Still wondering if I’ve got more than two trolls tailing me. Unless Kim has some amazing alters, I’m getting more than just her questioning me on Ask. I’d really, really hate to think Aly could be playing a joke on me! When I told her about the latest round of questions, Dustin said Aly was asleep and he was just checking her messages cuz she was waiting for info from her aunt.

Anyway, I don’t think it’s her, but I never would’ve thought Kim would harass the hell out of me either. Then again, Kim’s crazy, Aly’s not.

“Admit it, you’re just as bad as me,” was what I assumed was Kim saying in regards to Kathy and I anonymously messing with Molly on her blog last night.

So she does know what she’s doing then when she goes overboard with the role-playing? Is that what she’s saying? Either way, I didn’t answer this one.

And how did the person being so nice to Molly who Kathy and I thought could be Alison know there were two of us when they told Molly there were two people pretending to be anonymous? “Shall I contact you about what’s going on?” they asked her.

Today, however, Molly’s still stumped as to who we are. She wonders about me, Kim, Roman and who knows who else.

Dustin, however, says Molly’s back to harassing Aly. But how? If she can just block her and she doesn’t have her current phone number, then how could she harass her? She’s not blogging anywhere or using Ask that I know of, so it should be fairly easy enough to escape Molly.

“Bullying is never the answer.”

Kim? But why would Kim defend Molly? Does Kim wish they were friends?

Molly? But then why did she ask if I follow her on Twitter? Like she hoped I did or something. In truth, I don’t follow anyone on Twitter.

A while passed, then I got, “Is Alison as retarded as Kim?”

I wouldn’t answer and then they asked why not, because they were right? So now I’m dealing with someone who also has a grudge against Alison? The only one I can think of is Kim, but the person wrote kind of well for Kim. At least the Kim I once knew. These questions came in a little late for Molly, so Kim either has a friend, an amazingly brilliant alter, or there’s someone else I’m unaware of that’s tailing me.

There were other questions that I did answer that may or may not be Kim – about the rats, if I’m a trusting person, if I think anyone’s lying to me, and how Tom and I met. The one about Tom doesn’t seem like Kim, and she should know we don’t have cats (someone asked if the cat in my background pic was mine).

They also asked how many online friends I have, and then said they had to work in the morning and were going to bed and would ask more questions tomorrow.

The more I look at the questions, the more I see the spelling isn’t that great. If I had to guess, it probably is all from Kim and her alters. I can’t believe that many people are out and about asking anonymous questions. But if it isn’t Aly pretending to be Molly’s friend on MO, then who is it? The person writes very well, whoever it is.

Later…

“Why not go non-anonymous?” I was asked today. Maybe I’ll just go to Formspring instead. It sucks over there, but I’m sick of the glitches on Ask and so I’m going to see if I can convince Andy to sign up over there. I kind of miss having more privacy, so to speak, in a fun place where we can keep in touch yet be a little more open. But I won’t deactivate my Ask account. I’ll just keep it non-anonymous and check in every so often.

I’m also thinking of turning all my blogs to private/friends and sharing entries on Facebook, but only with some of my friends there. Not Andy, of course, since I email him entries, and not Adonis either since he’s a MO friend. And no, I wouldn’t accept new friend requests so don’t go thinking you could create a bogus account to friend me with if I did decide to do this. But right now it’s only a thought. I haven’t decided on anything for sure yet. It’s just that any friend is a potential enemy, as I’ve learned the hard way, but keeping info confined to FB should cut down the number of potential enemies I might regret sharing it with.

Aly says she doesn’t blame me for considering that and that Molly found her Gmail address which she has deactivated since a reply would be exactly what she’d want. So that’s how Molly’s back to bothering her. We’re just not sure if Molly’s smarter than we give her credit for or if she’s just that lucky to be able to find email addresses like that. Who’s found mine that they’re giving it to every single spammer in the world? I still think that was probably an abusive FB app, but you never know.

Anyway, Aly insists it’s not her messing with Molly and that someone else is trying to come off as her unless it’s just Molly reading things into what’s not really there. I wonder if Kim is trying to come off as Aly and give Molly the impression she’s on her side and wants to be friends.

Aly is against the idea of cyberbullying since her job, after all, is with cybercrimes, and while Molly may’ve done a lot of bad things, people have actually killed themselves after they were bullied. I agree that Kathy and I have been sort of stooping to their level by pestering the pests, so I’m going to just sit back and let Kim, Kathy and whoever else may be involved have all the fun.

The propaners are coming Thursday. I’m totally not going to miss having to call for propane and worry that it’s going to run out before they get here and all that! Plus, it stinks up the place when they open the tank and I always worry about leaks in this old dump, too. The house we want uses both electricity and gas which is good since gas is cheaper. The only real expense will be the AC in the summer, but I like it kind of warm, so it shouldn’t be any big deal.

Anyway, although I’m trying not to get my hopes up, Tom’s going to talk to the realtor tomorrow after work, since he’s the one who’s 55. If it looks good, then I’ll go see it, too. All the lost sleep I’m no doubt in for with the upcoming changes and appointments will be totally worth it.

This can’t go in public (yet) because after all, how hard would it be for a stalker to locate someone in a 55+ park next to a pet cemetery? Yeah, it’s a pet cemetery, Tom learned today, not a people cemetery. Good. They may mow the grass regularly there, but I doubt there’d be that many ceremonies. There’s a wall between the park and the cemetery, but we don’t know how high/thick it is.

We’ve both got eye appointments scheduled for the end of the month, then at some point, I’ll have to have the rest of my dental work done and move on to other long-neglected doctor appointments as well.

Lost 3.2 pounds after week one of the Alli. I’ve had no side effects and little hunger. Don’t know if I can keep losing 3 pounds a week, though, or if I can get under 120 pounds. I think 120 today would be the equivalent of the 100 I was at when I was young due to my current muscle mass. Tom and I were laughing at the BMI chart and how deceptive it can be when you’re on the muscular side. It was trying to tell me I was on the edge of obesity, LOL. Working out definitely makes you heavier than you look, so I’m going to go by inches and just how I feel for the most part.

Alli’s definitely been better than cigarettes as I really did not want to return to smoking! It may’ve helped me lose weight, but it would’ve also given me worse problems and cost a fortune.

Boy, they are really kicking us offline more often and for longer these days, and I totally can’t wait to get the hell outa here! The hotspot is a joke out here, too. So who knows how many hours it’ll be before I can post this.

