn’t as sharp. I realized our washer has a wrinkle control selection so I’m seeing if that will take the wrinkles out. if not, I’ll iron it. It’s going to replace the elephant mural in the living room but I’m not going to get another tapestry to replace the bedroom forest. I’ll probably just leave it up or replace it with some kind of flower or butterfly stickers.

No anxiety yesterday. Took a full pill today and none so far today either.

Aly finally opened up to me about Twitter and Molly. What’s weird is that she said that the account she and I are connected on and hasn’t used is “complicated,” and she doesn’t know if she’ll gain access to it again. Instead, we’re now connected on an account she’s using for sweeps but not one she seems to share her thoughts and opinions on.

Since she recently dumped a few people she doesn’t hear from very often and has disconnected from Molly, I’m a little worried she might stalk her and therefore me too, but not too worried because I don’t use any sites where I allow anonymous contact. If she contacts me, I’ll just block her and possibly contact Marbridge as well. She didn’t change handles like I thought she did, though.

I get her frustration with being tired of chasing people who don’t seem to care. I don’t know if Tammy literally doesn’t care or if she’s really just that lazy or maybe she even gets off on me wondering what the hell is up with her, but I’m through sending multiple messages that go ignored. Is it really that hard to make a quick reply either by writing or a voice clip? From now on, I send ONE message and I either get a reply or I don’t. No more chasing after people!

Excited for the latest round of goodies we’re expecting from Amazon. The rat tapestry came today, and while it’s cute, the image isn’t nearly as sharp as it appears to be online. Going to iron it out, take down the elephant mural, and tack it up there. I was going to get a floral tapestry that’s a little bigger and replace the forest mural with it in the bedroom, but I think I’ll pass on that one.

Ordered some stencils you stick to yourself for drawing on tattoos, along with markers made for that.

Got 6 brightly colored large plates because now that I’m cooking more stuff myself rather than getting frozen dinners, extra plates would come in handy. Each one is a different color… Red, blue, green, pink, purple and yellow.

I’m also going to try those shampoo and conditioner bars. This is good timing too, as I’m lower on shampoo than I thought I was.

Lastly, we also ordered a different kind of bedding because the liners aren’t working out well anymore for the pigs. They just don’t wick moisture like they used to. For now, because I love to experiment and try different things, I’ve fenced them off in a section of the kitchen. Two of their four walls are cabinets. Because pigs aren’t as curious about the world beyond their living quarters as rats are, they wouldn’t want to escape. I’ve got it secure enough so they couldn’t anyway.

The hay holder that came with their cage works better attached to the fence because the fence has square bars instead of long ones which means the hay doesn’t slip out before they can eat it all. Unless they pull up the blanket that I put down on the floor, I don’t think nearly as much shit will get on the floor as does the edges of the floor of their cage with the fleece liners, but this blanket would be a bit of a bitch to shake out since it’s bigger. I like this setup better than the fleece liners in their cage, though, and they have so much more room here. Can’t give the liners to the rats because they’re destructive and they’d only chew them up as well as burrow underneath them.

I’m still looking forward to trying the new bedding. It’s basically the same stuff; recycled paper. The only difference is that these are bigger clumps of paper to absorb more pee since all these pigs do is eat, piss and scream, lol.

Got a little close to being anxious yesterday so I decided to take a 50 today. I just can’t get past 6 weeks. I won’t automatically drop to 50s every day, though. I’ll go with every other day and see how I feel. If I still feel on edge, I’ll drop it to 50s two days in a row.

Aly unprotected her tweets and said she was tired of nosy people and wasn’t even sure who to trust anymore. Now I’m wondering if she’s talking about Molly because I know she’s been ghosting her because of her inflated sense of self and her not giving a shit. That’s Molly for you. It’s all about her and no one else. I’m not surprised the friendship fell apart yet again. You can’t get a friend out of crazy. At least not a real one. I’m surprised Aly pulling away isn’t causing Molly to stalk her because that’s how it usually works with Molly. The more you run, the more she chases.

I was right about Molly changing handles again, but they’re not even connected there anymore. Aly tweeted about deleting her contact info and I know the “her” was Molly. But she’s got to be trying to hide from someone, and I still think that someone might be me even if she’s done with Molly for the most part. There’s got to be some reason she keeps changing handles, sometimes goes private, and mentions nosy people. I think she’s somehow able to track who visits her. She would just never admit that, though. She also makes like she’s not on Twitter anymore, so I think it’s me she’s mostly avoiding because of my controversial tweets.