Got 2 numbers this time around. The stupid idiots are so screwed up! The box that displays the numbers I chose for the next drawing wouldn’t display the numbers this time around, so again I won’t know if I got anything in tomorrow’s draw. Still, I’ve been getting something nearly every day and that’s hopeful.

They haven’t taken my points away, but they took that offer out. Now I supposedly have 5 surveys, but when I went and looked, there was only 1 survey. 10 points just to tell them which gender I am! Anyway, I could only stand to click up to 1925 points, but that’s about 1140 more points in just one day!

Someone’s been playing email games with Tom. We’re pretty sure it’s just scammers looking for money, but they claim that it’s got to do with someone who knows him. I just hope that if anyone has any shit in mind to pull on us that they don’t do it till we leave, for both our sakes. I also hope we get out of here before anything breaks like the appliances. I know they’re under warranty and that all we’d have to do is call GE out, but who needs the hassle?

Anyway, due to the move being as inevitable as it is, I no longer see this house as home but as a nice place we’re staying in till we move.

Fortunately, today’s rumbles were mild, according to Tom, so I slept just fine. Some weird sound woke me up the day before yesterday, though, for a few minutes. I think the not sleeping as well in this house is connected to both the evil that resides here as well as the openness. We can hear big trucks miles away. This is why I want woods. I want it for the privacy and to block sound.

I don’t trust any of my moving vibes. Meaning that we might actually be out of here before April, and I don’t know about the $135,000 or moving to the other side of Casa Grande either. In fact, both my logic and vibes are saying more and more that we’re not going to end up there, though we still may be somewhere in AZ. Still, I don’t trust my vibes that much when it comes to this because it’s not something I have a whole lot of experience with. As it is, Tom never got a job on the 29th, though that was the day we began making incense.

I’m just really glad that cock didn’t fire him shortly after we moved here cuz we’d have been totally, totally screwed with no money with which to move. Thank God that God doesn’t hate us that much!

Still, I have always felt that something didn’t want us here and I just hope to hell that wherever we go is a much better place. Something obviously wants a radical change for us. A change of job and a change of residence, so all I can do is just hope that something’s simply guiding us to better things/places and not out to screw us in the end.

I asked Tom if he’d go to a doctor or just live with it if he couldn’t lose weight and he said he didn’t know since that’s such a hard thing for him to imagine happening to him. That’s exactly what I would’ve said till it happened to me. I’m still not sure whether or not to give up food forever and just live on liquids and vitamin supplements to try to stay the same, let myself gain like crazy which seems to be what my body would prefer, or see some quack about it when we’re insured. I doubt I’ll go for the quack, though, and I still say I’m not going to get any thinner anymore than I’m going to get any younger.

Got a letter and drafts from Mary. She says she’s looking forward to the story where I bring the pictures to life, which was nice to hear. Yes, I still do plan to do this story after I finish the whodunit story I’m currently working on. It’s going to be a very hard story to construct as it’ll be quite sci-fi compared to anything I’ve ever written before, so be patient, I told her. Between its complexity and the upcoming move, it could take me the rest of the year to complete. I’m going to do a lot of reality-turned-bullshit throughout the story. I’ll have met her in jail, for example, just like in real life, but she’ll already be out and will be a famous writer. I used to want 1 kid, so why not make it lots of kids and have them, too? I don’t know if I’ll use Tom in the story because he’s too real, in a sense. It’s not that she’s any less real, but look how long I’ve known him compared to her and what our relationship is as opposed to hers and mine. Still, I think it’ll be a fun story to write. The next few months might be quite hectic what with the move and all, but I’ll get it done eventually.

She says she’s so different and that she likes different which I was glad to hear. To tell you the truth, though, she seems quite normal compared to me! I always thought I was quite a unique one, though I know there are certainly others out there who are even more unique than I am. Either way, this is why I always felt so comfortable with her; she doesn’t condemn or ridicule me for my ways.

Stamped on the front of her envelope it said “23¢ postage due,” yet it was in our box. Still, she might want to be careful, as I told her, and keep it to an 8-sheet limit per envelope.

I was also glad to hear she was over her cold and that I could help speed it along for her. I regularly concentrate on her hernia too, hoping to get her to avoid surgery.

The water pump is due to arrive via UPS on Monday which means I’ll have to sleep with the fan on high that day. Their trucks are super loud. It still might wake me up anyway but will be worth it if it does. They haven’t taken the money for it yet, so we’re hoping they swipe the satellite money first so we can run and close out the account, which we plan to do anyway and save ourselves $50.

I was surprised to wake up to find the leaves were already starting to unfurl on my big leaf plant. I thought the shoots were going to get a lot taller before they opened. Every time I think I’ve got this plant figured out, it surprises me.

We’re still trying various experiments with the incense. We got a few weird ones going right now. We’re soaking an uncut butter rum, a stick dipped in imitation vanilla extract and even my butter pecan coffee creamer! We’re hoping to find an easier way to make half-breeds as it would really set us apart from the rest! Tom thought we might use the kind of wax I used when I had braces to keep the two scents from mixing while we stood it up to air dry.

I emailed Bob at Incense Galore and asked his method, but he said it’s a secret he doesn’t divulge and that he’s even refused companies who have offered to pay him for his incense-making secret. Instead, he said that the most common way is a 50/50 ratio with a 24-hour soak and a 24-hour air dry. Nothing we didn’t already know.

He also said the angel oil is $12 a pound, but that he just hadn’t gotten around to getting it on the site yet.

Got one of my double-scented sticks burning now, and now it smells of butter rum! Can’t wait till it gets down to the brown sugar part. I let it sit on the vent for a couple of hours to help dry it faster. So now we know that when it’s not yet ready, it’ll be all smoke and no scent and will burn too fast.

I guess I could soak these half-breeds, as I call them, by placing one end in one scent that goes halfway up the stick, then doing the same in another scent for the other side of the stick.

Later…

The transition of scents was cool! I ran and lit one of their brown sugars in the other room and went back and forth to compare. I think theirs is a little stronger. Same with the butter rum.

I’m now sampling the vanilla musk and it too, seems a little weak. Perhaps the way to get them stronger isn’t to add more fragrance, but to soak them longer like we are with the black pearl. This is probably why Incense Galore says it takes at least 5 days to process orders.

We still don’t know if it’s a ratio issue or about how long we soak it, but we’ll find out. Meanwhile, I’ve settled on my top 40 favorites which are: angel, baby powder, black cherry, black Henry, black magic, black narcissus, booty call, brown sugar, bump & grind, butt naked, butter rum, carnation, cedar, cherry vanilla, chocolate, Choctaws mono, cranberry, escape, fast cash, fruit, gardenia, grape, hibiscus, honey, honey musk, hot love, jasmine, love supreme, magnolia, majmua, pear, puddy cat, pussy, rose geranium, sexy, sun moon stars, vanilla musk, watermelon, white diamond & white linen.

Later…

Well, I haven’t psyched out the lottery, though I got 1 number, but Tom and I sure have been stealing points like crazy! It appears they’ve got a problem with one of their site offers. See, Memolink has a handful of offers every day, most of which earn you 1 point for checking out. After you’ve clicked on a particular offer, it disappears from the list of offers. However, there’s this jewelry site that’s not going away, so we’ve just been clicking and clicking away and racking up the points! Fortunately, he already had well over 1000 points and could get his to open in a separate window so as not to have to go through as many clicks as I do to quickly climb to 3000 and order a $15 Walmart card. I, on the other hand, have several more clicks and started from just under 1000. It takes like 2-3 minutes for me to accumulate 10 points, so who knows if I’ll hit 3000 tonight which is what it takes to get the prize. The prize is only worth 2400 points, but they won’t let you cash in on anything without a minimum of 3000 points.