On the bright side, I love the idea of the agonizing anticipation the trolls are no doubt suffering as they peek in every other minute all day long wondering when the hell I’ll make an update and answer questions. Poor Andy, though. Then again, he has a life and better things to do than follow those who don’t want to know him, and he knows that some days I’m just too busy to make it to Ask. Still, the wait has got to be sheer torture for those trolls, hee hee!

I deleted the questions I know are from the trolls, and while I probably shouldn’t, I’ll answer the ones I’m unsure of.

Finally heard from Nane. She’d been very ill but didn’t say how. She got a kick out of Andy’s comment about her street fighting in Turkey when I statused that I wondered where she was and all that. She’ll be doing just that in February, LOL.

We also got an email from the realtor. We were surprised to hear from her on a Sunday. Tom probably won’t call her till Tuesday, though, cuz he’s got to set up eye exam appointments for us both tomorrow, and call the propaners out for what will HOPEFULLY be the last time.

Been having dreams and vibes about a big change to come for April, as I said a while back, but didn’t see how we could get moved by April. But now that we have a better idea of what I’ll be getting money-wise, maybe we will. I just don’t want to get my hopes up too high after all the setbacks we’ve already had. We still don’t know if the park itself will accept us and this may not even be a 1@55 park for all we know.

Anyway, the realtor said the house is a 3-bedroom and not a 2-bedroom. 3 would be great cuz then I could separate my office from my bedroom (unless the regular sound machine isn’t enough to sleep with). I could have my computers, stereo and treadmill in one room, my bedroom in another, and Tom’s bedroom in another. Then the living room could be a traditional living room plus Tom’s office.

I just hope to hell we don’t get “punished” for buying a place of our own this time around like we did in Maricopa. Clearly, something did not want us living there. I just hope the blacks and pigs aren’t waiting till we move to jump out at us like they did the last time, figuring it’d be harder for us to run if we owned rather than rented, but like I said, if they ever decide there’s to be a round two, they’re the ones who will lose, not us. If I’d killed someone, beat someone up, ripped someone off or burned their place down, that’d be different. Meanwhile, I’m not going to play court or jail for something I wrote over a year ago just because some people don’t want to hear it. She chose to read the email instead of marking it as spam.

Had a dream I was either staying with or living with Mary. At least I think it was Mary. Anyway, I was tipped off that the pigs would be around the next morning with a search warrant, though I don’t know what for. I spent the rest of the day and all through the night hiding my shit, but I’m not sure what I did to hide it and what it was I hid. I just hope that dream wasn’t a bad sign because I will treat anyone who busts in here with a search warrant, legal or not, same as I would any old burglar. Just because something’s “legal” doesn’t always make it right (it’s not like we’ve got drugs or stolen goods in here). It’s “legal” to discriminate against gays in most places. But is it right?

It’s a few hours later now, and after being offline for nearly 4 hours, Tom got the hotspot to work well enough to submit a troubleshooting ticket to our joke of a provider and they rebooted us from their end after finding an error on the line. Funny how there are “errors” almost every single fucking day at around the same time. I didn’t get online till around 4pm and all I had time to do was touch base with Nane before it went down, and that’s been it till now. So now I can finally post this after I mention how cute and funny Romeo is. He’s decided to be a little gymnast and loves to climb the drying rack.

Got up at 1pm and have been busy as hell ever since. Every time I’d get a chance to go online, barely two minutes later I’d have to get up to do something else. But now, at coming up on 8pm, I can finally take more than just a few minutes to catch up with things online.

Only I don’t have much to say. I’m doing laundry, hanging with Tom, keeping the rats entertained, and now I’m off to do tomorrow’s grocery list and some other writing.

Damnit! Now I can’t get online. Could be an hour or two before I post this, but again, there’s not much to say anyway. Tom emailed the realtor about the house we want. There was another one listed for the same price in the same park only it was bigger and older. It appears that the “cemetery house” we want has been empty for a year. It started at 45K. It’s a lot of house for the $12,500 it’s now at and I’m guessing they’ve had trouble selling it either due to the park being more expensive or because it borders a cemetery. My guess is the price. It’s one of the fancier parks.

Tom let them know we’re looking to buy within a couple of months, and next we have to hope we see it, don’t find anything wrong with it, and that it looks as good in person as it does online. Another thing I like about the place is that it’s at ground level, which would greatly reduce the vibration of any car doors and whatnot. I just hope the park will accept us, too! It’s just beautiful. Pools, clubhouses, community gardens and other amenities, including security. You can’t just drive into the park. You need a passcode. It would be just our shit luck, though, if it were an all-at-55 park. They don’t say online, so that’s the first thing we’d have to ask, cuz some are 1@55 and others aren’t. Funny it’s in Citrus Heights too, after having a dream a while back about being surrounded by citrus trees. I also had a dream about Lincoln, but that one wasn’t as “prominent” and as memorable.

Romeo was so funny earlier. I had the drying rack set up and of course he not only had to have fun pulling socks off and things like that, but it was so much fun to climb it too, LOL. It’s like a little jungle gym for him… until he falls off.

Later…

There are a few people/things I’ve been too busy to mention yet, so let me start with Mary. The poor girl was fired. She said some dude hit on her, she reported it, and she was fired. This sucks, but I’m just amazed she got two jobs, housing and all the gadgets and electronics she’s got so damn fast and after spending over a decade locked up. I’m sure friends and family helped with some of the material things, but I still don’t get how she can get so much so fast, not only in this shitty economy but after being a high-profile case that was in prison. No one would give my record-free husband just one job for years, yet this ex-con, as much as she was more the victim than the criminal, gets two jobs and the apartment of her choice? Well, I’m happy for her though it hardly seems fair.

I called Paula and she is so damn annoying to talk to being so hyped up as she always is and so damn dumb. She interrupts, changes subjects faster than a speeding bullet, and doesn’t get half the stuff I say. I tried to tell her I wanted to conserve minutes (though the real reason was that I didn’t want to gab for two hours), and the dumb shit turns around and calls me back 3 minutes later to ask if I pay double for minutes out here. sighs I said I’d send her a letter and we’ll keep in touch that way since she’s never going to have regular internet access. She’s lucky this country doesn’t take violence very seriously because as I suspected, she didn’t do a day in jail. Just got an additional year of probation. If ever there has been someone who hasn’t changed a bit since she was young, it’s Paula. Even my mother changed a bit over the years compared to her! I still love my friend and have been friends for nearly 30 years now, but boy can she be one frustrating chick!

if the pigs are lying in wait with any nasty plans up their sleeve now that we’ve passed the 1-year marker since they contacted me (if it was really them), I don’t know about it. Again, though, they lose next time, so they better hope there isn’t a next time. Still wish I knew what “case” they made up on me if there really ever was one, and how much time they have on it before the statute of limitations ran out. It could be years, since after all, I was charged in 2000 with something I was supposed to have written in 1996, so it’s important that I don’t contact the black bitch. One simple “boo” sent 20 years from now could send the pigs running for something I never did 5 years ago. Sure wish I could torment her at times, though. She’d read every single word I wrote, not because she’d be interested, of course, but to see what she could get me with.

