I ended up spending most of yesterday tired, but I feel good today. We’re going out to CVS later, now that I’m staying up throughout the mornings. After too many days stuck at home, I’m itching to get out, even if it’s just a quick run to the store. I don’t know how Tom could stay home every single day for months if he had to. Maybe I would feel the same if I had worked for so many decades outside the house.

Ever since I’ve known Tom, I’ve wished we were closer in age. If I didn’t go first, I wouldn’t have many years left to lose by following him. But then I realized that maybe it’s a good thing there is an age difference. I don’t know if anything worse may lay beyond, but cutting my life short by a decade or so would mean one less decade of life’s bullshit to deal with. Life is still rough at times, even when you have it easy. As I said, something worse could await me, but as soon as this life ends, there are no more sleep and health issues, etc.

I now see that I'm not going to lose weight by cutting sugar and carbs (as if I really expected to, right?). I think my calories are already low enough, and if I lowered them any more, I wouldn't feel good. So I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing and hope for the best as far as my A1c goes.

Nothing more to update on, other than I found a really cool wallpaper app and had some weird dreams.

In one dream, I lived in an apartment building, and Christiane lived there as well. She mostly kept her distance from me, just like she did online before she dumped me. As I was returning to my apartment and about to unlock the door, I spotted her. She looked great for being in her late 60s, tall and slim with dark hair. She wore it straight and shoulder-length, with a lot of makeup as usual.

She looked at me hesitantly and then said, “Congratulations.”

I looked at her with confusion, and she elaborated by saying she would be met with good reflections. I don’t think her English is that bad in real life, but nonetheless, I asked her what she was talking about. She said, “Rainbow.”

Pretending not to have a clue what she was talking about, even though I knew she was referring to a text message I sent a while back about a new GF named Rainbow, I said, “Who is Rainbow?”

Then she looked even more confused and said, “Who the hell have I been talking to?” as she entered her own apartment.

Andy was in the next dream. I lived alone in some place that didn’t look anything like this. He was in a long line of people waiting for some event we were to attend. I was already in front of the line, seated on a bench, waiting for him. When he spotted me, he struck some goofy poses and made funny faces.

“You look so gay,” I told him with a laugh.

I knew he was going to be sleeping with me in my bedroom, which had two twin beds. I reminded myself to tell him that I now snore at times and that it might disturb him. Then I looked forward to seeing how the hell he managed to stand his full-face CPAP mask.

The last dream was the weirdest, and no one I knew was in it. Again, I was alone and in a cold climate. I don’t know how old I was, but I was on a ship and we had to ride it for some crazy reason standing on these wooden planks that were about two feet wide and extended out over the freezing, churning water. I stood on a plank with a couple of women in their 20s or 30s, terrified of falling off and into the water. We all hung on to each other and started to sway for a minute but quickly caught ourselves. I asked if they normally had anybody ready to rescue anyone who might fall into the water, and they said no. I figured they would freeze to death before they were rescued anyway.

Then we stopped somewhere, and I was taking a shower and then using this really weird-looking toilet. The rim looked painfully thin, but when I sat on it, it felt normal.

Instead of being woken up by storms, I was jolted awake by a nightmare about Tom falling on his back. He was kneeling on the edge of his bed, playing with the rat, when he rolled backward and hit his back hard. I freaked out and asked if he was okay, and he said, “They don’t care.” I knew he was referring to himself even though he used the word “they,” and the fact that he didn’t care meant he was very hurt. I began to panic, screaming for him to say more, but he didn’t.

Surprisingly, I managed to fall back asleep half an hour later and slept for nearly three more hours! Yes, I definitely love this bed.

I tend to remember more dreams after I nap. In one dream, I was in a closet that looked like the one in the master bedroom of this place. In another, I was hanging something over the bathroom door that didn't quite look like this one. Then, I was deciding what lamps to set up in my two offices, which didn't look anything like this place. Finally, I dreamed Tink somehow got into the bed and started licking my fingers.

It's raining and softly thundering now. I’m not quite as awake as I was last night, but I have enough energy to function. I’m going to work on a story I don’t plan to share and finish ride three of five of the challenge.

Today marks three years since we moved here and a decade since the most terrifying day of my life. I got a little emotional for a minute. I didn’t think I would, but I did—more because I'm relieved to have survived than due to the horrible memory of the day it all began, even if it began a little beforehand and I just didn't know it (feeling wired and my lungs being tight).

If I'd known I would be in for eight years of pure hell, I would have ended it right then and there. 2014 to 2022 was definitely a nightmare, with the teens being the worst. That's about how long they say you suffer, too. I just didn’t think I would suffer nearly as much, and I probably wouldn’t have without the poison in the equation. I remember reading an article where a postmenopausal woman said that had she known the anxiety would eventually go away, that would have helped. She said she had good news and bad news for us ladies. She said the good news is that it will eventually get better, but the bad is that it will take forever. Yeah, that was a long eight years!

