Really like the last perfume sample I got by Jean Paul Gaultier. It’s the best one yet.

I did some research and it seems like what I have may be called a bounding pulse. There can be many reasons for it but it definitely seems like my main problem is sodium. The more I have, the more my blood pressure spikes and the more I feel and notice the pulse in the side of my neck. I don’t know why my body is reacting this way lately to sodium but I guess it’s just age.

My appointment yesterday went well. Amy can see the improvement and there’s a chance it may be curable after all. I don’t want to get my hopes up but there was a study done where a handful of people used Tacrolimus for 10 months and went into remission. The thing is that Amy doesn’t know when the study was done and how long the participants remained in remission. She said if I don’t hear from her in 2 weeks to call her for more info. She’s going to check into it for me.

For now, she recommends moisturizing cream as opposed to lotion. I didn’t know there was a difference between the two but I guess lotion has more alcohol in it and can be more drying. She gave me a goodie bag with all kinds of samples. I have like 4-5 different products and a total of 20 samples to try.

She checked the red spot on my shoulder and didn’t think it looked suspicious. I told her about the one my PCP froze with liquid nitrogen. She said if it becomes a problem she can freeze it off but doesn’t think it’s any big deal. She looked at the sprinkling of “zits” on my upper arm which is very hard to see but I can feel. It’s that actinic keratosis. This is similar to what I had on my back but I don’t think they’ll become the same problem that will need a blast of liquid nitrogen. She wasn’t worried about it. The itchy red bumps I get under my arms, however, are also LS, as LS prefers areas that get moist. She said I can use the Tacrolimus there when I get irritation.

I also asked her about the scars on my forearm from my stupid days and she said that if they were raised and reddish they could probably do something about them but since they’re flat and white, probably not. She said there’s a place that does laser procedures but it costs thousands and isn’t guaranteed. So I’ll pass!

I go back for a follow-up in June.

I continue to worry about Tom and the kidney pain he’s been having and the way he’s neglecting to get a PCP. Somehow it’s all my fault, too. At least that’s the way he makes me feel, saying all my appointments and research I asked him to do wears him out even though he says he wants me to take care of all my appointments. That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do. Take care of things so I can cut back the appointments. I don’t have to see Amy or my ENT until June and my next dental check-up isn’t until March. Meanwhile, I don’t expect the eye exam to spawn any additional appointments but I can’t say for sure about Dr. O. Believe me, I’m a lot sicker of all these problems and appointments than he is!

He says it’s important that he works to support us and I understand that he needs to work since I can’t supplement our income but as I reminded him, he can’t work if he’s in the hospital or dead because he let things get out of hand. So I told him that if I stop asking about how he feels, it isn’t that I stopped caring or worrying but because it seems to bother him when I do ask. I will start doing my own research, which I usually do anyway and had only asked him in case he came up with additional info, but it’s not my fault if something’s wrong with him and I don’t think he should use my appointments or anything else as an excuse to neglect his health.

Most of the soreness in my boobs is gone but I’m still spotting. :( Still getting that strange “humming” or vibrating sensation in my head at times, too.

Looking forward to this cute white pond fairy with really long auburn hair on Saturday. We also got things in preparation for whatever new fish we end up getting this weekend which could be a betta, tetras or both. There is actually a type of tetra that can live with bettas just fine. I really like the GloFish. Our 3-gallon tank would be a little small for the bigger ones but Danios would be fine if we found some we liked.

The Brita water filter pitcher arrived and I wish I’d gotten it a long time ago! It makes the tap water almost completely tasteless like our bottled water. I think I’m going to use it in the Keurig and the fish tank along with a special chemical you add to make the water even safer for fish, but I will continue to drink bottled water and use that for the plants and rats as well. After doing some research, I found that filtered water should be fine for fish. Besides, the tank has its own filter as well. He printed out a screen to keep them from getting sucked into the bottom of it and we also ordered a new heater.

I had some weird dreams last night. In one of the dreams, a character from one of my stories was driving us to the center of this town that displayed a large number each year, though I’m not sure what the number represented. I said to “Michelle,” “Look, the number is always the same number of years we’ve been together.”

Then I had a dream that I was browsing through a store and I noticed the same particular fabric with the same colors and design on yet another style of clothing. I had seen it on purses and other apparel and this time it was on a sundress.

Then I was driving somewhere and I was absolutely terrified.

Then Tom and I got into some silly argument over abortion. More like a debate but either way he seemed to be against it even though he is pro-choice like I am. I said something to the effect of us using birth control rather than following instinct.

In the last dream, Scott and Tom were present and we were heading somewhere. Tom walked out the door of some large room and Scott was about to follow when he told me to pull my panties up. I was wearing nothing but a pair of plain white panties as if that was perfectly normal and was struggling to pull them up even though they didn’t seem to want to budge, haha.

I’ve had a definite rough night and it has nothing to do with anxiety, fatigue, or anything like that. Instead, we lost Flaky.

When I got up I noticed his “tail” caught in the filter. I immediately ran and unplugged the filter and thought he would be okay. However, he struggled to rise from the floor of the tank. All he could do was sort of slither along the bottom. I thought he was a bit injured and perhaps a bit in shock as well but would eventually recover.

With him in the kitchen, I returned to the bedroom where my laptop was and heard this strange knocking sound I’ve never heard before. My immediate thought was that it was some kind of nocturnal animal underneath the house. A skunk, a possum, a raccoon… I didn’t think much of it. A few minutes later I heard it again but still didn’t think much of it. Then I went back into the kitchen to find him gone.

Although I always try to be a realist in that I look for scientific proof and evidence in things and try not to assume anything based on wishful thinking, I thought of the knocking and wondered if it could possibly be his way of saying goodbye. I’m not sure if there’s an afterlife but it was definitely a weird coincidence and I haven’t heard the knocking again since. I would think there’s some kind of logical explanation for it but I’ll just have to wait and see if I hear it again.

Then Tom got up who didn’t get home until after I crashed yesterday. He told me he was sure he didn’t die because he got caught in the filter but because he was having trouble swimming and that’s why he got caught in the filter. He thinks something was wrong with him when he got home. He was acting sick and like he was having trouble swimming.

So with sadness, since Flaky had adjusted well and seemed like a very bright, alert and friendly little guy who would swim right up to me when I would put my fingertips in the water, I flushed him down the toilet and said goodbye.

Then I took a shower and we went for a walk. Now, when I got up I wasn’t having any bleeding and thought my period might have been over as of yesterday even though that’s not what my still sore boobies were telling me. Sure enough, after we went walking, mixing in a bit of running, it ended up causing me to flow like a river. It’s beyond frustrating and disappointing but it is just my shit luck and now I realize that not only does this reset the one-year clock I was within 6 weeks of hitting, but that I’m anything but menopausal. I may not be for several years to come. Although unlikely, it really is possible to get a period every so often throughout most of your 50s. I did read that no one in their 60s has ever had periods so that’s good.

