Lost another pound. The real challenge is going to be controlling myself over the weekend and not putting any of the 6 pounds I lost back on even if 2-3 of them were probably water.

I don’t see how the Jes pest is ever going to get down in the morning to spray if he’s never around in the mornings in the first place.

Nane is sad and angry over how they’re demolishing parts of Turkey in the name of money. I guess it’s become a hot tourist attraction.

Fell asleep earlier last night and slept forever. Like 10 hours, but not all at once. I actually awoke at one point and was deciding whether or not I should get up then when I fell back asleep. I woke up to pee after the first hour and had a dream about Jane. Then I went on to dream about her on and off all night long.

For those who didn’t read about her back when I had my bio posted (though I didn’t have much to say about her), I briefly knew Jane in Oregon. She was a waitress at my favorite Chinese restaurant there. I only saw her a few times since we couldn’t afford to eat there regularly and by the time we could, she was gone. We were still in Tina and Raj’s motel when we first saw her and the instant she laid eyes on me I knew damn well she was attracted to me. I was a little surprised. Not only because I was starting to get older and fatter (38 years old, 130-something pounds), but because she wasn’t half bad herself for what we suspected to be a druggie. Let’s just say there are those who are energetic and then there are those who are bordering on basket cases.

Jane was tall, thin and dark and with another 10-15 pounds on her, she would’ve been pretty damn hot. She had long dark hair to the middle of her back she wore in a ponytail being a waitress and all that. She was about my age. She had dark hair and eyes. She was probably between 5’ 6” – 5’ 8”. Yup, totally my type but probably not relationship-wise, especially if she were doing drugs. She just seemed too wound up and like she may be bossy, insensitive and even a bit mean. At the same time, though, she was a sweetheart and I would’ve loved to have gotten to know her at least a little better had she not left when she did because by then we were settled in the duplex. Figures, huh? So not meant to be.

Still, there was something about Jane, and Jane was attractive regardless of her questionable personality. I only saw her 3 times I think it was. The first time we never spoke and she wasn’t our waitress. She just smiled at me in that way first when she spotted me sitting down at a booth, then again when I was coming out of the bathroom. I thought she’d see how short and fat I was now that she could see all of me standing up and that she would be turned off, but she wasn’t.

The second time she actually waited on us and the first thing she did was thank Tom for bringing me there, LOL. Then when she screwed up my order, she didn’t just apologize, she hugged me. It really was kind of funny.

The third and final time she didn’t wait on us, but every time she walked by she would glance at me and smile or ask me something or make some kind of comment. It was really sweet. On our way out that day, we spoke while Tom paid the bill and I asked her about rentals in the area. She asked if just I was looking or if both of us were looking. I hated to burst her bubble and tell her it was both of us, LOL, but when we next returned, she was gone.

I asked the owner about her and she gave me her full name, saying she’d left the area. I tried looking her up a few times over the years, but the name is actually kind of common. I think there’s even a singer with her name, and Jenny didn’t sound 100% sure of her last name, so I could be looking for the wrong person. She never even knew my first name. I wonder what became of her and if she has any idea I think of her from time to time, even dream of her and that great ass she had, along with Randy the mailman, and Liz the cashier. I even wonder about Estella and Jan at times. I miss some of our old life up there, but I do NOT miss the cold, the snow, the killer taxes, the screwy insurance policies, and the way I had more ear problems there. Something about the elevation, I guess.

I also had my first dream about moving to Europe. I was wondering when and if I’d ever have any. I only remember thinking or saying something about getting as close to England as possible, which makes no sense. I’d never want to live anywhere near the UK. Too cold.

In another dream, Tom and I just moved into a 2-story, 3-bedroom house which suddenly became crowded with tons of young party-goers holding drinks and shouting over loud music that was blasting. I went out to see if our mail had been taken by whatever carrier was in that area, then I realized Tom hadn’t been home in 12 hours. This worried me and I was about to call him when I spotted a peculiar young woman with hair I always thought was too short for a woman. She was licking an ice cream cone. Only the “ice cream” was this clear Jell-O-like substance and inside it was a cluster of crimson flowers.

Later...

Wasn’t sure whether or not I should make this entry public or private so I decided to go in the middle with friends only. The fucking troll is bothering Aly and I again on Ask. She’s hit Andy with a few questions too, but he doesn’t mind the nutjob. Still not blogging publically that we’re aware of, but it’s back to the same old shit on Ask – why are you ignoring me? I’m being nice to you. Don’t call me a troll because I don’t like it!

Then why does she act like one? Because she does like it. There may be no cure or reasoning with the crazy, but they are a bit predictable at times. She thrives off of negative attention and she even admitted in one of her many past blogs that she would deliberately piss people off and get them talking about her and all that cuz she’d get off on it. That’s why I’m not going public with this entry.

shakes head sadly Alison was right. She’ll never leave us alone unless she’s physically prevented from going online. I’d rather she bitch about us in blogs than contact us in any way, though. I think she’s doing it on Ask because she knows she can do it anonymously that way. I almost disallowed anonymous comments on my blog now that she’s back to haunt us, but haven’t I arranged enough of my online life on account of this bitch? Well, I’m not going to let her shit control me anymore! I’ll still protect my friends, though, for their sake. I had a public chat with Nane on my wall, which I switched to friends of friends.

Just the fact that she told Aly she thinks she’s just jealous of her because she’s doing “so well” in life tells us how crazy she truly is. Being jealous of this sicko would be like being jealous of someone who was burned in a fire or something like that. She’s nothing to be jealous of. She’s ugly, she’s crazy, and the only thing she’s got easier than Aly is that her pampered little ass is all paid for and taken care of. She doesn’t need to work. She doesn’t need to pay bills. She doesn’t need to do anything but breathe. That’s the extent of her responsibilities in life. Just existing and pestering people who can see right through her bullshit. If she were doing that well then she wouldn’t feel the need to keep trying to win over those that have dumped her and told her not to contact them for as many years as she has. Really, where is this bitch’s sense of self-respect that she would focus only on those that don’t like her???

So much for Tom’s theory that my nightmares are mostly confined to when I’m on the rag and sporting some wacky hormones. Last night’s dream goodie was yet another poverty trip. I was all stressed out about not being able to eat till we received the food stamps we applied for. Thankfully, not all my dreams come true! I hope I haven’t become a “long-term” dream premonitioner. Usually, most of the nightmares I’ve had that came true would come true within a few hours to a few days. Hopefully, I’m not “seeing” the less immediate future in my dreams. Actually, I’m kind of hoping the dream premonitions have stopped altogether which would mean those Florida dreams really didn’t mean anything after all and were just a reflection of the fact that Florida was on my mind at the time. Especially since I’ve decided that I really want to leave this country someday. Yeah, Tom and I were actually talking about it.

