I have a lot to update on this last day of May. It’s amazing how one who doesn’t work outside of the house can have so much to say, but while my non-cyber life may not be overly sociable, I sure do have a very active online life, LOL.

If I had any lingering doubts over Kim’s sanity and involvement in some of the shit she’s been pulling on Aly and I, they’re gone now. Like Andy said it hit him like a bell in the night that I wasn’t joking about my sleep disorder, reality hit me like a bell in the daytime where Kim’s concerned. And yes, I do intend to make this entry public. Just like she’s bashing me in public – and I certainly don’t mind – I’ll be sharing what happened since journals are for writing about our lives, our experiences, and the people that affect our lives, directly, indirectly, and in both big and small ways. But as always, there will be no last names.

To sum it up in a nutshell, the woman is downright crazy. Just totally insane and as mad as Molly only with a slightly different twist. She’s mean like Molly. She lies like Molly. She’s delusional like Molly. But if MPD truly exists, I think Molly is just – well – Molly. Kim, on the other hand, seems to be many people rolled into one. I first thought she had been living in a fantasy world for so damn long, impersonating this one and impersonating that one, and telling so many lies for so long that she could no longer distinguish fact from fiction. But now I’m wondering if she has some sort of alter that “makes” or “possesses” her to do some of the things she’s done. IDK, maybe she’s not fully aware of her behavior and that’s why she’s denied things when confronted that are so blatantly obvious. Kim, herself once mentioned having alters, but that could be just an excuse she used to hide behind. But that’s not the point. The point is that she’s lied to me, she’s lied to others, and now she’s turned as vicious as a pit pull on a rampage. That was enough for me to turn her loose, though she beat me to it on Facebook. I deleted her on other sites and am ignoring the nasty “questions” she’s hitting me with on Ask that are so obviously from her based on the context of what she’s saying, her writing, and the fact that I had just confronted her there. She responded with answers full of lies and nastiness before she deleted them and she’s deactivated the account twice ever since. As someone else said, she reacts by deleting accounts and starting anew when confronted with one of her scams and schemes.

I always knew Kim was a little “off” by the way she’d write, the things she would say, and her obsession with celebrities that she often takes a little too far. Liking a celebrity is one thing and so is setting up a site on their behalf, but actually being them and claiming to be them even when someone would ask if she was really Bill Daily, Barbara Eden or Ted Wass, was another thing. Role-playing and pretending aren’t for everyone, but it’s fine for those who admit up front that they’re just playing a game.

But my friend and I clearly watched her deny her true identity on Twitter even though we knew damn well it was her. Not just by the things she’d say and her writing style but because she had all her other celebrity accounts, as well as one of her own where she’s actually herself for once, connected. She also had the Ted Wass account protected and would block those she knew who requested to get in. What celebrity would have a protected account? So I created a bogus account and asked to be added. I was added within a half hour and I “called her out” on who she really was. She reacted as she usually does which means she denied it and immediately canceled the accounts. In no time at all, though, she’d created new ones and picked up her game from there, mostly during times she was supposedly at work as a “helper.” Yeah, that’s another thing right there. We wonder if she really does have a job. Oh, I’m sure she helps her mother and things like that whom she has always lived with. But two of her three siblings are on disability and in group homes, including her. In light of all that’s transpired recently, I’d say it’s pretty safe to say she’s probably getting the same kind of disability Molly’s getting and will probably never have a real job that she obtains on her own or a place of her own. It is possible, though, that she has some low-paying part-time job provided by the state for people like her with disabilities. Sort of like what Fran had.

Instead of owning up to the Ted thing and admitting that she was just having fun, she’s blamed various people ever since. First it was Molly and Sarah, then someone who works for Ted, and after I confronted her on Ask this morning it was me who was the Ted Wass impersonator. Brilliant, huh? LOL Then she said that was “not what she meant” in another round of questions to me, after deleting that lovely accusation from her own wall.

