Ugh, over a week away until the 4^th, and already the fireworks are starting. It still surprises me being in a small town with so many old people. 

For the last couple of days, I’ve had more energy. Enough to go to the pool which was too crowded. The new addition doesn’t help. I guess that’s why they’re going to be building another pool. A couple of preteen kids were there, and while they were mostly civilized, there were just too many people to be able to swim up and down the pool comfortably. 

So it’s looking like yes, the waiting time does have something to do with my energy levels. Before, I wasn’t quite sure. I may still have sleep apnea, though. This morning I was snoring so damn loud for some reason that I woke myself up even over the sound machine. As I said, if something up there doesn’t have outside sources to use to curse my sleep with, it uses my own damn body. Next time it will probably be a nightmare. 

The question is how the hell to find the balance between good energy and normal numbers without anxiety and insomnia? 

Interesting how a TSH of 32 doesn’t make me damn near comatose when I was first diagnosed in 2014 but now a TSH of 9 does. We definitely can’t handle things as well as we could when we were younger. It truly sends chills down my spine to think of having this disease back in October of 2000. If it took me over a month to get a lousy inhaler, I’d hate to think of how long it would have taken to get my thyroid med. They would have easily let me slip into a coma, or maybe even have a heart attack. There’s literally no way I could go that long without this medication. Not at this point. That six-month sentence would have been a death sentence. If not, I certainly would have ended up in the hospital. Of course, they would have gotten away with it too. 

Do I think we’ll ever find the right balance in present times? No, I don’t. After all this time of hopelessly trying, I realize more and more that it’s just not meant to be. It’s like trying to make a tall person short or a gay person straight. Even with my hormones now settled down, I’m still super sensitive to this medication. The only difference between now and then is that it’s not as severe because I know what to do about it as soon as I start feeling symptoms. 

I know some people would like it if I wrote on PB full-time, but the more time that goes by, the less I care for it. It’s so full of spam that sometimes the entire front page is taken over by it. A notice was posted about measures they plan to take to try to combat the problem but they’ve been talking about this for quite a while now. Blogger is my number one preferred platform for writing because it’s the most secure and should be around forever. I also like the versatility that comes with it. I’ll still check in on PB every now and then. 

The rat has been so much fun. She’s got an endless amount of energy. She’s very playful and affectionate and loves exploring. She was really agitated and restless and from what we read, it suggests she was in heat which they’re in every 4 to 5 days but she’ll eventually get used to it. Tinkerbell wasn’t like this but by the time we got her, she was a little older. 

Tom set up some things in her playpen for her to explore. She was having fun exploring all the interesting boxes he set up but as soon as I walked up to the pen, she ran over to be picked up. So cute!

I heard her squealing the other night and ran over to find she got her tail caught in part of the bars of the cage. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened again, but if it does, we’re going to have to get a different cage.

Looking at my DNA relatives on 23andMe got my cousins on my mind. So for the first time in about a decade, I looked in on my first cousins, Lori and Lisa. June has an account too but there wasn’t much to see. 

Lori’s aged well and Lisa is a total shocker. How can one be big into their early 20s (when I last saw/talked to them) and then be anorexically thin later in life when most of us pack on the weight? Usually, if you grow up on the heavy side and stay that way into your 20s, that’s a sign that it’s in your nature to be that way. She was thin when I looked in on her a decade ago but when I say she’s thin, I mean really thin. Almost too thin. Her biceps are skinny little twigs and her clavicle bones show. Weight loss surgery? A disease? An eating disorder? My first thought was an eating disorder but this late in life? My next guess is weight loss surgery but could it be this effective for this long? If it was a disease, why isn’t there treatment for it? I would definitely like to know what her trick is, although as long as I’m low on thyroid, there isn’t much that’s going to help me. 

Just for kicks, I slapped my blog link on Lori’s wall since she was the only one that allowed anyone to comment, then removed it after a couple of days. There was no response, and no blog visit (unless she’s a hider) but I’m not surprised. I think in her mind no reaction is worth not removing it or checking the link out. There’s always a possibility that she hasn’t been on Facebook over the weekend and doesn’t even know who the hell I am since she wouldn’t know my married name. Maybe she thought it was just spam. Either way, it doesn’t matter. 

No hard feelings at this point but we’re virtual strangers. We’ve had no contact since the late 80s. Besides, if you can’t forgive someone for a few pranks and reaching out to them in a scary situation, then you’re no one I want to associate with. I mean, come on. This was over 30 years ago. But again, we're virtual strangers, so I can’t say what she thinks and what she feels and it doesn’t matter anyway. Sure, I’m sometimes curious by nature because I’m a naturally curious person but in the end, she’s a stranger as is the rest of her family. I did have my maiden name visible for quite some time and any number of people could have looked me up and reached out to me if they’d cared to. Also, if Lori or her sister had a problem with me, they could have come to me about it.

Part of her problem may have been connected to the inheritance we received from our grandparents - not that I had any control over that - and my hatred for her father who was such a mean bastard. Had I been then like I am now…