I wonder – is it me who accidentally rigged the site psychically, or is it an error on their part? I’d guess it’s their mistake because we can do it on both computers, which means thousands of people must’ve spent hours getting point-happy as well, in which case they’ll probably take the points away.

Tom says we don’t have to worry about getting in any trouble as they’re responsible for their own site. It’d be one thing to hack in and alter the points, but if I’m psychically influencing it or it’s their mistake, we’re not going to get in trouble. I know they have had problems, though, because it says there are 3 surveys available, yet when I click on that link it says there are no surveys.

I wonder how long it’ll be before they either catch on or the offer goes away. They don’t stay there forever if you ignore them or, as in this case, they won’t go away after you’ve been there once.

One thing I know and that’s that I couldn’t kill my uterus, though my period is quite light. Still, it hardly seems fair for a woman who chooses life over kids (though it was never really my choice to make) to have to get periods. I mean what a waste! I wish I could go to a doctor, as much as I’m sick of them and don’t trust them, and say, “I don’t need my plumbing. Take it out.”

We’re soaking the half-breeds in a bag for 24 hours to make them stronger, though we can only do one scent this way, and we took the weak vanilla musks and are soaking those in bags for that long, too. Meanwhile, the black pearl is hanging to dry. As for the White Shoulders, we bagged half of them and left out the other half to see if they weaken or dry up faster when left out.

Just when I decided to call Ricki if I still hadn’t heard from her come the 1st, she emailed me. She said she could do Bailey’s dress up with no problem when I order her, but isn’t sure about Alexa’s. She says she’ll talk to her seamstress. Meanwhile, because her mother-in-law just had to die now of all times, Haiku will be delayed yet another couple of weeks, but oh well. At least I’ll get her eventually. Then I’ll just have to hope that her father-in-law doesn’t decide to go belly-up the instant I make my next order.

I got up just in time today as not long afterward there were a series of booms. Most were mild except for one.

Got one number today. It’s good that I’m getting something nearly every day, but I’d like to get a lot more than just one or two numbers!

We lit another stick and got the same results – it burned too fast and smelled too smoky. So this prompted us to try another experiment. What we did was we took the black pearl, which we haven’t used yet, and put some into one of their 2x12 zip-top bags and threw 5 sticks in it to soak overnight. Some sites even recommend a 24-hour soak.

Later…

Now we’re burning a stick of White Shoulders to see how long it burns, but it doesn’t smell anything like White Shoulders. It smells more like joy which is a flowery scent. At least it smells of something other than smoke and isn’t burning too fast. When it’s done I’m going to try one of my double-scented sticks.

We looked at more land for sale on eBay and discussed the pros and cons of being someplace as far from a city as we are now or even farther, and as I told him, no place is perfect. There are always going to be pros and cons wherever we go. Besides, look at my track record. There’s been a problem of one kind or another in all the places I’ve lived, so we just have to go for the place that seems like it’ll have fewer problems. You know, like the difference between trash-dumping neighbors hundreds of feet away, sprinkled with dogs running rampant and sonic booms, versus bass-banging, ball-thumping freeloaders a few feet away, sprinkled with a chorus of barking dogs. So no matter where we go, there’ll always be something.

I’m still hoping to head north. I want the privacy and sound-muffling of trees, and I want to be where there are fewer freeloaders.

At least we know that if worse came to ultimate worst, we could always grab an acre of land for about $500 and pitch a tent on it, and believe me, this is exactly what we’d do before we returned to the city!

What’s really scary is how a person can simply seize our house from us, which in a sense, is exactly what the cock that fired Tom is doing. It’s as scary as knowing a person can don a black robe and decide the fate of a perfect stranger. How is it that this one here can have so much power over what happens to us, while this one there can have so much influence in other areas of our lives? And people we barely know, too. I hate having so much of our lives dictated, molded and shaped by others! Others whose intentions aren’t usually good. It’s just really very unnerving to know that others can do that to us so easily and impact our lives in such horrible ways. Just how do others get such a hold on us even at our ages, while we ourselves could never affect anyone’s life a fraction of the degree they’ve affected ours even if we tried our damnedest? I’ve wished the cock that fired him the biggest, most fatal heart attack ever, and at least I know I can fight back by way of spells. That’s somewhat comforting to know, so I guess I can’t say we’re completely defenseless. I mean, we can’t necessarily stop others from doing whatever they’re going to do to us, but this black-nailed witch can make them deathly ill for it or worse!

Later…

My double-scented sticks aren’t ready yet. Just like with the White Shoulders we tried yesterday, it’s barely smoking, and what little smoke there is, smells of just that and not of butter rum. I think we’re just going to have to soak them longer, in which case double-scented sticks would be impossible. Whatever it is we’re doing wrong, I hope we figure it out! If not, we could always buy dipped wholesale incense. Their 100-packs are $2.25, and if we sold 10 for a buck, that’d still be a good profit.

Later…

We talked about it some more and decided that it may be easier and better if I got the incense that I intend to use for myself ready-dipped. That way I’ll know it’s going to smell exactly like theirs and we won’t have to worry about having to keep too many dipped sticks inventoried. If we do get any orders, they’re going to want theirs fresh too, and not to be told they have to wait a couple of weeks, so we’ll make theirs ourselves.

Got one number today and yesterday I don’t know what I got because I accidentally lost the numbers I picked. I’ve been doing a copy/paste job lately before closing the window that displays them.

Amazingly I haven’t heard any flying for a few days, but they did wake me up a few days ago. I pretty much wake up once or twice every time I sleep, be it for a reason or not. I just don’t seem to always sleep so well in this place.

Like Mary said, it’s a shame to lose the house, but we’re ready to go so we won’t be so tight. I’m also sick of all the damn dogs and the foul odors. I just hope the new people are as nose deaf to them as Tom is! It seems to be worse at certain times and I know it’s somehow connected to the heat pump. Either way, I’m just glad it’s not going to be my problem for much longer unless the same thing happens where we’re going.

I’m just tired of other people deciding our fate for us. Because that cock had to go and fuck Tom over at the bank, we’re forced to move now. Again, we’re ready to go, but we should’ve been allowed to go when we say so and not when someone else’s vindictiveness says so. This is one of the many reasons I disagree with Mary when she says we control our own fate. As I told her, sure we do if we’re dumb enough to stand in the middle of a freeway and get struck by a car in which case we have no one to blame but ourselves, but sometimes, like it or not, other people or God really do make up our minds for us. They really do. If someone gets and dies of cancer, is that them deciding their own fate? If someone gets murdered by some madman, did they reap what they sowed? Did a poor innocent victim like Gretchen ask for what she got? Absolutely not, in my opinion! So this is why I was shocked when Mary wrote in her book that we give what we get and reap what we sow and decide our own fates. To a degree, we do decide our own fates, but not entirely. Also, if we get what we give, then why did Justin return her love with slaps, kicks, punches and rapings? Well, I’m sorry, but I didn’t “ask for” the kind of parents I had or for what the freeloaders did to me and I don’t think Mary asked for what Justin did to her! That would just be totally unfair to say. She should’ve broken away from him sooner than she did just like I should’ve cut off my family sooner than I did what with the way they were such a negative influence on me, but to say we asked for what we got seems a bit ludicrous.