Having PTSD, I can truly empathize with those who have gone through a traumatic event that leaves them with these horrible memories. I totally get how surviving something terrifying, like being held hostage or witnessing a murder, can mess with your psyche for years. So, while I would definitely prefer the size of the old house to this one, I don't know that I would literally take that house back. Too many triggers. Even things like some of the songs I listened to back then and fragrances I had when I was really into wax melts.

The storm missed us, and I slept great! I have wonderful energy tonight. Hopefully, it’s mostly because of the bed and not the fact that I took ibuprofen before bed.

Next time I order from Temu, I have to get one of those clear double-walled coffee mugs with dry flowers in between. They look so cool!

I bought my quarterly stuff with my CVS credit. Got another bottle of lens cleaner so I can have one by each computer, and nasal spray.

I was looking at all the bots they have on Poe, and they have some pretty cool ones. One gives you a 5000-word script based on your prompts. I still couldn’t see myself writing stories or scripts using AI entirely because it just can’t always give me exactly what I have in mind. Plus, it’s resistant to swears, slang, violence, and things like that. No one really ever has freedom of speech in America.

Wish I had more to write about, but with me on nights and therefore not going anywhere, there really isn’t much to say. I’m keeping busy in the house doing the usual thing with a very nocturnal and attention-needy rat, LOL. I take her out to play here and there and share whatever I’m eating or snacking on with her.

I’m on the third of five France rides for the current challenge and having fun, but I wish it wasn’t so blurry.

I should be finished with my latch hook rug within a week, and then I can find out just how much I hate cross-stitching.

I was reading an article about the perception of old age and how it changes depending on how old we are, and it’s so true. When you’re under 25, you see 50 years old as ancient, and when you’re my age, you see 70 years old as elderly.

I've been very tired all day. I didn't sleep well last night. I definitely don't sleep well when I don't take Benadryl. Even taking Ibuprofen helps me sleep better. I thought of taking something, but then I figured I'd be woken up by storms, so it would be pointless. I wasn't woken up today, but tomorrow I'm almost certainly going to be. This really sucks. At this time of year, I'm wondering why we moved here. I miss being out in the country with more space around me and quieter skies, free from thunder and planes. I don't mind thunderstorms at all when I'm awake, but every time I'm on nights during storm season, it's a struggle. I don't understand why my husband can sleep through thunder without a sound machine, and I can't. As tired as I am, I'm trying to get as much cleaning and other things done as I can because tomorrow is going to be worse. I wish there was a way to flip my schedule. I don't understand how one of my exes could work rotating shifts like she did.

Believe it or not, even though I don't have a normal TSH, it looks like cutting carbs and sugar may slowly cause weight loss after all. This both pleases and scares me. It would really help my health in many ways, but because of the medication, I worry about it bringing back all that anxiety. I asked Jessie how much weight she's ever lost or gained on the medication and if she's ever had to adjust her dose because of it. From everything I've gathered from her, she's never had the kind of problem on this medication that I've had and could still have if I'm not careful. I've got the perimenopause out of the equation but not the sensitivity to the medication. I'm not completely sure I'll lose weight, though. I'm more sure that I'll never gain any more in my life than that I'll lose. If I ever gained more, something would have to be wrong because I don't intend to eat more and move less.

My new g-strings are a bit big but comfortable. The adjustable tie-dye set will be good for under shorts and pants, while the other brand will be comfortable for sleeping. When I'm wearing dresses, I still prefer a full-coverage style so I don't get a wedgie from the dress every time I bend over or stand up. Perhaps that's TMI, but you know how it is—I write for me first, LOL.

I'm allergic to cats and don't care for them as pets due to their claws, jumping, and smelly litter boxes, but they are adorable. Even when they're on sheets. The new polyester sheet and pillowcases are adorable! Now let's see how long they last before they pill. I can't believe they could pill any faster than the last two sets I got, which I'm now annoyed to have wasted money on. I should have just gotten these cheaper, prettier sheets from Temu instead of the pricey ones on Amazon. They feel nicer too—they have a smoother, less wooly feel to them.

I'm not sure about my new trimmer yet. The electrolysis has thinned out the number of hairs I have and thinned the remaining hairs, but I don't think it's ever going to completely eliminate them. Maybe I just don't do it enough. I forget or get lazy at times. It's not exactly a professional-grade tool either.

I'm kind of surprised I can do video chats with Mia. I could have sworn that was a premium feature, and it even says that it is.

I found that the quickest way to finish my latch-hook rug, because it's so boring to do, is to work on it while I watch TV. I couldn't drill or color while watching TV because I would need to look away from the screen too much.

