I’m at a loss as to what to do about my sister, the one I sometimes refer to as the DQ – drama queen. She says she not only didn’t delete me (LOL) but she still swears she didn’t call the pigs on me back in 2000 regarding her abusive ex and his serious anger issues. sighs Ok, I acknowledge that Facebook can be glitchy and that the cock could’ve sent the pigs to our old house in Phoenix right after we moved, gotten our PO box from the new owners, and traced it to our physical address. But how did the cock know where to send them in Phoenix??? He and the DQ were long since separated by then. What would he have in his possession wherever he moved to that would’ve had our address on it??? Someone pointed him in the right direction.

And why the letter to Tom threatening me with legal action for threatening this guy who was supposed to have abused her and Lisa??? Who the hell reacts that way and defends scum like that that’s in their right mind??? I wasn’t the perp, Bill was! The only thing I did that I shouldn’t have was threaten to go kick the guy’s ass for his abuse, but as the cop said before he dismissed the hysterical bitch altogether, he’d have been just as pissed.

What they did both directly and indirectly while I was in Arizona was so huge that it’s overridden the good memories I have of when I was there, and anytime I just think of the place I practically want to throw up. Like watching a rape scene isn’t a thrilling reminder for a rape victim, anytime I think Arizona, I think them…the welfare bums, the corrupt pig pal, the fucked up system.

I once felt sorry for my nieces for they are surely the way they are because of guess who. But when two of them became rude, threatening and downright crazy to me online it had a way of putting a damper on that pity because by then they were grown adults who should’ve known right from wrong. Since then I have avoided them and I don’t regret it. Like Molly would try to get me involved in her disputes and problems with others and try to get me to do this and to do that, that’s how the DQ’s brood is, too. Before you know it you’re drowning in a whirlpool of drama that makes your head spin in a way that will drive you just as crazy as this defunct bunch of assholes do. The stress they have put on me and gladly would again, given the chance, would be insane. Therefore I have wished them well through Tammy but kept a safe distance. As I’ve said before, sometimes you gotta pull back and look at people as people and not just sisters, nieces or whatever. Being related doesn’t make one God and it’s no ticket to abuse anyone be it physically, mentally or verbally.

Once again, pigs are only human. They need something to go on since they don’t exactly have crystal balls they can look to for answers and someone had to point them in the right direction. sighs again I don’t know what to believe as far as who called who, but as Tammy herself said, the past can never be changed or undone.

She also threw me into a real state of confusion a few summers ago when we were fighting online and she was sending nasty messages to the diary site. When she was pissed at me for bashing her in my journal and threatening to get me in jail for it, even though I hadn’t technically broken any slander laws since her last name was never mentioned and nothing I said caused her to suffer any financial loss, she had said, “I did it once, I can do it again.”

Was this a confession of sorts? Did she “slip?” Or did she just say this in the heat of the moment when she was pissed? I asked her this directly in a PM, but sometimes I still wonder if we’re better off ignoring each other. We all say mean or crazy shit when we’re pissed, but we’re just too damn different.

I don’t know what to do. I just don’t. As I admitted before, I was just playing nicey-nicey for Mom’s sake and in case there are even a few grand that may be left to us. If I don’t keep in touch, how is any lawyer in charge of executing any will going to know how to contact me when mom dies?

Chances are nothing will be left to us be it because Tammy either found a way to keep it all for herself or mom ran out of money. Therefore, I’m not going to worry about hanging onto Tammy if we just can’t see eye to eye. Some things just aren’t worth the effort, and sometimes one has to live for themselves and do what’s best for them. Not their friends or family. And no, I don’t care if this starts the same kind of controversy me being dumb enough to mention sleep disorders brought on. So yeah, anymore shit from Tammy and I’m gone.

Her story changed too, as far as mom’s money goes. This time she kept it simple. She said she and her husband have all they need unless it’s in mom’s wishes for her to get whatever. “It’s her decision. It’s her money.”

So we’ve gone from “Give Jodi what you want” to “It’s mom’s decision?” And why has she ignored me till yesterday? I asked for an update on Mom’s condition and life in general. I haven’t heard a thing. Again, is she being secretive for some reason? Either way, I’m surprised she hasn’t been to my blog that I know of.

For once Molly’s done us some good by being our fall guy for when Aly and I “confront” Kim anonymously on Ask. She automatically thinks it’s Molly.

Later...

I will try to post this on MO, if not on Thoughts. I am sooo sick of the regular tech issues! MO has been worse than Thoughts lately. It’s not just sluggish so much of the time but I can’t even access the damn site! Why can’t sites just RUN??? Just fucking FUNCTION!!! Really, what is the big deal??? Why is it so damn hard for people to keep their sites running smoothly? This should be a very simple and straightforward thing. Computers are very simple. Everything is either 0 or 1, on or off. There’s nothing complex about them. So then what’s the fucking problem???

Evil Amongst the Evergreens sold another copy in the U.S. I don’t get why this book sells more than A Rainbow in Munich when A Rainbow in Munich not only has a nicer cover, but the story’s better, too. shrugs I guess that’s a matter of opinion.

We had another frog in here the other day but it was easy to catch and take outside. I guess they’re having a problem this year due to the lack of rain we had over the winter.

I’ve wanted to see the movie 2012 for some time now and finally saw it on one of those free sites that run movies and TV shows. It wasn’t that great at all. Some of the special effects were ok although a bit phony, but overall it was slow and dull. I’m not big on sci-fi or action movies to begin with. But I seem to be getting big on TV, something I haven’t been into much since the 90s. I don’t care for most reality shows unless they deal with forensics, crime or science since to me TV isn’t “reality” and it never should be. Not as much as it is these days anyway. But I’ve been watching shows like Manhunters: Fugitive Task Force and Law & Order. Tom says Bones is a really good series, so maybe I’ll check that out sometime, too.

Later...

Sometimes I hate my body. But not just for its appearance so much as for what I can’t get it to do. Why can’t I will my body to do what I want it to do?! It seems so many people can will their bodies to do this or to do that, but mine is nothing but a stubborn, unrelenting wimp.

I was hungry from the moment I got up. I knew it was going to be one of those hungry days. Sure enough, I kept eating but I always felt the same – like there was nothing sitting in my tummy. It took hundreds of calories to finally fill me up. I willed myself to puke it up, but no matter how hard I try I simply cannot bring it back up. :( If you stick your finger down your throat you’re supposed to puke, right? Aber warum nicht Ich Kotzen?! Why can’t I puke? All I do is gag instead. It’s like something up there won’t let me do it. It’s not like I want to make a regular habit of it. I’m not stupid. I know stomach acid isn’t good for the throat. I only want to do it on days I have a harder time controlling myself. But try as I will, I just can’t bring the damn shit I eat back up! beats head

Why can’t I just learn to live with the hunger so I could stand to have the 1000-1200 calories a day it would take for me to get more weight off??? I can do it some days but not every day. I swear I have no control whatsoever over my own body! I can’t get it to sleep when I want it to. I can’t get it to puke up those extra calories. I can’t get it to deal with hunger. Hunger is just a feeling. It doesn’t hurt. It can’t make me unhealthy. It’s just a lousy feeling! So why can’t I just accept it as being a part of weight loss and just deal with it???