She also says we’re responsible for the things that happen to us and that to me is utterly ridiculous. Again, were Gretchen and all the other innocent children in the world who were murdered responsible for what happened to them?

The biggest thing I disagree with is how she said that the more we disconnect from God, the more we invite chaos and pain. Then why did she go through more chaos and pain than anyone else I know all the while being very connected to God, and how come my life improves the more I turn away from him? Especially since I feel I’m turning away from an enemy. My life may not be perfect and I know I can’t “hide” from God, but I still feel a lot happier and much more at peace by not going out of my way to acknowledge him. I have no faith or trust in him and could never forgive him for allowing me to experience just one of the horrendous experiences I’ve had, let alone all of them. I could never again pray to him and would be very nervous if someone else did on my behalf.

I love Mary dearly and would never try to change her way of thinking or condemn her for her beliefs in any way shape or form, but you just can’t group everyone together and apply the same rules to everyone. It just doesn’t work that way.

I don’t think there is a right or a wrong way to think, feel and believe as long as we’re not hurting others. I don’t think it’s wrong, for example, to be a racist any more than I think it’s wrong not to be one. I say to each their own. Non-racists can call racists “misguided,” but it’s just as easy for racists to say, “Hey, until you’ve been screwed over like crazy by a certain group, don’t judge me.” So this is why I believe in individuality as far as beliefs go. If someone hates my kind, and believe me, the world is filled with tons of Jew-haters and gay-haters – fine. I don’t care as long as they don’t go to harm me in any way or set out to try to change me.

Anyway, I did some drafts for Mary last night which was cool cuz it broke up the monotony of the same old, same old, and I didn’t feel like working on my own book at the time.

Her latest favor was to translate a letter she wrote for Maria, José’s mom, as well as teach her more Spanish, and at first I was like, shit, another favor? But then I realized it’d be good practice for me so I translated the letter, and pretty fast, too. Not bad at all for a girl who grew up in an all-white Jewish town.

As for teaching her more Spanish, I told her that’d be rather difficult to do by mail and to just use the basic vocabulary and pronunciation guide I typed up for her for now.

I guess the appetite suppressants work better than I gave them credit for. After all, I’m not hungry all the time and I haven’t been overeating. I can even skip days and still be ok.

The water pump people say they screwed up and are still planning to send the damn thing via UPS, but of course we couldn’t get a discount. And profit from someone else’s mistake? That’ll be the day!

Although Little Buddy didn’t win anything, they sent mail saying he is going to be in their coffee table book which is due to be out in June. I also permitted them to give others permission to license his picture if they want to, though, I can’t imagine anyone would. If they did, I’d get royalties.

Tom did our taxes online and was pleased to learn that we’ll be getting back almost $800 from the government and will only owe the state $9. We’re thinking of setting it aside to put money down on land somewhere while we’re selling the house so that we won’t have to be holed up in a hotel as long. We both agree that we’re tired of living in a wide-open oven and would prefer to go to a place with more mountains and trees, so it looks like the moving vibes I knew I couldn’t trust in the first place, may be wrong. We may end up in northern AZ, but I can’t yet say for sure. The only drawback to a place like that would be that we couldn’t have a phone because the cell phones wouldn’t work there and we’d be too far from any phone lines. This is a little unnerving in case of a medical emergency, but as Tom pointed out, you could have an emergency two blocks from a hospital and still not get there in time to be helped, so it doesn’t really matter. I already made up my mind a long time ago; when it’s my time to go, it’s my time to go, and if he goes first, I’m just gonna hop on into the enclosed garage I hope we’ll have, jump in the car, fire it up, and fall into an endless sleep that not even the sonic boomers can wake me from. Hey, it’d be better than hanging or shooting myself.

Anyway, we’ll probably purchase the land on eBay and get the realtor out here next month. I definitely don’t want to stay here and watch him work 2 jobs at 60 or more hours a week to barely make ends meet and to have no life while he’s at it. So I’m both sad and excited about us moving on. If you ask me, there are both pros and cons to leaving/staying in AZ. I’m all for leaving, I’m all for staying. As long as Tom and I are together, I don’t care where we live as long as it isn’t in the Arctic!

I can’t lie and say it wouldn’t make me happy to be further away from Phoenix which is where I assume Mary will live when she gets out.

Tom left a message on his mom’s machine asking if she needs her taxes done cuz that’ll get us a few extra bucks right there, even if it’s not much.

Now for the best news and that’s my supplies arrived! They might’ve come in yesterday, but he got to the PO too early. I’m not even going to tell Paula about this cuz then I’ll have to deal with the gimme, gimme, gimme shit and that gets old. There’s a time to do for others without expecting in return, then there’s a time to ask ourselves if we’re being taken advantage of.

Anyway, it was so cool to finally have the stuff, and sure enough, blank sticks look just like tan-colored sticks. They turned brown the instant we doused them with fragrance/cutter. We experimented by trying different ratio mixtures, like 1 eyedropper full of fragrance and 1 eyedropper full of cutter, then we’d do 2 fragrances/1 cutter, and 1 fragrance/2 cutters. We did this with the vanilla musk. With the White Shoulders, however, we simply dipped a bundle. Then, we did a really neat experiment and coated half of 5 different sticks with brown sugar and let them sit for a few hours. Then we doused the other half in butter rum. That ought to be so cool! I can see why they don’t sell mixed sticks, though, as it was quite a bit of work.

I lit a blank and it burned the way scented sticks do, only it smelled of smoke. So somebody can expect a prank blank real soon!

We really are slow at times, though. Here we were, trying to drain them in the pan we dipped them in, yet they’d continue to soak up what would drain to the bottom. So then Tom started to put together a rather intricate way to hang them, till I suggested we run a string along the little hooks under the cabinets and clip the bundles to that and then let them drip into the pan. After we went through all that was when we realized that all we needed to do was just stand them on the stick end that you handle them by. At least we figured that one out early on!

After several hours of air drying, we decided to try and light one to see what happened. It definitely wasn’t ready as it was burning too fast and too smoky.

We also agree it probably won’t be good to use anything alcohol based because that’d make it burn too fast too, but we’d still like to try to make our own scents out of some kind of plants.

I’m going to end up with about 50 favorites, but until we move and are doing better financially, we’re not going to get them all at once. At an average of $4 for a ¼ lb. bottle, they’d all cost $200. We also don’t want to start selling too many different ones until and if the people demand more and it looks like we’ll be more successful with it than anticipated. For now we’re going to start with 3 basic variety packs that I’ve tentatively decided shall consist of 4 or 5 sticks of 5 fragrances each. Variety pack #1 will be vanilla musk, fruit, butter rum, brown sugar and chocolate. Variety pack #2 will be jasmine, carnation, cedar, magnolia and gardenia. Variety pack #3 will be angel, hot love, black magic, Puddy Cat, and fast cash. We decided that 10 sticks for $1.50 is too high, so we’ll probably set the variety packs, which will include burners, at $5 each. Then, if they like a particular scent, they can get 10-packs for a buck. Technically, Tom did the math and found we could profit as low as 50¢.

The stuff comes in plastic bottles and we figure each one can do approximately 1000 or more sticks. Not bad for a few bucks. Fragrances can also be bought in ½ lb. and 1 lb. bottles as well.

I never would’ve believed it if someone had told me I’d get really into this stuff. Those who say life isn’t what we plan are right for the most part, and life really is one big accident. Especially since I stumbled upon their site quite by accident!

My weight has dropped again, though I still don’t expect it to drop significantly.

