I totally have to stop entering sweepstakes. This isn’t 20 years ago anyway when it was possible to win these things. All it’s doing is generating spam calls.

Tom is at the doctor now getting the cancerous spot removed from his forehead. Hopefully, they won’t have to cut too many layers before they get it all.

I, on the other hand, am waiting for all my horrible numbers to come in after going to the lab yesterday. They were a few minutes late for my appointment but they had no trouble getting the four vials of blood they needed without a butterfly needle. Remembering that one of the vampires said that the butterfly needle caused the blood to drain into the tube slower, I decided to see if they could get it without one and they did.

I looked at my mood tracker app for August and found I had 12 tired days for that month and 2 anxious days. I’m just glad the anxiety only lasted a couple of days! I was worried I was on the verge of another bad spell.

I realized something as well. If I’m right in that my normal is between 6-9 as far as my thyroid goes, then it’s technically an incorrect statement for me to say I would lose weight with normal numbers because I don’t lose weight when my numbers are in that range. I only lose when in the range that’s normal for most people.

I texted Tom to see how he’s doing and he said they’re done with the first cut and the lab will take a half hour to analyze it. Hopefully, they won’t have to make too many cuts to get all the cancerous cells.

For the longest time, I kept asking myself what I did to deserve him. If there is anything out there, that truly does hate me and has been hell-bent on seeing me cursed in one way or another throughout my life, then why blessed me with him? Well, maybe it’s to keep me alive to suffer on and off, knowing I’m much more reluctant to end it all with him in the picture. I suppose anything is possible but I’ll likely never know.

I also read an interesting article that made me think of Andy, Andy isn’t the dumbest person in the world. Far from it. I mean, there’s just no comparison between him and crazy Kim. But he’s also not the brightest bulb in the box either. The article talked about how people not asking follow-up questions about something you’ve mentioned is often interpreted as a sign of disinterest. However, it can actually be a sign of a lack of ability to comprehend in order to ask additional questions. I thought about it and it is definitely hard for Andy to understand or even want to understand certain things, although I still think he’s a bit selfish, mostly wanting to talk about what interests him and what he can relate to. A lot of people are like that. So while I would be curious, even if it didn’t affect me personally, that’s likely why he never asked whether or not I took the new N24 medication, for example.

Met with Helen yesterday and it was funny because when she was doing EMDR with me and walking me through certain feelings and events of my childhood, she kept asking how I felt during the actual moment when I went through the event as a child and I told her I didn’t think that was ever going to change because it was in the past and you can’t go back and rewrite history and change how you felt about something you felt at a particular moment years ago, could you? But apparently, that’s the whole idea here is to go back in time and literally re-process and change how I felt in order to help move on in the future with less anger. We were laughing for a minute there, and I told her I was sorry I didn’t understand the point of what we were trying to do and she said that was okay, and perhaps it was explained to me in a way I didn’t understand.

At the same time, I feel like a lot of the anger has fizzled out on its own with age. I’m certainly not as angry as I was years ago. This doesn’t mean I would ever forgive those who have really wronged me or be okay with it any more than I would let them back into my life if that were possible. It just means I’m just not feeling the anger as intensely as I used to. I don’t even want revenge on those who have really screwed me the worst in life as much. I mean, I do and it would still be nice if there was something I could do that I could actually get away with in a day and age where everything is traceable, but at the same time, I just don’t care as much. The need for such trolling like what Termite Tammy and her pesky brood did showed that they cared how I felt and what I thought. Well, the more time that passes, the less I give a shit and therefore the less angrier I am and the less I crave revenge. Like I said, I would take it if it was that simple and I certainly don’t give a shit what happens to them. But more and more I just see them as a bunch of horrible people I used to know that I want nothing to do with now or in the future. I’m indifferent to what happens to them at the same time I believe they deserve whatever suffering comes their way.

Tinkerbella was so cute this morning. There’s nothing sweeter than when your rat is already out running around free, compliments of Tom, and runs up to greet you as you open the bedroom door and step out of it. It was so damn cute. She wanted to be picked up and say hello so I picked her up and gave her hugs and kisses as always.