I also realize this still leaves my hormones wide open to affecting my moods. I still believe the medication is the main culprit and I always have but now I realize that some of the anxiety could be attributed to that. I just hope it’s a little longer before my next period, and yes, there will be a next one. I know better now. So I have resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to be in the perimenopause stage for quite some time to come even though I just read that the average woman in the U.S. has her final period at age 52 and I’m still 52.

That isn’t it. Oh no, there’s been quite a bit of action today. I nearly burned the fucking house down. I don’t know why I did something so stupid but I took the filter and heater out of the tank, forgetting to unplug them first, and placed them on a towel because they were wet. Then I dumped the 3-gallon tank and suddenly I could smell burning plastic. That was when I looked and saw smoke coming from the heater which I immediately yanked out of the plug and doused with water in the sink. My lungs are a bit tight now. Glad I have an inhaler but I shouldn’t need it!

I am seriously beginning to wonder if something is trying to stop us from having fish. And then I had this crazy thought about our beloved long gone but never forgotten Tinkerbell, and it’s not the first time I’ve had this thought either. We’ve had such shitty luck with pets overall since coming to this state 11 years ago that a part of me wonders if there is an afterlife and if she is there saying, “Oh no, I was the queen. No pets allowed that are even remotely as good as I was!”

Tinkerboy was a good rat and Sugar was an outstanding one but then he had a stroke. And now this friendly little fish is gone. What, was Tinkerbell up there thinking he was too friendly to be our pet that he must be replaced with a timid fish that always runs and hides whenever we walk in the room? Again, I’ve always tried to be a realist, logical and base things on science and don’t see how an afterlife or reincarnation is very plausible. But every now and then some weird things happen that make me wonder. I mean, I’m proof that people can have dream premonitions yet there’s no explanation for knowing the unknown, is there?

I wonder why my dreams didn’t warn me about Flaky but I certainly don’t see everything coming my way. I did have a dream my parents were alive and we were hanging out with Caroll Spinney. Anyway, in the dream, I asked him to do his Big Bird voice for my parents and he did. Yet my parents didn’t seem the least bit fazed.

I learned something interesting about Ask. I was a naughty girl and anonymously said something I knew would annoy Aly as a prank. Even though it was just one thing, she blocked me. I didn’t think you could block anonymous questions but then why wouldn’t you be able to when you now need to have an account, after all? I don’t know why it let me “heart” some of her answers but she never received any of my questions even though I never got a message saying that I’ve been blocked. So I’m just assuming that’s what happened even though the site is notorious for glitches. This was the Dusty Illusions account that I used mostly with Andy.

I then realized he probably did harass me as well only I never saw the questions cuz I had him blocked. This is only if Aly blocked me. If she did, then you can apparently still ask questions; they just won’t be visible to whom you’re asking.

So I decided to delete the Dusty account and reactivate Lady Rainbow and I also unblocked Andy because I’m curious to see what happens. I don’t think he remembers that account but we’ll see. I won’t ask Aly anything with my name showing so that if he’s watching her, it won’t flag his attention.

Since I couldn’t tell Aly I’m switching accounts because I sent her a nasty question and she blocked me, I told her it was because that account not only is less associated with Andy but is also plugged into an email address that still exists, and this is the truth. Dusty Illusions is connected to my old MyOpera email which is no good since the site went down 8 years ago and it won’t let me change it.

Here we go again with my “gift” that I don’t exactly feel grateful for or see as a gift. I’m 52 years old, hadn’t had a period in nearly 11 months, and was pretty sure I’d hit menopause. On September 29th, I dreamed I told Stacey that I was so pissed to find I had a period starting after going nearly a year. Although the dream gave me a bad feeling and I knew deep down it meant something, I tried to push it out of my mind. But then a couple of days ago I noticed I started feeling a bit PMSy. Can you guess what happened yesterday? Yeah, you guessed it. Now the dream is an official premonition. rolls eyes This is just one of many negative dream premonitions I’ve had over the years.

I said to Tom, “Why can’t I ever see good stuff coming in my dreams?” I just got an adorable kitty figurine from Amazon that I randomly spotted when browsing the site. Now why couldn’t I have dreamed of spotting a cute little kitty figurine, then spotting one for real as I did? LOL

So I went 6 or 7 months before a period, then 10.5 months, so maybe next time I’ll go 14-15 months.

I don’t think it means anything but I also dreamed that someone asked if I was scared and my dream self automatically knew I had terminal cancer. I just said, “yup” in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

Not the kind of dream a person like me wants to have (or even non-psychics) but I really don’t think it means anything.

Really getting sick of the “insufficient energy” messages I’ve been getting and how some sites run snail-slow because of it. Or maybe it’s connected to the monitor. I know I’m getting tired of the mouse jumping that I’m contemplating doing away with the monitor altogether as much as it helps me see better.

I showed Aly, who was diagnosed with severe anemia years ago, a picture of my cloudy, whitish unpolished nails and she said that that’s what hers look like. She said symptoms include pain on the left side of the breast, pale skin, feeling cold to the point of having chills, weakness and sudden fatigue. But many things can cause fatigue and I get cold easily.

She said she’s never seen ridges as bad as mine and asked if it could be a health issue but as far as I know it’s just how I am. Maybe I’ll go with unpolished nails to Dr. O and see what she thinks.

Interestingly enough, I read that low iron can cause anxiety. So they’re either not testing my iron like we think they are or it’s recently become a problem if there’s a connection at all. It could just be all the polish and remover but why now? It’s not like I recently started polishing my nails. I always have polish on my nails. Always.

In Bleederville, I’m still between spots and a light flow and my tits are still a bit sore. Wouldn’t be surprised if the dam burst into a full flow in a day or two.

Had some neck knockers in my sleep and I’m definitely feeling fatigued right now but that’s probably the period. Bleeders are iron suckers. Some things make sense now…the intense hunger I had for a few days, my weight up a few pounds, getting stuck when I was 155. That usually doesn’t happen until I hit down at 152-153. I’m 155 right now and I haven’t gone. I don’t want to either after yesterday’s butt explosion. Yeah, I may have hemorrhoids if it isn’t my LS that caused the bleeding when I took a dump yesterday. My shit has been hard lately which can cause hemorrhoids. I think it was more likely that than the LS.

Just went, actually, but my ass remained gratefully intact.

The buzzing sensation in my head gets annoying but my BP hasn’t been high lately and I’ve been monitoring it closely.

