Time to finish up about yesterday as I await the results of yesterday’s eye tests. Tom has the phone the doctor will call him on at work, so Tom will email me once he hears from him. I did have eye dreams last night, but can’t remember them. That must be a good thing since we usually remember our bad dreams.

I also had more dreams discussing moving. Hope this means we’re getting close, but I don’t think so. We did check out a couple of parks here in town, including the one with that newer house. We don’t want it. It’s not in as good of a location within the park as we first thought. It’s right by the main entrance, and the greenbelt between it and next door does belong to next door. They have a garden and a little hangout there with tables and chairs. I don’t want this just a few feet from our windows. We can do better than this. We could tell it was theirs cuz there’s a hose on it that goes to their place. The park itself was just okay, but the other park was a little better than just okay. The roads were wider and the houses weren’t all right on the streets. A few were quite close but there was more gravel than grass there which would be better cuz then you hear fewer mowers. That was the only thing I didn’t like about our favorite park; very grassy. Lots of cars there too, though we didn’t see any driveways with 3 cars in either of the two parks we saw. Either way, my dreams, if they can still be trusted, say we’re not staying in Auburn.

There was an accident sort of in front of us after we checked out the parks. “This’ll be ugly,” Tom said, a split second before I heard a slight pop, then turned to see some idiot had taken an illegal left turn and bumped fenders with another guy. The traffic kept moving despite the bent fenders, broken headlights, and steam emitting from one of the car’s hoods since they were able to pull to the side.

We came home after test 2 of 3 because we knew it wouldn’t take us 5 hours to check out the parks. Just in time for the Jes pest buzzing around on the ATV doing whatever the current project is that it’s doing. I’m surprised I only heard him once today when he revved his truck, but I’ve had music playing most of the day. I did hear a few minutes of barking, but that’s been it so far.

After we left the parks we had a half-hour to kill, so we went to a drug store where we both got some candy and I got One Pearl Fits All Whisper lipstick by Maybelline. I’d seen it advertised online and thought it may be cool to try. It should be renamed as Invisible since I can barely see it. Shoulda got Mad for Magenta.

Meanwhile, Nancy’s never going to get back online, Molly’s always 161 pounds no matter how much weight she claims to have lost, and Dorene hasn’t harassed me. Could take a week or two before she does, if she’s going to do so.

Later…

Some people really do get it all in life. Anything they want, just snap their fingers, pray to God, wish upon a star, and voila! It’s theirs. Some people get everything, some people get some things, and some people don’t get shit, and I really, really wonder why. Tom thinks it’s totally random, but I’m not so sure about that. Why do I feel like I’m one of the ones being singled out and picked on so much of the time if that were true?

The person I’m referring to is Kathy. The only thing that’s different in this case is that she’s a good person getting good things, things she deserves. It’s a refreshing break after seeing so many assholes succeed and so many good people fail. I don’t know every single thing about her, but she truly does seem to have it all – a great husband who she loves the hell out of and who seems to love her just as much, a decent home, even if she may rent it, a decent job, and now she’s having the baby she’s been dying for for months. She was starting to fear that she’d never be able to have kids. Well, not only do our fears have a way of manifesting themselves at times, but she’s just the type of person God would deny a child to. How many crackheads or abusers do you know that claim they can’t have kids? Yet she just learned she’s pregnant and is saying how “awesome” God is.

If He’s so “awesome,” then what about all those women who also prayed just to be ignored and denied a child? I was once one of them. Remember? I’m happy as hell for her and I believe both she and her husband will make great parents, but there’s a bit of sadness that’s come over me, remembering how I so hopelessly prayed to a God who didn’t give a shit what I wanted. I’m glad things turned out the way they did but I still feel a touch of anger when I remember the emotional baggage I carried for what seemed like way too many years. Oh, the things God has denied me! What are the odds of being born with the kind of birth defect I have AND this type of rare sleep disorder AND denied true lust AND a husband who can’t perform AND a light sleeper unable to sleep with her husband AND given a driving phobia AND denied a child AND later the right to even have sex in the first place unless I did it with someone that I love but don’t lust and that loves but doesn’t lust me? Come on, if that’s not being singled out and shit on, what is? And this is excluding the abusive family and letting a pack of hating blacks and their corrupt pig pal legally beat me down for years. I won’t even get into the poverty and noise curse issues. Oh! And didn’t I once want to be a singer and have that denied me as well? Let’s not forget that one, too.

Well, let’s just hope for Kathy’s sake that God doesn’t cause her to miscarry one kid after another cuz she’s also the classic candidate for that, too. If she manages to have this kid, then wow. She has got to be the luckiest and most loved person on God’s list. I can’t think of anything else this girl wants that she can’t have. Her only flaw that I can see is that she’s obese. Well, getting pregnant isn’t going to help that, but afterward, she’s still young enough that she should be able to get the weight off without practically starving, and keep it off for a decade or so before it gets to be a problem again that’s much harder to control. I’m never going to get my own weight off, that’s for sure, because I simply can’t live on 800 calories a day. I don’t even bother counting calories anymore. Why try to fight the inevitable?

Meanwhile, I’ll never be spoiled by God like Kathy has, nor do I ever expect or want to be. I just wish He’d let us find the ideal home where we could both live in peace. That’s all I want on top of basic health, happiness and security.