“I never wanted that mansion on the hill. I never needed that Cadillac Seville…” sings Marie Osmond in one of her songs.

Well, I’ll take the mansion on a hill, but the Cadillac Seville is now gone. It was taken before I got up. Tom said the guy just drove it onto the ramp, took a couple of minutes to strap it down, and that was it. He thinks it’ll probably be auctioned off to a junkyard for $150 or so. Luxury cars just don’t have the value they used to. That’s how we could get away with driving one for half a decade, older and used or not.

Tom really likes how Candy is so much lighter since gas car engines weigh a lot and make it like you’re carrying a few people around with you at all times.

I think it’s neat how it can sense if someone’s sitting in the passenger seat. If it can’t, it won’t deploy the airbag on that side in the event of an accident, but I’m guessing all cars have this feature now.

Anyway, thank you, Caddy, for freeing up some carport space and for 5 years of fine service till your “bladder” went to hell and your transmission got a little funky. You took hubs to and from work for years and me to a million appointments. Mostly due to that fucking anxiety that I may or may not have found the off switch for.

Still don’t want cutting my meds to be the solution but I also want a solution. Any solution! It’s still way too soon to know if this is it, though. Yes, it makes the most sense but there are things that make me wonder. If 75s was too much for me then why didn’t I have nearly as much anxiety from late August 2017 to early January 2018? And why didn’t I have this particular feeling before December of 2016?

It may be too soon to know anything either way, but I was wrong in thinking the Amberen was the problem, then there was the liothyronine experiment that was a bust, so I guess it’s safe to assume I’m wrong about the dose being the fix and that I’ll get “stabbed” with adrenaline within a month or two. At least when I find out I’m wrong it won’t be as disappointing as finding out the Amberen didn’t have anything to do with it. I didn’t need the Amberen but I do need more of this medication.

Didn’t go out walking yesterday but went in the late afternoon today before the gnats could take over. The sun was a little blinding depending on what direction I was facing but no one stopped me along the way. I power walked for 23 minutes. The temperature was perfect too.

The planes were surprisingly and wonderfully quiet last night but they’re back to being an annoyance as I figured they would be. So I have the air cleaner drowning some of it out until after midnight. Don’t know why I can’t just get used to them once and for all. Been going on since September.

Big mistake going to KFC today for a cod basket. Oh, the food was delicious. Well, the fries weren’t as crispy as I’d like but it was good overall. But stupid because it’s so unhealthy. The fries aren’t good for my LS and after I ate everything, plus a mini cake, I was so tired. Just when I’ve been feeling so good since getting my NutriBlender, too! My mood has improved tremendously and so have my energy levels since turning much of my diet into smoothies. So, big mistake as good as it was and definitely not one I’m going to make again. KFC service is pretty hit-or-miss anyway. I’m surprised there were any workers from here since these types of places usually hire foreigners and illegals who don’t know much English.

Anyway, I later made a smoothie with a banana, blueberries, raspberries, mixed spring greens, and coconut milk and that perked me up enough to go out on my walk.

Maliheh was in my dreams last night. We were both single and I was suggesting we get married for insurance reasons much like in my book, even though we didn’t seem to have an interest in each other.

Ugh, the thought of that sends chills down my spine! I’m so sorry I ever wasted a moment talking to that heartless bitch. If I was single and she came begging to be my girlfriend, I would never consider any kind of a relationship with her whatsoever. From now on I don’t forgive or forget. You dump me (be it for a reason you share with me or by ghosting me), I will never again try to change your mind or let you change mine and it won’t matter how much history we may have either. I’d rather miss the good times than be sucked into what may very well be the same old shit all over again like with Andy. I’ll always love and miss him, but I never liked him, and with him being who is and set in his ways, I don’t see how I ever could.