My schedule better not back up anymore because now I’m on for 5 AM Dr. O day. I don’t want to deal with her after being up 12 or more hours. If it keeps slowing down as it has been I just might make Dr. A after all.

My shower is no longer usable as water leaks out from under the door so much that I may as well shower with it open. I think the plastic guard underneath came loose but I can still freshen up in there cuz water doesn’t hit the door when I do that like it does when I shower. No problem. I can just use Tom’s shower. One of the things I like about my 2-in-1 Pantene is that while it makes my hair a little less manageable, it stays cleaner longer so I don’t always have to wash it every day.

Later…

We installed the prism window cling in the laundry room and it looks great. Maybe in a few years, for variety, I’ll get this blue floral design that will make it look like a stained glass window.

The Hawaiian course is “hatching” but still in beta and not all the lessons or sounds are there. I guess I should wait a while.

I sent one final message assuring Nissa that I would never contact her again after this unless I was contacted but that I think it’s pretty sad that some people harbor so much hate, resentment and animosity in their hearts over such petty nonsense from decades ago. I was young, for God’s sake, and I think it’s safe to say she was guilty of similar things. I mean come on, does she really think I don’t think she was behind some of those prank phone calls any more than I think Maliheh wasn’t behind the ones I got in South Deerfield?

I noticed she went and hid her friend list as small as it was and next, she’ll probably block me but I don’t care. No account is sacred to me. Especially if we haven’t paid them anything.

I know everyone is different and we all have a right to be how we are but it just seems like such an extreme reaction to what happened. Yet people can be so hateful and unforgiving for the dumbest of things. Again, where’s all this forgiveness the world preaches? No one seems to actually act on it but hey, sometimes I wish I was just as unforgiving.

Went to Walgreens yesterday morning and I got a pair of small “diamond” barrettes. They’re too small to hold all my hair but if I want to put the sides back they’re good for that.

I also got blue nail polish by Vinylux which is an expensive but great brand of high-quality polish. It lasts longer than most polishes though you still need two coats. At first, I didn’t like it because it’s such a dark shade of blue that’s almost navy and even looks black in dim lighting but it’s kind of growing on me.

Flaky really seems to be avoiding his brightly colored gravel so after finding things online suggesting they really do get stressed by bright colors, I removed the neon gravel. This kicked up a lot of debris and I really think I should change all of his water every week instead of just half of it.

Skipped my meds today and the day before yesterday. I’m a little fatigued and lightheaded but feeling better than I felt earlier. I just want to get all my fucking appointments over with!

It almost depresses me to think how long Tom has before he retires. I always loved spending most of my time alone but now I definitely don’t care for it. Hell, I’d love to go back to the days when I didn’t feel the way I feel so much of the time now, wishing he wasn’t around so damn often like when he was unemployed, never having appointments or needing medication.

The shower door in the master bedroom which is a piece of shit is leaking. That’s the one with the door that opens outward. The water guard on the bottom is bent so we’ll have to replace it again. I know this place isn’t as old as some of the places I’ve lived in but damn am I sick of old places! Please tell me our next place will be built in this millennium! Seriously, it’s no real big deal because I can still freshen up there and take showers in the bigger shower which I prefer anyway.

I wonder if they ever had the Oktoberfest concert they were supposed to have yesterday? I hope they got it out of their system while I slept because I hate it when I have to listen to the bass-thumping when I’m awake and be forced to drown it out with the sound machine or something. I absolutely hate it when others force their activities on me!

Not sure if I mentioned the adorable rat pillowcase I ordered from China with a picture of a rat on it eating a candy bar. I have one of those gel cushions on my desk chair and I think I’ll use it there.

Tom uploaded OSX’s latest operating system, Mojave, and he’ll use it for a week to test it out. If there are no problems we’ll load it onto my computer.

I had a dream I was jogging through the park at night. I was just coming around by the RVs and heading to Oak Lake. As I went to turn onto OL, I looked out the front gate at some strange bluish light just beyond.

Then all of a sudden I had this shopping cart at my side. I don’t know what was in it but this strange woman who morphed into Kathleen was curious about its contents and started sifting through the items. I asked what she was looking for and she said, “I should get some serious favors for all these questions.”

“Just tell me what you want done and I’ll do it,” I told her.

Then I was in the hall of an apartment building and could hear her arguing with some guy. One of the apartment’s doors was open and I knew it was Kathleen’s place. I stepped into the apartment and didn’t see anyone. Then I stepped back out into the hall where a black woman was passing through with an amused expression on her face which I knew was on account of the bickering. I stopped her and said, “I’m deaf in one ear and can’t tell the direction of sound. Can you tell me where those voices are coming from?”

She pointed upward and then walked on.

Flaky, as I’ve been calling the betta because of the way he prefers flakes to pellets, now has some artificial plants and a leaf hammock in his tank. So far he seems unimpressed with all of it. He probably just needs time to get used to it. It seemed to take him a while to get used to his brightly colored gravel. I guess bright colors can stress some fish out. I probably should have gotten neutral-colored gravel since that is what they’re used to in the wild, after all.

He warmed up to me rather quickly. He doesn’t seem to mind it at all when I stick my hand in the tank. He was actually more afraid of the damn plants than of me, LOL.

I also got my new kitty figurine and I totally love it! Very cute, realistic, and life-size. They’re typically intended for gardens but I don’t want to throw something so beautiful outdoors to be spoiled by the elements. It’s just too adorable to eventually end up dirty and faded by the sunlight. The next one I want to get is a playful Jack Russell Terrier.

I also got the final round of bamboos to complete the organizer. I got 10 stalks and I’m not sure what they are. The rings are further apart than on the lotuses but they’re closer than on the regular bamboos. The leaves sort of resemble that of the lotus but are placed a little further down the stems.

Last week was the first week I was on nights and didn’t get woken up while sleeping during the daytime. Slept with a bamboo on the headboard shelf and I wonder if it helped safeguard my sleep. Really wish they could safeguard me from anxiety! Was borderline yesterday and so far I’m okay today. I skipped yesterday but not today.

We got the betta set up in the new tank and he’s definitely happier there. He’s been making bubble nests in the top corner of the tank. According to what I looked up, it has to do with breeding. Well, he isn’t getting a girlfriend!

The artificial plants going in the betta’s tank will be here tomorrow. For now, he has colorful gravel with a mix of pink, blue and green.

The filter is gentle enough so that the farthest corner of his tank is almost still and the heater keeps him at about 78 degrees.

