For 3 days I didn’t hear them flying and thought, good, I at least backed them off, but then I heard them a little while ago. I’ll try to back them off as my schedule shifts more towards days as once again I decided not to bother worrying about my schedule till it’s absolutely necessary.

I had a vibe saying that whenever the hell Tom gets a job, it’ll be for 10-something an hour. His age is really making it hard because the idiots think that at his age he’ll want more money. Why they don’t just say, “This is the pay and so be it,” beats me. They should because then they’d know that those they get putting in applications are ok with the pay whether it’s fair or not.

He says he’s not worried about not finding a job in a hurry since we have quite a few months left where we can get unemployment, and when we move, there’ll be no house payments or electric bills. All we’ll need money for will be food, vehicle expenses, generator expenses, phone and satellite, so his pay won’t matter, though the more the merrier and the quicker we can build our dream castle.

I’m just afraid God’s going to tear down whatever we do build. It’s like with this great new exercising method I’ve found, thanks to Miss Perfect, who finally did something right. Well, I had just gotten hot and heavy into the Bowflex (which we decided to keep) when he sent the black bums to take me away from it, so I’m always afraid to get into new things because someone or something is always waiting to tear it all apart. The same with when I get new rats. The freeloading assholes stole the last 6 months of Houdini’s life from me.

I’m also afraid he’ll do things like escalate the vehicle repairs when we move just because we’ll have extra money, and force us to put money towards things other than what we’d like to put it towards. As it is, I’ve already made up my mind that trying to sell incense and trying to make a go of the website won’t be successful. I haven’t succeeded yet, so why should I now? At least I’ll still have fun making my own incense and ordering wholesale from now on.

When we move, I’m going to be fearful of the freeloaders popping back into my life for yet the fourth time just like they did after we moved here. I’m truly amazed that they haven’t pulled anything else on me thus far. Especially after showing me for nearly 7 years that they don’t give up so easily. It was like I was their obsession. Tom thinks they’ve finally backed off for good, but he’s always been a very trusting, optimistic person when it comes to things like that. Either way, I certainly hope so! I don’t have any bad vibes, and one thing I do know is that if they did remind me of their sorry existence, they’ll never get me in the position they had me in before. It’ll be total doomsday for them if they ever fuck with me again and not even God could protect them like he always has. Anyway, I need a good year off from them in order to relax 100% where they’re concerned and to fully believe that they are just a horrendous memory and nothing more. May 30th was the last time I was forced to either do anything on account of them or hear from anyone connected to them, so if I can get to May 30th of this year without having to hear from him via Arizona’s little piggies, then I’ll be way relieved.

I still also fear being stuck in bad places I can’t get out of, but I suppose that with my history that’s to be expected. It’s really scary to know that even in my 30s that can happen. Well, unless someone frames me or tries to kill me and I kill them instead in self-defense, there’s no reason I should go to jail, though there wasn’t any reason I should’ve in the first place.

They say there’s a reason for everything, so all I can do is hope that we’re not being forced out of here to be set up for something worse that we can’t get out of so easily.

I had to laugh when I thought of how the spiders will return to show up in here regularly once I’m no longer here to put my hate spells on them.

We haven’t been doing well with the tickets lately. Partly out of compensation for the $30 winner we had and partly because I’ve slacked off on putting spells on them in order to concentrate on the big bucks. Although I don’t think I’ll ever be allowed the power, we’d rather a million bucks than $20 here, $30 there and $10 in between. Memolink makes their daily million-dollar draws at 3 PM PT, so at 4 PM I’m going to be concentrating really hard on the numbers the auto-pick drew for me, trying to get their numbers to match mine.

Later…

Well, I did my best as far as trying to win the Memolink lotto and now the rest is up to fate. If God doesn’t want us having that kind of money, he won’t let me hit the numbers. In fact, I still think something doesn’t want us ever having that much money. Especially if UPS doesn’t bring the truck’s water pump today and I don’t get my supplies tomorrow so we can get the swap meet going. Something always interferes whenever we try to make money. Plus, it isn’t just about us not being allowed to make enough money from home, it’s about me not being allowed to do what I want to do with my life which is something that’s always been a no-no. Still, I instinctively rebel against God’s controlling hold on me and I grab hold of the wheel of the car that drives my life whenever I get the slightest opportunity to do so.

Nonetheless, I tried my best to concentrate really hard on the lotto until the renters drove by with 3 huge dogs chasing them. It’s a wonder they weren’t barking up a storm while they were at it.

Later…

It was a bust. According to the results of the last draw, I only got 1 number. Now the question is, do I figure it’s not meant to be and give up? Or do I keep plugging away at it and hope that I hit it over time?

I’m just glad, as much as I hated being poor and struggling like I did back east, that I didn’t strike it rich then. Too many people, Tammy in particular, would’ve swindled it away from me and I would’ve been kind enough and naïve enough to let them do it, too. Most people are natural beggars who won’t hesitate to simply go up to a person, even a total stranger, and ask for whatever. As it was, the first thing out of Tammy’s mouth when I started dancing and we thought I’d make really good money was, “I’ll take $500 a month.”

The hell if I’ll be anyone’s slave or whipping boy again! Some might ask why I’m Mary’s secretary since she can’t pay me regularly for it, and I guess the answer is simple – because I know she would if she could and that she will when she’s released. She would also do me any favors I needed that were within her means.

Paula, on the other hand, is never getting another package from me again, and she’ll get very few letters from now on, too. I mean, I could never, for example, trust her to mail a letter for me like Mary did with Teddy Bear, which reminds me - Paula did get the envelope I sent her addressed to Incense Galore for her free sample. And did she mail it out? Of course she did. She never has a problem doing for herself. If it was for someone else, then why bother?

I can understand that it’s human nature for a lot of us to be selfish. The main reason I don’t want kids, for example, is so that I can have a life. It’s been hard enough for me to have that at times as a childless person that I’d hate to try it as a parent. We all want things for ourselves with little or no cost, and that’s only natural. In fact, if I had a New Year’s resolution it would probably be to be as selfish as I can and to make as much money as I can, despite my doubts about that. It’s just when you spend so many years getting ripped off and being used, it makes you want money and freedom even more. It has that effect on me, at least, though some people may just go with it.

I decided that if Paula’s worst crime is being a little stingy, then I won’t bother dumping her. I mean, she’s hardly done anything wrong as opposed to Doe, Art, Tammy and Larry.

I took some pictures of the dark gray storm cloud out front. Yes, there’s been some rain, lightning and thunder the last couple of days. It’s the first picture with the new houses too, although one of them is hiding behind a big tree. I heard cows and sheep not too far from here. In fact, every time I’d meow for Shiny, I got a meow for a reply.