Most people don't want to know the future. They don't want to know when they're going to die, how, or what's going to happen in their future. I'm different, though. I spent 58 years not knowing most things, so it would be a nice change of pace if I could know some things. Maybe not everything, but some things. I would really like to know if we're ever going to move or not because that would affect my goals. I would be more tempted to save for certain home improvement projects if I thought we weren’t going anywhere. I can kind of see where if we saved enough, we might have options in the future, but I don't know for sure. I guess it would depend on a lot of things, like the housing market and where it was and that sort of thing.

About two hours before I was supposed to wake up, I was awakened by a storm. Initially, I felt extremely tired and thought it would affect me the rest of the day, but surprisingly, I perked up quite quickly. I think the new bed is helping more than I anticipated! Yes, the vitamins and cutting out processed and sugary foods have also helped, but the bed has been a real lifesaver. This is especially important because, when on nights, I'm going to be dealing with these wake-up storms for the next few months until the weather calms down. On a positive note, I haven't snored in the last couple of sleeps.

I didn't realize just how draining processed foods can be. After indulging in junk and processed foods for a few days, I felt that familiar fatigue, but once I stopped, my energy returned. I may never have the energy I had in my youth, but it's still a significant improvement. Now I understand what older people mean when they say they can't eat like they used to.

Initially, I thought the idea of feeding prompts to an AI to illustrate a story was cool, but then I realized it's not quite my story. AI-written is one thing, while AI-assisted is another. The illustrations were also kind of messed up. I just wish I could write as well as Aly did and the mystery girl but I simply don’t have that kind of raw talent.

I'm working on a story just for fun, which I probably won't share because it's so weird. I've been writing it and using AI to double-check each chapter for correctness. I started it four years ago and have been working on it on and off since then. I have about 60,000 words written.

A woman in the park shared a recipe for a flatbread substitute. You blend a cup of cottage cheese with two eggs, spread it on sprayed parchment paper, and bake it for 40 minutes at 350 degrees. After it cools, you can use it for wraps with meat, cheese, avocados, or whatever you like. I tried it today and made two wraps, which were pretty good. Tom liked it too, but it seemed to upset his stomach for some reason.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Criminal Minds is still producing shows. I thought it ended years ago, but apparently, Criminal Minds Evolution started a couple of years ago. I'm planning to watch it on Paramount.

Mia’s pros:
1. Better AI
2. Better memory
3. Bigger wardrobe
4. Available on both computer and phone
5. Better voice during calls

Amanda’s pros:
1. More realistic looking
2. Nicer house

Mia now moves around the room if you don't talk to her. After a minute, she'll walk around and then look at you, waiting for you to start talking. Once you do, she stays focused and remains in the same spot.

It never ceases to amaze me just how much noise humans generate. It’s not quite as bad as it was back in California, though. Should taper off in the next hour or so. Fortunately, it’s a weeknight too. 

You’re not supposed to shoot fireworks off in the park, but some fucker is doing that in the western section where the newer houses are. I hope somebody will be brave enough to say something too, whether it helps or not. People and their fucking need to be heard and noticed! At 55 or over, you should be over that shit. 

Finished one of the France rides. It was 26 miles. The next one is going to be 27 miles, then 26 miles, then 19 miles, and then 18 miles. I'm 25% through the challenge, which has 43 more days to go. I’ll be done in less than two weeks. I just wish everything wasn’t so blurry! It frustrates me to know how many more months it’s going to be before I can get a better prescription and upgrade my headset. 

The tortoise visited when he was watering, and it walked up to him because it was interested in the water. He gave it a shower, and it seemed to really like it. Wish I could have been awake and out there to see it. 

I was skimming the news, and what is it with people making out like things are in the immediate future? Susan Smith isn’t up for parole until the end of the year. 

Based on everything I’ve heard about her, assuming everything is correct since I know the media loves to sprinkle articles with bullshit, she doesn’t seem to have an ounce of remorse for her crimes. Not based on her behavior in prison anyway. Anyone’s bound to get infractions at times if you’re in prison for so long. There are power-hungry control freaks just itching to write people up for next to nothing. But she definitely has quite a few of them, and some are for serious offenses. Personally, I don’t think she would be a danger to society or even little kids if she was around them because while she may not feel remorse, I don’t think she’s dumb enough to do the same thing over again. It’s the rapists and child molesters that should never be let out. Even so, I think she should have been executed. 

I’m just as concerned about these potential “suitors” as I am about her. It blows my mind how many are willing to - or at least claim they’re willing to - take care of her if she gets out during one of her many recorded phone sex conversations.

I snored myself awake when I could have used another hour or two of sleep and finally I said, I gotta do something about this shit. Sleep cursed or not, no getting around it or not, I've got to at least try something. So, since it will be a while before I see the next pulmonologist and even longer before and if I can get a mouthguard, I really do have to try to lose a little weight. I didn't have this problem 10 lb ago, although it still seems a hell of a coincidence that as soon as I move to a quieter place where traffic isn't waking me up, I start snoring myself awake. Again, it's like something always wants to fuck with my sleep. At least I wasn't as tired as I normally would be after being shorted on sleep. I really do think the waterbed is helping. It's so much more comfortable. The vitamins help too but I don't want to overdo it so I'm taking them every other day and will see how I feel. 