I continue to have random BP spikes and I sometimes get this strange vibration in my head. This “humming” sensation of sorts. Worst of all, I was surprisingly anxious yesterday and well past the amount of time it usually lasts after taking my meds. Totally dismayed too, of course, and feeling hopeless where that’s concerned. Unless my endo can work some kind of miracle, I may literally be forced off the medication my body otherwise needs. Again I find myself wondering if there’s something up there and if it deliberately gave me a disease in which it knew damn well I couldn’t handle the medication to treat it with. It’s a scary thought to think something up there could do that to me but I still say it’s unlikely there’s anything up there at all. I really hope not! Either way, I really thought it would be a while before the next bout of anxiety. Really, I’m just SICK of this fucking game! Sick of trying to figure it out year after year and getting nowhere. Do I literally have to die to stop it?

Anyway, I’ve skipped today but also surprisingly, I’m still slightly wound up. Went out for a half-hour walk and now I’m doing the laundry as Tom sleeps.

Aly sure is becoming angrier these days, mostly due to political shit going on and corrupt politicians. I understand her anger but nothing is going to change the twisted world we live in and make it fair. I realize it’s pointless to get angry over things that can’t be changed. I don’t like them but I accept them.

I slept better last time around and I think this is the first week I ever slept during the daytime without traffic waking me up. Really wish I discovered these sleeping earbuds half a decade ago! They may not have existed then, though. Watch, now traffic will get even louder. Seriously, I still wake up enough on my own but as I said, I slept better. Didn’t even have to take anything. I was so tired. I fell asleep a little earlier and slept longer.

When I got up to pee, though, in the middle of my sleep, I swear my boobs felt sore as if they were watery like they would get before periods and I automatically remembered the dream where I was telling Stacey I got a period after nearly a year.

I had a dream that Liz was working in some kind of cafe that was possibly in an apartment building Tom and I was living in. One time I went there for coffee and asked if I could keep the mug for a while until I finished my coffee. Liz nodded and I left. A few hours later I headed down a long corridor and could see Liz sitting behind the counter at the end of it. She had her hair curly. I reached into our apartment that was off the corridor and grabbed the mug as well as a necklace I might have wanted to give her.

In another dream, Tom seemed kind of down in this place we were living in that was laid out differently than where we live here. I asked if he was okay and he said something about a money problem and held up a small piece of paper. For some reason, we were without a physical address for a few months which he referred to as a “drop-off.”

“Whenever there’s a drop-off,” he said, “there are always problems.”

In the next dream or possible dimension, I was living in yet another place that also didn’t look anything like any place I ever lived in before and was very small. I had the back door off the kitchen open when a teenage boy with dark hair and eyes suddenly appeared at the screen door. He asked if I could write and said something about winning money for it or being paid or something like that.

I told him I was a writer and let him in. He had a much younger sibling with him and I didn’t want the nosy brat messing with my devices which its brother didn’t seem to care to watch. So I picked up my phone and a tablet and placed them out of reach. Then I was in the living room talking to the guy when I realized there was no writing job or contest and that he was definitely up to no good. My dream mind reeled with the best way to get out of the situation and I told him I had something interesting to show him in the backyard. Not sure how that dream ended.

The only other dream I remember was looking up my lab results online.

Jean Paul Gaultier is going to be the next perfume sample I receive. I’ve heard of him before but I don’t know that I’ve ever had his perfume.

Had some real rain for the first time in months. There was even some thunder. At one point it was so loud I would have had trouble hearing my show if I were watching TV. I know whose TV I won’t be hearing much of tonight! Probably won’t be much flying either. That’s okay. I would much rather the sound of the rain.

A few nights ago I heard about a dozen gunshots. They came from the East. Pretty sure that’s what it was anyway. The last two shots sounded farther and farther away as if the person shooting was running or in a moving vehicle.

I dreamed about some sort of family reunion where we got together with members of his family. Mary and his mother were there only he didn’t seem too happy about it while I was for some reason.

Nissa’s lack of a reply - and I know she’s been around because she changed her profile picture on one of her accounts - is a classic reminder of the hatred and grudges so many people harbor within their hearts decades after the fact and over silly things, too.

I realize that even though I didn’t do a damn thing wrong to my cousins, say I had sent them a message saying I was sorry and wished them well and hoped to hear from them and all that; I never would have. In reality, I can just imagine all the lies they’ve been told that they believe and I have no doubt that others probably pulled various pranks on them that they automatically assumed I was behind.

Either way, the point is that I don’t understand all this preaching of forgiveness when very few people are willing to actually do it. It amazes and saddens me just how many people will remain angry for little to no reason decade after decade. But I would also be lying if I said I didn’t wish I was more like most people in that respect because then I wouldn’t bother to reach out to people who are just going to ignore me in the end. Or turn on me at some point. I wish I could’ve had it in me to not give Kathleen my number but I didn’t want to seem rude and I knew she wouldn’t call anyway.

A few days ago I started having more burning and itching similar to the kind I would have when not treating myself with anything. Not a severe burning sensation that almost makes you feel like you’ve been cut like the steroids gave me, but just general inflammation and itchiness. So I skipped a dose and the irritation backed off.

I’m both eager and nervous about my upcoming appointment with Dr. O. When I’m feeling my worst I’m willing to try anything new to stop that feeling from returning. But once it comes down to actually trying something, if I do, I’m going to be terrified, of course. Well, I can at least get more info and then decide what to do from there. Worst case scenario, I will have to skip the stuff I’m on periodically as the anxiety kicks up. It’s really too bad I can’t stand it when it does because I may be able to get some weight off if I could.

For now, I’m hoping I don’t get depressed now that I’m pretty much on nights. We’ll see if the full spectrum light helps, though I’m not flaring right now and my TSH should be too high for me to have anxiety from the medication for another month or so.

Was watching this Barbie hack on YouTube and it showed a woman dipping the hair of an old Barbie with knotted hair into fabric softener to make it easy to brush. So I went and tried that on one of my BFF dolls and it improved it a little but definitely didn’t make it easy. Her hair is pretty gnarled and tattered. I just threw it in a ponytail because it looks shabby and I’m not going to keep this doll forever anyway. Her joints are way too loose. Hey, she’s a Goodwill doll. That’s where she came from and that’s where she’ll eventually return to.

The “bad guy” who dares to support his disabled wife in the oh-so-independent US that the government doesn’t give a shit about and who isn’t really “disabled” if others don’t get it or can’t see it, like with someone in a wheelchair, let his forgetful wife forget to do his ear. LOL, he’s been throwing peroxide and alcohol in it to break down the wax in preparation for his appointment tomorrow with the hearing aid people.

I don’t like the fact that I’ve been having more itching and burning lately even though it’s not like the kind of burning the steroids gave me, and Tom says it looks like it’s healing nicely down there when he checked the other day. It’s a good thing I have the Tucks and the Aquaphor and that Amy is only a week away.

Although it was a bit warm, I went out walking earlier for about 25 minutes. Did some strength training exercises on the Bowflex too, and worked my core and arms.

