Florida, I love you. I really do. But you need to keep your skies quieter when I'm sleeping. Yeah, I'm feeling as shitty as I did a couple of days ago. Talk about bipolar energy levels! Again storms broke up my sleep and again I'm wondering how I'm going to survive storm season. It's not even July yet! My sleep is almost certainly doomed tonight as well. While it would be a lot easier on me if I could sleep from around midnight to 6:00 like most people, nobody's going to get much sleep tonight. I really, really wish we could get the bedroom soundproofed! At least we shouldn’t have to worry about Hurricane Bret. We decided that if we get evacuated again and are able to head north, we’re going to go up to Ocala. 

For tonight, I’m going to take hydroxyzine before bed, turn the sound machine up louder, and throw an ear plug in my good ear. 

Yesterday, I had more energy and was pretty productive even though the energy didn't last all day. It was still a good day. First I went to the lab for a blood draw. I'm expecting the results anytime now. 

When we got back we played with Tink and played golf and then I hit the road and finished his birthday present. I’ve got 660 miles left to go of my trip but there’s no way I’m going to have the energy to ride today. 

We also did some health work (as usual) by filling out forms for the PC he’ll be seeing soon and the pulmonologist I’ll see not soon enough. 

In 1962 or so, before I was even born and when Tom was only about 5 years old, he was hospitalized for weeks. He had a sinus infection that spread and they said it changed his entire personality. I guess he was outgoing and sociable until then. When he was older they told him his best friend at the time came over to play and he insisted they weren't friends and he didn't want to play with him. 

I also met with Helen and sometimes I still wonder if I'm throwing our money away or if she's really helping. I sometimes feel like it's hard for her to accept that we're on opposite sides of the coin when it comes to women's rights, God, etc. I like her but we definitely have different views on some things. If I'd known better (and I should have), I would have tried to seek out a non-Christian therapist if there is such a thing in this state. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only liberal, non-religious person in the state who isn’t sure there’s a God. 

In some ways, she's kind of hypocritical because in one breath she talks about free will and how her God gives us choices, but then in the next, she’s heavily implying that she doesn't think women should have a choice when it comes to their own bodies.

Anyway, it was kind of funny when we were discussing my bio mom and how women had kids back in the '60s even if they didn't want them because that's what you did back then. Then, as far as abortion goes, Helen said it was a good thing she didn't have that option. 

Actually, I’ve spent a good deal of my life wishing she’d lost or gotten rid of me and I also know how my mother was. If she wanted something bad enough, she found a way to get it. Just like with those of today who can't get a hold of an abortion pill or have one done in a clinic, where there's a will, there's a way to end a pregnancy if you really don't want it. My mother would have gotten rid of me had she wanted to. 

“But who gets to decide who lives and who dies?” Helen asked me. 

Yet I still don't believe for a minute that a fetus has any sense of awareness, especially in the first trimester. 

She also told me that studies have shown that what you tell yourself, you believe, but I’m not sure I believe we humans are that easy to brainwash. If I told myself I was rich, I’m not going to believe it. Maybe it might help some people when it comes to little white lies, like telling yourself some magical God or guardian angel is looking down on you that’s protecting you, even if that may not be true and has never been scientifically proven.