I have been playing with Kim, though. Sort of. Not directly. I haven’t mentioned her in my blog publicly. Kathy and I played with Molly a bit on her blog and Molly doesn’t know what to think, but Kathy and I both agree that Kim just might have a friend a little above and beyond her. She too, has noted how Kim writes like a third-grader, but this person not only writes better and defends Kim to Molly (mostly by bashing me), but has also been nice to Molly. The weird part was when they asked Molly if they should contact her “about what’s going on.” So other than saying that I’ve been going off the deep end trying to make Kim look bad and that Kim’s “not that bad,” they told me I should be ashamed of myself on Ask. That’s all I’ve gotten for two days now, which is kind of surprising. It won’t last long, though. Kim never seems to go more than a couple of weeks without pestering me.

A part of me is a little worried that even though Aly said she hasn’t talked to Molly since October, she could be the one being nice to Molly. Even Kathy wondered that, but if she were, why wouldn’t she say so? I just hope that if Aly does talk to either troll she won’t out us, but it won’t be the end of the world if she does. I just wonder how much I can really trust Aly. Kim’s turning on me has made me wary and paranoid. I assumed most of the shit I got on Ask was Kim’s doing, but what if it’s not? What if she’s got a copycat or someone that has nothing to do with her at all? Someone I least suspect. I’m either paranoid or Alison isn’t quite the friend I always thought she was. After all, I did catch her outing me to Kim once, but hopefully she’s learned from it. I wonder, though, if she could be behind some of the questions I get.

What’s got to have Kim totally freaking out, assuming she really is watching all our accounts all day long, is how I mentioned names of her family when pretending to be her to Molly. Hey, she pretended to be me and a million others, so why not, even if it was a bit childish and I don’t intend to make a regular habit of it? Kathy claimed to be Jennifer, a name Molly once used to stalk her with on the old Kiwibox, LOL. Nonetheless, Molly goes back and forth between suspecting Roman, a guy she stalked in her hometown, Kim, and probably others as well. She asked me on Ask if I were behind it, pointing out that we’ve been getting along. I asked her not to answer it and told her in the form of a question that it wasn’t me, but was probably Kim, and she honored my request.

Anyway, although she’s been playing peek-a-boo, Molly really has backed off and I shouldn’t mess with anyone that isn’t making trouble for me. It’s only fair. But I still want to see if not mentioning Kim or answering questions that are obviously from her can get her to leave me alone, since I can’t get through to her sister, the only seemingly sane family member she’s got.

Yeah, here’s where it gets a little funny. I looked up obits on Ms in CT, remembering that Kim’s father died last year and found the stern-looking guy’s obit. Again, I have to wonder what he might’ve done to his kids, especially if Kim really does have MPD. That’s usually the result of childhood sexual abuse. Anyway, She has an older sister who’s married with kids and is a karate instructor while her younger brother and sister are supposedly as fucked as she is and living in group homes. Still, Kim always keeps her friend lists hidden and I’m sure this has got to be at least a little shocking to her to see these names mentioned.

Anyway, Facebook has been having major issues with sending and receiving messages and they obviously have no intentions of fixing this problem, so my message to Carol, explaining what was going on and asking for any help she could give me to get her to leave me alone, hasn’t been read and therefore probably never received.

I remember once Kim said she was sad that family members deleted her on Facebook and she didn’t know why. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but now I wonder if her alters showed themselves to them a bit too much and they dumped her for going crazy on them, and of course, Kim wouldn’t remember any of it.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this in public or not but a week or two ago I had a dream that I would get more than just 2-3 grand once my parents’ affairs were all wrapped up. It was a feeling I continued to have even when I was awake. I figured I would receive around 5K, though Tom still thought it’d be 2-3 grand. So when Tammy left a message saying she had a lengthy talk with Walter and that while it could be a little less or a little more to expect around 10K, I was quite shocked and pleased! That’s more than my biggest win! Then I burst out laughing at knowing that another month or two from now, that money combined with our savings will make us worth around 15-20 grand while my parents are a big fat nothing. What a refreshing change, huh? I almost wish they could come back to life and appear at our door, wanting to be let in out of the cold with no clothes, food or money to their name. Then I could say, “Nah, we’re too busy thinking of all the things we could do with your money.” LOL

Before anyone thinks of insulting me by suggesting I thank God or apologize to Him when I thought we’d get nothing…don’t. That’s like being told to thank or apologize to a rapist for giving me money I never expected he would give me. I’m grateful as hell to Walter and to all those who had a hand in seeing that we got anything at all, let alone as much as we’re looking at, but that can’t change the past. What’s done is done. No matter how many heartfelt “I’m sorrys” God may care to drop down from the sky long enough to give me, it can never make up for all the abuse He allowed my parents to inflict upon me. When any God or human being sits back and lets someone abuse someone without doing a damn thing as far as stepping in and intervening, that person is not only just as guilty, but they’re basically saying it’s okay. Well, it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay when my mother slapped me around. It wasn’t okay when she called me a fat idiot who would amount to nothing. It wasn’t okay that she made me so depressed that I wanted to die. It wasn’t okay that she finally gave up on me and sent me away, even before the state took me away. She should have been properly punished, but since God thought it was A-Okay for her to do what she did, she never was punished, and if she never was punished here, why should I think she would be in any kind of an afterlife? If it’s okay here, why not there, too?

Same with the shitsters that legally screwed me. Yes, I was vindicated, yes Mr. Corrupto was dealt with, and yes, they should’ve been made to pay back the money we lost on account of their hate and vengefulness, and while money would’ve been nice and helped a bit, no amount of money could’ve paid us back for the time we lost together. You can’t put a price on time and you can’t put a price on mental anguish either. There may have been more I could’ve done as far as counter-legal action against them, but then I’d be stooping just as low as them by being just as vindictive, and these are the kinds of people that kill people and that have the connections to cover their asses and get away with it, too. And there’s no doubt in my mind that God would give them any added protection they needed. Remember, it’s okay to wrong Jodi S. So unless I am literally forced to take action against them or anyone else in the world, the safety of my husband and myself come first and foremost.

