Nothing screams “crazy” louder than the site at the house on the corner next to the redneck. That’s where the bipolar lady lives. There’s shit everywhere, and I don’t mean trash strewn about but weird objects placed in weird places. There’s a crutch leaning against the tire of her car, and things like a fan on a stand in the middle of the yard and it’s just weird. There’s random shit all throughout her two lanais and driveway. I can just imagine what the inside of the place looks like. She even has a window AC, which isn’t allowed. It shouldn’t be necessary either, as long as your central AC works. 

I guess she doesn’t take her meds regularly. It’s scary to think of a person like that driving. I mean what if she thinks she has to drive down the street in the wrong direction or else shall die in 5 minutes or some crazy shit like that? I still think those with significant mental illness, even though most people wouldn’t agree with me, should be kept away from others simply because of the dangers they pose. How do I know that the voices in her head aren’t going to convince her that Tom and I are the devil and she’s not gonna go out and get a gun and try to kill us? Any idiot with half a brain can look at her place and see that whoever lives there isn’t right in the head. This isn’t someone with a mental illness that makes her a little moody at times, but that makes her downright delusional. There’s a difference. 

I know she’s been banned from the clubhouse. I just thank God, even if I’m not sure I believe in one, that she’s not next to us. 

No duck statue with its beak in the crotch of a mermaid statue these days, though. LOL. 

Anyway, nutjobs aside, the day started off shitty but it’s getting a little better. Lots and lots of fatigue. I even had a little lightheadedness and a touch of chest pain, not that there’s anything wrong with my heart. The bulk of what I’ve been feeling is fatigue and brain fog. I slept super shitty last night. I still swear something’s cursing my sleep and when there’s no traffic to use as a weapon against it, it’s using my own body. My own snoring woke me up a few times. I don’t understand why I’m snoring like this all of a sudden. It’s not like I recently got fat. 

I also woke up to pee, or just because, and from weird dreams. In one dream, someone I couldn’t see was telling me they read every single one of my journal entries and that they “own” it. I took this to mean they downloaded a copy of the journal and would have been flattered if it wasn’t for the hint of malice in their voice. The person appeared as a shadowy figure, so I couldn’t see who they were. The voice might have been female. I heard a second voice that was muffled, and then the shadow figure said, “No, thanks. I don’t smoke.” 

Then there was a dream that I was imagining falling 40 feet. Hopefully, I was imagining it anyway, and not planning it. 

I had tons of other dreams, but can’t remember them. 

Tom has been cutting his portions for the last month and is down 2 lbs. Unfortunately, cutting back doesn’t cut it for me, but I’m going to try. I still fear losing significant weight because of my med but I know how to cut back if the side effects get to me. I could be wrong, but I have a feeling losing some weight would help with the snoring and other things like high blood pressure and even cholesterol. I’m going to cut out all meat except for fish. I still say my body won’t give it up, especially with an elevated TSH but we’ll see. It definitely can’t hurt. 

I was so out of it and groggy when I got up that I had to go back to sleep for a few more hours. It took me forever to clear the cobwebs from my head. 

I’m meeting with Helen in about an hour. 

They mowed the field in the back, and I hope to hell it isn’t in preparation to build anything back there. Tom said they would have cut trees if that was the case. Yeah, why didn’t they cut the trees? Particularly the ones hanging over the fence. 

I like the creamy eyeshadow stick crayons that I got, only they’re so light you can barely see them. I’m gonna get others in a variety of colors sometime. It’s a lot easier to apply than powder eyeshadow. 

The watermelon cube slicer isn’t as easy to use as they make it look. Might be better to make cubes and layers next time, instead of cutting all the way through.