Although my hives have faded, they still itch at times. Hydrocortisone cream wasn’t helping much either. So Tom picked up some Campho Phenique and Calamine lotion on the way home and while I haven’t used the Calamine lotion yet, the Campho Phenique has helped so far.

Lost a pound without even trying. I had my usual 1500 calories yesterday, though I did work out. I would’ve been down two pounds if I’d slept at night. I don’t lose weight in my sleep when I sleep during the daytime, though, so that’s why it was only a pound.

Bodybuilding takes forever as opposed to toning. When you bodybuild you have to do several sets, resting 5 minutes or so between them. The muscle must be worked to its absolute hardest till it breaks down and gives out from fatigue and strain. You know the term “getting ripped?” We really do tear the muscle fibers, which then build new layers of muscle, thus giving one that bulky, muscular look. With toning, you’re simply stretching the same layer of muscle taut instead of building layer upon layer of muscle, so you just quickly do one set of about 30 reps.

Aly agrees that someone else was acting along with Kim, and who knows how many other trolls there were? A part of me still misses Ask, though, despite the tons of immature assholes that live there. We’re both not surprised Carol was nice, but not much help. What did I expect her to say, after all? Something like: You’re right, my sister does have MPD and is totally fucked in the head. Here are the magic words to extinguish her from your life forever.

I think the “others” consisted of Molly, someone connected to Kim, and probably someone else altogether. While we agree that despite Kim’s knack for role-playing, it’s usually the same old shit from her. Quick sentences with lots of repetition and misspellings. Yet someone went out of their way to sound like Aly on Molly’s blog, and Kim just isn’t smart enough to write that well. As Aly said, she wouldn’t not say who she was if she had anything to say but has chosen not to so as not to give Molly false hope. Even Kathy thought the person might be Aly, though I suspected all along that it was someone pretending to seem like it was even though they never gave a name. She ought to install a tracker even if some folks may dodge it.

What I don’t get is why some people are so stupid and so blind. It was obvious as hell that it was Kim, along with some fellow group home members, who were picking on Molly. So why suspect me and others? Just to pick a fight? To get attention? Well, other than expressing my thoughts, feelings, theories and suspicions in this blog, they’re not going to get that attention. At least not from me or my friends. We wish them luck, hope they can move on, and that’s that. Period.

The one thing I’m going to miss about this trailer is being able to vent the warm air through the roof. Our swamp cooler doesn’t run through vents that go to each room but is a downdraft unit that blasts throughout the place. On warm days that aren’t warm enough for the cooler we just open the vents and let the heat rise up and out the cooler. Since we’ll be in a mobile home instead of a trailer, though, there’s no reason it would have a ceiling vent like this since it will probably have an AC. Plus, while it will have a tiled roof instead of a tin roof, there won’t be any attic. Attics, brick walls and slab foundations are some things I will always miss.

In last night’s dream, we were looking at parks and found that Jesse owned one of them. In other words, we just can’t escape that pest!

The night before last I dreamed of being in some weird jail. It had pools and the guards were lying on chaise lounges, but it was still disturbing. Being held someplace against my will, no matter what it may look like or be like, is never fun. I thought to myself in the dream how it sucks that I had several more months to go there and that if I couldn’t get unsupervised probation when I got out, I would skip that part altogether.

I haven’t broken any laws, so what is it with all these jail dreams? First it was hotels, then poverty, then jails. Well, to say I feel like I’m in jail here is certainly an exaggeration, but maybe they’re a reflection of my feeling like we’re going to be stuck here a lot longer than we’d like since he has so little free time. Again he had to work Saturday, and it’s so stupid too, cuz there’s so little work then that all he basically does is sit around and listen to music all day. But that’s another $160 or so in our pocket as long as they want to be dumb enough to pay someone $21 an hour to sit and listen to music.

Later…

I’m so pissed off for Mary right now whose only real crime in life is being too nice. So much so that some of the assholes of this world take advantage of it to harass her on and offline. Just wish she’d get a little angry for once. No, I wish she’d get furious. That way it may be easier for her to start fighting back. I know she would prefer to settle things peacefully, but sometimes that’s just not possible. Sometimes ignoring haters and trolls only makes them more determined to get at us, and sometimes you really do need to literally kick people off your ass. The person who she used to work with that got her fired when she complained on him for hitting on her lives in her area. Then they took the harassment onto the Internet, begging her to be her Valentine, and I don’t understand why she doesn’t do something about it, and well, here’s my reply to her message about the situation:

I totally hear you on ignoring the haters, but sometimes people won’t let us ignore them and that only makes them more persistent. I tried to ignore the sickos in AZ that had a hand in getting me jailed and look where that got me. What I don’t get is why you don’t beat the shit out of this guy that got you fired AND stalks you online. OMG, I’d be so pissed! C’mon, girl, he’s right under your nose! In your state. Maybe in your town. I’m only giving you this pep talk cuz I care about you and am sick of seeing men shit on you left and right, sis, so please don’t take it the wrong way. When are you going to stop being so damn nice and start fighting back??? I hate to say it, but sometimes we literally have to beat people off our asses. Sometimes words aren’t enough and neither is trying to turn the other cheek. Sometimes you just gotta fight to get what you deserve and what’s rightfully yours even if you don’t want to.

