Haven’t heard much from Andy and hopefully that’s because he’s been busy being showered with all kinds of fun and presents for his birthday.

I still have lots to write about but was just too beat yesterday, even though I was up forever and thought I would never get to sleep. I was up for something like 18 hours. I crashed at 7am and woke up at noon. I didn’t think I’d be able to fall back asleep for a while there, but then I ended up sleeping on and off till 5:30 that’s how exhausted I was between the slight – and yes it’s still slight – stress of seeing the eye doctor and having to short my sleep for two weeks straight.

I was mistaken in saying one of my glasses cases had a fuzzy tiger print. It’s actually a leopard print. They had zebra and leopard prints and so I chose the leopard.

I was also mistaken in the times of the serial tonometry on the 27th. I gotta go in at 8:30, 11:45 and 5:15.

Tom said that if I wanted to get designer frames that cost hundreds of dollars, go right ahead, but I never saw the point in that when the cheaper frames are just as nice and just as effective. It’s like buying a newer car and having to make monthly payments on it. Why do that when you can buy a used car outright that’s got everything you need, plus what you want, and is just as comfortable but without the monthly payments?

From what I read I can’t possibly have glaucoma. Glaucoma doesn’t cause ocular hypertension, but OH can cause glaucoma. That’s why they want to monitor me. Rapid fluctuations in pressure throughout the day is a potential indicator of trouble on the horizon, but I’m not worried. Just annoyed. It’s just one more hassle to have to deal with when I still have other doctors to see and dental work to finish up with. I don’t want doctors’ offices to be my “second home.” Yet it has been a fear of mine for many years that once we were one day insured again – if we ever were – God would sic all kinds of problems on me once we had the insurance to help deal with them. Just showing His hate, I guess. But yeah, I feared He would want to give me problems that wouldn’t kill me, but that would be a bitch to deal with. That’s okay, though, cuz I don’t have to deal with anything I don’t want to deal with unless it’s life-threatening.

I asked Becky how things got so bad for her so fast. Since she’s always had eye problems and has been monitored regularly, I just wonder why they weren’t able to prevent her vision loss. My doctor said that as soon as he suspects something’s up and that glaucoma could be setting in, he’ll give me eye drops. This will drop the pressure.

When he was showing me pics of my eyes, he showed me pics of someone diagnosed with macular degeneration and someone with glaucoma. The shapes and colors of certain things within their eyes showed no comparison to mine, so that was good to see.

Nane’s soon to be off for a week in TR which feels like a month to me. LOL, yeah, I’ll miss her but I’ll survive. I’ll decorate her wall and inbox for her so she’ll have plenty of goodies to come home to.

Later…

I’m still struggling with deciding whether or not to deactivate my Facebook account. Messages are still not always being sent or received and FB refuses to do anything about it. All my complaints to them have gone unanswered. I guess they figure that since its members don’t pay a fee and FB has millions of dollars, why bother fixing bugs? Well, FB definitely doesn’t give a damn about its members, that’s for sure, and it’s not just the messages that are fucked up. The privacy breaches are so constant that I wonder if they do it deliberately as some sort of twisted joke. My pics that I have set to friends only are anything but friends only. It’s the same stuff the public can view on Photobucket, but I’d like to be the one to decide what’s public and what’s not, thank you, not others. But anyone who sues them doesn’t get shit. It’s the lawyers that make all the money. Those that got screwed only get a few bucks.

No site has had more bugs and other shit on it than FB, though I have yet to find a site that hasn’t had at least some problems. I never understood this either. There’s nothing complex about running software and shit like that and there’s no reason it shouldn’t just work and simply function as it was meant to function. Yet the bigger FB gets, the more fucked up they get, too. You would think by now that people would learn to stop with the constant changes. That’s part of what fucks things up. Why can’t people just leave things alone? That’s why I love sites like MO and MD. There is so little change there. They’ve had their problems, but they get fixed, unlike FB which just lets things stay broken.

While it’s frustrating as hell to not be able to use half of FB’s features and to see my message to someone appear and not read, just to learn they did read it and they also replied, really pisses the shit out of me. And while I’d normally dump the site in a heartbeat like I did with thoughts.com, it’s a little easier said than done thanks to Nane and becoming closer with some of my family.

Speaking of family, friends and Facebook, I’ve been thinking – and wondering – about those I’m hearing less and less from and who haven’t added me on FB despite seeming to be pretty regular enough there. Yes, I’m talking about Maliheh. She has claimed to care about me and says she considers me a friend and her a friend to me. I know I should tell myself that she’d tell me if she had issues with me, but it’s hard to feel all that close to her at this point. If one’s heart simply isn’t in our friendship, I hope they know they can just say the word and I will let them go. If anyone knows what it’s like to be tailed by those I’d rather not associate with, it’s me. So as soon as she gets brave enough to admit how she truly feels – if that is in fact how she feels – and lets me know why it is she’s come to feel the way she does, we can move on if that’s what she prefers. No one is obligated to remain in my life. Well, except for Tom, of course. Seriously, though, when I hardly hear from people and they only let me into part of their world I get a little suspicious at times and wonder – is something wrong with them? Or is it me that’s the problem? Well, I think I’ve been a good friend, so if anything’s wrong, even if I can’t help, I can at least listen and be a sounding board, can’t I?

I definitely find that I’m less hungry if I eat smaller amounts more often instead of larger amounts less often. I don’t know if I’ll lose weight, but I shouldn’t gain as easily this way.

Later…

Still weighing the pros and cons of various things I could do about Facebook. I could dump my account entirely. I could dump what’s not private that’s supposed to be and hope nothing else gets exposed that shouldn’t be exposed. I could have the public account I’d prefer to have, figuring things would just get exposed anyway. I could dump this account and create another account that’s not searchable, though that account would be just as buggy. I know I could keep in touch with people via email, but email simply isn’t the same. It’s so much easier to post pics and links to groups of people than to send them to them individually. I guess for now I’ll continue to just use whatever part of FB that FB will let me use.