We ordered our new betta a square fish tank with a filter that’s 10 x 10 x 10. We’re adding a heater to it as well as some artificial plants and colorful gravel. He doesn’t seem to like his pellets as much so we’re getting flakes instead. He also seems to be a really shy guy, too. I wonder if he’ll always be this way. His alertness is cute in the way he follows my movements with his eyes as I move about the place.

I’m also getting a bottle opener to make it easier to open tough caps, an adorable 2019 rat calendar and another kitty figurine. This one is a single standing orange tabby looking upward.

During the last order we made we forgot to get the decorative window cling I picked out for the laundry room window. We grabbed it this time around, though.

Norma posted how upset she was about 1600 immigrants being denied help in Texas and how no one will help the children and Tammy was like, how are we supposed to handle an amazing number of illegal immigrants? Yes, she feels bad for the kids and it’s not their fault but their parents’ who should have come here legally.

Tom and I both agree that children should not be abused in the way they’ve been pulled out of houses and thrown into tents in the desert. However, something’s got to be done. I understand people not wanting to spend so much money on a wall and I understand that it isn’t going to keep everybody out but if it will slow the flow of moochers then it may be worth the money. I would still love it if we could take a giant knife, cut Mexico away from the US, pick it up and plop it down on the other side of the world. The middle of the Arctic would be nice. There’s just too damn many of them and they’re burdening the shit out of our resources.

Tom’s co-worker, the Indian woman named Pawandeep, recently vacationed in London. She brought back a bunch of keychains with the word London on it and Tom brought one home, not that we’ll ever use it. It was still a very nice thought. It’s hanging on one of the kitchen cabinet knobs right now.

Wondering if I’m starting to get another precancerous lesion on my shoulder where the arm and shoulder meet. Thanks, Mom, for making me sit on the beach all damn day every summer until you decided you no longer wanted to be a mother to me, even if I know you didn’t know this would happen and would’ve taken measures to prevent it if you could have.

It’s too small to say for sure what it is, but it’s definitely suspicious and similar to the other one I had on my back. It is kind of reddish and has a similar feel to the other one, almost like a bubble. When you press on it, it sort of seems like it’s filled with air. It could still be a wart or a mole. We’ll see where it ends up as time goes on.

Speaking of cancer, when I was looking at my conditions on the new medical portal, I was surprised to see polycythemia vera listed as one of them. That’s a blood cancer. I don’t see how having a couple of very slightly elevated red blood cell count readings constitutes having that condition, but even if I did, it’s so slow-growing that it would take 25 years to kill me, anyway. After having a couple of high readings, I did have a couple of normal readings, and I would be willing to bet that my next round of lab work will be normal as well. I’m sure the white cell count will be slightly elevated, though, as always.

I had a dream that I was seeing my GYN and she had a friend with her in the room. At one point the GYN asked her, “Want to get together tonight?”

“Nah,” the girl said, and then I left, realizing I didn’t have another appointment scheduled with her and wondered if that was a good thing or not.

Today we got a blue male Crowntail betta fish. It’s a very lovely fish with a navy-black head and a deep rich turquoise color for the rest of the body. There are slight traces of red on the sides as well. He’s beautiful and is in a large clear vase right now with a small 4” bamboo. We’re going to get him a larger tank with a heater and a filter, something we probably should have done today. Well, at least we remembered the food and the net!

I learned the hard way that it would also be better to get traditional fish tank gravel rather than these colored acrylic rocks because the food falls down between them and out of reach of the fish.

Yesterday I got caught up on my sleep so I’m guessing I’m going to sleep shitty next time around because I seem to go back and forth with that. I just hope there are no insanely loud projects too close to the bedroom that could override the sound machine between now and the 20th! Don’t know for sure yet if I’m going to make the eye appointment on the 20th but I’m definitely going to get to my endo on the 15th.

I slept pretty shittily last night as I seem to do every other day or night depending on when I sleep. It’s like if something up there can’t use outside sources to wake me up, it uses my own damn body. The neck knockers woke me up a few times and then I woke up when my MP3 player’s battery died. My first thought was power failure till I realized the sound machine from the stereo was still going.

I hadn’t overdone the sodium the day before but I did have more sugar. I don’t know if sugar can raise my blood pressure but whatever it is that’s causing these random spikes is starting to get old, especially when they wake me up.

Really hope the dream I had isn’t a sign of anything! I was telling Stacey how upset I was to discover I began to spot rather heavily because I had just gone nearly a year without a period.

Anyway, it’s a damn good thing I got up when I did because Bob and Virginia had a tree cut down in back of their place. Fortunately the loud saw and wood chipper didn’t even last an hour. At first I thought they were working in the road again when I first glanced out the window. Tom feels sure they’re not going to resurface the roads around our house but I still say they will by June. If not, they’ll find some other reason to tear up the roads.

I really need to stop jinxing myself by saying how I haven’t heard that loud car because as soon as I wrote that, it came in on Friday.

And so did Karen, the old lady in Texas. This is only the second view in quite a while that I’ve gotten from her. She’s usually pretty consistent but not anymore. Who knows if it’s even her?

The vigilante stopped by as well but didn’t comment. First time in a long time she’s come around.

I got my kitties figurine today and it is absolutely adorable! It’s 11” long and made of resin. It’s two sleeping kittens cuddling together. One’s a gray tabby and the other is an orange tabby. I’m definitely more into figurines than dolls these days.

We went to the Goodwill earlier and I got another wig for the dolls. This is a long wavy wig with bangs and a mix of light blue and lavender hair.

The only other dream I remember having had to do with a robot that was more sophisticated and advanced enough to fold laundry and take on other household chores besides just vacuuming. I wish! I’d love one for dusting.

I absolutely love, love, love the lotus bamboos! They’re so big but beautiful. Someone in one of the reviews said they look like mini palm trees and they kind of do. One person has a betta fish in with theirs and I thought that was such a clever idea that I may pick up a beta over the weekend. I always liked the blue ones.

Was thinking of Kathleen again and while I’m almost certain she’ll never call, I wonder if she would have asked for my number had I not brought up her retirement.

I also wonder if Dr. A knows I’ve been looking in on her on Facebook. Facebook doesn’t let people know who visits their profiles and they don’t allow third parties to do so either, but I’ve come to suspect that checking someone out may make you appear on their ‘people you may know’ list. Even Becky H-Hale says it’s quite possible and she’s quite knowledgeable when it comes to Facebook.

So far, blocking Andy has stopped Aly from getting the perverted questions she was getting. As a test, I anonymously asked myself if I missed him while claiming to be him. I want to see if he comes to his own defense. I doubt he will, though.