I could never kick someone’s ass for the fun of it, and there was nothing I could do about the AZ sickos cuz there were lots of them and just two of us. Plus they had serious law enforcement connections AND we’re living in a time when blacks and other “minorities” are automatically favored. So my little white, Jewish hands were kinda tied in that case (unless they ever hunted me down and tried to victimize me again). But I would be so fucking pissed if someone got me fired, then had the nerve to stalk me online. If it was just one person you BET I’d be beating them right out of my life. If the trolls (Kim and Molly) were within physical reach of me I’d fix it so they never harassed me again because they’d be too scared to even THINK of me let alone reach out to me or my friends. Well, most men aren’t going to report an attack from a woman because they’re going to be too embarrassed to, and if they do, well, you know how backward our laws are here. It’s the violent crimes that no one cares much about as opposed to what we say, think or write. You’d probably get little more than a slap on the wrist if even that, but if you had to do a few days (a few weeks at the utmost worst-case scenario), you get out of jail with this person in too much pain/fear to bother you.

This kid used to tease me about whatever in grammar school. I took it and took it till I one day got fed up and slugged the shit out of her. She never bothered me again. When I was being dragged through the legal mud by the freeloaders and their pig pal, I was interviewed. In the interview, I was asked, “Are you going to fight your case?” I thought it a bit of an odd question at the time and I so stupidly said “no,” thus sending the wrong message. In other words, I was really saying, “No, I’m not going to fight back. I’m going to just sit back and take whatever you dish at me, so go ahead and bully me away and take advantage of my being naïve to the law and take me for whatever you can.”

It’s not just about power and control where the law’s concerned, but about money as well. It’s a business, like it or not, and the way they make more money is to keep as many people in jail or on probation as they can.

You might be asking yourself what grammar school and court have to do with your case. Well, it does. It’s the same concept. You’re being bullied and you’re not doing anything about it. Okay, so ignoring the cock is doing something and that something is better than acknowledging his messages, but it may just not be enough, sis. I know you don’t have half the temper I do and that you are a sweet, calm, cool, mellow person but that’s what they’re preying on! It’s not your fault and you’re not responsible for their actions, but sometimes I think you’re just too damn nice and just like a vicious dog that preys on fear, these cocks are preying on your niceness. Well, nice doesn’t deserve to be shit on! Get out there and take care of this cock right, Mary, cuz chances are it’s not going away. Sometimes a polite smile and a “No thank you,” isn’t enough to ward off the advances of these sickos which then turns into harassment cuz these emotionally weak babies can’t handle rejection, move on, and realize there are other fish in the sea. Yeah, it sucks to not get who you want. I went through that before I met Tom, but I was smart enough to know you can’t make someone want you.

Anger and attitude are everything when it comes to these cocks, and yes, with the exception of Tom (he’s such a rare breed and I still don’t know how I got so lucky to nab him) and very few others, I am proudly sexist. Sometimes we really do make our own haters just by our behavior. No one told me to hate guys in general. Their own behavior is what got me to hate them. I know who we’re attracted to has nothing to do with what we think of them, but I sometimes find it hard to believe most guys are in fact straight with the way so many of them shit on women.

Like I said, sometimes being polite, kind and softspoken won’t work and you’ve got to literally stare these cocks in the eye and scream, “Enough is enough! Back the fuck off!” If that doesn’t work, you need to take it to the next step. Just stop being so nice, kind and only getting annoyed or irritated. It’s time to get pissed! Anger can be just as productive as it can be destructive. I forget what country it was in, but in one of the twisted middle eastern countries that treat women and kids like shit, the women got so damn fed up with the abuse that they got tired of running scared and inviting more shit they didn’t deserve or ask for. So they all banned together and grabbed everything they could possibly use as a weapon against them and they took care of them.

