I’m still completely baffled as to who my so-called mystery admirer is. Especially since Becky confirmed it’s not her since she’s been busy with work. So assuming everyone who’s denied it so far has been honest, and I would say they probably have been, that doesn’t leave many “up there in years” women left that I know well enough to be admired by and that writes as well as they do. It could be that they know me better than I know them through reading my journal, or it’s just the troll or someone else playing around that may or may not be up there in years or even a woman. But they know me well enough to know my name and how I spell it.

The dogs were terrible last night. Just absolutely terrible. It’s sad that some people have absolutely no respect and consideration for others, but that’s part of why we’re hoping to get into an adult community. Tom could live anywhere, and being a native of the West, he grew up with all kinds of barking and is used to it. But after 20 years of this shit, I still can’t adapt to it, so all I can do is hope that an adult community enforces the anti-bark laws. Technically it’s illegal to let your dogs bark for hours on end whether you’re home or not, but it’s not a law that’s taken very seriously in many places. Not even my complaining to Jesse directly or a formal complaint lodged against him by whoever is/was behind him could get this cock to take responsibility for the damn mutts when he’s out, so that ought to tell you how hard it is to get any results, especially in the west.

Anyway, just when I was hoping for a record-breaking 6 weeks of quiet weekend nights, off they went when he left at 8:30. Fortunately, I crashed not long afterward, knowing they’d be going off for hours. It usually tapers off around midnight but doesn’t stop till around 3am.

Sounds like the fucking cock’s running something up there now. It’s like he sometimes fires up the motorcycle but doesn’t actually go anywhere like he just wants to be heard or something. Shouldn’t he be in the city if he’s that needy of attention or lonely in any way? Then again he said he couldn’t stand city noise. Ah, but he sure has no problem making others listen to him, does he? Few more months with this cock and we should be gone. I just hope the next place is not only newer and bigger but also devoid of barking. The only way we’ll find out is to hope we can find something affordable enough in some adult community. We looked at the requirements and restrictions and as we figured, only one of you needs to be 55 or older. Even if I wasn’t legally his spouse, I could be as young as 45 and still live with him. Kids are allowed to visit (overnight) two weeks at a time or 90 days a year. I do worry a little about excessive company, mostly from screaming kids that spend most of the time playing outside while mommy visits granny, but again, we won’t know until and if we get there. They also state that noise is forbidden between the hours of 9pm - 7am, and that barking, stereos and other loud sounds are a no-no, but again, that’s supposed to be the case everywhere anyway. Disturbing the peace has always been against the law. The hard part is getting the law to enforce any violators. But that’s just our twisted world for you where some laws aren’t enforced and some are violated like the right to free speech we’re supposed to have.

Other than last night’s barking spree, it’s actually been quieter here overall with fewer loud vehicles and outdoor projects going on. In this climate, people are typically noisier in the winter. Noise isn’t our main reason for moving, though. We mostly want a bigger place that isn’t so old for once. Just to be able to walk around the bed easily enough would be quite a blessing and quite a step up for us in life…until God lets life kick us back down once again instead of protecting us and looking out for us since we’ve already had enough blows to last us 5 lifetimes.

I had moving dreams again, but none that made any sense or told me anything helpful. Most of them took place here as we were preparing to move, but “here” didn’t look like here at all. Here was a huge, old place with space we hadn’t even used. I walked into a room and realized I hadn’t even ever looked into the closet of that room the whole time we lived there. I opened the door to find a long, narrow closet that had once been a small bathroom. I could see the “outlines” of an old toilet. There was also an old door stored in it and I could see where there was once a sink, but nothing else was in it.

The outside looked much flatter than this place actually does and the trees seemed kind of Oregonish.

The place we moved to looked rural. Tom heard someone drive up and he opened the front door and said something like, “The landlord who is hardly ever here is here now.” I then realized I was stark naked. But instead of running into a bedroom for clothes, I ran out the side of the house and headed to another smaller structure of some kind where I seemed to think my clothes were. On the way, I saw a guy sitting in a truck writing something on a clipboard and suddenly I was only partially nude. Now I had on a black jacket but it had no buttons and barely covered my ass. I decided I would tell anyone who asked why I was nude that it was simply because it was Sunday and we weren’t expecting anyone to come around. Then I dove through this strange tube-like thing and into where I was sure my clothes were.

It’s a good thing I didn’t run any longer than I did cuz I started to cramp up even though I guzzled some G2 beforehand. It may also have to do with how much I’ve eaten before I run and how long I’ve been up. I need to eat more and let myself wake up a little more before I run instead of rushing myself as I did.

The weather’s been rather summery. We’ve had the windows open for days. You usually can’t have them open all the time here till mid-June, but maybe we’ll have some cold snaps between now and then.

I called my mom and wished her a happy Mother’s Day. She sounded both good and bad. Less depressed, but still not quite with it. She didn’t even know who I was at first. Tammy’s still there and is leaving next week. That’ll be two months down there – damn!

