So much for Tom’s theory that my nightmares are mostly confined to when I’m on the rag and sporting some wacky hormones. Last night’s dream goodie was yet another poverty trip. I was all stressed out about not being able to eat till we received the food stamps we applied for. Thankfully, not all my dreams come true! I hope I haven’t become a “long-term” dream premonitioner. Usually, most of the nightmares I’ve had that came true would come true within a few hours to a few days. Hopefully, I’m not “seeing” the less immediate future in my dreams. Actually, I’m kind of hoping the dream premonitions have stopped altogether which would mean those Florida dreams really didn’t mean anything after all and were just a reflection of the fact that Florida was on my mind at the time. Especially since I’ve decided that I really want to leave this country someday. Yeah, Tom and I were actually talking about it.

I am saddened, sickened and disgusted by the state of North Carolina for banning gay marriage and civil unions, and I’m sure a certain someone I know who lives there must be equally ashamed at the hate that still fills so many hearts in this world. This is the one group that people just can’t seem to quit picking on. All other groups have been widely accepted a long time ago, some of which now have extra rights, freedom and privileges than anyone ever had and who have continued to take advantage of all that’s been given to them because enough is never enough for some people. How fucked up is that? Seriously, this is the kind of hate and discrimination that would occur 100 years ago! I can’t believe this kind of sick sadistic shit is still going on in 2012, and just the fact that it is tells me it will never end and things will never get much better for gays if they haven’t already. In fact, it will probably only get worse as other states that already allow gay marriage or civil unions strip gays of their rights there as well. It’s not mostly about religion or justice, it’s about power and control. But like it or not, right or wrong, some things have gone on too long not to be obvious. It’s obvious that gays will never be able to marry nationwide despite the fact that it doesn’t hurt anyone, and one shouldn’t be making another’s personal decisions for them anyway.

It’s also obvious that this country isn’t going to stop giving away our money to countries that experience poverty or natural disasters or even that threaten to attack us if they haven’t already done so. Oh, and let’s not forget the fact that the government was perfectly prepared to let my husband and I starve to death had he not gotten the job he got with miraculous timing.

I’m not at all proud to be an American anymore given the overall state of this country. No country is perfect, but I am definitely getting sick of being here and I welcome a radical change. It may have to wait a decade but the seed has been planted, research has been set into motion, and I fully plan to do my best to make my new dream a reality so long as no circumstances beyond my control arise to stop me.

Nane cracked me up when I asked if they sell pet rats in Europe. She said sure, and they also have electricity and cold and hot tap water, LOL. She also said they tend to treat dogs better than kids. Oh goodie. Maybe the kiddies of Europe are actually taught manners and discipline unlike they have been here for the last 30 years or so, and maybe most dogs actually get to live indoors as household pets there, too. I suppose the dog situation may vary in different parts of Europe like it does in different parts of the U.S.

She doesn’t like dogs or horses, not because she has anything against animals, but because she got bit by both as a kid. I was afraid of dogs for a while too, after being chased down the street by one in Longmeadow. I don’t like horses either, but for a whole different reason that few know about.

I couldn’t stand to live in Germany or England where it’s too cold and gets snow. I think most of the places there are ugly as hell too, much like New England. A lot of the architecture of the buildings in Spain is beautiful, though. I realize it’s a matter of opinion, but I also like the idea of being in a tropical climate and in a place that speaks Spanish. I also realize that a lot can change in the next 11 years. Most of my friends currently reside in Europe but maybe it won’t be that way in 11 years. They’re not the only reason I’d consider living there, of course, but as Tom pointed out, there are other options besides Florida. The idea is to keep our minds open to various possibilities. I would still take Florida over NorCal or the desert, but the more I think of Spain, the more I like the idea.

I always said I would have laughed my ass off had I known back east that I would one day live out west. Well, I’d have laughed a whole lot harder had I known my future husband of all things and I would discuss the possibility of leaving the U.S. altogether. It’s too bad I don’t like apartments. They’ve got some gorgeous-looking ones over there. But if we can really one day afford to move there, then we should be able to afford to rent a house because I would still prefer not to be attached to anyone.

Later...