The fact that he harassed my friend shows he hasn’t changed. Never once did I harass anyone he knows so his doing that only serves to remind me that as much as I may miss him at times, I’m better off without him in my life. Once you involve third parties, I definitely want nothing to do with you.

Marie says they’re still trying to straighten out her medication and that she’s borderline and bipolar. Maybe the fact that they’re still trying to “straighten” it out means they can’t or they shouldn’t bother. I realize Marie has a genuine illness that she can’t always control, but maybe she ought to grow up and move on once and for all by taking charge of her own life and emotions without resorting to drugs. If anyone’s learned how hard this is to do at times over the last few years, it’s me. But it isn’t impossible even if my situation was entirely different. She doesn’t have to be a mental case stuck in the past all her life. She said something about every day being a real circus in her head so I guess there are some things she really can’t control. The thing is that if she’s 52 years old and they still haven’t been able to help her, will they ever? I ask the same thing about my anxiety as I sit here and worry that it’s going to come and go all my life.

Aly was in the ER due to an eczema flare-up. I haven’t heard back from her yet. She tweeted while she was in the waiting room and texted me.

I had a dream I met her parents in a hotel room with pretty pale pink walls. I disliked her mother right off the bat but I liked her father.

Then I had some dream about spraying a can of rose-scented air freshener that looked like a doll with short straight hair.

Then some woman falsely accused me of calling her fat and went to make some phone calls that I knew would get me in trouble. Not about to go down for her spiteful lies, though I don’t know why she was trying to spite me, I grabbed the phone from her and I knocked her out with it. Then I put my ear to the phone and heard someone make a quick whistling sound as if to get the attention of someone nearby. I stayed quiet, not wanting them to know who I was. Then I thought I better hang up because I didn’t want them to trace the call either.

In the last dream, I was worried I’d ingested something bad but then someone that may have been Palma was holding my stomach contents and assuring me I was fine. The “stomach contents” looked like dried pieces of rocks and driftwood.

I’ve got to add some parts to the Revenge story that I forgot to add which means I’ll have to go around and update all the copies. I was reading blogger’s rights as I do from time to time to keep up on things and not much has changed. No threats, no sensitive info, and no lies that can be proven detrimental to a person in any real way.

Interestingly enough, it also said that you can’t usually make a claim on something that’s been published for more than a year. Well, with the exception of a few things that will be created and published by one of us when it’s time, there are several copies that I’ve already published; they’ve just been published privately. So when I turn them from private to public, they will have certainly been published way more than a year ago. LOL

I see that Miss Vigilante has visited me for the first time in quite a while but I’d say something’s definitely up with Karen in Texas.

I was so damn tired today. All this fatigue has actually caused my schedule to back up a bit but Tom assures and reminds me that it’ll jump over the weekend as it usually does. Good, because I don’t want to be up forever on Dr. O day. It helps make it likelier for me to hit the eye appt., though. I took not one but two naps today! They weren’t long, though.

I’m not surprised news of Bill Cosby’s sentencing isn’t all over Facebook as it no doubt would be if he were white. No one wants to say anything bad about a black person even if it’s true lest they be not so politically correct and deemed racist for doing so. SMH

Got through the day yesterday with no anxiety and so far I’m good today as well even though I’ve only been up a couple of hours. I’m just tired. I was tired yesterday as well.

Went out walking and met a frail, petite but friendly woman named Melanie. We passed each other on the way down to the street before the lake and then again as I was walking back up it. She liked “all my pink.” I had on a pink cap with sparkles, a pink shirt and pink sneakers. Pink panties too, not that she could see that, LOL. Her favorite color is pink too, as I think is most women’s.

I realize I’m never going to be able to lose weight, regardless of the effect it may have on my medication’s effect on me, as long as I keep getting stuck and my body automatically resets its weight every time I lose a few pounds. I also realize I’m far from alone. I did a little research and found that numerous people have the same problem. But still, it’s like my body absolutely refuses to let it go under about 152 or 153. I may have to not eat at all in order to change that once I’ve gone a day where I haven’t shit, but I don’t think I could do that so I think losing weight is forever out of the question if I’m going to just keep going into auto-reset mode.

I would ride my bike more often in the daytime when it wasn’t too hot if this place wasn’t so hilly. This terrain is even more mountainous than New England. It’s just that it really helps to get a running start up the hills and I love to fly down the hills as well, which isn’t as safe in the daytime. So I mostly keep the bike for at night but the nights are too cold now. Maybe things will be different when we’re on flat terrain if I can deal with the humidity and all that.

I haven’t heard that car in a while now which is nice, not that there aren’t plenty of other loud vehicles to make up for it. But that one was especially annoying so I’m fine with it not coming around. Maybe I’m still a better “influencer” than I realize and I sent it into an accident or caused it to break down so bad they can’t afford to fix it.

Pondering mysteries is what I love to do. I love to think, analyze, speculate and wonder. And so I wonder just how much Kathleen may know about me from browsing around online. I realize not everyone is as curious as I am but it’s still hard to believe she’s never Googled me. I can’t believe the dentist had her cop husband check her patients’ backgrounds, particularly mine, or else my case would have come up, and vindicated or not, I would think she would have mentioned it to Kathleen. If that had been the case, I don’t see why Kathleen would want to be friends with me.

I also wonder if she’s crazy because of the way she seems to be interested in me, regardless of what way that may be. I know crazy comes in all shapes and sizes and that they can often blend into society and appear as normal as ever. I get that. Anyone can be crazy. Even someone who can hold a decent job for years. She’s certainly not crazy in the way Kim, Molly and Marie can be. It’s just that other than Tom, I’m used to attracting crazies for friends regardless of what they look like. I still say I’ll never hear from her which would be easier and potentially less trouble but if I do it’s not likely to be this year. She may wait 6 months until she would have seen me anyway had she still been working when I had my next appointment.

I decided to start using my other Twitter account again to promote my Bubbly voice posts. To draw attention to my account I’m leaving comments on trending issues but it hasn’t seemed to work so far. You know how it is, if you’re not famous or infamous, no one’s interested.

I had some dream that my parents were alive and I went to visit them, and as usual, mom was full of complaints. After returning home, I was sending them an email saying I was sorry I wasn’t what they wanted me to be and that last winter passed by fast because I spent much of it indoors but that this winter I was determined to be out and about more often. Yet it must have been springtime because when I looked at the trees, the cherry blossoms were just popping out and noted to myself that it was March 10th.

YES! Although it’s decades too late and the sentence isn’t nearly long enough, I’m so glad Bill Cosby will be going down and that the judge wouldn’t allow the bastard to race card himself out of being held accountable, something that happens way too much in this country, rich and famous or not. Kudos to the judge for seeing his crime and not his color. Now while the sicko’s incarcerated he can be with his preferred gender since he obviously hates women. I hope he takes one up the ass real good too, but I would be willing to bet the perve will be segregated.