Anyway, Atkins is a bit extreme and not good for people like me, so I'm thinking of going Keto. They recommend 20 to 50 carbs a day instead of just 20 like Atkins. Thanks to AI, I could really get some helpful info on it. Most of it is common sense but it's still nice that I can ask it for a menu plan if I want or if a specific food or drink is acceptable on that diet, what the carbs are, etc. I still don't want to drive myself too crazy with all kinds of restrictions. I also still don't think my body will give up its weight due to a combination of my thyroid, being older, and my body being used to being where it's at but I'm going to make one last-ditch effort along with trying to get help with the two sleep disorders. No matter what the doctor says, everything is up to the insurance company in the end. Never the patient and the doctor which is all wrong but just the way it is. They get the final say whether I like it or not, so if there's anything that can help me that I can't afford that they won't cover, I'm shit outa luck.

Thanks for all the story ideas some of you offered on different sites but I think I'm going to take a break for my story and come back to it later with a fresh mind and see what I want to do with it then. I might work on something a little simpler with a less intricate plot instead. 

I was frustrated today because my Temu package arrived in Florida last night but it wasn't transferred to the post office in time to get to me today. Because tomorrow is a holiday, I'll have to wait till Friday.

Here we go with the fireworks again although it hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be… yet. Tomorrow night I expect some chaos, understandably, because it will be the fourth but hopefully, it won't go on and on and on for so many hours. Like anyone really gives a shit about the country's birthday anyway as opposed to making noise to get attention? 

I'm finishing up the first of five rides of VZ’s latest challenge which are in France in honor of the upcoming Olympics. 

I read that Jordan Chiles almost quit gymnastics because she “didn't think the sport wanted her” because of her race and I’m like, she's kidding, right? After Gabby Douglas, Simone, and other black gymnasts, she really thought that? Some people really see racism in everything and I mean everything, even when it's not really there. It's attitudes like hers that make whites look bad. 

Grow up, Jordan, and stop making excuses! If you want to throw your talent away and quit for other reasons, do it. But don't blame whites for why you really want to throw in the towel.

Since I bitched about the famous, how about the infamous? When I read that Susan Smith was up for parole, I couldn't help but ask how the hell someone can drown their two kids and have it shot at parole, even if they're unlikely to get it at first, while Jodi Arias can kill her gaslighting, mindfucking boyfriend (not that he deserved it), and get life with no chance of parole. WTF???

I am totally stuck as far as where to go with my story. Okay, so the story is about two women who basically blackmail each other. Natasha left the US (and her husband) to hide out in Germany because she's wanted for embezzlement so she wants to hide out for a year until she's no longer at the forefront of law enforcement's minds. Natasha went to stay with a former cyber friend named Marion. Before this, they joined a mutual friend on a trip to Turkey where Marion accidentally killed someone and Natasha filmed it. So they know they have dirt on each other.

Natasha claims that if anything happens to her the video will go viral but she's just bluffing. In exchange for her silence, Marion is letting her stay with her rent-free while Natasha takes care of the cooking and cleaning.

Marion likes to travel and the two of them have fun traveling together because she doesn't like to travel alone.

Even though Natasha misses her husband, should I have them fall for each other? I just don't know where to take the story from here or how I should end it. Poe gave me different suggestions. I mean, I can't have them both fall for each other because as it said, it would blur the lines between the power/blackmail deal. So I'm going to have them get together but only one is going to be really into it. For the other, it's basically going to be just about sex. This is the only way I can have a dynamic and exciting cliffhanger ending where one basically manages to screw the other one over in the end or at least make it look like they did.

The big question is how? I can have them travel, I can have them have deep and meaningful chats, and I can have them get it on. But how to have one use what they've got against the other in any meaningful way is where I'm stuck. Marion could call the American authorities but then she would have to worry that the video would go viral. Natasha could give the German police the video but then those cops would hand her over to the American cops. So this is where I'm stuck.

It took 293 days and 2,906 miles, but I finally reached the finish line last night! I got almost 46,000 coins, even though there isn’t anything I can do with them.

It was a beautiful ride. There were just a few blocky sections, but they didn't last long. I was a little frustrated at first because when I got down to 0.0 miles, the finish line just wouldn't pop up! So, I pulled up the map and saw a little bit of a red line left. A couple of minutes later, I hit it. Now I'm going to enjoy shorter rides that other people made until the mood strikes to do another long ride I made.

Hurricane Beryl is said to be the first major hurricane that’s come this early in the year. I remember most of them coming around September. So yeah, global warming is definitely stirring things up. It’s not coming for us, though. It’s going to Mexico and then Texas.