Tom’s half-dollars ended up selling for $38 to someone in New York, and I’m a little worried over the fact that out of the 20 or so feedbacks they have, they have one negative one. They took their sweet time in paying for something they won, and with our shit luck, this may happen to us, too.

We ended up going to Walmart at around midnight. I got another sleeper shirt with black dots, only this one’s blue.

We also got those pasta pots with holes in their covers for draining spaghetti when you lock the cover in place.

I did get Fairytopia, but they didn’t have the pink or blue one so I got the lavender one. It’s really beautiful and the lavender hair is way cool looking. She has a touch of lavender body glitter and even her skin has a faint lavender hue to it. I’d like to get the other colors someday and put them on matching stands.

Despite my 1500-calorie intake yesterday and my 2-hour workout, I’m up 2 pounds to 129. I always jump up when I hit 127. I guess those who say exercising doesn’t really burn calories and that the only way to avoid extra calories is to not have them in the first place are right. I still don’t think anything’s wrong, because what about the millions of other middle-aged people who can’t lose weight? They don’t all have something wrong. Besides, if I did, I wouldn’t want to know. After all the years of dealing with quack doctors, I wouldn’t want to have to deal with it. As long as I don’t get sick or end up gaining hundreds of pounds, I’m fine with staying where I’m at, even if it means I’m pretty chunked out. I’m still going to bounce too, as it keeps me fit. I am in totally awesome shape. I have great strength, and stamina and am fairly flexible for my age. Because I have a lot of fat, though, it’s hard to tell how muscular I really am.

Just when I thought there’d never be any more, there were 16 downloads within my Barbie and fashion doll album.

Later…

Just finished workout 3 of 4. I’m doing a total of 2 hours a day. Since the mini sticks burn for half an hour I bounce to one of those to keep my time while I play MP3s. I know it’s a lot of exercise to maintain the same overweight weight, but if I sit on my ass and do nothing, I’ll be an inch wider each month.

At least I’ve sorted through the facts and myths throughout both my experience and research. I know for one that it’s bullshit to say you can do or take things to speed up your metabolism any more than you can change your shape. If we could change our shapes, we could change our heights. We can make slight alterations, but that’s about it. Boyish figures simply don’t become curvy and curvy figures don’t suddenly become lanky. Once we’re full-grown, we’ve pretty much developed whatever shape we’re going to be.

Paula’s off probation next month, but knowing her, it’ll just be a matter of time before she’s right back on it. Paula’s crimes of violence are anything but framed or trumped up. She’s the genuine article, I’m afraid. Massachusetts may be mild compared to Arizona, but still, the system doesn’t get it. It just doesn’t get it. You can’t force help on those who don’t want to be helped and you can’t make people change their ways. It’s human nature to rebel against dictatorship, so the more you try to boss people around, the more they’re going to rebel. It’s not mostly about change and rehabilitation as far as the system goes anyway; it’s about power and control.

If all goes well I’ll have my supplies tomorrow and will hear from Ricki some time during the week, too.

Only 1 number this time. Meanwhile, the baseball cards sold for $54 to a guy in Illinois.

Tom’s making real progress as far as programming games for the website goes and even came up with the wacky idea of having an online pet cemetery. As we both agreed, if we’re going to get punished just for existing, why not make it for a reason? So why not take advantage of people’s grief and ask $15 to put their dead pet’s pictures in our little cemetery?

It’s now been 4 weeks without the inhalers, and I still haven’t needed the snot spray and can handle roughage just fine, on top of the fact that this may be the first winter I’ve known Tom where he didn’t get any colds.

It was funny how last night he said he was stuck and I offered to put a spell on him. He said not to worry if I couldn’t because he’d go when he got up since he had potatoes. I knew it would work, though, and was in the bedroom sipping coffee when I heard the other bathroom door open and the sound of his footsteps approaching to say goodnight. I called out “You’re welcome,” and he laughed, then said goodnight and hit the sack.

He’s napping right now because we plan to go to Walmart late tonight when there are fewer people. We felt that even 11:00 was too early being a Saturday night, so we’ll probably go at 2:00. Before we get groceries, he’ll do his application and I’ll spend a little money on fun stuff now that we’re doing a little better thanks to his eBay sales. The half-dollars end tomorrow, then up goes the mixed coins and the plates.

I like going out in the middle of the night so much better. Not just because there are fewer people, but also because there are fewer people creeping along the roads to hold us up, and especially at times when we can’t pass them. Such control freaks we’ve got in this world! I mean, a lot of idiots will pass us, then slow down once they get in front of us and hold us up just so they can feel they’ve controlled someone else’s actions. The last time we went there we passed this creep, then the little cock was right on top of us.

Everyone’s ignoring us and it really irritates the shit out of me. Tom emailed the water pump people and hasn’t gotten a response back. At least they haven’t taken any money. Even so, he’s going to email them once again tomorrow if he hasn’t heard from them by then and tell them to forget it, then he’ll buy the damn thing locally. Incense Galore hasn’t answered my question as to why Angel’s not on their wholesale list and Ricki hasn’t responded to the two messages I’ve left her.

Why do people always have to die at my expense? Some cock was killed on a motorcycle, delaying the installation of the carpet here cuz the carpet layer was best buddies with the person. A death delayed the overpriced fairy I got from that doll place where Mary is. I could go on with other deaths that have interfered with our lives, but I won’t bother. It just really annoys me when the events in other people’s lives put me out, and I don’t care how selfish or insensitive I sound.

There’s a lot of dirt-cheap land by the Mexican border, but that’s cuz no one wants to live there and deal with the illegals that want to come over and get paid to sit on their lazy asses. This country needs to put up a 40’ wall around it with a super high-voltage wire on top of it. That’ll keep the trashholes out.

I wonder if we’ll have a for-sale sign up at this place. I kind of hope we don’t because people will be knocking on the door like crazy. They do that out here. We’ll just have to deal with it if they do, though, because we’re going to need to sell the house fast. So fast that we’ll probably have to use a realtor, though Tom did consider selling it himself and maybe using eBay. I’m both amazed and impressed at how fast realtors respond. If you call them at 1:00, they’ll probably be at your place by 3:00. That’s how they make money, though, so I’d come running at people’s beck and call too if I were an agent.

I just hope Tom’s right when Mr. Optimistic says we’re being led to bigger and better things and not straight to hell by the fact that it’s still obvious that we’re destined to lose this house, despite how rocky the road will be between now and the jackpot if there really is one waiting for us. Yeah, but just how rocky will those roads be and how long are those bumpy roads? I’m not going to jail for our next dream house; that’s all I know.

I’ve been thinking of the pros and cons of leaving Arizona if my vibes end up wrong. I miss the woods and the ocean, but I also do love the desert. I get sick of the intense heat, but I’d get a hell of a lot sicker of cold and snow and much faster, too. Even so, if it turns out that when we’re ready to make a move there’s a damn good deal on a huge chunk of land that happens to be in Wyoming, then we’re going to Wyoming. At least I won’t have to play bus in whatever cold and snow we may have to deal with!

The weather here has been cloudy and rainy. I haven’t had to water the palm we potted for a few days now. I laid in bed last night listening to the sound of the rain. It’s a soothing sound as most steady sounds are as opposed to staccato-like ones.

I really hope my supplies come Monday! I’m amazed at the burn time on some of these sticks. One stick burned for nearly two hours.

