God gave me another reason to hate Him yesterday when I learned that Alison’s cancer has returned. Meanwhile, those few abusive assholes that are diagnosed with cancer (like my sister’s ex) end up in remission for good and get to go on to live full lives - WTF???

I’ve been feeling bad for her and worried. She’s still a friend even though we’ve never met. I wonder if God will eventually kill her with this. Maybe if they just do the mastectomy she dreamt they did, she’ll survive. Maybe this is what they should have done in the first place as unpleasant as it would be. It’s better than suffering the effects of the chemo treatment that might not work.

This may sound sick, scary and sad, but a part of me envies her. If I suddenly got hit with something deadly and didn’t treat it, then I wouldn’t have to struggle with whether or not I should kill myself or about me botching it up. I think it’s pretty safe to say I’m only alive now because of Tom. Naïve, optimistic Tom who refuses to see and believe that our lives are never going to get better and so what if it does since it’d only be temporary. If it weren’t for him there’s a good chance I just may’ve finally gotten up the guts to try to off myself again. But part of being under the kind of curse we’re under is knowing I won’t be given anything terminal until I either die of old age or I really do kill myself at some point. We can’t be cursed by the powers above if we’re dead. So while we may be given aches and pains to annoy us and punish us even more, I’d say there’s just about zero chance I’ll get cancer anytime soon or that my husband will die of a heart attack. That’s just not the way this kind of curse works. The point is to make us miserable or at least see us struggle. We can’t do that if we’re dead which gives me a bit of hope that the afterlife isn’t worse than or even as bad as this life if there is one.

Maliheh peaked in on my blog last night but didn’t send a message. It’s nice that she at least looked in on me. I miss her coming to my blog more often and sometimes wonder if she just got bored with what I had to say in it. But at least she was thinking of me.

I think I figured out Nane’s game. I think the plan is just to forever ignore me rather than cut me out. I’m also pretty sure she never read my message either.

The turquoise sold to someone in Japan for $20 and the game and keyboard sold for a surprising $65 to someone in Tennessee.