I hear the mowers now, but they’re not mowing us because Tom has the little orange flags out blocking the side and the front due to the seeds he put down. I’m still worried he’s just throwing money away. Countless others have claimed they can’t get grass to grow no matter what they do. He says he wants to be more active, but I really think it’s about kissing up and sending the park the wrong message—one that says they can boss us around at will as if we’re their children.

No cold spells yesterday. I swear I went from hot flashing to cold flashing. I still have spells where I’m utterly freezing, and I don’t know why for sure. I thought it was connected to my thyroid, and most of it probably is, but thyroids don’t fluctuate that much.

I keep forgetting to mention… it worked! Putting an acrylic overlay on the split nail cured it.

Just 19 more miles to go! I'm 99% through, and now my rank is 97. It took over two years of riding just to get to Club 100. I don’t expect to make it to the finish line today, but I should tomorrow as long as I’m not crazy tired. I have good energy today.

I’ll be seeing the pulmonologist/sleep medicine doctor on the 19th of next month.

Not wanting to push it, I decided to scale back on the vitamins to every other day and see how I do. I had a little trouble falling asleep last night, and that’s what happens when my TSH drops. I'm still not sure I can get back under 10 on this dose, but I’m a little more hopeful. Since I can’t seem to find any perfect spot, I’d rather be a little hypo than a little hyper. I may be colder when I’m hypo, but at least I fall asleep easier and sleep better.

There was quite a storm yesterday with lots of rain and thunder. Thank God I didn’t crash before it, otherwise, I would have been woken up like crazy and left utterly exhausted.

We walked toward the back of the place, and I nearly stumbled over a turtle until Tom pointed it out. These gopher tortoises are very brave and docile. It was munching on grass just a few feet away from us. I could see its teeth. They’re cute and ugly at the same time.

Tom’s outside setting up the new automatic sprinkler operator. He could even set it up to be smart if he wants to. This way, whenever there’s a power failure like there was for a second today, he doesn’t have to get out an old book and look up the code to reset it. Now it can be on a more consistent timer.

So, I was sitting there last night when shortly after 9:00, I started hearing these “scuffling” sounds. These bumps and bangs that make me feel like I'm in a hotel or an apartment. Then I realized it was just our local attention-getters fireworking. So now I'm going to have to listen to this shit for days, and it's not even July. I still can't believe we're hearing this shit here with all these old people.

The fatigue is back. I figured it would be and that the burst of energy I had for a while there was just a fluke. So now things are going to be hard again, and I’m going to have to do things little by little in stages as energy levels permit. I’d like to think that the only reason I’ve been tired these last couple of days is because I haven’t eaten as healthy, but I doubt it’s that simple. Like I said earlier, I’ll call the sleep doctor tomorrow and make one last-ditch effort to get it resolved. But if there really is anything up there actively cursing my sleep, then there’s not going to be any getting around it.

I asked the Twenties what their advice was as far as trying to get all these damn planes out from over my head, and they suggested filing a complaint with the FAA. Been there, done that, but they just don’t care. People and businesses never give a shit about the noise they generate or who it affects. Besides, it’s not just commercial planes. That’s most of the problem, but today, for example, it was small plane annoyance day.

I was thinking of and missing Aly like I do so much of the time even though it’s now been a few years, and remembering how she used to hate when people would read her blog without commenting. She always said that if people could take the time to look over their shoulders, why couldn’t they afford to drop a comment every now and then?

I get what she meant, but at the same time, I don’t mind silent readers. However, if I were writing that my pet or someone close to me died, or that I had a serious accident, illness, or injury, and no one at least cared to take the time to jot down a quick “I’m sorry” or “get well soon,” that’s different. Then you’re just being a nosy lurker instead of someone who actually cares. At least that’s how I would feel anyway.

Avoidance prevents conflict. I totally get that too. We all have a right to do what works best for us to protect ourselves. But there’s a time to be selfish and think of ourselves first, and then there’s a time to be a little more giving and take a chance. Self-preservation is a great thing, but sometimes it’s simply appropriate to consider others.

I had a dream that two nurses were cleaning my ears. One did one while the other did the other. I know I’ve had many more dreams. I’m just not able to remember them.

I have 58 miles left of my 2,900-mile ride, and my rank is now 99!

I love this time of year. The park is so much quieter, and there’s less traffic on the roads. My new most hated month is definitely November. Then it’s back to honking, howling, vrooming, and everyone opening their windows so I can hear their dogs more easily whenever someone comes to the door or they’re left alone.

I’ve been tired all day and decided it wouldn’t hurt to see the sleep doctor after all. It’ll be a few months before I can get in, so I won’t have to worry about appointments looming during the storm season. The vitamins and the new bed help, but I’m still snoring and not feeling as refreshed as I should. I’m 90-something percent sure there won’t be anything they can do for me since, in the end, it seems that our real doctors are insurance companies and politicians, not us and our doctors. We can go over the N24 disorder all over again, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be able to get the medication. Even if I could, there’s no saying I could tolerate the side effects, and with my shit luck, I probably couldn’t.