The Super Green fertilizer came yesterday and I decided to try a single drop with one bamboo stalk just to see how it takes to it. I’m paranoid after what the Green Green did.

Half a bottle of Green Green has been dispensed into the outside cactus pot since I figured it would be better for that.

After a total of 10 skips in nearly a month, I was finally able to take my meds today without ending up anxious. I feel great actually, just a little tired.

I had some weird dreams last night. In one of them, I must have been a mom because I was carrying a newborn down a flight of stairs in a building somewhere and it seemed to be mine. Another me in another dimension?

Then I dreamed we had a house near the woods. I saw a tiger or a lion chase a bear into the woods. I hoped one would kill the other so I only had to worry about one of them lurking around the house. But then they somehow got inside the house and my dead cousin Boo was there, too. She was as tall as the ceiling.

Although this constituted a nightmare, I wasn’t scared at all by this dream I had of some guy chasing me into the woods. I hid by wedging myself under part of a boulder that protruded from the hilly ground. If anything, I was so pissed that I was just about to jump out and attack the guy for chasing me into hiding but then I realized it was now dark and I had been lying under the rock for quite a while. So now that the guy was gone my new concern was finding my way out of the woods and back to the main road.

In another dream, we seemed to have a traditional bathtub and were installing a mural around the tub walls. Tom left the room for a minute and I peed in the tub. Then I rinsed the tub and realized I wouldn’t be able to explain why the tub was wet since I was embarrassed to admit I peed in it rather than the toilet. LOL

Meds… Took my pill on Saturday, started off a little iffy, and then I felt great for the rest of the day and had good energy.

Yesterday, however, after taking it 3 days in a row I started off okay and then I later felt wound up which morphed into depression until Tom cheered me up when we chatted. He believes Dr. O is going to be helpful and while I want to believe that because she was helpful before, I’m losing hope. I know I say this feeling has gone on for 2 years but I actually think it’s always been there ever since I started having problems yet because I was so much worse overall it sort of masked this particular feeling. My issues early on were more about my heart racing and pounding which would have naturally made me feel anxious. These days my heart doesn’t race as much when I take the meds. There’s just this feeling of anxiety sitting in my chest that comes and goes in waves.

I skipped today, and coincidentally or not, I’m fine. So that’s some placebo effect. I still say there’s a very real problem with the medication and Tom does agree. He just thinks there could be other factors as well. Yeah, well, I really hope there isn’t anything else wrong with me we don’t know about!

Me… Just like always, I went down a couple of pounds to 153.4, stopped shitting, and now I’m 155.0. Why does my body do this? Every time I drop a few pounds it automatically resets itself by holding onto its shit. What does my body think it’s trying to protect me from by holding onto its weight?

Andy… Aly told me she was getting gross food-related questions and intimate questions on Ask and asked if Andy could be behind them.

Absolutely. But there are tons and tons of perverts out there so there’s no way to know for sure. She blocked his account so we’ll see if the questions back off, not that he can’t create a new account to come at her from. But if it’s him, why mess with her and not me as well? He can’t mess with me from his old account since I have it blocked but he could always create a new one to do it from if he really wanted to. So far it doesn’t seem like I’m worth the time and effort and I hope it stays that way. She said two of the questions disappeared when she blocked him but Ask is notorious for being glitchy to begin with so that doesn’t necessarily tell us anything. The celeb and “hairy guy” talk and asking if she’d lick food off a lover, with random nouns capped that usually aren’t capped, does make me wonder, though.

Kim… I also got some questions that made me think of Kim, as innocent as they may have been. Just the topics and writing style, but I don’t know. She is secretive at times and will sometimes create accounts without telling anyone.

That’s part of the fun of Ask, though, guessing and wondering what could be from who unless they make it that obvious or choose not to be anonymous.

Molly… I asked Aly what time Molly went to bed and she said she’s in bed by 10:30. The Dallas visitor was in between 1:30 and 2 a.m. so can she sneak online in the middle of the night? Because if she can’t then it wasn’t her and the timing between that visitor and her tweet was solely a coincidence.

The park… When you look at the roads that wrap around our house you can see they really are pretty ugly with their square patches which are distinctly darker than the rest of the road where they didn’t do any work. Tom says that all that matters is that the roads are smooth and not to worry about them resurfacing them but I say they’ll resurface them soon enough because this park is obsessed with appearance. We can’t even go a month without someone doing some loud project here that’s hard to drown out even with the sound machines. If this park wasn’t obsessed with looks, there wouldn’t be landscaping every single day, would there be? I say they’ll redo the entire surface by the end of the year, late spring/early summer at the very latest since we are coming up to the rainy season.

Shopping… Yesterday we went to Goodwill to do some treasure hunting and I sure made some great finds! With Halloween coming up, they have all kinds of wigs in every style and color imaginable. I got a shoulder-length dark purple wig with bangs and one with long hot pink ponytails with neon orange at the ends. The orange isn’t that noticeable unless you really look for them and you have good lighting because they’re a similar shade to the pink. I put the wig on Gia and it looks fantastic on her! I put the dark purple one on the mannequin head.

I also got a little figurine of a black girl in a blue dress walking barefoot and holding her shoes in one hand. Her original price tag of $16 was still on her base. I got her for $3.

The best thing I found was a 26-inch all-porcelain doll by Dianna Effner named Hilary. I’ve had some of her dolls back in my days of regular doll collecting. This doll has very realistic eyes despite being a weird color of dark grayish-green. Except for the feet, the doll is pretty realistic looking overall, especially the hands. She had no wig and came in dumpy old stretched-out clothes with stockings and dirty shoes. While I was still in the store I went to the smallest-sized children’s clothing I could find and got a beautiful bright sleeveless dress for her. The dress has a solid pink liner with a white and hot pink lace overlay. I did have to pin it in back a bit to keep it from slipping off her shoulders but it looks adorably cute.

I also put a long wavy black wig on her that I had and was thankful I didn’t throw out. She sits on the living room floor by the window by my desk which I only use when I’m on nights because it’s quieter in the bedroom. Traffic is bad everywhere but it’s a little harder to hear the landscaping in the bedroom so that’s my daytime office. I dumped the shoes and outfit she came in.

Hilary ranges from $50-$100 but I got her for $6.

Yesterday my new mascara arrived along with the cutting board with the poppies design. It’s a lovely cutting board that can sit on the counter.

Tom… He put the new door stop on the front door so I could hold the screen door open when carrying in any heavy or bulky packages. I used to hate it when I’d have to struggle to hold the door open with one arm while wrestling boxes in with the other.

