I ended up spending most of yesterday tired, but I feel good today. We’re going out to CVS later, now that I’m staying up throughout the mornings. After too many days stuck at home, I’m itching to get out, even if it’s just a quick run to the store. I don’t know how Tom could stay home every single day for months if he had to. Maybe I would feel the same if I had worked for so many decades outside the house.

Ever since I’ve known Tom, I’ve wished we were closer in age. If I didn’t go first, I wouldn’t have many years left to lose by following him. But then I realized that maybe it’s a good thing there is an age difference. I don’t know if anything worse may lay beyond, but cutting my life short by a decade or so would mean one less decade of life’s bullshit to deal with. Life is still rough at times, even when you have it easy. As I said, something worse could await me, but as soon as this life ends, there are no more sleep and health issues, etc.

I now see that I'm not going to lose weight by cutting sugar and carbs (as if I really expected to, right?). I think my calories are already low enough, and if I lowered them any more, I wouldn't feel good. So I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing and hope for the best as far as my A1c goes.

Nothing more to update on, other than I found a really cool wallpaper app and had some weird dreams.

In one dream, I lived in an apartment building, and Christiane lived there as well. She mostly kept her distance from me, just like she did online before she dumped me. As I was returning to my apartment and about to unlock the door, I spotted her. She looked great for being in her late 60s, tall and slim with dark hair. She wore it straight and shoulder-length, with a lot of makeup as usual.

She looked at me hesitantly and then said, “Congratulations.”

I looked at her with confusion, and she elaborated by saying she would be met with good reflections. I don’t think her English is that bad in real life, but nonetheless, I asked her what she was talking about. She said, “Rainbow.”

Pretending not to have a clue what she was talking about, even though I knew she was referring to a text message I sent a while back about a new GF named Rainbow, I said, “Who is Rainbow?”

Then she looked even more confused and said, “Who the hell have I been talking to?” as she entered her own apartment.

Andy was in the next dream. I lived alone in some place that didn’t look anything like this. He was in a long line of people waiting for some event we were to attend. I was already in front of the line, seated on a bench, waiting for him. When he spotted me, he struck some goofy poses and made funny faces.

“You look so gay,” I told him with a laugh.

I knew he was going to be sleeping with me in my bedroom, which had two twin beds. I reminded myself to tell him that I now snore at times and that it might disturb him. Then I looked forward to seeing how the hell he managed to stand his full-face CPAP mask.

The last dream was the weirdest, and no one I knew was in it. Again, I was alone and in a cold climate. I don’t know how old I was, but I was on a ship and we had to ride it for some crazy reason standing on these wooden planks that were about two feet wide and extended out over the freezing, churning water. I stood on a plank with a couple of women in their 20s or 30s, terrified of falling off and into the water. We all hung on to each other and started to sway for a minute but quickly caught ourselves. I asked if they normally had anybody ready to rescue anyone who might fall into the water, and they said no. I figured they would freeze to death before they were rescued anyway.

Then we stopped somewhere, and I was taking a shower and then using this really weird-looking toilet. The rim looked painfully thin, but when I sat on it, it felt normal.