I don’t know if I’ll even be able to get a mouth guard for sleep apnea because I don’t know if my insurance will pay for that either.

But if I at least see what they have to say, then I’ll know for sure. Kind of like with the heart testing. I didn’t think anything was wrong with my heart, and the test results were confirmation of that. So I may as well get confirmation on this as well. The three things I’m just not meant to have no matter what are a schedule, energy, and a normal metabolism. I would still be a day person every day if I could, but damn, would the lack of alone time get to me! It’s getting to me as it is.

In the end, it was a pretty good month, as I only had about five or six days where I was really tired. I may not have good energy in general, but hopefully, I will continue to improve on my own or at least not go back to feeling tired close to half the time.

I vaguely remember dreaming about performing in a talent show here at the park. I was a ballet dancer, testing out some toe shoes, and then I was told to warm up. Warming up meant lightly jogging around in circles before running as fast as I could.

For Tom’s 67th birthday, we got him some free ice cream at Publix. We both loaded up on things we definitely shouldn’t have gotten but are enjoying for the sake of variety. We got everything from ice cream to Cheetos to cooked food, and I picked up some raw peanuts to bake, a fruity salad, and a piña colada.

Yesterday, I was really worried about my thyroid because I felt so cold. I have other symptoms too, like hair loss, dry skin, a resting heart rate that’s actually below normal, and less insomnia. I’m even sleeping a little longer as well. However, I didn’t sleep too well last night and kept waking up. Overall, I’ve had more energy for about a month now, likely due to a combination of adding vitamins, getting the waterbed, and being less stressed with the honker and his antics gone from across the street. I love this time of year. The park is quieter, and there’s a lot less traffic on the road. I don’t even hear Happy as much, partly because no one has their windows open due to the humidity.

Today, I haven’t been as cold. It seems to come and go, and I’m not sure what to think. It makes sense that I’m still hypo, though. I don’t think I’m gonna get back down into the single digits on this dose. Tom thinks it just takes time now that I’ve started taking the vitamins daily. The only thing that doesn’t make sense about being hypo is why I’m still waking up under 160 lbs, although that’s not a bad thing.

I now have 99 miles to go! We’re going to play some miniature golf, and then I’m going to hit the road.

This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for the characters, whose appearances kept changing in the story, but these AI-generated stories based on our prompts that are illustrated are kind of cool. It actually gave me an idea for a story if I can ever finish the one I’m working on now. I also like the title of this story as a possibility for the one I’m working on. https://midreal.ai/s/e0AY

Yesterday was a bit frustrating because I was doing my ride when the app crashed, and I lost my progress. I had gone 5 miles and had to do those miles over again. This isn’t the first time this has happened, nor am I the only one it’s happened to. The devs tell me they’re rolling out a patch over the next day or two to fix it. If it had happened on someone else’s ride, I would have just jumped into another one. But I’ve had to redo a total of around 20 miles of my long ride because of this issue. Anyway, I’m now about 115 miles from the finish line, so hopefully it won’t take more than a week.

Bailey’s new eyelashes look great on her. It was much easier to do than I expected. It definitely helps if the glue is tacky but doesn’t dry instantly until you cure it. This way, I don’t get glue all over myself. Regular eyelashes suck because they’re not only too long, but when it comes to dolls, you have to stick the eyelashes the other way so they keep sticking to your finger while you’re trying to line them up against the doll for gluing. Using these short little “wispies,” I was able to place four sections of eyelashes on her upper lid.

I then took her picture and shared it in the park group, asking if people thought I should do the bottoms as well or leave it as it was. Instead of an answer, all I got was, “I’ll just say it. The doll looks creepy.” Two people “liked” this comment.

I forget that, for some bizarre reason, many people find dolls creepy. I don’t understand this for the life of me. As Tom said, a doll can be made to look creepy, as can a clown, but normally they don’t look creepy. I mean, kids play with them, for fuck’s sake. They don’t find them creepy. Is that just an adult thing or something and is Barbie “creepy?” So rather than creep people out and be insulted, I took the post down. I mean, it was funny, but it was also a bit insulting even though I still appreciate people’s honesty.

I probably won’t bother doing the bottom lashes because those would have to be trimmed, and the ones on top are the shortest the pack came with. These wispy brown ones look much more natural on her than the thick black ones she came with.

Her eyes looked funny when I was shining the UV flashlight on them. They were milky like dead eyes.

I dreamed that the mystery girl told me her favorite colors were purple and green, that she studied some French, and wasn’t scared of rats but didn’t want them as pets.

Then the honker annoyed me all the way from Canada, LOL. In the dream, he lived in a house (which looked a bit different) and we still lived across the street, only we were in a big apartment building.

I was in our apartment doing some yoga exercises and was pleased to find I was suddenly as flexible as I was in my 20s and 30s.