Others suspected she was anonymously asking mean and sometimes dirty questions on Ask figuring we’d suspect Molly or just some random joker. Maybe some of them were, but we noticed that we were getting these questions at the same time she was asking/answering questions of her own. It wasn’t just the questions, but the type of questions and the way they were written. Kim’s got the intelligence of a small child and simply isn’t smart enough to change her style to throw people off her scent.

Anyway, the wake-up call where she’s concerned came with this morning’s round of questions and the way she reacted and deactivated. Why would she do this to me? I have always been very kind to Kim. But it was enough for me to know I don’t want to bother with her anymore. If you can’t trust someone, what’s the point? I just hope she won’t become a second Molly and that I won’t have to deal with both of them harassing me on and off. We were even wondering if she was impersonating Molly of all people. Nothing would surprise me where Kim is concerned now that she’s exposed her true colors to me. The Kim I thought I knew no longer exists. It’s truly eerie watching Kim as I’ve always known her to be suddenly become this whole different person. It’d be like Tom suddenly dressing in leather jackets with snakeskin boots, riding motorcycles and smoking cigars while swearing like a truck driver and blasting metal music!

It isn’t just the blatant lies and the games she plays but the selfishness and lack of empathy as well. She’s just not very supportive. When friends reach out to her for support during tough times, she wants to discuss the weather. This makes people think she’s in her own little world and she just doesn’t care about others.

I went to delete her on Facebook but she beat me to it. I shut her out on other sites, though. She’s texting Aly about it right now. She always goes crying on her shoulder when she has problems online. She’s coming clean about the Ted thing but I’m afraid the damage has already been done and that it’s too late. The trust has been destroyed and there’s nothing to say she won’t do the same thing again or be right back to insisting Ted was really me or someone working for him come tomorrow. Then there are the “questions” I’ve been getting as well. A few as a joke is fine, but every day?

Did something happen in her life to make her this way? Was she just born this way? I don’t know and I don’t care at this point. There are better people to focus my energies on that are a lot more honest and a lot more with it. I don’t hate Kim or wish her any harm, but I hope that if she reads this she’ll respect my wishes and just get on with her life without being a pest.

Later...

Andy sent me a very nice and very appreciated apology this morning in an email saying it hit him like a bell in the night that I really do have the sleep disorder I have. He said that after he read about it recently (though I thought I had mailed him a link about it months ago), he said he realized he’s sort of suffered the same thing all his life. He apologized for tormenting me about it both in public and in private and can see where I’d hate having a fucked up schedule and couldn’t just work outside of the house. (I’d drop dead of exhaustion in less than a month, that’s for sure). He admitted he thought I was just being lazy and didn’t want to work, but is very sorry for not believing me. Oh, believe me, if I didn’t want to do something, I’d just say so. Or say nothing at all if I didn’t want to come clean about whatever. Hell, I don’t want to diet! But it’s either struggle with the hunger dieting brings or gain 5-10 pounds a month for life.

I told him not to hesitate to mention it to his doctor and maybe get his own melatonin levels tested if he notices himself having a harder time keeping a schedule.

Even I didn’t understand this thing at first and I assumed I’d just gotten into a “bad habit” and that if I just made myself get into bed at a certain time and set the alarm for a certain time it would become like second nature like with most everyone else in the world. But as I would learn the hard way it was much easier said than done. But you bet I’d be “normal” if I could. I’d go to bed at 11pm every night and get up around 7am.

This particular disorder wasn’t recognized till 1999, but they cut off my benefits in 1994 when I got married. Still don’t think I can get my benefits reinstated, but I’m going to try. It wasn’t till our last year in Oregon that we learned more about it. Tom came into the room and told me he found my sleep disorder. We didn’t even know it had a name. He was looking up something else when he accidentally came across it. It was supposedly discovered in blind people. http://www.sleepassociation.org/index.php?p=non24hour

I see it as not only a definite curse from God but the biggest. My mother’s abuse eventually ended. We finally escaped the freeloaders that tormented us in Arizona. We eventually climbed out of poverty. But I will never escape this one until and if they can come up with a cure for it. For now, all we can do is delay the “roll” with melatonin supplements say if I’ve got appointments coming up. But that’s about the best we can do for those of us in the more advanced stages of this sort of thing. Why God would sic this on me is beyond me. My only guess is to help keep us poor so much of the time for with this thing I cannot double our income, something I would do in a heartbeat if I could, even though I’m sure I would both like and not like an outside job. Hey, everything’s got its pros and cons.