For me, it’s not so much about the money as it is what my parents can help do for us after not helping nearly as much as they should have and could have back when they were alive and we needed it most. We would’ve saved up enough to buy a place on our own; it just would’ve taken a few months longer.

Anyway, Walter’s doing this for nothing. I didn’t realize he knew Dad and I had assumed he had been paid up front. Again, I’m very appreciative of all he’s done! As soon as I receive the check and know his email address I will send him a hearty thanks and my book and blog links as promised over the phone a few months ago. It might be another month or so, though, cuz they’re now in the tax phase, the final phase. At least they don’t owe much there cuz they didn’t make much in the end.

When you set aside the fact that they weren’t always very nice people, it’s kind of sad to see their lives get picked apart and torn down piece by piece till absolutely nothing at all is left. And at the same time, I blame my father for protecting my mother right along with God, I know that if he could’ve shot someone who tried to kill me, he wouldn’t have hesitated even if he knew it would mean he’d go to prison for the rest of his life. sighs So, as usual, there are a lot of mixed emotions going through me now. Maybe it would be easier said than done to let them starve in the streets if they could come back to life, but it’s a funny thought to think of them out there nonetheless with absolutely nothing. Right now, though, I am mostly happy and grateful. And stunned too, to think that barely a year and a half ago we were thinking of the best way to die with some comfort and some dignity as opposed to dying hungry and cold on the streets, not knowing that a miracle would save us in the end and that a happy ending awaited us.

As I’ve learned, all we can do is our best, and sometimes we can survive while other times we can’t. But we did in this case, and now it’s time to happily move on to making new plans. I’ll get to that in another entry since this one’s getting kind of long. I just know that soon enough, the rats won’t have a nicer home than we do, and that if I never see another piece of paneling again once we do move it’ll be too soon!

Later…

Because Tammy was a lot older than me and our parents took off a lot, she was sort of like another Mom as well as a big sister. Sometimes she spent more time looking out for me than our own mother did, and I know she’d be the first in line – and probably the only one – to want to take me in if I were suddenly a vegetable in need of regular care but didn’t need to be hospitalized and didn’t have Tom. It seems so, so long ago that we’d lie on the grass as kids and gaze up at the clouds. We’d each decide what animal or object the clouds resembled depending on their shape.

Losing 3 family members in the same year, even if they won’t be missed, has brought us closer. I think that now that she’s gotten away from abusive men, and the evil mother that pitted her against me for God only knows why has died, there shouldn’t be any problems. We’re different in the way we think and believe and we have different skills, hobbies and interests, but we also have a lot in common at the same time.

I may never again be a phone person but it will be nice to get the computer phone up to speed once we’re gone and to be able to know it’s an option. I could use it at the computer and still get things done while we talked, instead of having to be glued to a shaky cell that wastes minutes in the kitchen. That’s the only room we get decent enough reception in.

But why doesn’t anyone want to talk for just 5-10 minutes? LOL, everyone wants to talk for an hour or two.

I also had a dream Tammy was in a few nights ago but didn’t think much of it. It still may not mean anything, but in the dream, I had just woken up and found her sitting in the living room reading. I said I had a dream where I was cleaning the kitchen of the house we want and hoped that was a good sign.

In reality, I don’t think that house will be available by the time we gather all the money together and start actually talking to people. However, I should soon start “seeing” things in my dreams to give us more of a clue as to where we’re going, the closer it gets. I did for the last two moves anyway.

Florida still has to wait till he retires cuz we don’t want to throw away such a great-paying job, regardless of the crazy hours. It’s not just the great pay, but the health and vacation benefits as well as bonuses and the 401K we don’t want to give up either. Plus, he’s looking at another raise in a couple of months. If it was your typical 24K job without benefits, then we might split.

It still stuns the shit out of me how well we’re doing even without what I’m to get from my parents. I was getting sick of renting, yes, but I meant it when I said I would’ve gladly settled for just enough to get buy with. The necessities are what really, really matters. Everything after that is just a bonus. So it’s quite a surprise to be blessed with all this extra goodness.

It’s going to be so nice and so much fun picking the place out and setting it up and decorating it! My only concern is all the car door slamming jolting me awake when I’m on nights. Yeah, I’m still worried about that. Once we’re in, we’re in. It’s not like we could turn around and sell it in a week or two, and where would we go anyway? So we’re going to have to take our time and pick and choose wisely as it’s going to take some serious getting used to having so many people that close to us as it is. Tom can adapt to pretty much any living situation, and of course, he can keep a schedule. Worst-case scenario we’ll soundproof the place if it’s too apartment-like. It’s much easier and cheaper to do these days, and the cool thing about the amount of money we’ll have is that after the place is all paid for, we should still have money left over to get things for the place AND jump-start the savings back up again. We still want to save most of the money that doesn’t go to necessities. I’d like to have at least 50K saved when he retires, and if he keeps making the kind of money he’s been making, that should be doable enough. We might even have closer to 100K. 50K would be enough to get us to Spain or Florida. I don’t know about Spain, but there are senior parks in Florida too, where we could buy something comparable to what we buy here, so long as we don’t end up not liking it.

I still sometimes miss being in a real house on a concrete slab, but that would up the risk of dogs being left outdoors more often to have to deal with, even in an adult community because it would be easier for people to get away with there than in a park, and if most people in the west don’t have to allow their dogs indoors, they won’t.

I still hope I can adapt to the car doors since 95% of the population has company almost every day, and even if they didn’t, they still come and go multiple times a day. Especially those who aren’t working. With a couple of short-term exceptions, we’ve never had working neighbors. They’ve always been on disability, welfare, students or retired. Some of the people will still be working where we go, but I’m sure each household will have at least one person who’s not working.

So just like I had to adapt to this loud water tank that ignites with quite a thump (it still wakes me up at times, though I fall right back to sleep), I’m going to have to get used to the people coming and going, the delivery and service trucks, the landscaping, and people out milling about. They may not be hanging outdoors sipping iced tea and playing gin rummy when it’s in the 40s any more than when it’s over 100°, but people still gotta walk their mutts.

I’m hoping the regular sound machine will be enough and that I won’t have to blast white noise from an off-dialed radio station out of the stereo, since the walls should be thicker and it should have dual-paned windows.

Sometimes you can never know how a place will be until you’ve lived in it for a while. I thought I’d sleep just great in Maricopa in the middle of a 10-acre ranch. But I was wrong when we learned the hard way about sonic booms and were surprised with how many people (not counting Scott) came to our door.