Two hours of working out? No problem. That’s just what I did both today and yesterday. As Tom and I both agree, more is better with this type of exercise, versus weight-lifting. I awoke at 127, the lowest I’ve been able to go in over a year. I still don’t think I can bounce myself skinny or at least bounce down to 120, but I think I can maintain my weight for sure. Something really would have to be wrong if I couldn’t with this amount of exercise, which is just so easy, fun and totally great. I never would’ve thought to do something like this. I would’ve thought it wasn’t enough, but Tom’s heart rate monitor proved that it is. I know I said I didn’t care if I kept gaining, but that’s easy to say until you think of the cost of buying bigger clothes and not being able to get around as easily, not to mention how shitty you’d look. If I can’t lose I’ll at least try to stay where I am. Two hours a day is about a 600-calorie burn which means that if I had 2000 calories in a day, my body would think it was only having 1400. I’d have lost weight on that in my 20s, but it should hold me at this age. Besides, I don’t always have 2000. Yesterday I had about 1600 while my body thought it had 1000. My ass and thighs feel firmer, though they still look terrible. I mean, I still have more craters than the moon. It’s one of those things where my legs look like shit in themselves, yet wonderful compared to most others around my age.

Now I’m 128. Oh well. I mean, I’m sure I’ll return to 130 in a day or two like always.

Incense Galore emailed me saying my supplies were shipped yesterday which I was glad to hear as I was getting a little worried there. I sent them an email back asking why Angel isn’t on their wholesale list. Perhaps it’s got to be mixed specially to get that scent. Maybe they all do. Anyway, unless they were out of stock, why else would these supplies be taking so long to get to me since they didn’t need to be dipped? Because something up there likes to interfere with things I like and especially those I want to try to sell?

Now I don’t know what to think as far as my moving vibes go. Not after all the wonderful land deals we found online all over the western US. These are places that are so incredibly remote, too. They had an awesome deal on a 20-acre parcel between Kingman and Laughlin, and even a really good deal on a 100-acre parcel.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to win a scratch ticket so I’d have extra money at Walmart which we’re going to go to either late Sunday night or early in the morning so Tom can finally get to finish putting in his application on their computer which is always tied up. I told him I saw it losing, though. Especially since I planned to do a little shopping. So, we decided to set the grocery budget at $90, including food and extras. We’ll probably get $60 - $70 in food which will leave the rest for fun. I may even get Fairytopia since she really won’t take up much packing space. She’s just a Barbie after all.

Tom says each story I write gets better as there’s more story to it, so that’s cool.

Later…

This time I managed to get 2 numbers. Tom said that while more is merrier, he’d be impressed if I got 2 numbers regularly.

I just wish he wasn’t home so much! We’re getting along just fine, but even so, I need my solitude and I’m only getting that lately when I’m up while he’s asleep. When he’s out, it isn’t for more than a few hours at a time if even that. If he were someone I lusted for that lust for me in return, that’d be different. This is one of the reasons I’d go insane with a kid; it’d always be there save for when it was in school.

We checked other incense sites out just to compare and found some neat tips and pointers. A really convenient way to do it would be to pour the cut oils into a 1-gallon zip-top bag and soak them in that. Then we could lean the bag up against a tilted cookie sheet, clip the sticks to its edge, and let it drain and air dry for a couple of days.

What was really cool was that this one site in particular had kits for making your own lotions and shower gels/bubble baths with the scents of your choice! I’d love some Angel lotion and butter rum bubble bath.

For 3 days I didn’t hear them flying and thought, good, I at least backed them off, but then I heard them a little while ago. I’ll try to back them off as my schedule shifts more towards days as once again I decided not to bother worrying about my schedule till it’s absolutely necessary.

I had a vibe saying that whenever the hell Tom gets a job, it’ll be for 10-something an hour. His age is really making it hard because the idiots think that at his age he’ll want more money. Why they don’t just say, “This is the pay and so be it,” beats me. They should because then they’d know that those they get putting in applications are ok with the pay whether it’s fair or not.

He says he’s not worried about not finding a job in a hurry since we have quite a few months left where we can get unemployment, and when we move, there’ll be no house payments or electric bills. All we’ll need money for will be food, vehicle expenses, generator expenses, phone and satellite, so his pay won’t matter, though the more the merrier and the quicker we can build our dream castle.

I’m just afraid God’s going to tear down whatever we do build. It’s like with this great new exercising method I’ve found, thanks to Miss Perfect, who finally did something right. Well, I had just gotten hot and heavy into the Bowflex (which we decided to keep) when he sent the black bums to take me away from it, so I’m always afraid to get into new things because someone or something is always waiting to tear it all apart. The same with when I get new rats. The freeloading assholes stole the last 6 months of Houdini’s life from me.

I’m also afraid he’ll do things like escalate the vehicle repairs when we move just because we’ll have extra money, and force us to put money towards things other than what we’d like to put it towards. As it is, I’ve already made up my mind that trying to sell incense and trying to make a go of the website won’t be successful. I haven’t succeeded yet, so why should I now? At least I’ll still have fun making my own incense and ordering wholesale from now on.

When we move, I’m going to be fearful of the freeloaders popping back into my life for yet the fourth time just like they did after we moved here. I’m truly amazed that they haven’t pulled anything else on me thus far. Especially after showing me for nearly 7 years that they don’t give up so easily. It was like I was their obsession. Tom thinks they’ve finally backed off for good, but he’s always been a very trusting, optimistic person when it comes to things like that. Either way, I certainly hope so! I don’t have any bad vibes, and one thing I do know is that if they did remind me of their sorry existence, they’ll never get me in the position they had me in before. It’ll be total doomsday for them if they ever fuck with me again and not even God could protect them like he always has. Anyway, I need a good year off from them in order to relax 100% where they’re concerned and to fully believe that they are just a horrendous memory and nothing more. May 30th was the last time I was forced to either do anything on account of them or hear from anyone connected to them, so if I can get to May 30th of this year without having to hear from him via Arizona’s little piggies, then I’ll be way relieved.

I still also fear being stuck in bad places I can’t get out of, but I suppose that with my history that’s to be expected. It’s really scary to know that even in my 30s that can happen. Well, unless someone frames me or tries to kill me and I kill them instead in self-defense, there’s no reason I should go to jail, though there wasn’t any reason I should’ve in the first place.

They say there’s a reason for everything, so all I can do is hope that we’re not being forced out of here to be set up for something worse that we can’t get out of so easily.

I had to laugh when I thought of how the spiders will return to show up in here regularly once I’m no longer here to put my hate spells on them.

We haven’t been doing well with the tickets lately. Partly out of compensation for the $30 winner we had and partly because I’ve slacked off on putting spells on them in order to concentrate on the big bucks. Although I don’t think I’ll ever be allowed the power, we’d rather a million bucks than $20 here, $30 there and $10 in between. Memolink makes their daily million-dollar draws at 3 PM PT, so at 4 PM I’m going to be concentrating really hard on the numbers the auto-pick drew for me, trying to get their numbers to match mine.

Later…

Well, I did my best as far as trying to win the Memolink lotto and now the rest is up to fate. If God doesn’t want us having that kind of money, he won’t let me hit the numbers. In fact, I still think something doesn’t want us ever having that much money. Especially if UPS doesn’t bring the truck’s water pump today and I don’t get my supplies tomorrow so we can get the swap meet going. Something always interferes whenever we try to make money. Plus, it isn’t just about us not being allowed to make enough money from home, it’s about me not being allowed to do what I want to do with my life which is something that’s always been a no-no. Still, I instinctively rebel against God’s controlling hold on me and I grab hold of the wheel of the car that drives my life whenever I get the slightest opportunity to do so.