I am saddened, sickened and disgusted by the state of North Carolina for banning gay marriage and civil unions, and I’m sure a certain someone I know who lives there must be equally ashamed at the hate that still fills so many hearts in this world. This is the one group that people just can’t seem to quit picking on. All other groups have been widely accepted a long time ago, some of which now have extra rights, freedom and privileges than anyone ever had and who have continued to take advantage of all that’s been given to them because enough is never enough for some people. How fucked up is that? Seriously, this is the kind of hate and discrimination that would occur 100 years ago! I can’t believe this kind of sick sadistic shit is still going on in 2012, and just the fact that it is tells me it will never end and things will never get much better for gays if they haven’t already. In fact, it will probably only get worse as other states that already allow gay marriage or civil unions strip gays of their rights there as well. It’s not mostly about religion or justice, it’s about power and control. But like it or not, right or wrong, some things have gone on too long not to be obvious. It’s obvious that gays will never be able to marry nationwide despite the fact that it doesn’t hurt anyone, and one shouldn’t be making another’s personal decisions for them anyway.

It’s also obvious that this country isn’t going to stop giving away our money to countries that experience poverty or natural disasters or even that threaten to attack us if they haven’t already done so. Oh, and let’s not forget the fact that the government was perfectly prepared to let my husband and I starve to death had he not gotten the job he got with miraculous timing.

I’m not at all proud to be an American anymore given the overall state of this country. No country is perfect, but I am definitely getting sick of being here and I welcome a radical change. It may have to wait a decade but the seed has been planted, research has been set into motion, and I fully plan to do my best to make my new dream a reality so long as no circumstances beyond my control arise to stop me.

Nane cracked me up when I asked if they sell pet rats in Europe. She said sure, and they also have electricity and cold and hot tap water, LOL. She also said they tend to treat dogs better than kids. Oh goodie. Maybe the kiddies of Europe are actually taught manners and discipline unlike they have been here for the last 30 years or so, and maybe most dogs actually get to live indoors as household pets there, too. I suppose the dog situation may vary in different parts of Europe like it does in different parts of the U.S.

She doesn’t like dogs or horses, not because she has anything against animals, but because she got bit by both as a kid. I was afraid of dogs for a while too, after being chased down the street by one in Longmeadow. I don’t like horses either, but for a whole different reason that few know about.

I couldn’t stand to live in Germany or England where it’s too cold and gets snow. I think most of the places there are ugly as hell too, much like New England. A lot of the architecture of the buildings in Spain is beautiful, though. I realize it’s a matter of opinion, but I also like the idea of being in a tropical climate and in a place that speaks Spanish. I also realize that a lot can change in the next 11 years. Most of my friends currently reside in Europe but maybe it won’t be that way in 11 years. They’re not the only reason I’d consider living there, of course, but as Tom pointed out, there are other options besides Florida. The idea is to keep our minds open to various possibilities. I would still take Florida over NorCal or the desert, but the more I think of Spain, the more I like the idea.

I always said I would have laughed my ass off had I known back east that I would one day live out west. Well, I’d have laughed a whole lot harder had I known my future husband of all things and I would discuss the possibility of leaving the U.S. altogether. It’s too bad I don’t like apartments. They’ve got some gorgeous-looking ones over there. But if we can really one day afford to move there, then we should be able to afford to rent a house because I would still prefer not to be attached to anyone.

Later...

I only slept a little over 4 hours and so I was sluggish this morning. A couple of cups of coffee, some chicken wings, a yogurt, a protein bar and some electrolyte-enhanced water gave me a burst of energy. After my initial run, I tired down again and so I lay down. I finally convinced myself I would feel better once I got the housework out of the way. So after creating a freshly vacuumed and dust-free bedroom, I did the dishes and perked up. Watch, I’ll end up being up forever tonight. Either way, I’ll probably sleep longer to make up for it. I wish that damn Jes pest would stop talking about it and just get the damn spraying done he keeps mentioning.

The pest came ATVing down yesterday but didn’t come to the door. I went outside and asked if anything was wrong. He said that’s what he wanted to ask me after he came around from the back. I’d call him, damn it, if anything were wrong! Doesn’t he know that by now? Fucking dumb ass cock. Anyway, that was when he said he’d be down over the next couple of days to spray Round-Up. I told him that was fine since I’m on days now.

It’s been desert-dry and gorgeous. Quieter too, with fewer saws, loud vehicles and barking, though the Jes pest must be going somewhere in the mornings since I hear scattered barks from 8:30 on throughout the next hour or two.

We’ve been able to leave the windows open at night lately and I wonder if we should blow the heater’s pilot out for the summer, and hopefully forever for us. With our shit luck, we’d have one more cold snap if we did, though we could always heat with the oven or portables if we had a few more cold nights. Eh, we’ve got plenty of propane and while we shouldn’t run out, we also don’t want to have that much left over when we move because then we’re basically paying for someone else to heat, shower, and cook for a while.

I have a new exercise routine where I burn the initial 50 calories by running. Then I walk and read till I’ve fried 120 calories total. Then on and off throughout the remainder of my day, I make 6 30-calorie runs, bringing me to a total of 300 calories burned for the day. It’s less boring that way. This takes a total of just under 40 minutes.

Made a book sale in Germany just when I thought either something was wrong or Amazon was ripping me off. I sure do seem to be popular with those Germans, don’t I? LOL Speaking of them, I tried to convince my wonderful GF to join Ask but she said don’t get pissed but it’s “stupid” and “childish.” LOL, yeah, I can see where she’d think that. There definitely are a lot of immature idiots there.

So I wasn’t imagining it when I thought she looked a bit heavier in the picture her SIL posted to her wall like she was bloated with water before her period or something. She did say that ever since she met Askim she’s been gaining weight and has gone from 62 kilos to 67 kilos. That’s 136 pounds to 148 pounds. On a five-eighter, that’s still not too bad, but it’s probably why she deleted the picture. She said please don’t laugh but she went to the doctor to see if anything was wrong with her since she hasn’t changed her eating habits or anything, but he said everything was fine.

Nothing to laugh at. It’s actually quite common to gain weight upon entering a relationship. Tom made me fat, but not as fat as quitting smoking and passing the 30-marker did. And of course the 40s have made it worse, and well, I’m almost afraid to think of the 50s!

Kim’s obsession with roleplaying and impersonating celebrities like Geoff Fox, Barbara Eden and Ted Wass has really gotten out of hand and taken a new twist from what Alison just told me. Roleplaying is fine. It’s one thing to play pretend games for fun, even if 32 is a bit old for that sort of thing. But it’s another to lie about it not just to the fans you’re conning, but to your friends as well. Aly tried to get her to own up to it, but she wouldn’t, and when she’d start to it was in a very half-assed sort of way.

So last night, without telling Aly, I created a fake Twitter account, knowing she’d know it was me if I resurrected my old one, and requested to be added to her protected “Ted Wass” account. I can’t believe how stupid some people are, though, especially this chick named Cindy! And what kind of celebrity would have a protected account? Anyway, just as Aly said, “Ted’s” tweets were so Kim. Many of her “followers” were her other protected celebrity account including one account where she’s actually herself.

I remember her once telling me about her “alters” in the past and I thought she was just joking at the time, but Aly and I wonder if maybe she isn’t exactly lying but truly believes in her mind that she really is these people. Like maybe she’s got multiple personality disorder or something. When we first met she talked of a local celebrity (a meteorologist I think) and of speaking with him and how he rudely hung up on her when she called, and just the way she spoke about calls and letters gave me the impression at first that she personally knew the guy. She also includes celebrities in many of her silly and childish stories that are so poorly written I can’t stand to read them other than to get a good laugh. I know it may sound awfully mean of me, but I’m just being honest. So honest that I will make this part of my journal private and only share it with my utmost of closest friends.