Getting a nice place won’t be the issue. It’s getting a nice place in the right location that could be a bit of an issue, and of course there’s still the park people to possibly worry about. They should accept us, though, if we pay for a place outright. I hope so anyway.

Both rats know their names. When Tom called Sugar, he came running but Romeo didn’t.

It’s sunnier today than it was yesterday and I feel a bit more energetic. Yesterday I was really dragging.

Lost 2.2 pounds so far with the Alli, but still have to see it help me lose a significant amount to believe it. Tom had a point in saying BMI charts are kind of pointless. Professional athletes are always “overweight,” since muscle weighs more than fat. I think it’s our inches that matter most, cuz no matter what scale you throw me on you’re always going to be in for a WTF? moment as hard and as long as I’ve been working out.

Another dream with Andy in it. I don’t know where we were but were temporarily sharing a room (and unfortunately a bed) in someone’s house while attending some school. I don’t know what the classes were all about, but one night I couldn’t sleep and was listening to music till it was time to get up. It must’ve been summer in the dream cuz it was light at 6:30 am and I was going through summery clothes in preparation for “class.”

Glad to crash as soon as school let out so I could have the bed to myself, Andy said something about grabbing the attention of other women in the meantime.

“You can’t change fate,” I said.

“Yes, you can,” he said back.

I rolled my eyes and began hunting for something to wear before a stupid argument could break out over changing fate. But every pair of pants I pulled out didn’t match the top I had in mind, so I grabbed a pair of pants only to be unable to find a suitable top.

Andy called for me to move my ass from another room and when I stepped out a few minutes later he goes, “You’re not gonna be changing fate in that outfit.”

“Oh, worry about your own fate,” I told him with a wave of my hand.

“My fate is sealed, bitch.”

“Drive us to school, bastard.”

So it was inevitable that we argue in that dream anyway, LOL.

Really wish I could motivate myself to get back to my stories. I have like half a dozen unfinished ones but I seem to be mostly preoccupied with screening old journals for some of my blogs and thoughts of moving.

Although I’ll probably regret it since some people simply refuse to be ignored no matter what you do, I allowed for anonymous questions again and will just use my best judgment as to what I answer. Already someone who seems to know me is asking about my writing and the rats, though I realize it could be anyone. I have a lot of online friends and am a pretty well-known blogger after all.

Later…

As soon as I allowed for anonymous questions again, my “fan” wasted no time in asking about the rats, my writing and other things. Clearly, it’s someone who knows me, but it’s also clear that they don’t want to say who they are. But so what if they did give me their name? I would have no way to know if they were really who they said they were anyway. It’s still fun to be surprised by whatever comes in, even if it’s Kim I may be talking to. Sure hope not, though!

As the curious type who likes to analyze and learn, I was thinking more about Kim’s behavior, and while the signs of MPD are certainly present, how come her alters never showed themselves before she stabbed me in the back? She never presented herself as anyone other than Kim herself before our so-called friendship ended.

Really wish we could hurry up and get moved so we can plow more money into the 401K and lower our taxes, but there’s no way we could get out before the summer with our change of plans. We’re tired of living like bums. Both of us. Why put the money into an undersized oldie that constantly needed fixing and upgrading when that money could go into something nicer and newer? Just as long as we’re smart about it and don’t take on something with high monthly payments just because it’s nice, it shouldn’t be any riskier than buying a cheap old junker of a place.

Although it’s going to take some getting used to being choked in by so many people as even the “spacious” parks are cramped after having space for hundreds of feet in all directions around us, I’m definitely NOT going to miss Jesse’s engine-gunning. Fucking cock was at it with that truck or whatever it is a few times today. At least it’s not as loud as the motorcycle. It’s been too cold for that. By 7pm we’d already hit freezing and are expected to drop to just 28° tonight.

Paula sent a card and asked that I call her. Did she lose my number or something? Knowing her, she probably did. I’ll call tomorrow. She obviously never went to jail but if she did it wasn’t for long. I figured as much, though. She should be glad the laws are so backward and that it’s the violent offenses they go easy on. You gotta be careful what you think, but you can beat your man all you want.

Not much going on other than what most people probably don’t want to hear because they would find it either too personal or too boring. I finally got a period after nearly 8 weeks of being late, I’m not the least bit horny right now, and I’m still losing weight. The Alli not only truly does seem to block most of the fat I eat from being absorbed, but it helps curb hunger, too. Again, I don’t know how long it will last, but I look forward to finding that out.

Just when I was thinking how peaceful it’s been around here, Jesse came out to play with his toys for a while, sawing, engine gunning, the usual… He shut up pretty fast, though, unless he’s just taking a lunch break or something.

I did have some weird dreams involving Nane, come to think of it, who I’m starting to go from wondering about to worrying about. Unless she’s hiding it all – and I don’t see why she would – there’s been no activity from her on Facebook since before Christmas, and she hasn’t picked up my messages either. If she were just busy, wouldn’t she at least check in just long enough to let people know she’s alive? I would think so, so that’s why I wonder if something’s wrong.

Anyway, in the dreams, she would alternate between spending time in the US as well as Germany. A little over a year went by that I didn’t hear from her, but when I finally did she told me she had a baby girl while in the US and was now expecting a boy (guess she was younger in the dream). Then I complained about her not stopping to see me when she’d be in the US (though I don’t know where in the US she would go).

Then there was a vague dream about me going to stay with her in Germany, and Andy owning his own restaurant and getting pissed at me for “testing” his mother for senility. I guess the way to do that was to ask if she knew her daughters’ addresses by heart or if she had to look them up, LOL. His Mom was sitting at a large table eating when I was “testing” her and Andy came up and said, “Hey. I’m sick of your shit,” and shooed me away from his mother and into the kitchen or wherever.

Tom was in one of the dreams too, showing me how to operate a partially broken and ancient TV. I said something about it being sad that at our ages we had to have a TV like that, LOL, whereas in real life we have a nice one that I won. We just don’t watch it much.

Later…

Really wanna allow for anonymous questions again on Ask, but know that would mean dealing with Kim and sometimes Molly as well. I miss the fun of it, though, minus their shit, so the question is, should I just take a chance of “accidentally” answering questions that may be from them and just ignore the obvious ones, or should I just keep the settings as they are?