I still get the feeling that whether there’s a lawyer involved in the will or not, Tammy’s still going to find a way to “rip me off,” so to speak. I also think my parents were/are too trusting of her. I guess a parent simply doesn’t want to accept or admit that one of their kids would do such a thing to another of their kids. Regardless of how or why she does it, it’s just the thing God would let her do too, even though I still don’t think she has nearly as much money as she once did. They spent too much, they probably owe too much, and getting old and dying isn’t cheap.

Tammy planning to cheat me out of my share may be why it was so important to her to patch things up between us a couple of years ago. Maybe she felt guilty at knowing what she was going to at least hope to try to do and maybe she always will. Especially if she manages to pull it off somehow.

Maliheh’s 55 today and still ignoring me even though she has clearly been on Facebook. She changed her profile picture from a cat to an old photograph of a woman who I’m guessing was her mother back when she was younger.

She never picked up the birthday card I sent her via egreetings, unless egreetings either failed to alert me or failed to send the damn thing to her. I let her know in an email to be on the lookout for it. A part of me wonders if she just didn’t want to pick it up because she didn’t want to acknowledge me in the way of the alert, assuming she even knew I’d get an alert. But if she didn’t want me to know she was around, then why did she click into my Thoughts blog a while back which she knew was tracked?

I don’t know what to think anymore, but I’m about ready to give up on her. I’ll still send journals for a while, and then she’ll have to go to my blog herself if she wants to read them. I’m more convinced than ever that she’s playing with me. There’s no way she couldn’t say hi every couple of weeks. Hell, even once a month.

But why? Why is she avoiding me? She’s too outspoken not to tell me if she were pissed at me, so why? Could her feelings have grown deeper than she could deal with? I highly doubt this. She’s never shown an ounce of interest in me. I think she’s just gotten sick of me and I should’ve figured that if she didn’t dump me she’d at least fade away little by little just by the fact that she would never add me on Facebook.

Well, I’m not going to ask her about it. I don’t want to piss her off if I’m wrong, and I don’t want to give her a good laugh if I’m right and she’s sitting there hoping I’ll whine over her long absence.

I know it might’ve been dishonest of me, but I made a couple of comments from her to me on both my blog and Ask (nothing serious) to see if it triggered a reaction from her. As I figured, it didn’t.

I gotta make sure I don’t share this part about Maliheh with Andy lest he slip in public and say anything she might see. I doubt she checks his Ask page, but you never know. I asked him not to mention Nane’s weight in public yet he did, so now I know I have to watch what I tell him.

I also have to watch Sara M. Since allowing anyone to friend me I was added by a woman in her 70s by this name. I asked her in a PM how she found me, but I have a feeling I’m not going to get an answer. I just wonder about some of these seemingly legit and harmless people who add me but never say a word to me. She doesn’t seem like she’s trying to sell anything or a fellow author. In fact, we don’t seem to have anything in common at all, so I don’t know what her story is. It’s just that words like troll, pigs, and black bitches tend to come to mind when any suspicious accounts on Facebook want to add me. Facebook isn’t where you usually get added by strangers and collectors as opposed to blogging and other sites. Sara doesn’t seem like a collector, though, and if it’s the pigs wanting an inside view of my account, it makes sense that they’d pose as an older white female. Couldn’t the pigs just get an inside view in secret, though, from those who work for Facebook?

Sarah, who appears to have always lived in Illinois and has a large family, hasn’t posted anything in 12 hours, so we’ll see if she responds to my message. Her account is only about 6 months old too, about a month after the pigs started nosing into me that I know of.

The more I think about those pig emails, the more I think it may’ve been a scam on the black bitches and black pig’s part, and yeah, shame on me for falling for it. I’m still going to treat it as if it were very real and watch what I say online, but I think it was an attempt to either get me down to Arizona for no reason at all or to extort money from me. If it were about me spamming the black bitch, why would they also send the email to the black pig? He certainly wasn’t spammed. He only got 1 or 2 messages from me. Then again, I still don’t see how or why they’d build a “case” of spam against me for just one person and only a few dozen messages, if even that, that she simply could’ve ignored and marked as spam. I still say that if “Juan D” and his message were for real in any way, she and the black pig fabricated something threatening, though the email to the black pig may’ve also been planted as bait in hopes of getting me to contact him. If it wasn’t them just fucking around. Before we move I’ll make one last check for a warrant on me and then hope to hell it isn’t federal if there’s anything out there even though every time I check there’s nothing. If we got pulled over for a busted taillight and I had a federal warrant out on me, they could then extradite me.

Still don’t know if the pigs or black bitch had anything to do with the hacking of my old Gmail account or my computer, but nothing would surprise me.

The troll has backed off of Aly and I and I’m guessing it could be because I threatened to expose her to mommy, something she no doubt dreads and hates with a passion. I also hinted at exposing her address, though I would never do that again even if it were technically a matter of public info anyway.

Later...

Mary’s release date is now on for September 28th. Damn, less than 5 months to go! It must seem so unreal for her after over a decade of incarceration.

Who is Mary? What did she do? I’ll bet these questions are going through people’s minds as they read this, but even though Mary’s case is “over” and nothing I can say could hurt her in any way (not that I have anything bad to say about her) I’m not going to mention her last name or go into much detail out of respect for her. All I’ll say is that we met down in Arizona and I believe she’s been wrongly and unfairly jailed/imprisoned. She got railroaded by the law like I did only in a different way for different reasons. What ended up happening to her was just what I feared would happen to her, too.