So anyway, I basically confronted her in a tweet saying she was a lazy CT woman in her 30s who lived with her mother and was not Ted Wass. She believes I was connected to Molly and Sarah, so she deleted her 4 Ted accounts and turned around and created new ones (we figured she would), and is pretty freaked out.

Where it really gets strange is with Cindy. Well, Aly, who has her own connections to the FBI being that she works as a hacker preventer for part of the military’s strategic defense team, checked her out and found that Cindy’s an FBI agent living in Illinois. It’s kind of scary that an FBI agent would not only be so obsessed with celebrities in her own way but would also be dumb enough to fall for Kim’s shit. I mean, they were talking about meeting and vacationing together! Another thought that hit me was the possibility that the FBI could be checking Kim out due to all the impersonating she’s been doing.

Because Aly felt bad for those she was deceiving, she reported her to Twitter last night. But unless Kim actually does get in trouble for it, though to my knowledge she’s not breaking any laws so much as Twitter’s policy on impersonations, or is physically prevented from going online, she’ll probably always have dozens of phony accounts going at once. Not sure what she gets out of it, though I can only guess that due to weighing what’s got to be around 300 pounds and not having a job or a life given her weight and diminished mental capacity, she’s very lonely. This is probably her only way of getting any real attention and feeling special. The girl’s probably never even been kissed let alone laid, and she’s not getting any younger, thinner or smarter.

Anyway, as soon as she saw my tweet where I blurted the truth, she unfollowed me and shut down her accounts. Well, after she tried to convince Cindy that she really was Ted Wass. She tried to bullshit people on Facebook later on and insist it was just a “fan site” in her usual 10 million status updates and it was too bad people couldn’t read and didn’t know better.

I was surprised she went to Aly about it. I thought the whole idea was to deny she was behind those accounts, so when she told Aly what I said I was kind of surprised. When Aly asked if I were behind it I was quick to admit it. I wouldn’t have gotten involved, though, had I known Cindy was with the FBI, assuming that’s not some kind of delusion as well. I just hate to get implicated in an investigation of any kind, though I still can’t see the FBI investigating Kim for pretending to be someone else. If she were pretending to be a cop, yes, but Ted Wass and all the others?

Despite insisting people should’ve read and known better, Cindy clearly asked her if she was for real or not yet Kim still claimed to be Ted. Aly and I both agreed to regard her as just a casual friend from here on out since she’s obviously not trustworthy. She’s not bad enough to delete, but definitely one to use caution with. Even Aly said she feels closer to me than to her despite the fact that they’ve been cyber buddies for 7 years. It’s been 4 years since Aly jumped out at me on Kiwibox to comment on one of my stories. In many ways, it feels like we’ve actually met. I can picture her and imagine how she’d look and sound based on photos I’ve seen of her and the way she writes. As I told her, she may not be my funniest friend, but she’s not too serious either, and she’s definitely one of the smartest. Very intuitive and able to sense and figure out things most people couldn’t. After associating with so many people who believe cat burglars steal cats and hijackers jack cars up high to be repaired, it’s a nice breath of fresh air. She and I have really grown close. She’s one of the few I’d take off the streets if she were homeless. I was really scared for her at times back when she was battling cancer. Then when I had that dream I was crying because she died I was really freaked out. It would’ve been a sad and terrible loss. But she kicked ass and won and now, as she said is the case with me, I have a friend I can tell anything to and know that I’ll still be accepted despite being different in some ways. :)

I got a kick out of how much she likes my singing, something I always considered just so-so and that Nane didn’t really care for, on LJ. She said she’s always been turned on by husky voices and loves the raspiness and breathlessness of my voice. rolls eyes Yeah, that same raspiness I’ve always wished I could lose. All these years later and I still sound like a fucking smoker.

It was nice hearing from Nane today. :) And just as nice that I understood the parts she wrote in German. I only had to look up one word. So mist means crap in German, LOL. How did she and Maliheh manage to swap shoes like they have anyway? Where I used to hear from Maliheh regularly but hardly from Nane, now it’s the other way around.

I guess the cure for weight loss is just to do a journal entry bitching about it because I went down two pounds. Yeah, I took it easy on the food and worked out yesterday but I think the last of the period bloaties went away and what I really lost was water. My tummy is much flatter today than it was yesterday. Dieting and exercising and losing 2-3 pounds during the week isn’t the hard part. The hard part is not caving in and pigging out on weekends. If I could stop doing that I’d be thin in just a few months.

I just wonder how the hell a size S can be loose on a blimp like me, LOL. My new size S bra is fine, but my size S panties are a bit big, and of course getting a size L thong was a dumb idea, but I still love the feel of the spandex and how no panty lines show through my shorts. They fit like a second skin even though I should’ve gotten size S or M.

Since my “pretty lady” fan hasn’t identified herself, I’d say it’s likely that it’s just someone messing around with me that I don’t know. The game was fun at first, but I’m fast losing interest at this point.

It’s now totally official as far as Tom’s job goes. :) He signed all the papers yesterday. The only bad thing is that he’s not getting a raise. He might in 90 days, though. We’re just glad he’s an official employee! The person who handles the insurance thing won’t be back till next week, though, so it won’t be until then that we know how much that will cost. It is going to be so nice being paid for holidays and vacation time! He’s also eligible for certain bonuses like a paid day off for every month he works, floating holidays, etc. The best part is that assuming he works there till he retires we should be looking at a minimum of 50K from the 401K plan.

Since we could get a sizeable amount of money when he retires, Tom pointed out that it doesn’t have to be Florida we retire to and that there are other options to consider – rural places in the desert of Nevada, Cali, New Mexico and even other countries. As soon as he said that I got to some heavy thinking and thus a seed was planted. One I don’t expect to ever grow, but it sure makes for a fun thought, and that would be Spain. :) That was the first thing that came to mind. The weather’s still nice there, but maybe not so nice that it invites 6” spiders to live there, and Spanish is my favorite language and my second best one, too. Well, third best if you want to count the sign language. I’d love to live, breathe and eat the language! Poor unilingual Tom, though, LOL. He’d be as lost as I would be at a math expo. His first choice would be Australia if we didn’t remain in the U.S. cuz it’s got desert areas and they speak English there (boring!). I don’t want to go back to the desert (though it’s better than a cold climate) cuz of the way it dried the hell out of my skin no matter how much lotion I’d use), and it’d be boring to always speak English. Living in another language, to me, would be part of the fun, though I suppose that’s a chilling thought for most Americans who only know one language and that’s usually English. My next best language is Italian but I don’t know that I’d want to live with such conservative people, and it snows in Germany, so that’s out.

Doing a tour of Europe would be fun since Europe as a whole is so much smaller than the U.S. We could do a backward C and see friends in Norway, then Mitch in Wales, Adonis in the Netherlands, my German friends, then maybe Irene before we swung back over to Spain. My French isn’t that good but I wouldn’t mind seeing the Eiffel Tower in France.

It’s almost 1000 miles from Valencia to Munich but only 655 from Barcelona to Munich. I’d love to live in the Barcelona area cuz then we’d be closer to more countries besides Portugal (France, Italy, Switzerland, etc.) But it will depend on the weather, if you can get pet rats, and the retirement situation. If all the retirees there leave Whiskey and Brandy outside 24/7, then forget it. We might be better off not getting a dog of our own if this is even remotely possible cuz the thing could still be alive in 11 years. We also have to consider and research what kinds of people we could be dealing with there. Just the annual Running of the Bulls makes me wonder who would do such crazy shit, LOL. Mexico’s Day of the Dead would be more fun.