Knowing just what makes this loon tick would help. I can only speculate and theorize, but without knowing for sure, I can’t say what would be best. She either knows what she’s doing and this is all one big conscious and intentional joke on her part, or she really does have MPD and isn’t always aware of her alters’ actions. The less of a sense of right from wrong and fantasy from fact she has, the more likely she will take my answering questions I don’t realize are hers as us engaging in a mutual friendship. Like that person said that asked me not to post her question, please don’t encourage her. Then again, it may’ve been Kim herself. There are a lot of “people” that I’m now suspecting may’ve really been her, like the one who questioned me relentlessly about my sleep disorder a while back, and many other things.

Upon reading the comments Molly’s gotten (before she deletes them), I see that Kim may have a friend. Unless it’s just her pretending to be that friend in her own defense, of course. The reason I wonder if this person may actually be for real is because of how well they write. Unlike Kim, they don’t come off as stupid, immature or sex-crazed in any way. Their spelling and grammar seem top-notch, and they make proper use of punctuation. This suggests a more intelligent and mature person which is why I think it may not be Kim. Kim – at least the identity I used to know as Kim – had poor writing skills. But how can an alter be any smarter than our true selves? It’s still HER. So I don’t see how one’s alter could be any smarter than they are, as funny as that may sound. They can be different personality-wise and they can be dumber, but smarter? Wouldn’t that be like an alter of mine, if I were crazy, speaking fluent Russian and my main self not remembering or being aware of it? I just don’t see how that’s possible, so Kim just may have a friend after all.

Again, is she crazy or acting? Hmm… when I think back to the prank calls Andy and I made, most of the recipients of these calls would have certainly thought we were either flat out of our minds or on drugs, while in reality, we knew damn good and well what we were doing/saying. I still think she’s crazy. Not many people could put up an act that well, that long, and that consistently. Even before she went wacko on me I noticed she had problems remembering things. I first blamed it on not paying attention due to lack of caring, but I really think she has no concept of right and wrong, doesn’t give a shit if she gets in trouble or what the hell happens to her, and probably can’t remember one day from the next very well. But she has to have some awareness to remember to peek in on me every day. She never seemed to forget my name or any of the basic details, so she’s got to be able to think, reason and rationalize at least a tiny bit.

I’d feel sorry for her if she wasn’t such a nuisance. A 300-pound crazy loser on disability who’s always lived at home and who will probably never have any type of real job or place of her own, can’t have much to look forward to in life. She’ll probably live and die a virgin, and as Aly said, I doubt she’s ever even been kissed. So what else has she got better to do than sit around and stuff herself while she pesters people?

How do people like her manage to stay out of jails and funny farms? She’s crazy enough to become threatening and get really carried away, though I’ve never known her to make any threats as of yet. Not in the I’m-going-to-kill-you sense, anyway.

I was telling Tammy that Tom’s overworked but at nearly a grand a week, he can’t complain that much, but to please tell people we’re still poor if they ask. If too many people know you have money, that’s how you get beggars on your tail. We probably will be poor again someday anyway.

I’m just sick to death of waiting for my parents’ money if there’s any to be had at all! Tammy said she’d call Walter and agreed he should’ve sent the letters he’s been saying he was going to send. Yes, he should have, but I don’t want “letters,” I just want my fucking money so I can know where we stand. As Tom said, it’s not so much that we have bad credit as we have no credit, so we’ll want to buy the place outright when it finally does come time to buy one. I still worry about the park itself, though, cuz we still have to rent the space it’s on and they could still turn us down.

Anyway, Walter’s still waiting on creditors. I guess they have a certain amount of time to make a claim against the estate, whatever that means. I’m not a lawyer so I don’t know how it all works. I guess it has to do with the debt the fucking bitch ran up before she died.

Still like that house by the cemetery but not that it’s in an expensive park. It’s a beautiful, upscale park, and yes, we can afford it. But I don’t want to just “afford” something, I want to be able to afford it and still save like crazy. But we also don’t want to settle for some cramped, scummy park either.

If I thought my ear and sleep disorder were hard to live with, my poor niece must feel the wrath of God around her big time now! How could any God be so cruel as to take the vision of a 25-year-old??? She’s prayed and prayed to no avail. Yet she’s lost a great deal in one eye and could very well end up with nothing in both eyes. Still not sure if there really is no God or if He just doesn’t care, but I can’t imagine living with no sight! They say we adapt, but still. We all have our limits as to what we can adapt to and that’s just no way to live, period. At least not for me. I’d rather be dead before I was blind or paralyzed.

My niece Becky is having emergency eye surgery today. What a shitty thing to have to go through! I’m enjoying every single moment that I’m still healthy and able to do things unassisted and free of medication because I know that soon enough I will be old and start accumulating problems. Becky’s hardly old, though, so it seems all the more unfair.

Lost a pound and a half after the first day of the Alli diet, but don’t want to get my hopes up yet. Yes, 1500 is a bit high for losing weight at this age and height even with exercise, but most diets are off to a good start anyway. If I lose more than 5 pounds, then I’ll start to think, hey maybe I’m really onto something here that really does work. You still have to diet and exercise as with any weight loss program, but with this, I may not have to practically kill myself to get results by having to nearly starve myself.

It takes fewer calories to maintain lower weights and more to maintain higher weights, so the lower I go, the more I will need to cut calories. I won’t be going from 120 pounds to 110 pounds on 1500 calories!

In reading various posts on Facebook I gotta wonder why people are so damn hard to please. Really, they’re just never happy with people no matter what and they always, always complain about other people’s posts. Wouldn’t it be easier not to read them? If one’s status updates are sad, people condemn them for being down and not “pulling themselves up and booting themselves in the ass.” When people’s updates are happy and full of good things, people still complain and are quick to insist it’s just an act and that deep down they’ve got to be miserable.

Who the hell would say they were happy if they weren’t, and why? I can see not wanting to worry people if something was wrong, but I’d never lie and say I was happy when I wasn’t. Instead, I would just keep quiet about what was wrong if I didn’t want people to know about it.

And who would “choose” misery over happiness if it were possible to simply pick and choose emotions like you can food from a buffet? Sadness, stress and loneliness are the emotional equivalents of nausea. Who in their right mind would want to be “mentally nauseous?”

Took my first Alli pill and experienced no side effects. It’s much too soon to say whether or not it will help me lose weight, but I did notice something. We usually gain weight twice after we eat. First right away due to the weight of the food itself, then again 10-20 minutes later after the calories have a chance to get us. I usually gain 1-2 pounds depending on how much I eat, but after weighing in a half-hour after I’d eaten a regular meal, I was only up half a pound.

