I am so pissed off right now between Jesse, the black bitch and Molly. Molly hasn’t done much to me directly lately but she is continuing to spew such hate and anger towards Alison that I’ve gone from feeling bad for Alison to literally wanting to beat the shit out of Molly for the mean shit she’s been saying, just words or not. She still jumps back to saying she wants to be friends and is missing her oh so much, but it’s getting to be more and more “I hate Alison and hope the cancer kills her” kind of shit and to not go to her blog because she’s such a terrible person, then she posts the link to it.

What the hell’s the matter with Thoughtsthat they sit there and let her get away with this shit? She’d never have been able to say this shit on the old Kiwibox site. It’s just ridiculous! And wrong and unfair. It only deepens my own anger and hatred toward the black bitch that can have me investigated and God knows what else while this crazy little shitster carries on with her usual shit that’s gone on for years. When did I ever say I hoped the black bitch would die and post links saying to stay away from her because she’s not a good person? Molly’s just one step shy of actually making threats. My God, I hope she kills herself or that her parents wake the fuck up! I’d love for them to wake up in the middle of the night to find their darling daughter standing over their bed with a knife in hand. Would they be such protective enablers then?

She finally wrote about the day she went off on her parents and got committed for it. She said her mother could’ve had her arrested for threatening to kill her but didn’t. Oh, but they can arrest me for what’s supposed to be the same thing, right? She said her father was in her face and screaming at her while pointing his finger. It had to do with wanting to see one of the guys she’s harassed for years up in Iowa who doesn’t even want to know she exists. He then took her by the wrist and made her sit in a chair after putting her in a headlock for threatening to kill her parents and then she said she called the cops on him. “I hate living with my parents!” she screams in her blog. “I have no freedom!”

How can say she has no freedom when everything is done for her? Her shelter and food and utilities are all paid for, she doesn’t have to work, and she’s allowed to sit on her ass all day and harass people online yet she doesn’t have any freedom? WTF??? Really, just WTF?!?!

But the sad thing about it is that she could never hold a job long enough to support her own damn self. She’s just too fucked in the head.

I love how she’s complaining about colds, nose bleeds and stomach pain. Gee, I wonder why! Have I been a “nasty influence” on the black bitch too, or has God been protecting her from that, too?

Just like she needs to stop reading certain people’s blogs, I really gotta stop reading hers. It’s like her addiction rubbed off on me somehow. But why read what’s only going to be the same old, same old fucking shit until she graduates to threats?

Let me bitch about Jesse before I get to the hater. He damn near drove me batshit crazy yesterday gunning and running vehicles on and off throughout a 10-hour period, but the car is gone so maybe it’s been sold. I heard like 4 different vehicles up there yesterday (truck, ATV, motorcycle, dirt bike), except for maybe the bulldozer, and of course there was a barking spree thrown in, too. He’s really taken what country living is supposed to be all about, and I just hope and pray that Tom doesn’t get laid off and nothing happens to stop us from getting out of here this summer. Things have slowed down at work. He hasn’t even had any OT lately, though they did say something about the first week of the month being slower.

Tom said Jesse didn’t seem to be around last Thursday since the trash was still there when he got back, and from the sound of the dogs which have been barking for nearly two hours, I’d say he’s out this Thursday as well. It really pisses me off to need sound machines going just to hear myself think and to be able to concentrate on my writing. Sometimes I just want to hear nothing but the sounds of nature but he won’t let me have that much unless it’s at night. Well, as long as it’s not a night that he’s out somewhere. They say it’s going to FINALLY rain next week. That’ll keep him off some of his vehicles, especially the Harley and the dirt bike, so long as we don’t get just a drizzle.

I don’t mind taking a break from public blogging to get away from Molly if only for a year, but it makes me feel controlled by that fucking black bitch down south all over again. I’ll do what I have to do in order to protect myself from once again being wrongfully arrested, prosecuted, convicted and fucked over, but still…here I am all these years later having to once again alter my behavior because of her.

Tom says they can’t serve me because I’m not in Arizona, I don’t use an Arizona driver’s license, and it’s not something like murder, but the dream I had last night was a little scary. There weren’t pigs camped outside the door waiting to legally kidnap and haul me away, but some woman called and informed me in a snotty tone that I would be receiving a summons to appear in court. Playing dumb I asked why and she said something to the effect of my blog pissing people off. I then made some kind of reference to Tom after hanging up about the possibility of me being in deep shit depending on just how many people that may be.

Tom keeps insisting I’m just paranoid, it wasn’t a real cop, and I’ll be fine as long as I stay off the grid. I hope he’s right. No, he is right! He is right because I will not let Arizona have me once again!

Anyway, it’s frustrating wanting to watch a movie now but knowing it’s pointless since the barking in the background will only be distracting.

It’s also frustrating when I can’t make up my mind. Continue to put up with this Mac crap as it is? Get Word for Mac? Windows 7?