You’re not just sparing yourself more headaches if you take care of this cock but other potential victims as well. You once said that if you could help just one person you’d be thrilled. Avoiding these types of cocks in the first place might’ve been more what you had in mind, but I think that if more women started taking a stand for themselves and started fighting back and defending themselves, the more these cocks might think twice before they pick on women as they are taught that sometimes they really can pick on the wrong women. Violence against men is said to be up and things are slowly evening out, but very slowly. Sometimes there’s just no reasoning with or ignoring these sick fucks and you gotta get a little physical. If you take care of him, he’s not going to want you to be his Valentine anymore, that’s for sure. I really hope to hell he does back off and doesn’t know where you live, but I have a feeling it’s not going to stop, even if you ignore him. Go to his house, meet him outside of work, or arrange to meet him somewhere and get him out of your life for good! If you don’t feel you’re fit enough or angry enough to do it with your hands, there are things like stun guns and mace that can temporarily disable the cock long enough to do enough damage to drill the message into its skull. Try to punch the throat. The cock will choke and it doesn’t take a hard punch at all. Throats crush like cardboard boxes. I’d be tempted to take care of him for you myself that’s how much these cocks piss me off, but the sooner you learn to do so yourself, the better. Independence is important.

The time to deal with these types of cocks is while you are still young, thin and pretty because that’s when they’re going to be coming at you. Me, I’m too old for anyone to be crushing on me enough to pester me in that way and I can’t say I’m not glad. While I wasn’t in the habit of paying much attention to men in the first place before I met Tom I never got the types of shitheads you’ve been unfortunate enough to get. You know why? Cuz I’m the bitch they know won’t take their shit, sis. You don’t have to go around being rude or defensive and all that, but I think it’s time to toughen up and lose some of that niceness, particularly when things start getting out of hand. It’s your life and no one can tell you how to live it and what to do. I just hate to see such a sweetheart like yourself get shit on so damn much. You’ve had enough! Just like I’ve had enough and fully plan to fight back if I am ever again victimized, though I sure as hell hope I never am to the vicious, life-altering extremes that I was in Arizona. I TOTALLY TOTALLY understand what you went through being legally screwed like you were and my heart broke for you. I cried the day the judge reneged on the immunity deal and I KNEW years in advance that that would happen to you. No matter what any law, lawyer, judge or pig promised me – even if it was in writing – I would never buy it.

Many people told me that while I had every right to be angry, I should just move on and not take it personally cuz a lot of people get screwed over and I wasn’t alone. Well, move on was all I could do since nothing could change, undo or compensate for what I went through, but how do you not “take that personally?” And a victim is a victim no matter how many others there may be, so it doesn’t matter if I was alone or not. Lie detectors are said to be pretty damn foolproof, but there’s no way, then or now, that I could get those involved in screwing me to undergo a little date and interview with one of these things, which is too bad. That’d tell the truth right there if what I heard about these tests is true. They’re supposed to be damn near impossible to beat. So if that’s true – voila! There are your answers as to who victimized who and who the real perps were.

Back in Estrella, you and I were just two victims of the same legal abuse as we sat on our bunks munching on our commissary, listening to the radio, writing in our journals, and having a crush on Palma, hahaha. Wonder if fucking “Teddy Bear” has been fired by now.

But yes, I know what you’re going through. The courts and media bought everything those assholes said, lie after lie, and no one ever questioned their integrity. Had they been white it never would’ve happened, though I probably would have still gotten shafted somewhat cuz they had kids and I didn’t. But instead of verifying the stories they told the media, they just printed whatever they said. Anything they told them was automatically believed because I was white, Jewish and childless, but mostly cuz I was white/Jewish. The reverse discrimination has been an issue since the late 80s, early 90s and I wonder when it will ever be dealt with accordingly or if it ever will. They took their word for it no matter what lies they told, and no one ever said to them, “Well, Ms. S may not be perfect, but don’t you think that maybe you provoke people a bit? If it’s true you lost your housing due to complaints, isn’t that YOUR problem? Shouldn’t you have thought about this before you went into that neighborhood and drove people who were there first batshit crazy by not even allowing them to hear themselves think half the time?” Had they said I tried to ax them into little bitty pieces that too, would’ve been believed and printed. I’m not going to get into it, but they broke the law against us too, by prank-calling us and slipping sexual notes in our mailbox slot. You know God always protects my perps and this is part of why I Hate him so much.

Sorry to make this rant so damn long, but I felt I had to get this out and stress to you that I not only know what it’s like to be victimized, even if it’s sometimes in similar yet different ways, and encourage you to fight back. You DON’T have to take this shit, sis. Especially since he’s not in Texas and Connecticut where my trolls are. If a fly annoys us, we swat it. Time to see people in a similar light, girl, and swat the human fly that just keeps buzzing around your head!