Like I said, I have nothing bad to say about her other than that she could be a bit of a pest at times asking for favors, but I understood and knew I’d do the same thing if I were her and not used to being allowed to do things for myself. Besides, you’re kind of limited as to what you can do on your own for yourself in jail.

It wasn’t that she didn’t do what she was accused of; it was the way they trumped up her charges and made it appear not quite what it really was. Mary’s worst fault was being too kind, too trusting and too forgiving. But as the media often does, they painted her as a cold, uncaring monster. She wasn’t. Mary was one of the most sensitive, empathetic and compassionate people I’d ever known. She was very caring, generous and intuitive. She was smarter and prettier than your average inmate, and although she was religious and against abortion, that didn’t mean she hated gays or tried to cram her way of thinking and believing down the throats of others. She was also a wonderful writer and I owe a big part of my own writing abilities to her as she was the one who set many fine examples for me.

We met on New Year’s Day of 2001 and kept in touch until a couple of years ago. I don’t think she dumped me or lost my address. I think that part of her incarceration at the place she was moved to limited who she could have contact with.

I’m excited for her and her upcoming freedom, though sadly, she’s probably not going to be very “free” for I would guess she’ll be on parole. Well, parole and probation are often little more than just an extension of jail. Believe me, you can be at home in your own bed in your own clothes eating the food of your choice and all that, but still feel like you’re in jail. You are still treated like a child. Almost everything you say and do is monitored and controlled in some way shape or form. I hope she won’t be on parole forever, but given the nature of her charges and what she was convicted of, she may be. I honestly don’t know. I hope to find out more someday. I check every now and then for updates but there hasn’t been anything recent in the news and probably won’t be until she’s released.

Do I want to hear from her? Hmm…still not sure about that. I mean, sure I’d love to. She was a friend. But as I said before, I realize she’s not used to doing things for herself and that after basically having her decisions made for her for most of her life, the poor girl, I don’t want to deal with all kinds of demands. I guess it’ll be up to her. Well, more like up to whatever her parole stipulates. She’s going to be able to learn to do some things for herself, yes, but she’s still going to have to comply with the terms and conditions of her parole. Then again, maybe she won’t have any parole at all and will be free as a bird. I never actually heard anything about any parole after her release. Just that she wouldn’t be released till this year.

I wonder if she’ll look me up online and read my blog whether I do or don’t hear from her. By then my blog should have hundreds of entries with the way I write, assuming I stay on MO. Better yet, where will she go once she’s released? I guess someone in her family will take her.

Later...

I did hear back from Sara M and I wonder how I ended up with my new “accidental” Facebook friend. But of course, so does she. Apparently, she doesn’t remember adding me. She says my name just popped up saying I’d accepted her friend request and doesn’t know how it happened. Yeah, that’s Facebook and its glitches for you. She said she’d understand if I wanted to delete her, but I don’t mind new friends. As I always said, as long as I can be accepted as I am and no one tries to control, change or manipulate me in any way, you’re welcome to be a part of my life. She also said she would check out my profile and get back to me later, but I haven’t heard from her. My blog view count has been unusually high today making me wonder if it really does count outsiders after all. It usually only gets 2-6 hits a day, but today I got 14 hits.

I’m at 0.26% for space so I guess it’s safe to say it’ll be many years before I fill this blog up, even though I’ve been writing like crazy. Especially since hitting writer’s block with the stories. Or maybe I just got bored with it and maybe a little discouraged too, due to lack of sales. Nah, I don’t think I got discouraged. Remember, I was writing long before I became published. I think I’m just having a downtime with that. Happens to the best of us.

Andy said the house next to where he lives got a new dog that wouldn’t shut up yesterday. He asked some girl (though I don’t know why he didn’t go to her himself and assume he must have his reasons) to go talk to the owner and could hear the conversation from his window. The woman said she was training the mutt and that it barks indoors as well. Then after a couple more minutes it was taken inside and hasn’t been back out since. I guess another neighbor who’s dating a cop threatened to call the cops if it continued as well.

Why can’t the West be a little more like the East and why can’t it be that easy for me to get results when I complain on someone for allowing their dogs to bark??? If that were out here, the girl would’ve refused to get involved. Furthermore, it’s unlikely that anyone would call the cops or even threaten to, and had that dog owner been like most people here, she would either go off on anyone who complained, or she would’ve made some lame excuse like the Jes pest did and say there was nothing she could do about it. Lastly, the dog never would’ve seen the inside of her house in the first place, nor would it ever in the future.

Tom did some more sorting of stuff in the shed and got a great idea to grab some plastic storage bins from Walmart each week. It’s a great idea cuz boxes break down, are flimsy, and bugs can get in them easier. It’s not just good for outdoor tools and whatnot, but for inside things as well. Even though we’ll probably have more space overall at the next place, I doubt it will have built-in drawers in its bedroom closets. So we could use these containers for things like office supplies and even some of the dolls I may not care to display but want to hang on to for now.