I’m PMSing so bad now that I’m going to be shocked, pissed and worried if I don’t get a period within a week. I have most of the usual symptoms, water retention, backaches, bloating, sore boobs and fatigue. These symptoms are getting worse, much like they do when my period is just days away. I’m having to really push myself to get anything done around here.

Just wondering if 6 months to a year of complete silence on my part really will make Kim go away forever. I’m not so sure with this particular kind of stalker due to how crazy she is, but I’ll find out someday. I miss allowing for anonymous questions but if I’ve got to deprive myself for a while to purge my life of this sicko, so be it. I’m going to be pissed if it all ends up being for nothing, though.

Another chilly morning in the low 40s, but at least we haven’t made it down into the 20s so far this year or had a dusting of snow. Haven’t seen a dusting in two years now. Of all the climates I’ve lived in, the worst was MA. Not quite as cold as OR, but still too cold/snowy in the winter and too humid in the summer. I like this climate the best so far here in NorCal. Still a little too chilly in the winters, but love the hot, dry summers that aren’t as insanely hot as AZ or so insanely dry that no amount of lotion seems to bring moisture to my skin. I think FL will be my favorite climate if I ever live there. Yes, it’s humid year-round, but warm year-round too, and the moisture would be great for my skin and hair.

It was nice to find Charlotte who added me after I sent her an add request, though I haven’t heard from her otherwise. Charlotte, Jim, Goldie and Al were definitely the best of the family friends, though Char’s the only one left alive. I’m guessing she’s in her mid-80s now, so I don’t expect her to be that active online.

The only thing that kind of sucks is that with a few exceptions, it’s usually me that sends the add invites. Why can’t more people hunt me down instead for a change and be the first to ask to add me?

I’ve been doing better on evening out the attention, so to speak. One-sided relationships of any kind have always annoyed me. So the less I hear from people, the less they’ll hear from me. The more I hear from them, the more they’ll hear from me, but within reason, of course. I’m not going to go back and forth with people all day every single day.

Nothing from Nane since before Christmas and I don’t know if she’s playing games with me or if something’s going on. I’d say something’s going on since there’s been no FB activity of any kind from her, but she won’t hear from me till I hear from her. She knows where I am.

Starting to feel more PMS-like so maybe I’ll get a period this month. I should know around the 13th.

It’s all I can do to keep myself from turning my MD blog back public and allowing for anonymous questions on Ask. It’s a struggle not to as I really miss the surprise of getting anonymous questions. It sucks big time that this psycho has to ruin it for those who just want to have fun, but as I said before, I can’t always know who I’m talking to, and I don’t want to be answering to Kim no matter how polite and innocent a question of hers may seem. She seems to go back and forth in her mind between believing we’re friends and believing I’m stalking her and her many selves. So when she’s in buddy-buddy mode, I don’t want her getting the wrong idea if I answer any “nice” questions of hers and think we’re interacting as true friends.

trollpolice.com, which gives a lot of tips and pointers on dealing with people like her, really nailed it to the point when they said it’s common for stalkers to say that we’re the ones bothering them when confronted. They definitely do love to turn tables! Or try to anyway.

All I know is that this is a genuine psycho and they’re the hardest to reason with or scare off. They either don’t realize or don’t care what they’re doing. Again, I’m glad this nutjob doesn’t live down the street and know where I live. I could probably take her cuz she’s so huge and therefore couldn’t move very fast, but this is the type of nut that would kill someone right under a cop’s nose cuz “God ordered them to,” and hey, they were only serving their Master.

Again, as much as I’m itching to go non-anonymous (though I might go public on MD where I can simply ignore feedback), I really am curious to see if she returns if I keep it this way for 6 months to a year. I think she will. Time doesn’t seem to have much meaning for people like her, and again, this is a crazy person we’re talking about, not just a meanie. It’s also someone who has nothing better to do but sit and tune into the worlds of those she harasses or would at least like to. I keep hoping she’ll go pick on others, but just like Molly does, she’ll only add them to her shit list and not replace me with them. They’ll harass however many people they are awake long enough to harass.

Later…

“Do you have any friends named Janet?” someone asked Kristi, my latest Ask pal. Why do I smell a big fat, crazy troll behind that one? So what is she going to do, question everyone that non-anonymously questions me in a way that lets me know it’s her? Thank God I’ve got my FB friends hidden!

Other than waking up with congestion that is pretty annoying, I’m looking forward to pigging out today before starting the Alli tomorrow. It will cost something like $130 a month, but I don’t care. If it works, that’s all that matters and it’s certainly cheaper than cigarettes would be.

Today, though, on top of changing the rats’ cage and catching up on things around here, we’ll be out shopping and picking up some Chinese food for me. I love that new restaurant I finally decided to try now that we have extra money. Their fried rice is awesome. Last time I got shrimp fried rice, crab puffs and ribs. I think this time I’ll just grab some pork fried rice and beef & broccoli.

As much as I love glitter nail polish, I gotta stop using it on my fingers cuz the remover I use is tearing up my cuticles. Glitter nail polish is sooo hard to remove, but since I never remove toenail polish I can use it on my toes instead of my fingers. I never have the patience to let my fingernail polish chip off completely before I am compelled to remove what’s left of it and re-polish them, and non-glitter polish comes off easily.

Later…

Tom got back with the groceries around 8:30 and at around 10:00 we went to Kmart. I didn’t have anything specific in mind. I was just browsing casually when I passed by some really cute clothes for babies. It was then that I realized I could get something for what I decided at the time would be my Baily and Twinkle dolls which are 22” and 24” long. I never had before because I didn’t know what size to get, but after getting my lifelike baby doll onesies for 0-3 month infants, I knew the same size would fit them because they’re only a few inches longer.

So, for a total of just $30, I bought a ballerina dress with a pink leopard print on the body and a pink tutu and leggings for what was going to be Twinkle and a pink but mostly purple jacket-like dress with a hoodie that zips up in front and that that also came with leggings. The jacket has a cartoonish cat with silver dots of glitter and a pink sequin sash-like thing around the waist. The leggings have plum, pink and white flowers against a lavender background. This was going to be for Bailey.

The doll’s legs tend to be a bit fat and their bodies a bit skinny for the outfits, but not enough that they couldn’t wear them. However, it was Joy who ended up looking the best after I mixed and matched outfits. Well, they all look great and this makeover was long overdue! I ditched most of their old, discolored clothes.

Joy is wearing a purple onesie I turned into a t-shirt that I got when I got a 5-pack for my lifelike baby doll, Grace. I just snipped the ends off and tucked the hem. The leggings she wears is the purple one that came with a top Twinkle is now wearing.