Women can’t beat every man just like every man can’t beat every woman, but usually, it’s only the women who are smart enough to know and acknowledge this fact. Yeah, fighting is more about anger and determination, than size and gender, but you do have the element of surprise in your favor, thanks to their arrogance. Most men don’t think a woman can or would even think of taking them. So if a petite woman goes up against a 6-foot guy who’s 200 pounds or more, he’s lax, confident, unworried and unprepared. This gives her the advantage as opposed to if he was expecting it, tense and ready for action.

I’ve never taken classes in self-defense or karate, though I’d love to. I think it would be fun, especially karate. Anyway, as much as I just love to come across as a crazy, mean, scary tough bitch, I would never harm anyone that wasn’t trying to harm me, my husband or our stuff. If I went after them for any other reason, I would have to be so utterly furious and have damn good reason to do so. If someone got Tom fired and then ran home to pick on him in cyberspace, I would definitely want to meet with this person. Just not at our place so our stuff didn’t get broken in the squabble. Might be easier to cry self-defense that way, though, if it ever went to court, unless they weren’t white.

Later…

Mary said her PO is on top of the situation with the cock that’s been harassing her, and she tells people these days when things aren’t right. This is good to know. I didn’t know the PO knew about it, but I guess he would. After all, the cock did get her fired. She said she took screenshots of the messages and that the police would be notified if need be. Good, let’s see if they can actually do her some good for once. But she says she highly doubts things will escalate and that he’s probably just a guy with a big ego that’s never been rejected before.

Maliheh’s current profile pic shows her playing the guitar as a kid. She was around 10-12, I’d say. I would never guess in a million years that it was her. I know she’s gotten at least most of my messages and she is online regularly enough, and well, I’m getting a little fed up and more convinced she only befriended me and is “keeping the peace,” so to speak, to get and keep her name out of my books and blog. So next time I message her which will be to send her journal entries (except this paragraph) from the last half of February, I’m going to tell her that if her heart isn’t in us continuing our friendship - fine, just please tell me. I will respect her wishes and let her go. I don’t want to bother with someone who doesn’t care or want to bother with me. One-sided relationships of any kind aren’t my thing.

I read that we never dream of strangers because the human brain can’t invent images of new people, so it draws them from memory. Even if they’re people we only met once or twice, they are hidden away in our minds. So the “dream people” are real? LOL

A promising listing came out yesterday. A modern single-wide (though it looks like a double-wide) for 10K. It’s a 2-bed/2bath. This place here is 10’ wide/50’ long. This 1999 Skyline (same age as the 21-square-foot monster doublewide Palm Harbor we had in Arizona) is 20’ wide and 52’ long. Just over 1000 square feet and totally ideal for us. Not too much extra space to have to clean, heat and cool. Also, the space rent is just $535.

The negatives are that it’s here in Auburn, which would mean Tom would still have kind of a long drive to work, and there’s no pool in the park it’s in. I like how it’s on a corner, though, with a street running in back of it, and a spot for parking RVs in front of it. At first that turned me off, as I didn’t want so many large and loud vehicles driving by, but Tom said they don’t live in the things and drive them in and out much. They just park them there till they want to go on vacation somewhere. I also like that the streets are a bit wider in this place and the homes aren’t right on the street. The only other negative is the strip of grass between us and the neighbors, who wouldn’t park alongside us, which I’d prefer very much. If it’s our grass, fine. If it’s theirs I’d have to sleep in the bedroom that wasn’t on that side of the house.

Got a couple of rainy days this week. Good. Maybe they’ll shut the Jes pest up, who just had to go engine gunning yesterday on and off for a half-hour. A half-hour may not seem like much, but it’s a long half-hour when it’s that annoying. Wonder what shit I’ll have to listen to today? I’ll turn the sound machine on once its prime time rolls around.

I forgot to add yesterday that I don’t buy Kim’s sister saying she didn’t have online access for a while. Oh, she might not have been able to get to a desktop or a laptop, but she still has a cell phone.

Gotta work out even though I’m not in the mood. Thought today I’d run at 4MPH for 5 minutes, jump off the treadmill and work my abs for 5 minutes, run another 5 minutes, work my arms for 5 minutes, then run another 5 minutes. So I get a good variety of cardio and strength training in 25 minutes.

Back an hour later. Had a great workout, and it was nice to be able to shower afterward and not stink of bleach. I still prefer to shower every day like most people, so until the Jes pest goes and fucks up the tanks again, I’ll enjoy my daily showers.

Yay, Pandora Radio now has unlimited song skipping. Maybe once we move I’ll go for a year’s subscription, which would up the audio quality and ban the ads.