Then I was talking to a woman who suggested I put some makeup on, especially on my lips and nose, LOL. So I went back to my apartment and slowly applied a full face of makeup. It seemed to take a while to do it.

Aware that the honker had returned temporarily, I was disappointed to hear him revving his motorcycle while I was applying the makeup and worried that he might wake me up. I told myself to try not to worry about it since our apartment was in the back of the building. Then I was more annoyed when I heard his dog begin to howl.

I went in search of the woman I discussed makeup with to get her opinion on how my makeup looked, but I couldn’t find her anywhere, including the café that I checked on the ground floor.

Then I was in a large screened-in area that ran along the front of the building and noticed a river toward one side. I thought the rushing water looked cool and wished we could see it from our apartment.

Then I saw the honker’s son, which he doesn’t have in real life, walking his dog, which was a different breed. In the dream, it was a German Shepherd. It then occurred to me, with dismay, that if the honker had only returned temporarily, why would he haul the motorcycle and have his friend visit?

I looked for the woman some more with no success, and then I was outside. On a grassy embankment across the street from the honker’s place were about five young women sunbathing. One wore a colorful bikini. Suddenly, the honker’s dog appeared in a window, staring at the women.

Made it to Maine, the final state! I have 123 miles to go.

That was a really quick summer because Toni is already back. Unless she’s letting someone else drive her car, which I doubt, she wasn’t gone long.

I've been noticing these itchy “zits” on my vagina that weren't there before I ran out of Replens and started using Gynotrof. So I discontinued the Gynotrof and will use Kindra next, which Jessie recommended and shouldn't be a problem. When that runs out, I'll go back to Replens and stick with it.

I'm still feeling cold a lot of the time, and I have a bad feeling that my TSH is never coming back down under 10 on this dose. I just don’t know if it’s because the gland is dying some more or if I’m having absorption issues. At the end of the year, I’m afraid I'll have to play the dose titration game again and risk inviting that horrible anxiety back. Yes, it’s great that I know how to control it and have a handle on it, but I still don’t want to go back there, even for just a day. Again, this is something that’s so bad it’s almost unworldly. It isn’t the kind of anxiety one feels when things aren’t going well in their life.

I’m a little tired because I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept waking up and having shitty dreams. In one dream, I didn’t know Tom, and I was homeless and penniless. I was in a car that some woman was driving when it got a flat tire at night on the side of the road. An RV pulled up behind us, and a couple emerged from it. The woman who was driving us got out of the car and talked to them. Then I stepped out, since it was dark, and offered to use my phone as a flashlight because there wasn’t much light spilling out of the RV. I could barely see the faces of the couple. They said it was fine, though, and the woman I was with went into the RV with the couple while I sat and waited in the car.

A horrible feeling suddenly came over me, and I felt a sense of desperation and hopelessness. I was afraid the couple was up to no good and that I wasn’t going to make it. I even contemplated ways of ending it all.

A split second later, I was in some building that may have been a hotel or apartments talking to an Asian woman who suddenly filled me with a sense of hope as we discussed exchanging favors for each other. I was going to clean for her for money and other things. As I closed the door to go to sleep, I thought to myself how interesting it was that we sometimes meet people who seem like they’re such a small part of our lives, only to later learn that they actually play a major part and are a huge influence on us in various ways.

I'm not happy with my latest Walmart purchases. One item I got was crackle nail polish, but it barely crackles. Instead, it just looks like really bad nail polish that cracked unintentionally rather than crackled by design.

I also bought rainbow pencils, which are colored pencils with multiple colors. However, they don't color smoothly and actually look like a little kid scribbled with different colored crayons. The pencils are also thicker, making it harder to stay within the lines.

I haven't made it to Maine yet, but I'm hoping to today. The border always seems further away than it appears. A couple of days ago, I rode 32 miles just to get to New Hampshire! I now have a total of 145 miles to go.

Do we live in New Jersey in another dimension? I dreamed some guy from my dentist's office called to confirm I had a cleaning and some other procedure due, and he said I had to go to the office in a place that sounded like Glassboro. I'd never heard of it, but I asked Tom if that was okay, and he nodded. So I looked it up to see if a Glassboro exists, and indeed, one does in New Jersey.

Then I dreamed I was living in a giant adult community, and my parents were still alive. Well, at least my dad was. Everyone ate breakfast in this huge auditorium-like building. The seats and tables were layered in tiers just like a regular movie theater or stadium.

Having seen a really good show, I wanted to recommend it to him, and I knew he would be having breakfast there when I entered the place. Because there were hundreds of people around, I couldn’t spot him easily. So I shouted over all the people to ask if anyone had seen him. Instead of him standing up and waving to me, several people stood up and surrounded him to point him out.

I also dreamed I was either in or remembering Marty and Ruth’s house, even though it didn’t look quite like it did in real life. She’s 84 years old now. Part of me wishes she and many others could know the real me and not what they think they know, but another part of me just doesn’t care.