I wouldn’t mind dumping all our stuff and just taking some clothes and the bare necessities since I like newer things anyway. Well, by then most of our stuff will be pretty old if not close to it, so since I like new things anyway, it wouldn’t kill me to part with our stuff.

I checked and they do have retirement communities. Like I said, I don’t mind renting all my life, but I will never again do the attached living thing if I can help it. Or live in the mainstream unless it’s in a rural setting where I can get some serious footage between the neighbors and us.

Whoever’s been referring to me as “pretty lady” on Ask never returned after saying I could be right or wrong on guessing they’re Christine, so maybe today they’ll confirm or deny my guess.

But if it is Christine then why hasn’t she replied to the last email I sent her? There hasn’t even been much activity on her Facebook account. It doesn’t seem like anything Maliheh or Nane would do, so I guess that leaves Eileen, though my first guess is still Christine.

The net was down earlier, but now that it’s back up, hopefully it will stay up. Plenty of warmth and sunshine is in store for us this week, and let me guess…plenty of noise from Jesse too, right?

Had to give Tom the new keyboard and take my old one back because it wouldn’t allow my screen saver or blackout corners to kick in. It may be a pain to have to unplug and replug this one at times, but at least it works.

The internet is still going in and out, so I can’t post any of my journal entry yet. I have a bad feeling it’s going to be a regular problem once again. I’m just amazed we went so long before they started fucking with us again. It will be so nice to be not only back with cable but with more than one internet provider to choose from. That’s probably why this one is so fucked up; because they know we can’t dump them for someone else unless we move. I’ll try to post them as soon as they’ll stay connected long enough to let me.

Last night I had ok dreams and even a funny one, but the two nights before last I had anything but fun dreams. The kind I wake up from hoping isn’t a sign of bad things to come. Tom thinks it was just because I was on my period and that changes in hormones can cause such things. After all, certain medications and foods can cause nightmares. It does seem that that’s when I get stuck in jails, motels, and poverty, and now I’m tripping over skeletons. Yeah, that was the creepiest dream. I was alone with a body bag with my dad’s skeleton in it even though he was cremated in real life. I wanted to get out of the room, but in order to do so I had to climb over the body bag. In doing so I tripped over part of the bag and then I could see his foot sticking out. The bones of his foot didn’t look right, though my dream self seemed to think they did.

In another bad dream, I was showering in jail. I was the only one in the shower room at the time and had just soaped up my legs so I could shave. In jail, you press a button to turn the spray on and it automatically shuts off in 5 minutes. Well, when I went to press the button after it turned off it wouldn’t come back on again. So I had to dry off with soapy legs.

In the last bad one I remember, I said something to Tom like, “So we’re not going to be able to buy groceries till the 13th, right?” The 13th was only 4-5 days away in the dream, but negative money dreams always depress me cuz I know we’re gonna be poor again sooner or later. I figure if it can happen as many times as it has, it can happen again. Age and hard work don’t always seem to matter or protect one from tough times.

In one of last night’s dreams, I dreamt it was nighttime and I woke up to pee. I felt nervous as hell because I remembered that we could’ve sworn we saw a huge spider earlier in the day.

Then there was this dream where we were in a small one-bedroom house. It was square-shaped and simple; bedroom and kitchen to the left, living room to the right. Tom was reading the paper in a recliner. I looked out the window behind him and could see houses closely set. In the one next to us, 3 or 4 adults (one carrying a screaming toddler) were hanging out by a large pickup. I could hear the crying all the way into the kitchen on the other side of the house. So that much I didn’t like, but we must’ve been planning to travel somewhere because I was talking about making sure to leave the rat enough food to last a week.

The funniest dream was that some reality show secretly arranged for me to meet all my cyber friends. I don’t know what the show was about or why I was going to be on it, but as I was making my way toward the stage I saw a woman who looked remarkably like Christine. The show’s hairstylist was fussing with her hair. Then I was on stage being interviewed by the host. I don’t know what was being said, though. Suddenly a light was shone upon the audience which had since been nothing but a sea of black as the lights were shining only upon the stage before. That’s when I began to recognize my cyber friends sitting in the front row, though I don’t remember everyone I saw other than Christine. Maybe Mitch and Adonis were next to her, but I woke up before my eyes finished scanning the entire row.

Now that we’re back to having to play net games that’ll probably go on for quite a while, if not the rest of our time here, I won’t be online as much. IDK, maybe it’s a sign I should get back into my writing.

Later...

Ok, it’s official. I am officially bored out of my fucking mind. Yet it’s not like there isn’t anything to do. I just don’t feel like doing anything. I can’t bring myself to work on any unfinished stories and I can’t seem to interest myself in the idea of starting a new one.

I cleaned the kitchen, worked out, played around on Ask, and studied languages a bit, but that’s about it. Other than thinking ahead to the move and wondering where we’ll end up and what it will be like there, I’m not sure which pisses me off more, my vision or my weight.

I first started noticing signs of farsightedness in my mid-30s. By 40 I was in my first pair of reading glasses but I only needed them for reading books. By 43 I needed them for working on the computer as well but could still see off in the distance. Now at 46, I can’t see shit and am badly in need of bifocals. At 46! Who the hell needs bifocals at 46? I really thought that was more like a 50s or 60s thing, but I’m so blind. Going to stores is hard. With or without glasses I can’t see past a few feet away from me. People’s faces are so blurry I can barely make out if they’re frowning or smiling. Even with my glasses on I still have to get relatively close to things not only to read them but just to be able to tell what the hell it is. It’s gotten so bad that even distinguishing certain objects is difficult. For the most part, I can’t see anything unless I have my glasses on and get up close to things. But my friend Andy is 4 years older yet has single-vision lenses, so why is it that I’m in need of bifocals this young??? I know I’ll never get progressive lenses again. They’re too “dizzying.” They give the appearance that things are moving and you have to tilt your head and focus your eyes on just the right spot in order to read something on a large monitor such as my computer screen, for example. They suck shit.

As for my weight, that too has changed. It used to be that I struggled to lose weight. Now I’m struggling to keep from gaining it. Yeah, I get a little carried away on weekends, and no, one doesn’t have to literally eat like a pig to gain weight at this age, but I do take it easy most days. So should trying to keep it off be this hard? I realize some of it could be muscle weight since my clothes aren’t that much tighter, but it still makes me wonder. I feel like I’m more bloated than ever right now. This has been going on for a while now and my stomach is usually pretty flat what with all the crunches I do. I wish I could muster up the willpower to cut calories even more but that’s been easier said than done and I’m not sure why. Maybe it really is that hard putting up with the constant hunger and fatigue and that’s why most people are heavy, especially older people, or maybe I just don’t care enough. If I did, wouldn’t that help me eat even less? I wish I were as obsessed as I was in my teens and 20s, thanks to my mother taunting me about my weight and overall appearance as she would because faster metabolism or not, I sure had an easier time losing it and keeping it off back then. But insults just don’t hurt a 46-year-old like they can a 16-year-old and even a 26-year-old. We tend to care less what others think as we age and where I would feel hurt over someone putting down my appearance when I was young, now I have that I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude and would tell someone not to look if they didn’t like what they saw.

