Woke up both excited and bummed out. Excited to know we found the park we want to live in, but bummed to know that we might be many months away from having good enough credit to get into it. I keep trying to tell myself there are worse things in life than being here another year, but it’s bad enough. Yes, I really want to get into this park, we both love it, but another year of loud vehicles, pesky landlords, old dumps, insufficient space and a crappy internet connection? It’s too bad I can’t stand apartments. We could hole up there for a year, and even if it were a small 1-bedroom, at least it would have cable and not be as old as this place. But in truth, I wouldn’t get any sleep, and if our credit isn’t good enough for the park, it may not be good enough for a rental company either unless we got a cheap dump in the slums which is never going to happen. So… the waiting game must go on. Hopefully, there won’t be too many problems with this dump before we leave it, but we’ll almost certainly have to deal with the roofing excursion. I really hope that doesn’t take too many days!

Exchanged a few messages with Nane yesterday, who’s to be busy catching up for the next few days. The poor girl is hating how cold it is there after having such beautiful weather for a week. We’re going to be in the 70s here by the end of the week.

Tammy and I wrote our own 1-year-anniversary memorials to Dad (I can’t wait to see what she comes up with for Mom’s in September) and we were laughing our asses off about an idea I’d had for a Mother’s Day card if we could resurrect her just long enough for it. A picture of a cockroach jelly sandwich (which totally grossed Tom and Andy out) with a note inside saying: Eat shit and die again, bitch!

I was thinking about how mom pitted her against me as well as others she’s come between and tried to get on her side and against this one or that one as if it were a fucking high school popularity contest or something, and I gotta wonder what could make a person so sick, but mostly so mean. For what good, honest, rational reason would she try to pit Tammy against me??? What kind of mother pits one of her kids against another? I just don’t get it or see any sense or logic to that whatsoever. It just seems so wrong, unfair and unnecessary.

Nothing potentially meaningful or even interesting in last night’s dreams. Although I can’t remember them, I had a few dreams of Adonis probably because he’s the last one I chatted with online before bed.

Speaking of Adonis, I learned yesterday that he’s one of the ones picking on Molly on her blog. Molly’s mysterious friend still leaves words of encouragement as well, and I’m still not sure who it is. But Adonis gave himself away by making a common grammatical error that I’ve only known him to make. It seems that one of the girls at Marbridge who may be picking on her is named Gemma, but he spelled it with one m. I know this is kind of dishonest of me, but as a test, I told Adonis in public on Facebook that I had a dream he told me he pulled a prank on someone we both knew, and he messaged me to ask that I remove that comment. So that pretty much confirmed my suspicion that it was he who told her he thought she still needed help and shouldn’t be online.

I agree. I don’t see one tiny shred of change in Molly other than that she is kept busy enough that she can’t spend nearly as much time online as she used to. I dread the day when she can! But she’s still the same old naturally miserable whackjob as always, saying she’s not talking about her former friends in one breath, but then missing them in the next. Nothing but anger, sadness and anxiety from her with very little joy mixed in.

Kim, if the Maya account really is hers, hasn’t posted anything in a couple of weeks, and Nancy’s never going to get back online.

Kim seems to be oh-so well-behaved lately, but I’m not fooled. I know the celebrity friend requests stopped because I tweaked my settings, I know the MD messages stopped because she knows I’ll publish her messages (after a little editing), and I know I don’t hear from her because she can’t comment on my other blogs or ask me “questions” on Ask. She probably fears I’ll go to her sister again if she starts her shit back up again with me, but I won’t. I won’t because I know she won’t help me. I doubt she’s really all that worried about the sister and the publishing of her messages. Clearly, she has no conscious and clearly she doesn’t care what happens to her. If anything getting in trouble would be one more reason to feel sorry for herself and one more thing to blame on others.

Tom looked in my ear, said it looked beautifully clean, and so that told me that there was something else going on besides the pressure of when it gets gunked up with dead skin. Probably has to do with the eardrum getting sucked back like the doctor in Oregon said. sighs I just wish I’d never had the damn surgery to begin with!

Another surprise, painless period with heavy bleeding. The bleeding didn’t last long, but I still wonder why my cycle is so screwy now. I’m two days early, too. I may have cramps tomorrow.

Later…

My friend Mary is a victim’s advocate and she is the absolute best advocate to have. Not just because she’s smart, compassionate and good with words, but because she knows what it’s like to be a victim, suffering at the hands of an abusive monster that never should’ve been given the right to grace this planet with its evil presence.

Mary not only shares thoughts, links and videos pertaining to victims of domestic violence, but those that also expose corrupt officials, laws and prison systems, both foreign and not. We probably don’t agree on every single issue, but I think it is wonderful that she posts such enlightening material. Issues that certainly need to be addressed and dealt with properly.

One of the videos she shared showed 4 or 5 Russian guards beating the shit out of a male prisoner that was resisting giving up his civilian clothes for prison duds. The inmate was screaming like crazy as he was hit, kicked, punched and slapped. While it was clearly prisoner abuse and while I have no idea why these guards would film themselves engaging in the kind of corruption that I would think could get them in an awful lot of trouble (though I’m not familiar with Russian laws), I said to myself, “I wonder what this prisoner was convicted of because if it’s anything violent or sexual, I’m not going to feel bad for this guy.”

Sure enough, he was in for 3 years for assault. Seems like he was just getting a taste of his own medicine to me. Yeah, sometimes karma really does bite us in the ass. Okay, so two wrongs may not make a right and guards shouldn’t be allowed to beat the snot out of their prisoners, but it’s really hard for me to feel sorry for this guy any more than I could feel sorry for a rapist that gets raped behind bars, etc. If this guy had assaulted me, I’d probably be cheering the guards on. Although no one ever laid a hand on me, if anyone knows what it’s like to be legally railroaded, it’s me. And if anyone is against corrupt law enforcement officials, it’s me. But my sympathy falls short of those who are simply getting what they dished out. Now this guy knows firsthand what it’s like to be assaulted. Maybe he’ll remember the next time he’s on the outs and thinks of kicking ass.

Rather than enclose the link to the video here, just ask if you want it and I will get it to you.

I can’t help but see some of the latest headlines when I check my email, and seeing one about a 76-year-old mother who smothered her baby daughter in 1957 who’s only now going to do just a measly 45 days in jail and 10 years probation only makes me hate God even more right along with the people in this sick, crazy world.

I used to laugh at those who said God gave us free will. After all, we can’t always be where we want to be and do what we want to do when we want to do it. Sometimes we can never do it at all. But maybe we do have more free will than I realized considering God’s I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude. In other words, God may as well have said to this woman back in 57, “Go ahead, kill your kid. I don’t care. I’m not going to bother getting involved or stopping you, and when you do finally get punished decades later, it’ll barely be a slap on the wrist, so go ahead, do what you want lady. I don’t give a fuck about you or your innocent child that never did a damn thing wrong other than be born to the wrong person.”