I only slept a little over 4 hours and so I was sluggish this morning. A couple of cups of coffee, some chicken wings, a yogurt, a protein bar and some electrolyte-enhanced water gave me a burst of energy. After my initial run, I tired down again and so I lay down. I finally convinced myself I would feel better once I got the housework out of the way. So after creating a freshly vacuumed and dust-free bedroom, I did the dishes and perked up. Watch, I’ll end up being up forever tonight. Either way, I’ll probably sleep longer to make up for it. I wish that damn Jes pest would stop talking about it and just get the damn spraying done he keeps mentioning.

The pest came ATVing down yesterday but didn’t come to the door. I went outside and asked if anything was wrong. He said that’s what he wanted to ask me after he came around from the back. I’d call him, damn it, if anything were wrong! Doesn’t he know that by now? Fucking dumb ass cock. Anyway, that was when he said he’d be down over the next couple of days to spray Round-Up. I told him that was fine since I’m on days now.

It’s been desert-dry and gorgeous. Quieter too, with fewer saws, loud vehicles and barking, though the Jes pest must be going somewhere in the mornings since I hear scattered barks from 8:30 on throughout the next hour or two.

We’ve been able to leave the windows open at night lately and I wonder if we should blow the heater’s pilot out for the summer, and hopefully forever for us. With our shit luck, we’d have one more cold snap if we did, though we could always heat with the oven or portables if we had a few more cold nights. Eh, we’ve got plenty of propane and while we shouldn’t run out, we also don’t want to have that much left over when we move because then we’re basically paying for someone else to heat, shower, and cook for a while.

I have a new exercise routine where I burn the initial 50 calories by running. Then I walk and read till I’ve fried 120 calories total. Then on and off throughout the remainder of my day, I make 6 30-calorie runs, bringing me to a total of 300 calories burned for the day. It’s less boring that way. This takes a total of just under 40 minutes.

Made a book sale in Germany just when I thought either something was wrong or Amazon was ripping me off. I sure do seem to be popular with those Germans, don’t I? LOL Speaking of them, I tried to convince my wonderful GF to join Ask but she said don’t get pissed but it’s “stupid” and “childish.” LOL, yeah, I can see where she’d think that. There definitely are a lot of immature idiots there.

So I wasn’t imagining it when I thought she looked a bit heavier in the picture her SIL posted to her wall like she was bloated with water before her period or something. She did say that ever since she met Askim she’s been gaining weight and has gone from 62 kilos to 67 kilos. That’s 136 pounds to 148 pounds. On a five-eighter, that’s still not too bad, but it’s probably why she deleted the picture. She said please don’t laugh but she went to the doctor to see if anything was wrong with her since she hasn’t changed her eating habits or anything, but he said everything was fine.

Nothing to laugh at. It’s actually quite common to gain weight upon entering a relationship. Tom made me fat, but not as fat as quitting smoking and passing the 30-marker did. And of course the 40s have made it worse, and well, I’m almost afraid to think of the 50s!

Kim’s obsession with roleplaying and impersonating celebrities like Geoff Fox, Barbara Eden and Ted Wass has really gotten out of hand and taken a new twist from what Alison just told me. Roleplaying is fine. It’s one thing to play pretend games for fun, even if 32 is a bit old for that sort of thing. But it’s another to lie about it not just to the fans you’re conning, but to your friends as well. Aly tried to get her to own up to it, but she wouldn’t, and when she’d start to it was in a very half-assed sort of way.

So last night, without telling Aly, I created a fake Twitter account, knowing she’d know it was me if I resurrected my old one, and requested to be added to her protected “Ted Wass” account. I can’t believe how stupid some people are, though, especially this chick named Cindy! And what kind of celebrity would have a protected account? Anyway, just as Aly said, “Ted’s” tweets were so Kim. Many of her “followers” were her other protected celebrity account including one account where she’s actually herself.

