For our 17th anniversary yesterday, we went to the IHOP where he got an omelet and I got sirloin tips with mushrooms, onions, scrambled eggs, hash browns and pancakes. I could not only not finish half of it, but the meat was a bit tough. Everything else was great, though, especially the eggs and pancakes.

We sat in a huge booth that was adjacent to another huge booth. The whole time I worried some large and loud group would be seated next to us, but there never was.

A few days ago I made my first book sale in the UK so that was pretty neat. :)

Our internet connection is still horrible and they’re obviously not going to do anything about it. Tom wasted half a day on the phone with them trying to get them to fix it (at least we each made $10 on a 10-minute survey that day to help make up for the lost time), but they simply wouldn’t. I still think it’s someone deliberately playing games just for kicks. Some people are like that, and it seems to be at its worst starting around 7am. They know there’s no other provider people can switch to, so they can do (or not do) whatever the hell they want. We can’t afford to move, but we also can’t afford to drop them, so we just go online whenever we can get on. I miss cable! But those days are long gone. Ancient memories of a distant past that will never come to be again.

But I see no future either and that’s a little scary. I really think I’m going to end up killing myself with the frustration of continuing to get nowhere year after year. I once thought we’d one day be compensated for our struggles, but I realize that not everyone gets compensation. I have nothing to live for and I know it. It’s only Tom that’s standing in the way of me ending this curse by offing myself, but sooner or later I’ll nudge my way around him and start thinking of myself only and not him, too. Sometimes I wish I didn’t love him so damn much as that’s what keeps me hanging on to this waste of a life I have. Seriously, though, I see no future. I don’t see us in other rentals in this area, nor do I see us staying here all our lives. Where are we then? And what did all the depressing dreams I had last night of poverty and apartments mean? Was it just a confirmation of how doomed we are?

Not surprisingly, Shelley hasn’t accepted my friend invite from the “crazy” woman whose mother she hates, LOL. That’s probably what it is, though; if my mom dumped Charlotte, or she at least thinks she did, she’s not going to want to associate with me. That’s just how people are. If they hate your mother, they automatically hate you too, though I’m sure she’d be pleasant to my face if we ran into each other. Even Andy, who wishes she’d act like the godmother she is, says she makes him feel special when they run into each other at the beach like they do once or twice a year.

Still nothing from Nane, but now that I’ve gotten to know Irene a bit better, I’m seeing if I can get any info from her. It’s weird. If she really is that upset with me, why keep me as a friend? I don’t get it.