Anyway, I have what I have and it’s all the more reason I’m determined to be a good housewife and take real good care of the cleaning, laundry and earn what I can online and things like that; because I’m limited as to what I can do and Tom is the one that has to support us both. I am VERY lucky to have a guy like him. All the beautiful women in the world could never get me to leave this guy. I could see myself hanky pankying with a woman on the side, but I couldn’t imagine leaving Tom no matter what they promised me, and no matter how rich or beautiful they may be. Tom has NEVER complained. He has always accepted me as I was/am, strengths and weaknesses and all.

Later...

Can’t get online right now as I write this up in Word. I can’t wait to get out of here and back with a cable connection! Meanwhile, if there’s service later on, I’ll post this at that time. We’ve been wondering if the signal from our homemade thermostat has been interfering with our connection because it’s only happening during the hours the cooler’s running.

The last few days have been warm and quiet. I expected barking in the morning and engines gunning in the afternoon, but it was dead quiet the last two days. Today, though, I did get a few barks and he’s already been in and out twice on the motorcycle.

I was just sitting here thinking about how good things have been for us these last 8 months and you know what the sucky side of it all is? Knowing it could all fall apart on us anytime. If there really is something up there, it’s proven beyond a doubt that it loves to tear us down. Too many bad things have happened to me to call it just a case of “bad luck.” The pattern is clear. If there is a good God it could see to it that Tom keeps this job till he retires and helps us help ourselves by sparing us financial disaster provided that we’re smart with our money from here on out. But we can only do our part. We can’t make anyone or anything else do its part. I still don’t think there’s anything good up there for the most part. Instead of seeing to it that we don’t suffer in ways that we have in the past, our not-so-good God is probably going to see to it that some spiteful person with more authority than he has enters the picture at some point and gets him fired, or the economy goes bad again and he gets laid off. I just hope we have a ton of money saved by the time this happens!

Aly says that while she agrees that Kim’s done some pretty mean and crazy shit online and may have MPD, she’s going to hang onto her for now cuz she has no one else to talk to. Wow, she’s got more compassion than I do. Until she gets as fed up as she did with Molly and no longer cares. Maybe then Kim will realize that had she not done the things she’s done just maybe she wouldn’t have lost her friends.

Again, I’m really surprised and disappointed in Kim. I’ve never done anything to her, and we’ve never gotten into an argument of any kind, so I totally don’t get why she would turn on me. Then again, the crazy have no sense of logic, do they? There’s nothing logical behind their actions at all, so trying to make sense of why she’d be so mean to someone who’s always been kind to her would be a waste of time.

Tammy still denies ever calling the cops on me 12 years ago and I still don’t believe her. She may not have been the one to make the call, but she gave her ex enough info to give to those cops. He couldn’t have said, “Her name is Jodi and she lives somewhere in Arizona.” Either he gave the cops my full name and the Phoenix address or he started calling people in the area with my last name till he reached his family and they were dumb enough to give him our PO box address. I’ve run the possibilities through my mind a million times and those are the only two things that could’ve happened.

Oh, and her response to why she would defend scum like him was that she did what she thought was best for Sarah and Rebecca at the time, the two kids he fathered. Ok, so I know I’m not supposed to judge others and all that, but you mean keeping a guy around that abuses you and your oldest kid is what’s “best” for your youngest two kids???

When I asked about the “I did it once, I can do it again” thing she hit me with on the old diary site as far as getting me thrown in jail, she said that she said it out of anger because she was “hurt” that I would turn on her. And of course “turning on her” means voicing my suspicions that were much more than just suspicions. Tammy has been known to be attracted to and to defend abusive men ever since she first started dating.