The fucking trash and recycle trucks woke me up, not surprisingly. It isn’t just the insanely loud engines but the way the arms that stick off the trucks to pick the bins up slam them back down on the ground really hard that’s so loud. Oh, to return to the days of trash pickup not interfering with my sleep!

Reading the science behind low-carb diets is pretty interesting. They’re definitely easier than a low-calorie diet. Like any diet, though, my body will only let off a few pounds but it’s so much easier to low-carb those few extra pounds off than to damn near starve myself!

A part of me is still tempted to go on a strict low-carb diet for 6 weeks because I’m curious to see what happens, but since I’m virtually certain that I know what would happen, I don’t want to deprive myself of some no-no’s along the way even though 6 weeks wouldn’t be forever. I’ll think about it, though. Maybe I’ll start on April 15th and do it until June.

For years now I’ve had no desire to be young and skinny again even though I do miss my good vision. But if I could be young and skinny for just an hour a day in order to cam some extra money, why not? Doing it in the privacy of your own home has got to be safer than dancing in the clubs I once danced in.

But then as soon as I was done for the day, I would jump back into my older, bigger body. Life has been easier for me in general the older and bigger I’ve gotten because no one bothers me. When I was young and skinny, I got hit on and pestered quite a bit but then I guess most young women do. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so annoying had men been my regular cup of tea. But yeah, give me my young, 100-lb body back for an hour each day and I’ll gladly use it to cam some extra dough and then jump back into the me of today. :-)

My GYN and her staff really are a bunch of fucking idiots. It’s gotten to the point where it’s gone from frustrating to downright laughable. I already decided that risky or not, I will never let myself have PAPs or the boob squeeze, and Tom’s fine with that decision as well. Life is about taking chances. I want to enjoy the 20-something years I have left. Not have objects stuck up my body that doesn’t exactly tickle or my titties thrown in a vise. I won’t even get into the ass cams!

When I got up, I checked for messages and when I saw I had a voice message, my first thought was that it was Dixie. Then I found it was from Dr. G’s office and that she wanted to see me next week. At first, I thought it was an old message I was sure I had deleted but didn’t. Then I saw that it was from yesterday morning and I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me! This is a joke, right? But nope, no joke. She really wants to see me next week and the woman said to call to schedule me.

Either the GYN is really worried about me to the point that she thinks I’m going to die or her staff is really getting their wires crossed and their messages mixed up or they’re actually trying to go out of their way to annoy me.

Anyway, I’m probably just going to ignore messages from that office from now on. I know I’m all right, and I don’t see the point in risking getting the virus for nothing. Furthermore, even if there wasn’t a virus going on, I’m not going to have my uterus cut with me wide awake. I can barely stand regular PAPs that’s how much I hate doctors messing with my lady parts, and I’m not eager to have my tits squashed either.

That mystery lump in my neck sometimes worries me more than anything else. It seems to come and go and I have no idea what it is but I know that that too, can’t be serious. It would have killed me by now as long as I’ve had it. Because of the way it comes and goes I’m thinking it’s a lymph node that sometimes gets swollen since I can’t believe nodules would come and go. Tom thinks it could be some kind of weird muscle or tendon. I hope that’s all it is!

My ear has been continuing to annoy me and I really hope he’s right when he says I just need it cleaned because I still feel like there’s something more going on besides just needing to be cleaned and TMJ. Most of the pain is centered around the ear which makes me think I’ve got nerve damage from the surgeries I’ve had. Or nodules growing on the ends of the nerves. This takes time to build up so it would explain why this problem took ten years after surgery to start. So it’s been bothering me for 15 years now, and if I have another 20-something years left to live, that means this is likely to end up being a problem for about half of my life. Could also still be something wrong with the tube connecting the ear and throat. As I’ve learned, even the best doctors don’t always know it all and you can’t always count on them to help you as much as you need them to.

This may sound funny but sometimes I wish I had family nearby almost as much as I’m glad I don’t. I just kind of miss the security of having family be it on my side or his side within driving distance, especially in case of an emergency, but there was so much more negative to having them local than anything else. His family gave up on us in the end and ceased to give a shit and what’s left of mine are nothing but mean, selfish, stupid, vindictive assholes. So while the thought of a caring family and a close friend living locally may be a comforting thought, it really is just a fantasy.

This should be it. We should be well on our way toward summer. :) I removed the blanket. During the colder months, there’s the cover sheet, a fleece blanket and then a quilt. I yanked the blanket off today. We shouldn’t need much heat until November. I’m not even going to put it on tonight.

Ugh, we’re officially back to the late-night motorcycle visiting at times. Figured we would be anytime now. So now I have to keep both sound machines on even when I sleep at night until it gets cold again.

I was reading an entry Kim did on lying. I guess someone she works with lied about being on Facebook. I asked Aly if she has or would dump a friend for lying. She said it depended on whether the lie affected her or their friendship.

But lies do affect us and our friendships. I get that we all have our different opinions on liars. Sometimes I wish I could simply shrug the lies I’m occasionally told off and accept the fact that hey, people lie. Liars are everywhere. I’m not always even a hundred percent honest myself even though I do try my best to be.

Well, to each their own but I still find that hard to do because it isn’t just the lies that can hurt or anger a person but there’s an after-effect of lying as well. I’m not sure people realize or think of this beforehand. When you lie to someone, you not only hurt and anger them when they catch you in the lie, but then they can’t trust you in the future. Is that what people want?

I think people should stop and think about the long-term effects and not just the immediate effects of lying. I don’t always want to be questioning people and wondering if they’re telling me the truth or not, but the more you lie and the bigger the lies get, that’s exactly what happens. It’s only human nature. I wouldn’t just have a hard time believing things they told me in the future, but I would hesitate to open up to them about personal things as well. I wish that instead, I could be one of those who wasn’t affected by people’s dishonesty but unfortunately, I’m not one of them.