Nonetheless, I tried my best to concentrate really hard on the lotto until the renters drove by with 3 huge dogs chasing them. It’s a wonder they weren’t barking up a storm while they were at it.

Later…

It was a bust. According to the results of the last draw, I only got 1 number. Now the question is, do I figure it’s not meant to be and give up? Or do I keep plugging away at it and hope that I hit it over time?

I’m just glad, as much as I hated being poor and struggling like I did back east, that I didn’t strike it rich then. Too many people, Tammy in particular, would’ve swindled it away from me and I would’ve been kind enough and naïve enough to let them do it, too. Most people are natural beggars who won’t hesitate to simply go up to a person, even a total stranger, and ask for whatever. As it was, the first thing out of Tammy’s mouth when I started dancing and we thought I’d make really good money was, “I’ll take $500 a month.”

The hell if I’ll be anyone’s slave or whipping boy again! Some might ask why I’m Mary’s secretary since she can’t pay me regularly for it, and I guess the answer is simple – because I know she would if she could and that she will when she’s released. She would also do me any favors I needed that were within her means.

Paula, on the other hand, is never getting another package from me again, and she’ll get very few letters from now on, too. I mean, I could never, for example, trust her to mail a letter for me like Mary did with Teddy Bear, which reminds me - Paula did get the envelope I sent her addressed to Incense Galore for her free sample. And did she mail it out? Of course she did. She never has a problem doing for herself. If it was for someone else, then why bother?

I can understand that it’s human nature for a lot of us to be selfish. The main reason I don’t want kids, for example, is so that I can have a life. It’s been hard enough for me to have that at times as a childless person that I’d hate to try it as a parent. We all want things for ourselves with little or no cost, and that’s only natural. In fact, if I had a New Year’s resolution it would probably be to be as selfish as I can and to make as much money as I can, despite my doubts about that. It’s just when you spend so many years getting ripped off and being used, it makes you want money and freedom even more. It has that effect on me, at least, though some people may just go with it.

I decided that if Paula’s worst crime is being a little stingy, then I won’t bother dumping her. I mean, she’s hardly done anything wrong as opposed to Doe, Art, Tammy and Larry.

I took some pictures of the dark gray storm cloud out front. Yes, there’s been some rain, lightning and thunder the last couple of days. It’s the first picture with the new houses too, although one of them is hiding behind a big tree. I heard cows and sheep not too far from here. In fact, every time I’d meow for Shiny, I got a meow for a reply.

Just thought I’d do some writing while I wait for Tom to return from the PO. Hopefully, he’ll have my supplies.

My coffee, mugs and coffeemaker came yesterday. The coffeemaker got added to the stuff for sale since I don’t need it.

It’s a good thing I quit watching my weight cuz these appetite suppressants are worthless. You gotta pay the big bucks to get results. Anyway, I slipped down a couple of pounds because I bounced for an hour yesterday and had around 2000 instead of an outrageous 2500, though 2000 is still a little overkill for someone my height and age.

One thing I do know and that’s that I’m sick of shitting! Sometimes I do it twice a day and it hasn’t had any effect on my weight whatsoever, so I think I’m going to cut down on the fiber.

In Mary’s latest draft that I received yesterday, she talks about how she blames Justin’s parents for having a major hand in making him the monster he is, but why doesn’t she open her eyes and blame the one who should really be blamed right along with the sick cock himself – God! Why does she worship him so? It’s like kissing the hand that slaps you and it makes no sense! Just no sense.

She really fucked herself over during her interrogation and made the same mistake I did by not exercising her right to remain silent. When I read the parts leading up to and after the murder, my first thought was, oh no! I hope she didn’t tell this to the pigs. When the pigs asked why she didn’t call them, she said she was scared. That was bad. She should’ve kept her mouth shut. Especially in regard to that one. Pigs and judges find that a poor excuse. Just the fact that she boarded two buses with the sicko and still didn’t turn his ass in is probably about the worst thing she could’ve told them. I can’t stress it enough to her or to anyone that the pigs are never our friends. It’s one thing to call a pig when you come home to find your house broken into or to call a pig cuz someone stole your car, but when they go to you, people should never trust a pig. Never. Not even if they claim it’s pertaining to someone else. Pigs are professional liars and bluffers and so people should keep their mouths shut, even if they threaten to book them out of spite for exercising their right to keep quiet which I’d say - let them. If anything, spite arrests just may make a person a little richer in the end. Nonetheless, I’m sure they did empathize with Mary and certainly with Gretchen, but still, all the pigs are out to do is “get a person’s ass.” They kiss up to you and butter you up till they get what they want, then they squash you in the palm of their hand as if you were nothing more than a piece of bread. They’re never on a defendant’s side no matter how much sympathy they may feel for the person’s situation and circumstances. It’s their job. It’s their job to try to get a defendant to sink themselves on tape as much as it’s a defense attorney’s job to try to get their clients off.

And that was really low of the pigs to call her family too, to tell them of what happened. That should’ve been up to her to do so, and when she was ready to.

I can also understand her desire to hang onto the childhood that was taken from her. Perhaps that’s why I’m as childish as I am mature!

To add insult to injury, Mary was threatened right after Gretchen died. She was locked in a bathroom in some whorehouse the sicko dragged her to when some cock threatened to slit her throat through the door while she was trying to take a shower. I can see getting all terrified like she did at her age, but me? I’d have flung that door open so fast and in such a rage, the cock wouldn’t be threatening me no more! Then, after it recovered from the shock of my reaction, if I let it live, it wouldn’t find me very fun anymore. Only those who are terrified are fun for sick cocks like that.

I take it Little Buddy’s picture didn’t win anything after all or else they’d have contacted me by now. This might be a good thing, though, if all they were going to give me for it was a medal.

I’ve started gaining the weight I knew I’d gain if I ate whatever whenever. I’m 131 and for the first time in my life, I said, “I don’t care. I’m going to accept and live with whatever I gain, be it 10 pounds or 50.” For a minute there, now that I’ve found a way of working out for an hour a day that I can stick to, I was tempted to cut my calories to see what would happen, but then I lectured myself and said, “Don’t do this to yourself again. You know it won’t make a difference. You’ve been obsessed with this for years. It’s time to move on now and let your body do what it wants to do naturally. Not even 5 hours of exercise and a measly 500 calories could drop your weight by more than a few pounds. You’re 38 years old, so move on and live with it!” And so I eat when my stomach says it’s time to eat.

I decided that since I don’t have the power to control my weight or improve my vision I would focus on my allergies. So far so good. It’s been over a week now since I’ve used the spray.

A guy in Texas won the dimes. A few hours before the auction ended I saw that it’d come to $43 and it did. I’m vibing $36 on the half-dollars.

They’re now on us about the two house payments we’ve missed. Around mid-February is when we’ll get a real estate agent, preferably a female this time and one who isn’t out to scam anyone in the midst of things. Again, doing our own work should cut down the chances of getting screwed over dramatically, even though people still find a way.

I had an idea, though I don’t know if it’ll work. If it doesn’t, it’s ok, since it’s no loss to us. The idea was to dig up and replant the palm tree into the pot the indoor palm was in. We’ll then leave it outdoors on the top step where the rabbits can’t get it and take it with us if it survives. We won’t bother with the 5 or so surviving olies as they have deeper roots.

I was laughing at how Tom insisted he does it so I wouldn’t “mess anything up.” I was like, “What could I do? Damage some of the dirt? Maybe kill a few scorpions along the way?”

Yet he insisted I’d find something so I’ll gladly let him do it. It’s a job I’d rather not have anyway.

Later…

And he got yet another ticket I told him would lose that lost.