While I may be blind as a bat and look 4 months pregnant, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. I’m not in any pain or having any other obvious problems, so I guess this, along with the thinner, drier skin, gray hair, barely existent sex drive, and other things, are just part of aging. Ah, such a fascinating and horrifying experience all in one!

A Muslim on Ask that I thought Andy would be attracted to has proven to be the hater that so many of them are. Really, if they hate Americans so damn much, then why do so many of them come here? I dislike Muslims right along with Andy but while I understand why so many people hate Muslims, I don’t understand why so many are fond of blacks. If you’re going to hate the haters, why hate just some of them? Why not hate the “bully breeds?” Why do we make exceptions for some just because they had it rough in the past? We’ve all had it rough in the past in some way shape or form. There are assholes in every group, but the ratio is way, way off in a few of them and it’s kind of scary how many people are blind to this fact. I don’t know if it’s by choice or they just don’t get it or what.

Racism is as over-addressed as Britney Spears is overrated. I’m sick of them whining and complaining no matter how much we give them. We give them so many extra rights and protection that pretty much guarantees them immunity to certain things like being charged with hate crimes, yet all they do is bitch and moan. Enough is never enough for some people. And no, blacks do not make up for most of the population in jail, contrary to popular belief. I should know. I think they used to but ever since the shit went down with Rodney King, they’ve been getting away with all kinds of shit despite numerous studies that show they’re more prone to violence and crime than whites. I don’t know if it’s cuz they just can’t get over the past or if it’s got something to do with the chemical makeup of their bodies/brains, but I’ve seen enough of these studies not to believe the stats.

And why are we so hypocritical as a whole? We bitch and complain that all the Mexicans want to do is migrate to the U.S. and jump on welfare at the expense of those who work hard. But then why do we allow them to come here and why do we hand them out a free ride in life when they do get here? Really, what’s the matter with people???

We can hang our heads in denial thinking we’re “avenging” the past for blacks even though there’s no one left alive that had a hand in slavery, but giving any group an extra bag of rights doesn’t make life any fairer than it does to deny rights from another group.

Blacks can exclude us from their pageants and many other things while we can’t exclude them. They can lie and say we called them racial slurs when they happened to get pissed at us for whatever reason or they just don’t get their way with whatever and know they’ll automatically be believed. They can fabricate evidence against us to make us look bad without a care in the world or even realizing the long-term damage it can do to us.

Well, I can’t guarantee the world will ever be a fair place to live in, but I can guarantee something else. In the year 2000 one didn’t have an abundance of information readily at their fingertips like they do these days, say if they want to investigate their rights or something. Therefore, no perfect stranger will ever again don a little black robe and sit in judgment of me if I am not A, totally guilty of whatever I’m being charged with, and B, it’s because of something I’ve actually done and not something I just said or am accused of saying. That much I can guarantee.

Ok, enough said about the subject for now. I just need to get things off my chest every now and then and express my opinions from my own observations/experience, though personally, I am sick to death of the subject.

We spent $140 at the store yesterday but it was all in groceries except for a couple of cards for Mom (Mother’s Day and her birthday), and one of those perfume body sprays I love so much.

Later on, we’ll be going to Target. That’s always a fun place to go even if they’re not as cheap as Walmart.

Later...

Spent about an hour browsing through Target. We got me a new keyboard since my other one kept going on and I’d have to replug the damn thing. This one’s wireless and it’ll take a little getting used to since I keep hitting the cap lock key. A few other things aren’t where I’m used to them being either.

My “pretty lady” commentator has offered a hint as to who they are, so I’m waiting to see who, on my long list of suspects, they could be. Guess they may not be so random after all.

Actually, they just said they’re an older woman and have always admired me and that I know them pretty well. In that case, Christine is my first guess based on that info and how well they write. I don’t think Eileen or Nane would have the time to check in this regularly, and it doesn’t seem Maliheh’s style. Christiane and I definitely don’t know each other well and this doesn’t seem like something she would do either. I highly doubt it’s Nane cuz the apostrophe didn’t look funny like hers usually does.

Anyway, until I hear back from them, I also got a new sports bra in hot pink that I’ll wear just for working out, a black pair of panties, a silky thong, and a pair of bunny slippers that are so cute. I was surprised they were in the women’s section and that they fit since most women’s slippers tend to be too big on me.

I slept great. I was still up 18 hours, but slept for 10 and only woke up only once along the way. This helped make up for being short the last few times.

Not sure what sucks more, Kim’s deception or Molly’s return. Playing the joke Alison played on me on Ask was one thing because she never tried to tell me she was someone other than who she was along the way and she eventually owned up to the joke. So that was fine. But now that she’s confirmed Kim’s making up bogus celebrity accounts on Twitter, well, this is clearly a case of her pretending to be someone she’s not and then denying it when confronted. Maybe this is her only fault in the world, but it would still be enough to dampen my trust in her. If she can deceive someone about this, she could deceive someone about other things, couldn’t she? Just what is it she thinks she gets out of doing this anyway???

I couldn’t stand to follow Kim on Twitter even when she was herself because of all the over-tweeting. It would often take her 15 tweets just to say something that should only take 1 or 2 tweets like it was so hard for her to stay within the character limit or something.

Either way, I can understand how/why Aly would feel hurt. This is someone she’s called a friend for 7 years now that’s bullshitting her.

I’d say I’m now 95% sure it’s Molly who’s been asking Andy, Aly, and me weird/rude/lame questions on Ask. The questions are getting more Mollyish by the minute. sighs I knew she would be back to haunt us and that I should have known better than to post the link so freely to this new account and that just because she hasn’t been showing up on TIP doesn’t mean she isn’t following my every blog.

But yeah, she’s getting more obvious. Like how she asked Andy how he is, then asked why he was so mean when he said it was a dumb question. Today she asked if he met me and she’s one of the few that spells my name right. Calling Aly and I bitches is also very Mollyish, and where she really slipped up was by calling Aly a nickname that only she knows about. Oh, and she gave me an “I’m sorry,” too, which again seems Mollyish. She goes back and forth between bothering people and then apologizing for it.

I don’t get the lack of blogs, though. She’d never hide any blogs of hers cuz that’d defeat the whole point. The purpose of blogging, to her, is to write us “letters” expressing how much she hates us for all the imaginary things she thinks we’ve done wrong to her. The lack of appearance on TIP can be explained by a lot of things. She could have her cookies turned off or be at the library.

But if she’s being prevented from blogging, then why isn’t she being prevented from harassing us on Ask? And if she isn’t being prevented from bothering us on Ask, then why isn’t she back to blogging?

Just to fuck with Molly I sent Aly an anonymous question (she knows it’s me, though) admitting it’s Molly and Sarah that’s been picking on her. Sarah’s her friend. Anyway, Aly answered by saying that admittance was the first step toward recovery. The second would be to smash her computer or throw it out a window, LOL. Great answer! I can’t wait till Molly reads her “confession.”

Andy said the purpose of Ask is to be asked questions. He’s right. But I know from past experience that the more attention you give this troll, the more of a problem she can become. I don’t want to give this nutjob the attention she craves so I may consider blocking anything that seems to be from her. It will depend on how often I get them.

