Today serves as yet another reminder that no, God doesn’t always help those who help themselves if one even exists. Again, it’s like something wants me to be hypo! Well, if there is any God up there picking on me, it’s quite a coward. It has the guts to fuck with my health but it doesn’t have the guts to kill me.

Tom guessed that my TSH would be the same or down a point or two and I guessed it was going to be up from 14 to somewhere between 16 and 18. I’ve had enough experience with this drug and the symptoms that go with both having not enough and too much medication in me to get a good sense of where I’m at and sure enough, I’m at 16.

What’s the point of taking this shit if my body can’t absorb it anymore? I totally regret getting my gallbladder removed and I should have known that I would somehow be punished for it as I seem to be every time a significant bodily change is made in some way or another. I get braces to straighten my teeth and I start having cavities like crazy. I have ear surgery and I acquire TMJ. So why did I think things would be simple with the gallbastard? Why did I think I could simply have my gallbladder removed and have that be the end of the problem? I should have just kept the damn thing and dealt with the cramps.

I worked so long and so hard to get my TSH consistently under 10 and now it’s like the carpet has been yanked from under my feet and I have to start all over again. The question is how and with what? Again, if there is anything up there, it doesn’t have the balls to kill me so I’m going to have to figure it out if I don’t want to be so damn tired so much of the time. Hell, just thinking of my numbers makes me tired.

I wonder if I should give liothyronine another chance because I read back in my 2018 journal, and it wasn’t that I didn’t wait long enough for food and drink but I stupidly took magnesium supplements along with it, not knowing any better at the time. I’m waiting to hear back from my doctors.

I’m also worried as to how far this is going to go before it’s brought under control and at what expense. Yesterday, I felt on edge and kind of down. So there is a definite connection between my moods and not only medication consistency and dosing but TSH levels as well. I’m afraid this is going to bring the anxiety back along with whatever medication adjustments we’re going to have to make. Right now I feel like I could take the maximum dose of levothyroxine and anxious or not, it’s not going to do me any good.

Read up some more on liothyronine and while most people found it helpful, you can have the same problems with it as with levothyroxine. Well, if I’m sensitive to levothyroxine there’s no reason to think I wouldn’t be sensitive to liothyronine as well. It can cause anxiety and palpitations along with insomnia and other problems. But maybe taking T3 instead of taking T4 and hoping it will convert to T3 like it’s supposed to would be my best bet.

I haven’t gained much weight but I have gained a little. My skin is dry and my hair is falling out. I wonder how much worse the hypo symptoms are going to get, including the fatigue before this is resolved somehow. It’s just that I keep everything I gain as long as I don’t go thyrotoxic, so if I gain any more weight, I’m stuck with it forever.

Also, even though I don’t feel anything with my fingers or see anything, I feel like there’s a lump or something at the base of the left side of my neck that I didn’t notice when my TSH was lower, making me think the gland is enlarged a bit. I’ve had this feeling on and off for many years. My old doctor told me it was arthritis, but I don’t know.

While I wait for my doctors to instruct me on how to proceed, there is some good news. Although my total cholesterol is still high at 286, at least it’s under 300. My bad cholesterol and triglycerides and other things are high.

I tested negative for over 100 different autoimmune diseases, my WBC is normal, and my A1C is normal so that’s good. However, my glucose was a little high at 111. So, I’m still possibly pre-diabetic but not diabetic.

Tom’s forehead looks and feels horrible, the poor guy. He has a long line of stitches from the top of his forehead to the eyebrow. He thought it would be just a little circle but in order for them to sew the skin back together, this is how they had to do it. It almost looks like he has a black centipede sitting in the middle of his forehead, LOL. It’s also swollen and he has a headache and he too, finds that opioids don’t help much. He has to ice it on and off, take antibiotics, and put an antibiotic ointment on it. For the first 24 hours, he had to leave it bandaged. We won’t be able to golf together for a few days because the headset rests on his forehead in that area. He’s napping now which is good. He needs to sleep as much as he can so that his body heals.

I now have just under 50 miles to go to complete my Spain to Norway trip! When I’m done in 2 or 3 days, I’m going to do some small trips on my favorites list before starting my next big trip from Mexico to Maine.

Tomorrow is crazy Kim’s 43rd birthday so I’ll be sure to send an email right after midnight so she’ll have it when she gets up.

Galileo just said to keep going as I have until I see the endo since it’s their bread and butter, but they do understand how stressful and frustrating it can be to see my numbers keep climbing and have it be out of my control.

They want to discuss my cholesterol but agree to wait till after I see the endo because I’m stressed out enough. I thanked them for understanding, although I don’t know what much there is to discuss about my cholesterol if I can’t treat it. Hopefully, it will come down a little more if we can ever get my TSH relatively normal again.