Aw, I was hoping they’d stop disconnecting us when they fulfill orders at night since they didn’t shut us down last night, but they just disconnected us, and they’re still shutting us down in the mornings, too. Because it’s around the same time, I’m guessing they’re connecting and deactivating people’s accounts at those times, and the dipshits are accidentally disconnecting us while they do it. Unless it’s some big old joke on their part, what else could it be?

Had a dream I was telling someone that I realized my desire to move and own our own place again was selfish and that I decided to stay here. Well, I don’t think it’s selfish to want to own places any more than it is to have your own car or clothes, but I am seriously starting to think it isn’t meant to be. A nicer, newer doublewide, that is. Things keep coming up to keep us from our goal, exactly as I predicted. The last thing I want is to struggle for what isn’t meant to be and get a place just to either lose it or have it turn out to be a nightmare that we regret. Not saying that’d be the case, I’m just saying maybe I oughta quit complaining and be grateful for what IS meant to be and just appreciate what we DO have and not so much as stay put but buy another dumpy single-wide. I have lived in dumpy places almost all my life. It’s nothing new at all.

We have more than enough money to remodel this place from floor to ceiling and even add on another half-bath and possibly another room. But I don’t like the idea of plowing thousands of dollars into someone else’s place when we can own a place cheaper than this, and no, I don’t want to deal with slow, part-time internet access for much longer either. But between various expenses that keep coming up and our shaky credit, that’s not exactly something up there eager to help pave the way for us to get our own place unless we got a dumpier one in the “sardine” park. I think they’re the only ones who will pretty much take anyone and not care about credit or things like that. Especially if you buy a place outright.

I still don’t expect any adult park to be like living in a cemetery like Tom thinks it will be, but there’s no way it could be like the mainstream. They can’t leave dogs outside all day and night. They can’t blast music. They can’t let screaming kids tear through the place. So it can’t possibly be that noisy. BUT… the trees, shrubs and grass won’t get trimmed on their own, people like to sit and chat with friends or on phones outdoors, dogs are going to run up to open windows and bark at those passing by, dogs are going to bark that are being walked along the streets, delivery and trash trucks are going to be coming and going. So it’s not going to be anything like living in a cemetery unless it’s dark, rainy or over 100°. I’ll definitely have to have sound machines on while I’m working because I’m distracted very easily even if someone or something isn’t literally being “noisy.” Tom’s sneezing can disrupt my train of thought.

When Tom said he wasn’t going grocery shopping anymore this year I thought, wow, that’s quite a diet we’re going on. But he meant at Walmart. We’ll use Raley’s and Shop Mart till then. We usually only pick up stuff there on Sundays that Walmart didn’t have, but it’ll be our regular store till the fucking holidays are over. At least Tom will get paid for them this year!

If the 5-cast is correct, we’re in for the kind of rain we haven’t had for two years. No motorcycling for the Jes pest! He can gun and run his old loud truck instead.

Romeo was funny as hell earlier and so damn cute. Tom, despite being such a nice, mellow guy, doesn’t have a way with rodents like I do. For some reason, many of them are either scared of him or just don’t want to be his friend. Just when I finally got Romeo to warm up to me and actually sit still on my lap (he likes to burrow in my robe, too) without running, Tom gets up from his chair, sits on the couch next to us, and scares the poor thing half to death. It was funny but at the same time a real setback. Now he’s probably not even going to want to come near me for the next week or so.

Saw that my old buddy unblocked me. I never could figure out why she blocked me in the first place despite saying something I shouldn’t have said in my blog, but hey, it’s her account.

Oh, wait. Now she’s blocked me again. As long as she doesn’t pester me that’s fine.

The poodle and enabler just HAD to croak when the economy was shitty. Their place would’ve sold by now if they’d dropped dead 5 years ago. But it’s still up for 125K.

I may have forgotten to mention this but Irene said she wasn’t going to add Nane because Nane’s too superficial for her. Nane’s got to wonder what the hell’s going on, though, and maybe even be a touch angry or jealous that she added me to her new account, but not her. It’s strange in a way that they were friends since they were in their 20s and each one has ended up closer to me than to each other.

Later…

When I saw I had feedback waiting for me on MD from the same person I figured she was going to tear into me again, but instead, I got this:

“Jodi, feel free to post this humble apology I stand corrected and want to apologize for my email. It was harsh and I was very judgmental considering I only hopped around reading your entries. I started reading from your most recent entries and truly felt sick that you both were in such a horrible situation. I actually wanted to help! Then the more I read, I got a bit choked (right or wrong) with the phone calls and pranks. Maybe it isn’t that uncommon, I’ve just never heard of adults doing it. Cops getting involved seems like such a waste and crisis hotlines shouldn’t be abused for such nonsense. IMO. I work in Emergency Services, so this just struck a nerve. I actually thought this is something you still enjoyed doing (like I said, I skipped all over the journal). The apartment VS motel bit, I had no idea that poor credit would create such a dilemma, but clearly it makes sense. Sorry, it’s absurd but you obviously had no other choice. The most brutal comment (well, aside from the whole email) I should not have commented on your parents and what they may or may not have left you. Clearly, none of my business. I read the journals where they helped, it just never seemed appreciated. I obviously missed all the abuse and other factors that led to all the criticism of them. I noticed that you’ve posted a few entries regarding my email (BTW: I am not Rebecca or Lindsay) I am just a girl that should have kept her big mouth shut. I said a lot of hurtful things and I am sorry. Please believe that. I’m the psycho to write a complete stranger and be so judgmental. All the best xo

ps: I had to put a random email in to send you feedback. I don’t even know if that’s a ‘real’ email but it doesn’t belong to me. Please don’t reply to that poor persons email (if it even exists). I was a bit paranoid and thought you may start pranking me :) lol.
pss: The reason I read your journals to start with is you are a very good writer and obviously have some creative talent! I should have mentioned the good things!!!”

To Miss Not Rebecca or Lindsay but to Miss Random instead:

Thank you for your apology. I can see where reading around in random spurts through a 25-year journal would call for some major confusion as far as where I currently was and what I was currently doing in life. I agree that calling the crisis center wasn’t cool but I also agree that the cops stick their noses into things far less important than things they should be sticking them in. The world would be a much better place if they paid as much attention to murderers, rapists and other violent people as opposed to pranksters or those that have things to say that might offend others.

You said you work in Emergency Services, though, so you would know that not all suicidal talk is a sick joke or a mere shot for attention. It is actually very hard for me to ask for help because my MIL put a complex on me about that years ago. So things have to get pretty damn desperate for me to reach out to someone for help. Monetary help, that is.

My parents HAVE indeed helped me in the past. No doubt about that. But they also didn’t help when they could have and should have, and yes, they were very abusive to me, my sister and my brother. As a 46-year-old now living on the other side of the country, they can’t harm me anymore as both died this year just 7 months apart. But I will have horrible memories to carry with me for the rest of my life. Although I understand much of my writing sounds like repetitious complaining, it has been very therapeutic for me.

Yeah, we’re still working the credit thing out, my husband and I. We got caught up in a scam and Yours Truly also made some stupid mistakes (yes, some of it is my fault, LOL) and buying a place of our own may be a bit tough for a while.

I wouldn’t have pranked you but I did send a brief message to that addy via egreetings. Yes, it does exist. I have some programs I can run it through to tell me if it’s live, its location, and sometimes the actual owner.

Your apology has been accepted, and thanks for the compliment on my writing. :)