I really wish she’d just kill herself or make real those fantasies she once wrote about having about killing her parents in their sleep so she can end up locked up for the rest of her life!

Tom won a paid day off, a $25 gas card, and a $50 Target card at work! They had a raffle at a meeting he attended with about 40 others who work in the building. You definitely can’t win this with your own business! About 4 or 5 others won something, too. He won the biggest prize, though. So we’re going to Walmart today and Target tomorrow. :)

The Jes pest flew around on its ATV and over-bleached the tanks again so I could end up smelling like a bleach factory after my shower. Wonder what it’s going to beat, bang and build next that I’ll have to listen to?

I asked someone who lives in Florida about any big spiders she may’ve seen there and did not like what I was told, even though it makes sense that they would have huge spiders. They all like to be where it’s warmer. So she told me stories similar to my own nightmares I experienced in Arizona. Maybe it’d be best to stay here. This is a seasonal climate but the winters are mild compared to places that have real winters.

I don’t want to go back to posting on Thoughts every day due to all their glitches, but I may use their queue posting to catch up once a week or so over there when the site isn’t as slow as it normally is.

Someone on Ask told me English is mandatory for students in Germany. No wonder so many Germans seem to speak English. I knew it was mandatory in India, but I didn’t know it was there, too.

There was a picture of Nane and her brother on her wall at his birthday party. It’s the first picture I’ve seen where she almost looks fat. Like she’s all watery and bloated before her period or something. Loved the top she was wearing, though. Anyway, I can see where she would weigh more than me.

I’ve noticed a couple of odd coincidences lately. One is baffling and the other is a bit disturbing. The one I don’t get is why I’ve not only had so many dreams lately pertaining to Florida, but so many books and movies I’ve read and seen lately seem to take place there as well. It’s a weird coincidence that makes a person like me who doesn’t believe in coincidences do some wondering. Is something trying to tell me something? If it is, then it’s something I don’t know or can’t see because there’s no way we could move to Florida anytime in the foreseeable near future. Tom’s job is going too well to just throw away, but at the same time, we don’t have enough saved that would make me comfortable enough to make a long-distance move. Maybe when he retires. Right now I don’t want to do anything that could upset the good trend we’ve been on since last fall all in the name of being in a warmer climate.

It was cool yesterday and will be semi-cool today, but then it’s back up into the 80s.

From the smell of things outside last night, I’d say a very pissed-off skunk has once again visited Whiskey up the hill and has given him another nasty shot in the face - HA HA HA HA!!! AFTER he was just given a bath. Thank God for hot fudge incense. :) I’m beginning to wonder if this skunk may make a game of it, and every time it gets pissed off it’ll go take it out on Whiskey. Or maybe it’ll pick on Brandy. LMFAO! What more could a skunk ask for as far as target practice goes than a couple of tied-up dogs? ROTFL!

As for the coincidence that’s starting to concern me a bit, saying that I’m a jinx to every site I join (or return to) is no joke. I really, literally do seem to jinx them all! Or is someone fucking with me? I doubt that much because others have the same problem after I “jinx” a site. No site may be perfect all the time, but MO was just fine when I returned to it a few days ago and now it’s sluggish as hell. It’s also ironic that while it may not be perfect, Thoughts has sped back up a bit now that I’ve left there.

MyOpera’s internal hit counter is definitely not a unique hit counter, definitely not tracking me, and definitely not tracking outsiders based on the tests I’ve done. Still, I’m getting a surprising amount of views over there. I wonder how many of them are spambots. There’s no way to know, though, if it’s 20 members that viewed my blog today, for example, or 2 members that each viewed it 10 times.

I’m not surprised Andy and I have already gotten some rather strange and even rude “questions” on Ask since the site is full of kids, but a couple of them make me wonder if Molly could be behind them. I asked Alison what she thinks and if she’s heard from her at all lately or has noticed any new activity on any of her accounts. I’ll admit the “are you a lesbian” and my account belonging to a “fat old woman” and the “who r u” seem a bit out of character for her. But Andy’s questions, “how are you” and “why are you so mean,” along with the “will you be my friend” and “why are you a nosy bitch” that I got, could be her. We know she’s delusional enough to think I’m “nosing” into her business, and it just doesn’t seem like a question a stranger would ask. No “pretty lady” comments in a few days either.

I deactivated my Twitter account cuz I got sick of the promoted shit being forced on me. It’s like having my timeline spammed and it was escalating in frequency, too. I also find it a waste of time and just wasn’t using it very much.

Speaking of Twitter, well, Alison started a secret blog that she’s only sharing with me and a few others. She suspects that Kim not only really doesn’t have the job she claims she has, but that she created an account on Twitter as a celebrity named Ted Wass, whoever the hell that is and is being dishonest about it. Whoever it really is keeps it private and won’t accept Aly or Dustin. They also keep changing the name and write very similar to Kim. Kim has also deleted several accounts that Aly voiced suspicion about before.

She has a point about Kim’s writing, which is always full of typos, something I don’t get with all the handy spell checkers out there. She may be a nice girl otherwise, but I not only agree that she’s almost certainly not working, but I’ve noticed that she seems to be highly obsessed with celebrities in a way most people her age have long since outgrown. Not obsessed to the point that she’s dangerous and would stalk or harm them but obsessed nonetheless. Even kids don’t seem to be so hung up on celebrities to the degree that she is. We also know that she isn’t very bright, so she’s not smart enough not to be obvious enough not to cast suspicion on herself.

If I’ve got my facts straight, all celebrity accounts on Twitter must be verified as “official.” Maybe Aly should consider reporting these accounts she believes are fraudulent. What celebrity would want a private account anyway? That’s no way to gain publicity.

Based on what Aly said, it probably is Kim. Aly’s not only a perceptive and intuitive individual, but anyone can tell by the way she writes and some of the things she says that while she may not be the sicko Molly is, she’s not quite right in the head either. The poor girl is 250 pounds or more and has probably never had a BF or even been laid in all her 32 years. Between that and the reasons she’s on disability along with 2 out of 3 of her other siblings, I can kind of see why she might resort to a life of fantasy and roleplaying.

I feel bad for Alison. She feels fat, ugly, and worthless and like no one cares. I can relate to some of these feelings at times, especially feeling fat, ugly and worthless. But unlike her, I haven’t had health problems in years other than annoying dental and allergy stuff. She mentioned a “new” medical problem but didn’t elaborate. I just hate to see such a kind person feeling so miserable physically or mentally. I hope she will be happier and healthier soon enough. She’s been down so long, but as she admits, she has a helluva great BF and is doing better financially so it ain’t all bad for her. I reminded her that I’m there for her if she needs to chat. I don’t meet too many honest people out there with a brain. She’s a refreshing fresh breath of air from the many illiterate idiots and trolls out there or people that are just plain boring. We also have a lot in common and she has always seemed to be a very open and accepting person. Not many people care enough (especially those we haven’t met in person) to tell a person that her place is always open to them should they ever need a place to go. That’s very kind and generous of her and ours is always open to her, too.

