Andy replied to the last entry I sent him before I got fed up and threw in the towel. He said most of what I said made no sense. 

Yeah, I know. He didn’t usually get things very easily, but as they say, we can explain something to someone but we can’t make them get it. Seriously sometimes we just can’t make someone get something no matter how we present it to them. It’s like trying to convince a die-hard believer that no, there is no God. 

WTF, though? He’s blocked me on Facebook but now wants to do email? I didn’t realize it was recently sent when I clicked on it. I’d just gotten up and thought my mail program was screwed up again, sending me long-since read and deleted messages. It was nice to hear from him, but at the same time, nothing has changed. No hard feelings toward him, but I believe what I believe and he believes what he believes. Nothing’s going to change that and I accept that. Wonder if his email was prompted by my started to store dreams/pics last night on Ask, though, or if the timing is just coincidental? Either way, I don’t care what accounts of mine he looks in on, but I’m still never going to be a carbon copy of who he is and he’s still not going to get 80% of the things I say. 

Later… 

I try to be as fair and as honest as I can by being myself but also by being as open-minded as possible and looking at things as objectively as possible, too. So this brings me to ask myself this: Am I judging blacks too harshly? Hmm… well, human nature dictates that if a woman is raped she’s likely to judge men harshly as one is to judge gays harshly if a gay person happens to screw them over. 

So would my take on blacks differ had I not been legally screwed by them? That’s really hard to say. I mean, no Muslim has ever directly burned me in any way, yet I could sit here and say a lot meaner things about those animalistic shitsters that no one wants to hear, including Norma, who insists blacks are widely hated in the South. 

But that’s the thing… as long as your words don’t fall within popular opinion; no one wants to hear it. You’re racist, you’re evil, and flat-out “ignorant” and “misinformed” as far as most people are concerned. It’s a shame that we only have a right to our opinion when it conforms to popular belief, but my feelings are my feelings and I stand by them as I would with any other aspect of myself. 

I don’t think anyone selectively chooses what they feel and believe about things like racism, God or religion but that their feelings and beliefs are formed based on their own personal experiences in life. 

I believe most blacks are assholes because of the way they behave. I believe there is likely no God because of all the suffering that goes on in the world. I believe religion is pointless because no two people are alike. 

You can’t lump everyone together. In this country, you’re a “better” and “correct” and “normal” woman these days if you work your ass off and skip motherhood. Well, that lifestyle may be becoming more preferred by many women, but why should every single woman be expected to live that way? Why can’t each individual woman do what she feels is best for herself? If everyone stops breeding humans will become extinct, not that they should breed like rabbits, and not that extinction may not be a good thing in many ways with all the shit that goes on in the world. 

But the point of this entry was to have a “heart to heart” with myself and ask myself…would my views on blacks be any different if I hadn’t been race-carded by them? Probably not. 

And I have EVERY right to think, feel and believe as I do same as anyone else does. Yet even though I’m not obligated to take responsibility for people’s often fragile and sensitive feelings, I’ll keep this entry amongst those I’m closest to. 

I’m also having fun posting my more “controversial” entries on Prosebox from my bogus account and watching people’s reactions. Surprisingly, I didn’t get bashed like I expected to (yet), but one member who didn’t have the guts to tell “Angel Eyes” off directly ranted in her own journal about how she unfollowed her for being such a horrible, evil racist. LOL 

Later… 

My Twitter excitement wore off of me rather quickly. It’s just too much work and confusion to set up 4 accounts to log things I can easily log in Word or in blogs/books/journals. More than likely I won’t bother with Twitter much but I am backing up dreams and pics to one of my old Ask accounts. 

Woke up with my tooth and gums aching and had to take Ibuprofen. I think it’s starting to get better but it still has a ways to go. 

It was very quiet today but that's only because it rained. As soon as it warms back up, it's landscaping/projects by day, car stereos by night. So both the shitty weather and the nice weather have its pros and cons. 

I’m kind of in a lazy mood tonight. I should hit the Bowflex, hit the treadmill, work on my story… do something, but I just want to read and color. 

Tom and I vacationed in Hawaii in my dreams last night. There was only one negative part of the dream where I was off by myself and was approached by a suspicious couple. Not sure what they were trying to accomplish, but instinct told me they were less than honest, and I was glad they didn’t know our room number. 

On our final night there I thought of how it was the perfect length of time for a vacation, not too long, not too short. I packed up what seemed like a million pairs of shoes, then decided to do the rest of the packing in the morning before we left, since I wasn’t going to get 8 hours of sleep. 

I went into the bathroom and it took me a moment to find the toothpaste. Then I accidentally dropped the cap down the drain and was glad Tom thought to take a couple of nearly empty tubes so we could squeeze out any leftovers from it in the morning.