Bailey is wearing the cute little ballerina dress. No leggings, though. The pink leggings that came with it are on Twinkle.

I also got a gorgeous Jaclyn Smith necklace with “diamonds.” A few of the stones are multicolored depending on how the light hits them and are totally gorgeous. If you like shiny things and colorful things like I do, you’d totally love it.

I got pink glitter nail polish, even though the last thing I need is another bottle of nail polish. It’s a shade of pink I don’t have, though, and well, I guess I’m a nail polish addict.

Lastly, I got a 3-pack of Body Fantasies sprays – Love Struck, Strawberries & Champagne, and Va Va Voom!

The weather was cloudy, damp and cold, but at least the sun wasn’t glaring in our eyes. I also got to test out my new crossbody purse. I found it more comfortable to pull it slightly toward the front of me as opposed to the side. I didn’t like the way the strap pulled on the side of my neck before.

Tom found some fun electronic gadgets so he could have some fun for the few precious hours he gets off a week, at Radio Shack.

Our last stop was for Chinese food. I got pork fried rice, fried wontons, and a side of beef and broccoli. I love the rice even if it’s a bit carroty, but the beef and broccoli are just so-so cuz the broccoli is a bit tough and huge, too. I gave the carrot slivers to the rats.

Not sure if I’m going to start the Alli tomorrow or the next day with all the junk I’ve got, but I may start with 1 or 2 pills a day instead of 3.

sighs Kim has taken her stalking to new levels, now harassing people on other sites and not just Ask. She tried to friend a friend as “Janet M” on FB, but they knew better, since Janet, Janice and other variations of those names are either names she likes to go by or names she’s given her alters.

She once left the most insane feedback I’ve ever received, thus proving how truly crazy she really is and convincing me more and more that she truly does have MPD. If she doesn’t, then she’s a damn good actress. It wasn’t just what she said and the fact that she’s getting more brazen by the minute, but the constant usage of the words “we” and “us.” The things she says and does, knowing most of her family was/is crazy, and the sheer size of her all spell MPD. It’s very common for those who were sexually abused as kids not only to end up with MPD but also to eat themselves huge so that they think they’re less appealing in the eyes of their abuser. This is what I read anyway.

I honestly don’t think she’s fully aware of her actions as her alters take over for her and I think she’s just too crazy to care that if she keeps this up she could very well end up in jail. She’s leaving an electronic trail everywhere she goes, even though she uses bogus names and email addies.

What pisses me off is feeling powerless to do anything about it until the laws toughen up. It infuriates me to know that she can harass me at will and no one will do shit, but the cops thought they could cry “Case!” against me last year simply for using a website’s features? HA! Then again we all know that wasn’t no cop and that there never was any case since, A, I never broke any laws, and B, I came up with about 15 different things they fucked up on to show it was clearly a joke and a lame attempt to scare me. I know who it was. They know who it was. And if they ever come to my door… well… I won’t even get started on that one.

Back on topic. Kim. Kim unhinged and getting more and more delusional and deranged by the minute. It really sucks that my online life has to include such childish crazy shit from sickos like this. The number of insults, lies and threats she edited into my entry must’ve taken her quite a bit of time. So sad that some people have nothing better to do than devote so much time and energy into stalking those who were good to them. Ah, but I can type faster and so I had fun editing her shit to piss her off even more.

What’s scary is that these are the kinds of people who kill people cuz “the little voices in their head told them to” or for some other delusional reason. My life could be in serious danger if she or the people who victimized me in Arizona ever found me. The Arizona people cuz of hate, this one cuz of insanity.

Again, Kim obviously has no problem with providing more and more evidence against herself and building a case that could ultimately land her in jail. I honestly believe at this point that she’s just too crazy to care. I think she hates herself so much that jail would be the same as being home to her and that any place you stick her is all the same to her. She simply has no conscience or any concept of right and wrong. I can just imagine all the others who have been and are being stalked by this crazy bitch. But again, I think that even if 20 cops swarmed her place and threatened to throw her ass in jail if she kept it up, she wouldn’t give a shit, most likely because she either wouldn’t remember harassing people or she simply wouldn’t believe she was doing anything wrong. She is really beginning to make Molly look like a saint and I can just imagine how many times she falsely accused Molly of picking on her when it was actually the other way around.

Well, Kim, you’ll just have to harass me from other sites now, and please do. You may not mind a stint in jail, but just as soon as you give me enough evidence to get you there is as soon as I get to get a break from you, even if it’s only for a short while. So why not do me the favor since jail is no problem for you?

Speaking of jail and home, what is this thing doing in the free world anyway? I don’t understand why she’s not in some kind of controlled environment as crazy as she is.

Someone just suggested it could be someone pretending to be Kim to make it look like she’s worse than she really is, but I don’t think so. I’ll be the first to admit that I can’t see who’s on the other end of the computer, but the spelling and choice of words seem classic Kim to me. Really surprised she hasn’t shown up on my tracker, but I’m sure she will soon enough.

Interesting possibility, though, cuz if it’s not Kim, then that leaves a million possibilities, including those I’d least suspect.

Later…

Completed one of the programmed intensity workouts yesterday on my treadmill, but really realized that my body is still barely responding to diet and exercise. I considered going back to smoking to give it a boost since smoking elevates your heartbeat, I have congestion at times anyway, and we can afford it. I could always quit again later on.

Tom said before I do that, why not try Alli? It’s this thing that’s supposed to block the absorption of fat/calories. It started as a prescription drug but is now available over the counter. Possible side effects include gas and the runs. I read the reviews on it on Walmart’s site and most are pretty positive, so maybe I’ll try that first. If not, I probably will return to smoking. Been thinking about it anyway, though it would be for weight control only. I have no desire to smoke for other reasons, though it could shorten my life and even out our lifespans since he’s 8 years older than me. If I don’t figure out something, the problem isn’t going to go away and will probably get even worse with time. I’m really getting sick of working so hard just to keep re-losing the same few pounds over and over again.

Getting slammed with spam again and as if it weren’t annoying enough to have so many companies spamming me, they’re sending me the same damn messages over and over again all day long. Do they realize they’re doing this or has their spam machine gone crazy?

Muneeba joined Ask and is really a very lovely young lady, now that I’ve seen her picture. She’s not allowing for anonymous questions, fortunately, or else Kim would come at her pretending to be whoever.

Sarah’s posts are funny, bitching about the cold and snow and then a rat that was in her salon. They were all scared of it so they got some guy to get rid of it for them.