Kathleen… I can’t remember much in the way of dreams lately but it seems I had a positive dream about Kathleen last night. It seemed to be a happy, fun dream. A sign I’ll hear from her eventually? I still have my doubts. So many people make plans they don’t follow through on.

I still can’t figure her out. There are things she’s said that go against the theory of her liking me but more things that say she does. She’s just a little too “physical” with me not to and while she may be a very friendly person overall when it comes to most people, I can’t believe she would hug and put her arm around that many people either. The way she’d look at me, the things she would say… I would see it in her eyes, you know? There were a couple of times I remember her looking at me in that way.

Yet the way she pointed out how Tom and I make such a cute couple when we were talking on the phone and has yet to follow through with even contacting me online sends some waves of doubt through me. But hey, regardless of how she may like me, I’m not worried about it. She won’t harm me.

While it’s hard to believe she doesn’t have a Facebook account, she could very well be telling the truth about that because before they went and hid it, I never found her on Shannan or Holly’s friend list. They’ve got everyone else they work with on it so why not her? There is a chance they’ve hidden her or that Kathleen blocked me but I don’t see why she would do such a thing.

On the other hand, maybe she hasn’t acted yet because she was waiting to retire. She knew all along she would be retiring soon enough, so maybe she’s been waiting until there was no more business connection. Maybe she does hope to start something in her mind and maybe that’s why she hasn’t contacted me online and has waited until she retired. This way, when she calls (unless she blocks her number which I doubt), all I have is a phone number but nothing else. No last name, no address, no online connection.

She would know I could talk to those at the dentist’s, but unless she plans to keep a close friendship going with them or something, nothing I could say could come back to haunt her if anything went wrong. There’s no job connection and I know next to nothing about her. Maybe that’s the whole idea?

Anyway, while I may love to ponder a good mystery and speculate and guess all kinds of possible scenarios, ridiculous or not, I still say I’ll never hear from her again. That would be okay too, as this would be potentially easier and safer.

Lots to update on, so going in order of events, I heard back from my dermatologist’s office and they said that this ointment shouldn’t cause anxiety. I didn’t think so but it was still good to rule that out for sure.

After making a total of 9 skips since August 22nd, I woke up incredibly exhausted yesterday. I could barely get anything done around here but did what I needed to do. Just not much of what I wanted to do.

Took my thyroid pill this morning for the second day in a row and I’m hoping that the next round of anxiety is weeks away, even though I was borderline earlier. I just don’t understand what the fuck is going on or when and how to fix it. Tom still thinks it’s a combination of things… The placebo effect, the meds, hormones.

I’m just amazed at how tired I was yesterday! Makes me wonder if I would slip into a coma without it for a month. I did talk to this person once online, however, who had a thyroidectomy and sometimes goes months without taking their medication. They said they don’t feel any different whether they take it or not.

So Kathleen retired yesterday and I’m happy for her. I just wish it could have been Tom instead! The office just won’t be the same without Kathleen in it anymore. I wonder if she was happy, sad or a little of both? I wonder even more if I’ll hear from her but I have my doubts. She will always be a wonderful memory, though.

I’ve been worried about Tom because he’s been having kidney pain but he swears it’s no big deal. I hope not!

That dreaded day has come. I knew it would, too. I’m just surprised it took this long. When I got online after getting up, I checked my stats and found 35 minutes’ worth of views from Dallas, Texas. I could see the person was a member of Prosebox because they had me bookmarked. I was just a little surprised they only read my public book which has yearly recaps in it rather than my current day-to-day book with my journal because if you’re a member, you can see that one. Right away my gut told me it was Molly and that even though she’s in Austin, she was looking for past mentions of herself from years gone by. I’ve blocked whatever accounts of hers I could find there, so that may be why she didn’t hit my daily journal. I’m surprised she didn’t peek in on Blogger.

So I jumped over to Twitter and sure enough, she tweeted that she knows we’ve had our differences but wants to make amends and she’s sorry for what she said to me online.

Not only am I sorry I didn’t stay private, but now my mind is bouncing between playing dumb and saying I don’t know who she is to totally ignoring her to thanking her to blocking her, etc. I decided to go with the “thank you” then the ignore option. I was worried that totally ignoring her might fuel her like it did the first time around. I just hope she doesn’t get the wrong idea and think my thanking her means I want to be friends with her because I absolutely don’t. Aly may be into crazy but I’m not. Worst case scenario I just block her if she bugs me. I could always deactivate too, but would rather not do that.

I just hope Aly won’t discuss me with her. I think that the more I’m brought to her attention the more she’ll think of me and the more she may want to reach out to me. Remind the cat of the mouse’s existence and it may be more determined to pursue it. But I know Aly. If she can discuss Kim with me as much as she does there’s no reason she can’t discuss me with Molly. I also told her I hope she won’t share links to Ask if she hasn’t already.

Speaking of Ask, Aly asked if Andy has been active there and if he would ask gross questions about food and intimate questions about sex.

If he’s active on Ask it’s either anonymously or from another account but as to her second question, absolutely yes. He loves to gross people out and he’s a definite pervert. As I told her, he’s even a registered sex offender. I gave her his link on Twitter and asked that she block him.

The only thing is that if he’s fucking with her, then why isn’t he fucking with me too? Maybe he thinks I can track him since I know how paranoid he always was.

I asked her to tell me if the person has a habit of capitalizing nouns. He used to do that all the time and I would tease him about being German in a past life. Speech-to-text will do that at times but he was never the speech-to-text kind of guy. She did say there were random caps and she’d show me later. She’s not feeling well right now. Her thyroid’s gone a bit hyper so she’ll be starting radioactive iodine today. Hope it helps her both physically and mentally WITHOUT side effects!

I don’t know if it’s funny or sad that Kim’s sister and SIL use her gullibility to control her. They told her that if she eats too fast she’ll get pneumonia and she automatically believes it just like she believes everything she’s told. She never thinks to Google anything on her own.

We went to Sam’s Club earlier and now I’m finishing up the laundry. He wiped the windshield which was dirty and we also changed the rats’ cage.

Due to Alexa getting confused between “rainbow room” and “rat room,” we changed “rat room” to “Mavis.” I picked this name from a random name generator site.

Last night I dreamed it was 134° in Florida and I guess I must have been able to keep a schedule because I was waitressing somewhere. For some reason, I was having my mail delivered to the restaurant and one of the managers was stealing some of it, particularly coupons. I confronted her and she said, “Like you need them.”

I said, “Actually we do but there are some you can have.”

She asked if I could work “hyper-extended” shifts. I nodded yes, knowing this meant that I would come in later in the morning.

Then there was some vague dream about Tom having to stay somewhere else and me locking a door and then pulling out a blanket to sleep on a couch with.