I remember her once telling me about her “alters” in the past and I thought she was just joking at the time, but Aly and I wonder if maybe she isn’t exactly lying but truly believes in her mind that she really is these people. Like maybe she’s got multiple personality disorder or something. When we first met she talked of a local celebrity (a meteorologist I think) and of speaking with him and how he rudely hung up on her when she called, and just the way she spoke about calls and letters gave me the impression at first that she personally knew the guy. She also includes celebrities in many of her silly and childish stories that are so poorly written I can’t stand to read them other than to get a good laugh. I know it may sound awfully mean of me, but I’m just being honest. So honest that I will make this part of my journal private and only share it with my utmost of closest friends.

So anyway, I basically confronted her in a tweet saying she was a lazy CT woman in her 30s who lived with her mother and was not Ted Wass. She believes I was connected to Molly and Sarah, so she deleted her 4 Ted accounts and turned around and created new ones (we figured she would), and is pretty freaked out.

Where it really gets strange is with Cindy. Well, Aly, who has her own connections to the FBI being that she works as a hacker preventer for part of the military’s strategic defense team, checked her out and found that Cindy’s an FBI agent living in Illinois. It’s kind of scary that an FBI agent would not only be so obsessed with celebrities in her own way but would also be dumb enough to fall for Kim’s shit. I mean, they were talking about meeting and vacationing together! Another thought that hit me was the possibility that the FBI could be checking Kim out due to all the impersonating she’s been doing.

Because Aly felt bad for those she was deceiving, she reported her to Twitter last night. But unless Kim actually does get in trouble for it, though to my knowledge she’s not breaking any laws so much as Twitter’s policy on impersonations, or is physically prevented from going online, she’ll probably always have dozens of phony accounts going at once. Not sure what she gets out of it, though I can only guess that due to weighing what’s got to be around 300 pounds and not having a job or a life given her weight and diminished mental capacity, she’s very lonely. This is probably her only way of getting any real attention and feeling special. The girl’s probably never even been kissed let alone laid, and she’s not getting any younger, thinner or smarter.

Anyway, as soon as she saw my tweet where I blurted the truth, she unfollowed me and shut down her accounts. Well, after she tried to convince Cindy that she really was Ted Wass. She tried to bullshit people on Facebook later on and insist it was just a “fan site” in her usual 10 million status updates and it was too bad people couldn’t read and didn’t know better.

I was surprised she went to Aly about it. I thought the whole idea was to deny she was behind those accounts, so when she told Aly what I said I was kind of surprised. When Aly asked if I were behind it I was quick to admit it. I wouldn’t have gotten involved, though, had I known Cindy was with the FBI, assuming that’s not some kind of delusion as well. I just hate to get implicated in an investigation of any kind, though I still can’t see the FBI investigating Kim for pretending to be someone else. If she were pretending to be a cop, yes, but Ted Wass and all the others?

Despite insisting people should’ve read and known better, Cindy clearly asked her if she was for real or not yet Kim still claimed to be Ted. Aly and I both agreed to regard her as just a casual friend from here on out since she’s obviously not trustworthy. She’s not bad enough to delete, but definitely one to use caution with. Even Aly said she feels closer to me than to her despite the fact that they’ve been cyber buddies for 7 years. It’s been 4 years since Aly jumped out at me on Kiwibox to comment on one of my stories. In many ways, it feels like we’ve actually met. I can picture her and imagine how she’d look and sound based on photos I’ve seen of her and the way she writes. As I told her, she may not be my funniest friend, but she’s not too serious either, and she’s definitely one of the smartest. Very intuitive and able to sense and figure out things most people couldn’t. After associating with so many people who believe cat burglars steal cats and hijackers jack cars up high to be repaired, it’s a nice breath of fresh air. She and I have really grown close. She’s one of the few I’d take off the streets if she were homeless. I was really scared for her at times back when she was battling cancer. Then when I had that dream I was crying because she died I was really freaked out. It would’ve been a sad and terrible loss. But she kicked ass and won and now, as she said is the case with me, I have a friend I can tell anything to and know that I’ll still be accepted despite being different in some ways. :)

I got a kick out of how much she likes my singing, something I always considered just so-so and that Nane didn’t really care for, on LJ. She said she’s always been turned on by husky voices and loves the raspiness and breathlessness of my voice. rolls eyes Yeah, that same raspiness I’ve always wished I could lose. All these years later and I still sound like a fucking smoker.