Jesse’s nephew did the weeding so that much should be done for the year since we’re entering the dry season. He came down at 11:00. I crashed after being up 18 hours and only slept 6 so I’m a bit tired today. I also have PMS fatigue and hunger fatigue. Every other day I’m still trying not to eat much unless I either can’t stand the hunger or get dizzy. I just have yogurt and a piece of fruit every few hours to keep my body from going into starvation mode and making the problem worse.

Nane said hello yesterday and it’s always good to hear from her, of course. The poor woman’s been sick. She said she didn’t know the word for it in English so I had to look it up because I didn’t recognize the German word for circulatory problems. I guess they went from cold to warm there in Munich so fast that it threw her off. She had dizzy spells on top of being as busy as she usually is. I teased her about helping to raise her low blood pressure if she needs a helping hand with that. I’d be happy to do it too, and no doubt good at it.;)

I had one of those dreams that always alarms someone like me who has dream premonitions, but because the dream didn’t make sense overall, I’d say we’re ok. But as anyone who knows me knows, anything to do with money, especially when it’s in a negative way, always worries me after what we’ve been through. We’re doing great right now, but I’m not stupid either. I know that if we can struggle as late in life as we have, then we probably will on and off throughout the rest of life. I mean, sooner or later it’s back in the poorhouse we go, right? Anyway, I really don’t remember the dream. Not in detail anyway. All I know is that my father was somehow involved and there was something about each check getting smaller and smaller until there was no money at all. Hmm… could he just be reminding me that I’m not going to receive a substantial inheritance? I already figured as much for that would go against God’s wonderful so-called “plan” for us to spend most of our lives struggling, wouldn’t it?

When I look back on some of my old journal entries from 15-20 years ago I gotta wonder how I had so much to write about back in those days. These days I may not see as many people in person as I did back then, but I have way more of a life than I ever did in the past and I do way more now than I used to.

Lately, however, I’m anything but motivated when it comes to story writing and will probably add Bunny Nose to my file of unfinished stories. I’ve got about 4 or 5 of them. My heart just isn’t in it right now, I guess, but maybe someday I’ll get fresh ideas to rekindle my enthusiasm.

The Internet is back to cutting in and out on us like crazy. It started this evening. I really hope to hell it doesn’t become an everyday thing again! We’ve still got a few months here. At least. Yeah, I’m still leaning towards renting instead of owning, and just hurrying up and getting out of here so we can have cable again and ditch this DSL shit is a great reason on its own to want to get the hell out. It’s so unreliable and the speed sucks.

MyOpera’s internal hit counter shows nearly 40 blog views in less than 24 hours. But is that 40 members or 40 page views? I would guess page views on a site as dead as MO.

Why does a 60-calorie beverage put half a pound on me and why is my right arm slightly longer than the left? I never noticed this before until I clasped my hands together earlier today and stretched my arms upward. That was when I noticed I couldn’t completely straighten the right arm. I placed my palms together and it’s definitely the arm that’s longer and not the fingers. It’s only a half-inch, though.

Since I can’t have the blessing of speaking my mind directly to the source, a pretend kind of therapeutic heart-to-heart is in order. It goes something like this:

I have done NOTHING to you in my entire life but try to get you to keep your noise out of our home decades ago and use a poor choice of words. You need to get over the past, let me go, and move on. All of you.

Nice try all those years ago, Joely. That makes 3 times you’ve tried to seek legal vengeance upon me, and twice you have failed. That “letter” from the “detective” screamed amateur and scam rather quickly, BTW. I don’t know if it was you who wrote it or someone you put up to it, but if I had fallen for it, what would have come next, extortion? Something worse? Was part of it Jerry’s “payback” for the rating I gave him on the cop rating site? There’s a reason corrupt officials like that lose their jobs like he did in 2005 on account of me and a few others he wronged. Why do you think he joined the family real estate business? Because he got sick of playing Cops and Robbers? Either way, you trolls made several mistakes. Here, let me show you.

1. The “letter” had some spelling and grammatical errors, something a professional writer doesn’t miss so easily.

2. And why Juan D? Isn’t that too John Smith-ish?

3. The letter fails to disclose what “case” was supposedly made against me.

4. There is some business you simply don’t conduct via email, particularly when you are first trying to establish contact. Any legit cop would have come to my door because they could have traced my IP# to my physical address at the time via my service provider. They probably could’ve gotten ahold of our phone numbers as well. Ok, so I was technically out of jurisdiction living in the state I was living in at the time, but your state could’ve sent a local official out to see me which it did not do.

5. You could have blocked me on Facebook or marked anything sent to your email address as spam and unsubscribed from my blog but you didn’t. This indicates how vengeful and vindictive you still were and no doubt are today. From what I’ve been told, this is what law enforcement would have advised you to do unless the messages were of a threatening nature or arriving in bulk quantity.

6. I did absolutely nothing wrong to you but exercised my right to free speech that was without threats, and therefore there could be no “case.”

7. Anyone can be behind a computer and no positive identity can be established and confirmed without face-to-face contact.

8. One of your biggest errors was the phone numbers. There really is a PD in the town you listed, but none of the phone numbers you gave matched it when I tried to verify a match. Shame on you for not thinking of that one, though the email address you left was live.

9. Another blunder was that the “message” was sent to several email addresses, some of which I didn’t recognize, and one that appeared to belong to Jerry, based on the name embedded in it. Oops. You obviously created at least some of the email addresses and definitely the phone numbers in hopes that I would call. But for what? So you could try to get me down there for no reason? To phish for info that you could use to scam me with? To harm me? I guess only you and your buddies know the answer to that one, huh? But no “cop” is going to send an email to someone claiming to have a case and also send it to half a dozen others.

10. Next boo-boo… Had there really been a “case” made against me, it would’ve automatically gone through the courts even if I was not servable and not present, thus resulting in an eventual default warrant for my failure to appear. There never was a warrant. I checked.

11. The world may be way too full of corrupt law enforcement officials with warped senses of priorities, but even so, why me? Why would honest, decent cops spend the time, money and resources on me when there are so many violent criminals running loose out there that are a serious danger to society?

12. I was a little alarmed at first when I saw several email addresses that I either currently had or had in the past, including one I managed for a friend with Asperger’s who can’t do these things on her own, but anyone can get that info for a small fee. So yeah, you became more and more obvious as I read the email.

13. The Internet was not in our name in 2010. It was in our landlord’s name. You can’t make a “case” in that case. It’d be like you making prank calls from my phone. Well, even though you’d be the one who did it, I’d still be the one legally responsible for it.

14. I was also a bit alarmed when Google supposedly informed me that your buds were snooping into my business, but again I realize that anyone can make an email appear to be rather legit. Phishers have created emails claiming to be from many well-known sites. Nothing new there.

You know, I’ll tell you something, and that’s that I don’t know what you are more of – scary or sad. Yeah, it’s sad that your life is obviously so damn dull and you feel you have nothing else better to do than to try to harm or scam me like that. But the scary part is the deep-seated hatred that you have always harbored, nurtured, and tried so hard to rekindle at my expense. I have never known anyone so spiteful and you’re probably only one of 2 or 3 people I could never forgive even with an apology, not that you’d ever be capable of one. If you and Jerry show up here, as you’ve threatened (or as whoever you put up to it has), I will have you both arrested immediately. I really, REALLY feel sorry for your kids, Joely. The example you have set for them is utterly appalling!