Tom got the palm into the pot, so now we’ll just hope for the best. I put a spell on it and hopefully that’ll help it. I still don’t know, though, if I can influence our sonic boomers due to lack of anger. They irritate me, but they don’t enrage me. The more enraged I am at someone or something, the more likely I am to be able to curse it.

Meanwhile, I am determined to one day have a house that’ll put this 2100-square-foot beauty to shame and I’m going to correct everything they fucked up on, too. I specifically ordered, for example, light blue carpet when they didn’t have pink, and what did I get? Denim blue carpet. So, I’ll not only install light blue carpet with my own two hands along with Tom’s, but I’ll install pink carpet too, and hey, why not throw in lavender as well?

We both agree that while this is a beautiful house with a really cool layout, it’s too open in certain areas. The living room’s the worst because it’s so hard to set up what with the way it’s laid out. We like rooms that are more separate and off by themselves, whereas here you got the living room which opens into the dining room which opens into the kitchen which opens into the den.

Anyway, I’m still sad and a bit teary-eyed. We still would’ve preferred to go at our own leisure than be forced out of here. All I can do is hope that something’s only trying to give us a nudge towards better things and not punishing us. As it is, we could easily be losing out on a fortune with the way this place is building up.

Because it’d be such a bitch to move and because we probably won’t have room for it right away anyway, we may sell most of the furniture and take only the airbed, computer desks, folding tables and maybe the bedroom furniture which consists of just one long dresser and a nightstand.

Of course we won’t tell anyone that the front and back doors leak or that the place is haunted. I’m sure they’ll try to sucker a last-minute buck or two out of us anyway cuz people are greedy and they like to do that kind of shit to us, but we won’t fall for it this time around. They’ll just have to fuck off or take us to court, but of course, we won’t be showing up if they do subpoena us. We know better than to walk into an Arizona courtroom. People tend not to go home when they do that, though civil cases are different from criminal cases as Tom pointed out.

Working out with the ball is great. You sit on it and bounce as high as possible. It’s such an easy way to keep my muscles toned and elevate my heartbeat in a way that’s not nearly as boring as walking, jogging, and rowing. I’m willing and ready to sell both the treadmill and the Bowflex at this point. The ball works my legs and abs just fine, and the dumbbells take care of my arms. I still think I’ll get 5-10 pounds heavier with each passing decade, but I’ll still be fit, strong and healthy.

I thought that maybe the ball was more fun because it was a lot like when I rock to my music, then I got a little worried for a minute there and tested my heart rate while I rocked. Fortunately, it didn’t quite make it up to the target zone. If it had I’d think there was something wrong with me for damn sure. Like I said, though, I really like the ball a lot and how I can move it around so easily as opposed to the Bowflex and treadmill.

I swear I will never again scoff at those over 30 who say they can’t lose weight! These are the people I used to call lazy pigs who let themselves get fat, who could lose weight if they simply put effort into it, but now I know better. And now I know why they’re like, “Well, if I’m going to be fat anyway no matter what I do, why feel like I’m starving by cutting my calories? Why not just eat normally?”

They put up the same kind of patio at the front of the second house that they did with the first house, but that’s okay. By the time they’re all hanging out front gabbing and barking we should be out of here or at least well on our way out of here.

I’ve had very little tightness over the last few days. It really pisses me off to think that the medicine the doctors were prescribing me since quitting smoking was actually causing a lot of the tightness and congestion I’ve experienced after quitting. It’s like, fucking doctors! I hate them almost as much as I hate pigs, lawyers and judges. They simply cannot be trusted, and again, money and power are more important to them than what’s right. I swear I’ll never go to a doctor again till I’m old and dying. Even if I broke a bone, I’d set the damn thing myself and have Tom make a cast out of plaster of Paris. I’ll see a dentist, but to hell with the not-so-good docs!

Who knows, though? Perhaps it’s my powers that’s made me better. Maybe if I weren’t psychic I really would be worse off not taking the inhalers. I’ll still skip the dishonest quacks if I can help it, though, who don’t tell you the side effects of the meds they prescribe, make false diagnoses, and so on.

Since quitting the inhalers I’ve been more tired. Maybe this will help me stay on days if I tire down early since I usually need so much sleep. It isn’t just the constant flying that’s got me wanting to stay on days, but instinct is telling me to do so as well, so I figure it’s because things are going to be picking up soon enough in the way of swap meets, yard sales, moving, and who knows what else? Just as long as the freeloaders aren’t in the picture, it’ll be ok!

I just wish, if we were destined to lose this house as we are, that this could’ve happened once I got out of jail cuz then we could’ve run, but like God would’ve set things up to give me that big of a break? Yeah, right! He wanted me to suffer on account of those freeloaders, and suffer bad, so what would’ve been the point of setting things up to make things easier for me?

It might be a while, during the move, before I can get to a computer for Mary’s drafts, but she’s a very patient, understanding person. It’ll be no prob. At least we’ll be able to keep in touch with no problem because of the cell phones which are going with us. Also, if we change PO boxes before I can get the new one’s address to her, they’ll forward it. I’ll tell her, when the time comes, not to send drafts till we get settled unless she thinks they’ll get stolen. If she thinks they’re at risk there, by all means, she should send them.

And again Tom got a ticket I told him was doomed to lose.

The coins, which have 10 hours to go, are up to $32 and he had had only a goal of $15 on those. Tom’s all excited about it. He didn’t expect to get that much. Maybe the money-making curse is more on me than on both of us. Today he’s also going to put up his baseball cards, half-dollars, and mixed coins in 3 separate auctions. He hopes to get $15 for the mixed coins, $20 for the half-dollars, and $20 for the baseball cards.

He decided to keep the newly minted pennies, saying they’re not that valuable yet. We’re also going to put up some of the plates I don’t want. There are 6 in all, 3 of which his mom gave us.

We’re putting up these things starting at next to nothing and with no reserve. He’s starting the coins off at face value, but everything else will start at like a buck if even that. It’s basically stuff we don’t want that we’re willing to give away for very little so others can enjoy it. If not, the stuff will just get dumped.

We’re probably going to ditch the RV idea. I mean, sure it’s nice to be able to test the waters and check out various areas, but things can change. An area can seem pleasant enough at first, then in comes trouble.

If we’d known we’d be moving so soon after getting this place, we’d never have bothered getting a back door in place of a window. It’s just one more leak source and besides, people rarely go out their back doors and hang out behind their houses in Arizona anyway. At least the prep work won’t be a fraction of what it was in the old dive, but still, it could be practically nothing if the evil entity here hadn’t cracked Tom’s window, and if I hadn’t been dumb enough to bother with the wall art, and if the dumb Mexican hadn’t have punctured the shower pipe. Instead, we have to replace a window and paint 3 rooms, along with the wall the mural was on.

Later…

Someone bid on the half-dollars right after he put them up!

He’s watching football right now. Boring! A bunch of cocks ramming into one another never did anything for me.

I decided to keep 4 of the 7 dolls I had considered selling - Ciara, Samantha, Amelia and Maria. I’ll still sell, or try to sell, Meagan, Autumn and Valentine.

The dimes have gone from an $8 bid to a $20 bid. Good. That way we make a little profit. See, Tom would be willing to hand them over for nothing so they wouldn’t sit in the closet and take up space like they have, but it’s nice to get a little something for them. We give and do enough for free or at a price of some kind.

He got another Slingo ticket I told him would lose that did lose.