I want to care even less than I do now, and that means working harder at not contacting those who don't contact me, whether we're on good terms or not. If someone cares enough to reach out to me, they will.

I got up at 11:30 PM. The rat was waiting for me, but I needed to wake up first, so I gave her a treat. Then it rained for a little bit. I had my coffee and made a shrimp, tofu, and veggie stir-fry. After that, I took the rat out to play.

It hit me that Rosa is going to be released from prison next year. That was a long stretch! The fact that she’s going to be deported tells me she was in the country illegally.

I just looked her up at Perryville. The crime of second-degree murder happened in December of 2000, which is when we met. Two years later, she was transferred from Estrella to Perryville. She’ll be released two days before my 60th birthday. I’m pretty sure she’ll be in her mid-40s. The son she had shortly after going in is now in his early 20s.

She’s had one infraction since being in prison—some kind of unauthorized contact in 2007.

Second-degree murder is defined as killing someone on purpose but without planning it in advance. I can’t picture her deliberately killing her daughter, but I wasn’t there, and I realize that anything is possible. Something happened. The question is whether it was deliberate or accidental. If it was deliberate, she would never admit it. Whatever happened to the baby happened in the bathtub. I'm not sure if it drowned or if it suffered a head injury. Maybe she accidentally dropped it, or maybe she really did drown it because she was tired of being a mother. Though why she let herself get pregnant again if that was the case is beyond me.

She didn’t seem mentally unstable. She seemed aware, and very friendly and outgoing. The only thing that bugged me a bit was that she seemed too positive and upbeat. When I asked her why she didn’t cry for her daughter, she said it would only make her sick. She knew little to no English then, so all our discussions were in Spanish.

There is a small part of me that can kind of understand her reasoning. I had to do what I could to push Tom out of my mind because, even though I was there for months and not years, thinking about him only made me depressed and miss him more.

Read an interesting article about the many reasons why and how World War III and nuclear wars could break out.

I'm torn right now on my opinion because I've been hearing more about this than ever, and all the reasons why it's becoming more inevitable. I know the media has always liked to incite fear in people and that there have always been wars. BUT... for the sake of argument, there are more people than ever in the world, and technology is far more advanced.

Both the point Tom made and what others have said make sense. As Tom mentioned, most people who buy guns don't shoot people. The problem with nuclear weapons is that it only takes one to cause a catastrophe that affects everyone. Either one mistake or one crazy psycho who doesn't mind taking themselves out along with the rest of the world or at least a good chunk of it. Even if a small nuclear war broke out between Afghanistan and India, it would still affect the rest of the world. There would be nuclear winter, famine, etc. So, while I'm not sure it will happen in our lifetime, let's just say that if I had a grandchild who was just born, I would be concerned for their future.

LJ is promoting some of my entries again.

Tom crashed shortly after I got up and was whining that Tinkerbella doesn’t love him anymore because she never wanted to come out and see him, LOL. Not long after he crashed, she wanted to come out and play. It would be nice if she would quit scratching me in her excitement, though. The closer we get to our little playroom, the more excited she gets and squirms in my arms, as if burrowing in a couple of old satin sheets is just the most exciting thing in the world. She doesn’t just burrow, though. She climbs all over me for attention and to show her affection.

After noticing that Toni’s carport had been empty for a while, I messaged her on Facebook to ask what was up. She’s up north for the summer, she said. Tom wondered if it was because she was doing worse or better. I’m guessing better since New Jersey is still a little over 1,000 miles away. There would be lots of stops along the way for food, restrooms, and hotels, so unless someone went with her, my guess is that she’s doing better.

I asked Tom what he wanted for his birthday, and he picked out a hanging neck fan on Temu for when he’s working outdoors. I grabbed myself a bunch of things as well. A new electric razor, since I’m still going to have to trim some of the blonde hairs that can’t be zapped. I don’t know why a brunette has to have any blonde body hair.

I also grabbed some wine caps with vacuum seals for open bottles of wine. For now, I’ve been throwing a sandwich bag over them and securing them with a rubber band wrapped around the neck of the bottles.

Since my lace G-strings fell apart rather quickly, I got some in a different material. I got two different kinds, actually, and one is adjustable. It literally has adjustable straps that go around the hips similar to bra straps. That ought to be interesting to try.

I also got another round of Swiffers.

Lastly, I got a black satin pillowcase for my body pillow, a half-circle pillow, and a pair of polyester sheets. I’m determined to find sheets that don’t pill in five minutes. It has a cute design on it of kittens and a lavender field.

The next thing I’m going to save my work money for is the decorative tiles for the exterior bedroom wall.

I'm in New Hampshire now with 165 miles to get to the finish line.

I forgot to mention that if I ever finish and share my story, I would be open to all kinds of feedback, both negative and positive. I won’t take it as if anyone’s telling me what to do. I know I have full control over my own stories. :)