Today’s eye appointment didn’t go well, but I’m still more annoyed than I am worried at this point till we know for sure what’s causing the ocular hypertension, which has worsened a bit. He isn’t ready to say it’s glaucoma, which can take years to diagnose, but he can say I’m definitely at risk if we don’t keep an eye on the situation (pardon the pun). Things like stress and weight aren’t a factor, though as my husband swears, I’m not fat, LOL. Yeah, we fitness freaks are certainly a lot heavier than we look. Everyone thinks I’m 115-120, so they are surprised to learn I’m 143… until they see my shoulder/arm muscles, calves and ab knots. Both times I’ve been to this eye place I’ve worn long sleeves and pants, though.

When they measure one’s eye pressure with the puff of air they blow into each eye, anything under 20 is considered normal eye pressure. I was in the upper 20s a couple of weeks ago and now I’m in the low 30s. My niece was at 58, which is way high and damaged her optic nerve. But he assured me that my optic nerve looked fine and didn’t even start me on eye drops just yet. I have a “freckle” in one eye, but my macular spot looks okay, along with the veins and arteries. The tissue around the center of the optic nerve is good, but my corneas are a bit on the thick side. This might have a role in the upped pressure, but we don’t know yet what the story is. He feels confident he can prevent me from losing any vision, peripheral or center, but if it ever did start to become serious it may be 5 or so years before it did.

On the 27th, I have to return for a serial tonometry. This means that at 8am, 11am, and 3pm I have to stop in for pressure testing where they blow a puff of air in my eyes. He may also want to do the other tests he does where he puts numbing drops in my eyes, then something on the lids that looked almost like a bottle of nail polish with a brush that made these beeping sounds when he held this strange device up to them. The blast of air causes me to jump. It’s just a natural reflex action. But he says that’s okay cuz by the time I jump or blink they’ve got the reading.

The reason I’ll have to have the serial tonometry is that our eye pressure fluctuates during the day, from high to low. I casually mentioned not getting up till 1:30, just a couple of hours before he tested me. He said he was glad I pointed that out and made a notation in my folder. That’s when I hesitantly told him I have a rare sleep disorder known as non-24-hour sleep/wake cycle and he was actually glad I mentioned it. I thought to myself, Glad? That’s a refreshing breath of fresh air after dealing with those who don’t want to hear it or don’t buy it, LOL. There will always be people out there who haven’t heard of it or don’t get it and will insist I’m “lazy” or fallen into a “bad habit,” or am making this up cuz I don’t have the balls to say I don’t want to work outside of the house.

He asked me if I had sleep apnea. Fortunately not and I hope to hell I never do, cuz a friend has it and it’s a pretty damn terrifying thing to have! My case is frustrating as hell and makes life hard, but it’s not scary in any way. It was hard as hell keeping the same schedule going for so long so it will be nice to fall asleep when I’m ready to, instead of having to take melatonin supplements or Benadryl or drink a couple of wine coolers like I did the last 4 nights. I’m just not into drinking. But it did help relax me a bit. It will also be nice not to have to wake up to a damn alarm. For some reason, I can keep this schedule going longer than I can the ideal one, the one I wish I could keep going. If I could I’d sleep from 11pm - 7am.

Back on topic – the assistant took pics of the eyes. The flash was very bright but didn’t hurt. Then the doc showed them to me on his computer monitor and explained what was what. He was nice enough to let Tom in the room so I didn’t have to try to remember everything to repeat to him later, and I was a touch nervous. To me dealing with eyes is like Tom dealing with teeth. In other words, we don’t unless we have no choice. If I didn’t need glasses in the first place, I’d never know I had elevated pressure unless I did go blind.

I didn’t realize you could lose peripheral vision but that explains why they do that test where you stare at crossbars in the center of a screen and click every time you see a white dot at various places around the sides. There are also different kinds of glaucoma, but again, he isn’t ready to say that’s what it is cuz he’s not sure yet. They don’t really know everything that can cause it, but they do know that heart problems and diabetes can cause it. These things run in my family, but I’m healthy as far as I know, so we’ll just have to wait and see. As I also said, I’m more annoyed than worried, but when you’ve had plenty of dream premonitions and you recently had one about going blind, it gets a little creepy. Can’t deny that much. In reading back through my journals to publish old stuff I’m amazed at just how many dream premonitions I’ve had that I totally forgot about like the “white-out” dream. Most dreams that end up coming true come true within just days of the dream, but some do occur months, even years before they come true. I had bad dreams right before our lovely government stopped his unemployment, but a whole year and a half before that, I dreamt he got a letter in the mail saying the government was going to “white us out.”

We both picked up our new glasses while we were there. Tom started off nearsighted, then his eyes improved as they changed shape as they do with age, but will eventually be farsighted like me. When you’re farsighted, first you can’t see close up, then you can’t see shit. It was so frustrating having to keep switching glasses in the store – my “faraways” so I could see where the hell I was going, and then my reading glasses so I could read labels and stuff like that. So having my new bifocals is wonderful! I still hate to wear glasses of any kind, but I think contacts would be an even bigger hassle for me, not that I have the guts to stick objects in my eyes.

He just got one pair for driving with a dull gray colored case, and I got a pink case for my bifocals and a fuzzy tiger print case for my reading glasses. Both have no nose pads. Definitely can’t use the bifocals for the computer. With a 21” monitor I’d have to keep tilting my head back which is a pain, so single visions are definitely best for that while bifocals are best for going out.

Despite the circumstances, it was nice to get out. I may be a homebody, but after a week the fresh air and change of pace were nice. We grabbed some KFC on the way home and the rats got a sample of everything. Not much chicken, though, cuz protein isn’t good for rodents. They’d still eat a greasy steak, have chocolate for dessert, and chase it all down with a beer if they could, without a care in the world as to how bad it may be for them, LOL. But they’re one of the toughest animals around when you consider that it takes 3 more times the amount of poison to kill them than humans, can live in radiated areas, and can fall dozens of feet with no problem. The 15’ fall that broke my upper arm would be nothing to them.