How nice of Incense Galore. See, wholesale orders get charged a $5 service fee for not meeting the $50 minimum as well as shipping. They charged me the shipping fee, but not the $5 service fee, so that was nice. Hopefully, I’ll get the supplies next week, along with the coffee, seeing that they took the money for that, too.

Tom stopped in the little consignment shop here in town, but they were pretty much selling southwestern things. He said they had my big leaf plant which was over his head and that it was in a pot even smaller than mine, so I guess they don’t need much root space after all. What I wonder, though, is will bigger pots allow the plant to get bigger.

I’m so glad we’re not going to be the renter’s neighbors for too much longer, even if they’re sweethearts compared to what we were neighbored up with in Phoenix. They have at least 4 dogs running around loose and they’re making a mess of our place again. I hope they won’t hinder us from selling the house and that my vibes are right. Well, I don’t know about my vibes, but my guess is that they won’t be a problem. Especially when you consider the fact that there’s a 90% chance the buyers are going to be slobs themselves and have their own dogs roaming around the neighborhood.

I wonder if the renter’s dogs have ever killed next door’s chickens like those strays did that they thought were ours when we first moved in.

Tom dumped some stuff off at the recycling center and spoke with Gina. When she asked if I ever found a home-based job, he mentioned the incense and said she said she was really into the stuff. Also, the swap meet would probably be a good place to sell some like we were talking about. I don’t think I’d want to do swap meets regularly, though, and deal with all the people, the schedules and the heat we have most of the year here.

I’ve already begun designing the label. We decided to call it Desert Scents. I also decided that using clipart or illustrated designs of some kind would be better than actual graphics for the bag. Something catchy, but that wouldn’t use much ink. First I tried a rose, then decided a rose wouldn’t be all that appropriate for the desert, so then I tried their cactus. Because it was a rather boring-looking cactus, I then settled on red hot chili peppers. Once we get the website established we’ll add its address to the label.

Tom came up with a really cool idea to maybe grind some of the plants up out here and see if we can make incense from the more fragrant ones like the mesquites.

We discussed other possibilities as to how to sell the incense, like maybe at a dollar store, if they’d be willing to sell it for us, even though they’d want a percentage.

Tom’s really excited about it and he really seems to believe it’ll work out. I hope he’s right, cuz I still can’t imagine why God would suddenly allow me to do something I want to do for a change. I mean, I’m not too surprised he wouldn’t let me be a singer, but when you can’t do something as natural and ordinary as have a kid, it really shoots your hope and makes you think you wouldn’t be allowed to do anything no matter how ordinary or extraordinary it may be. Tom says it’s just a matter of us choosing the right thing. Perhaps he has a point. There’s no doubt that being a singer or a mother would’ve been the wrong thing for me. I truly believe I wouldn’t have been happy with either one. The singing would’ve entailed too much traveling and people that would’ve driven me crazy. As for the kid, as soon as the initial joy of holding that child for the first time wore off, I’d have been left with nothing but expenses up the ass, a never-ending symphony of noise, smelly diapers up to my neck, 40 more pounds that I couldn’t lose, and no time or freedom for myself. Like I always said – kids are sweet, but they’re just not for me. I don’t have the desire or patience it takes to deal with them, though this doesn’t mean I’d have abused them like my parents abused me. I don’t believe we always turn out to be like our parents. Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t. My sister was a carbon copy of my mother, unfortunately, but Larry was not.

Someone like Mary, on the other hand, is 100% mother material as long as she doesn’t expose them to the wrong cocks.

I think my psychic abilities may go back further than I ever realized because I always knew a kid wasn’t meant to be. Even when I was just a kid myself, I knew it wasn’t in my cards. I guess God knew I would be such a freedom freak and a freedom freak I am! Being locked up and stuck in various places and circumstances you don’t want to be in has a way of doing that to you. I have been controlled to the extreme from the day I was born. All kids get told what to do, but you see, there’s a difference between telling your kid, “You gotta wear clothes to school,” versus, “You gotta wear the green shirt and the brown pants to school.”

Not all things are understandable, though. It’s easy for me to see why I wasn’t meant to be a singer or a mother, but why was I meant to be with a man, for example, and not a woman unless I was willing to settle for second best or less? Not that I regret Tom, but why not a Kate Jackson or a Gloria Estefan or a Linda Ronstadt? Why not a Norah M or a Mary C or someone like Palma and Teddy Bear? Is lust, other than in my imagination, a sin for me?

Nonetheless, I do have children – my rats! Anything that’s dependent on an adult, to me, is like kids.

When I start with the why-would-God-let-me-succeed-now bit, I try to remind myself that some things have changed. I couldn’t put sick spells on people before, vibe/influence tickets, etc. Just maybe God will put his animosity aside and be like, yeah, yeah, do what you want. I don’t care.

I should be just a couple of weeks away from Haiku, assuming there aren’t many more hold-ups. Now she, along with the other dolls, makes great children. That’s because they never cost anymore after you’ve bought them and they stay where you put them.

Once again we may be put out by blacks. Their little holiday may delay the check a day or two.

I’m going to try like hell to stay on days, even if it means sleeping only 8 hours a night because they’re flying like crazy. They’re at it almost every day now! The only way they’d take a break would be if one of their planes went down, and believe me, if I could will one of them to drop from the sky, I would! Maybe I should try. I figure that the only way a psychic of my kind is going to get telekinetic would be to work on it, and what better place to start than with the United States Air Force? So fall from the sky they will as soon as I can hopefully get them to. The pilots jump from the plane with parachutes before the plane crashes. Or at least they try to. As it is, though, I don’t give a damn if someone gets killed. Tom will know about it if I succeed because he keeps tabs on the news. I highly doubt I could do it. I can’t even move an object like a barrette that’s sitting on the table.

I was right in suspecting that putting chicken wire around the palm to protect it from the rabbits would help it. It’s starting to grow back. Of course it’s growing back now that we’re moving! Either way, you really gotta either protect or get older plants in a place like this.

Later…

Tom and I were discussing more pricing and package ideas we may sell. Maybe we’ll get a roadside stand of our own, though I’d prefer to do business from home.

Anyway, when I checked the incense site to see if anything new was amiss, I found that they’re now having monthly giveaways. This month they’ll be giving someone a smoking bottle, then someone else an 11” coffin burner, and another person a 19” ash catcher. I’d really like that 19” ash catcher, so as a means of hopefully encouraging them to choose me for that, unless they have a random drawing, I told them I was considering trying their 19” sticks (this isn’t a lie, either) and asked how long they burn for, though I know it’s about 3 hours. I’m sure I’ll get some eventually either way, though an ash catcher would be more encouraging.

Tom liked my idea of creating a burner for cars, like maybe something you hang from the mirror, but that can’t fall out. It’d be really hard, though, to start a fire with an incense stick as opposed to a cigarette. Incense sticks usually go out when the head of it touches something. That’s why I wouldn’t bother with getting smoking bottles.

Tom read a cute little joke online that goes like this: Once upon a time, a little old lady went to see her doctor complaining about gas. She said, “Doctor, I can’t seem to stop passing gas. No matter what I do, I’m constantly passing gas. Why I must’ve done it 20 times since I’ve been in this room talking to you. It’s just that oddly enough, it doesn’t smell or make any noise when it happens.”

“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “I’ve got just the right remedy for you.”

He wrote her a prescription and sent her home.

Not long afterward, she was back at the doctor’s office. “Doctor!” she exclaimed. “I still can’t seem to stop passing gas like crazy. The only difference is that while it still can’t be heard, it now smells horrible! Just horrible.”

“Good,” the doctor said. “Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”