Now, if you and or your friends can FINALLY stop harassing me on various sites, I will refrain from contacting your local authorities. If you guys can do that, you will never hear from me again. Ever. Your choice.

Later…

LOL, Andy wants to hear me speak German, even though he knows I’m “allergic” to phones, he says. He’ll get a good laugh at that one. Not only cuz I’m not yet fluent, but it’s not exactly a very pretty language either. But it has been a while since we chatted by phone so we probably will one of these days soon enough.

I chatted in German with a girl in Germany on Ask yesterday and was a bit dismayed to learn she was only 15. Oh, she was very nice, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that most people my age would rather not chat with those in their teens and 20s. I really wish there were more people on Ask around my age! Not always, but usually you get a bit more maturity that way.

No “pretty lady” comments today. Just someone asking if I want to have crazy sex. rolls eyes Like I said, the site is fun, but choc-full of kids.

Jesse was actually kind and considerate today. Not the part where he drove down without calling first, but the part where he was kind enough to not only be driving something quiet enough to not wake me up but to give Tom 5 bucks for replacing the cooler’s float so he doesn’t have to. He came down about an hour before I got up, so only Tom talked to him. Tom let him know he replaced the valve in back as well. Jesse’s main purpose in coming down was to let us know his nephew would be down to weed tomorrow. He’s coming down early, so I should still be up. If not, it’s easier to go to sleep to noise than to fall asleep just to be woken up by it, especially if you’re not expecting it. Even though I had planned to eat as little as I could stand to today, I might eat a little more to keep my energy up. I don’t want to fall asleep too early all fatigued out from hunger and PMS both. Nonetheless, I’ve lost 4 pounds in the last couple of days.

Anyway, the quieter truck is something he actually built for his son for when he gets his permit next year. I guess he’ll be driving it for now. Well, I hope he will till we get out of here! That other thing was ferociously loud that the whole place rumbled like it would if it was thundering out or a loud car stereo was close by.

California seems to have fewer car stereos unlike down in Arizona and Oregon where it seemed like every few cars had them which makes me think they may fine those with them here. But all it takes is one to really drive you insane and make your life hell and I just hope to hell we don’t end up with one that either lives next to us or that visits regularly, wherever we may end up. Those things are the equivalent of someone hammering on all 4 exterior walls of your house during a thunderstorm and were the #1 reason we escaped to the country. :(

I giggle to myself when I think of how bummed out Jesse’s going to be when it comes time to give notice. How many tenants would care enough or even be smart enough to replace that valve and the float, and weed around the car and trailer like he did after he was told he didn’t need to? Then again, maybe he’s that optimistic that in his mind he thinks we’ll be easy enough to replace. Oh, we’ll probably be easy enough to replace, all right. That’s not the issue. But what kind of renters will he be able to replace us with? Let’s just say that if he ends up with tenants who are like most people he’s gonna wish we would call wanting to come back! LOL

I still have some soreness between my cheek and gum in the area where my tooth was pulled, so I peroxided it and took an Advil. They have what’s called a cafeteria plan at work, so Tom will get to pick and choose what we have for insurance. I guess they’ll have things like medical, dental, vision, long-term disability, etc. What sucks is that it all costs money either way, so hopefully they’ll give him the 13% raise his supervisor said he recommended so it won’t impact what he takes home as much. Tom doesn’t know what to expect there because based on what the people there talk about owning and renting and stuff like that, it doesn’t seem like the company can afford to pay all that much more than what they’re paying him now. But then someone else said something about him getting his last dollar or two or three. They probably have a limit as to how much they’re willing to pay their employees until the cost of living arises along with the employee’s seniority.

He also learned that all temps eventually become permanent unless they’re laid off right away. Now they tell him! It would’ve really eased our worries had we known this all along. But they hire them on twice a year. It wasn’t quite his turn yet but they bumped him up because they wanted him for the job he’s doing now.

Whatever insurance he chooses will kick in in 30 days. Damn! We’ll be insured for the first time in 9 years! :) The retirement thing won’t kick in for a few months, though. It’s kind of sad my dad isn’t alive to be told this great news. :( He’d be so happy for us. But if those who believe our loved ones can look in on us are right, then he knows. Somehow he knows. feels tears sting her eyes

I wish I knew what we can’t possibly know - how long will Tom work where he works? Will I ever win big again? I don’t think I’ll be “allowed” to ever win more than 10K cuz 20K and up would go against the “plan.” I sure would settle for a few grand after the move, though! A couple to replace the savings and one to get things for the place. A full-size washer/dryer is at the top of the list.

Anyway, Tom can find out about the cafeteria plan and other things, but it’s too bad we can’t find out just a few more things cuz that might impact the rent/own decision and how much money we should invest in things here. Not that I can ever see it happening, but if I knew I was gonna win 50K next year, for example, I wouldn’t want to be getting no washer/dryer. If I won 10K when he turned 60, it would be enough to move us long distance but even harder for him to find a job than when the economy was at its worst. Who wants to hire someone that’s just gonna retire in a few years?

I still think our best bet is probably gonna be renting in an adult community if we can get in, and hoping this job works out till he retires. That way nothing will upset the 401K. But even when he does retire we still may not be able to move. They don’t pay it out all at once, so while we may be able to save 5K to get across, we wouldn’t have the money to get into a rental much less to buy a place.

Diana, who I refer to as Lady Di, is one of the most interesting people I’ve met on Ask so far who lives in Latvia. Especially for one being so young. I couldn’t have come up with some of the brilliant answers she’s come up with in my 20s, let alone my teens. She may be troubled like a lot of teens, but she definitely has a way with words and perhaps a future in writing. I was a little wary of her at first because I wasn’t sure what was going on. I didn’t know if she was just playing with me or if she was out of her mind or what, LOL. But now that I’ve gotten to know her a little better, she really is quite intelligent for one so young. She asks Andy and me about different things and the variety is nice.

I’m trying a little experiment where I have 1000 calories or less every other day. There’s no way I could do it every single day, day after day, and deal with the hunger, fatigue and dizziness that goes with it. I didn’t even have the energy to work out when I did this yesterday. Doing it regularly would also damage my metabolism even more. But if I could will myself to do it every other day, then work out and eat about 1200-1500 calories on the days I didn’t half starve myself, maybe I would have a better chance of losing the 20 or so pounds I could still stand to lose. It should be an interesting experiment if I can get myself to stick to it. I went down 3 pounds so far.

The best thing is that just when we were beginning to think they were fucking with him at work about being hired on, he was made to have a drug test today and had to fill out some paperwork. Next comes the background check, though they already did this last fall, so I don’t know why they’d want to do it again. All that matters is that they keep their word, even though they’re still not very nice to him. Some of the people aren’t anyway. But they said he “got the job” and they also hinted at a raise, so they need to put their actions where their mouths are.

I rarely have dreams that take place in this place or on this land, but for some reason, I often have dreams that take place in the house we had in Phoenix. I don’t remember what the Phoenix dream was about, but I remember the one here. I heard this really loud helicopter hovering close by and went outside to check it out. I saw a cop standing by the top of the drive. Confused as to what the hell was going on, Jesse suddenly comes barreling down the side of the mountain in front of me with a few people in tow. I asked what was going on and he said one of his exes tried to assassinate him.

LOL, it’s a good thing he doesn’t know I’m prone to dream premonitions, especially those of a negative nature.