My arms are a bit sore after getting the new equipment and working out much harder. The muscle I’m gaining is amazing! You can see muscle definition on my entire body, but despite all the running I do, my legs are the least visible of it, especially up in the thigh area. Yet any idiot can look at me and see I work out hard even though I could still stand to lose some fat and inches. I’ve decided to space out my days off. Instead of taking the whole weekend off, I’m taking Wednesdays and Saturdays off. That way I don’t have two days off in a row.

Tom said Jesse’s trying to sell an old car that’s parked out by the main road. That would explain all the engine gunning and loud motors I’ve been hearing since people are probably coming around to test-drive the thing. It would also explain why he’s been zipping up and down the drive on the ATV. I’m sure I’ll have to hear all about it today, too. :(

Looks like the troll, who deleted her blogs and has started over like she always does, is back to sleeping. It hasn’t peeked in my blog for 10 hours.

I have been thinking about the shitsters in Arizona (like I can help it) and I really wonder just what the hell it is they want to charge me with. I have gone over it again and again in my mind as far as anything I ever sent and I am 100% sure I never said or did anything illegal. I can guarantee that much. This means they’ve got to have set me up and altered something I sent with threats and no doubt racial shit as well. They had to have. Unfortunately, the race card works well anywhere in the country, but what better state to play it in than Arizona?

I’m pretty sure we’ll be finding out just what the bullshit charges are or at least what they’re calling them as I really think a summons is next. Just like that person we once knew got a letter about their case first before they got a summons. Any idiot knows that a few mailings and a phone call hardly constitute “stalking” but that’s what they called it. What will they call whatever it is I supposedly did this time and is it a felony or a misdemeanor? I don’t think Arizona has many things that classify as just a misdemeanor, but like I said, I think we’ll be finding out soon.

Threats are a possibility too, but I think they’ll just go right for the summons rather than threaten to arrest me if I continue to ignore them or something like that. I really think it’s already hit the courts or is about to because I still think the pig would’ve said “A complaint has been filed or made against you,” and not “a case.” I just don’t think we’ve heard the last of this or that they’ll give up on me that easily, off the grid or not. I just wonder what God will use to sic this hater on me again if that’s what He’s really going to do. Last time he used my sister. Who/what will it be this time? It’s just that things tend to happen the more you’re anticipating them. The more you’re expecting a particular email or phone call from someone in particular, the more messages you seem to get until then and the more the phone tends to ring. Someone who’s maybe looking to try to sell you something shows up at your door when you think it’s the company you’re expecting. So does this mean the pigs will come down here for something totally unrelated and scare the shit out of me while they’re at it? Seriously, I may have vowed not to let them get to me, but that would still scare the living daylights right outa me!

As we know, a judgment can be filed without the defendant present in a lawsuit, but what about a criminal case? Can they just decide what my so-called punishment should be without me there? One that could entail a fine that they help themselves to from Tom’s paycheck? Again, I can’t imagine how the hell I could be fined, jailed or even just thrown on probation for anything I’ve done. I’ve seen some of Molly’s blogs. I know how she behaves online and she too, lives in a state with barbaric laws/sentences. But since no one black is involved and God seems to love to protect everyone but me may be why she continues to get away with stalking and trashing people online like she has for close to a decade.

I just know I’ve been set up. Whatever it is they’re planning to nail me with, I was framed. No doubt about it. And you know what? I don’t know what’s worse – getting nailed for something you did do or getting nailed for something you didn’t do. I will admit, however, that the thought of the black bitch going to court all over again all these years later just to find I’m not there is a touch amusing.

And I never will be there! I can’t make God look out for me, but I can look out for myself and I’ll be damned if I’ll let them victimize, abuse or control me or my life ever again! I will not report to any court or PO cuz they said so. I will not be dressed in their funny little uniforms! I will not be kept from my home, husband and pet! I will not eat their bland or overspiced food! I will not shower in their cold showers! I will not live in their concrete and steel world! I will not pay them money.

I will stay right here in this dumpy little trailer until my husband and I are ready to leave it.

Thinking back on what happened last time around, was I even technically under arrest when the black pig hauled my ass to Phoenix or was I just being dragged in for questioning that I could’ve refused but didn’t know I could? While it was dumb of me to open the door (I really thought they were looking for someone else and that if I just showed them my ID I’d be okay) I just wonder if I was actually arrested yet at the time. I could’ve sworn Tom said something about the pig telling either him or the queen that it “hadn’t been decided yet whether or not I’d be booked.” Then someone at the PD told some woman pig to “just file it for now.”

I’m a curious person that likes to know how things work, fucked up or not, and I wonder if I could’ve refused to go with them that day or if then they’d have arrested me upon refusal. I’ve been racking my brains trying to remember if I was ever shown an arrest warrant or Mirandized and I honestly don’t remember either way. I know I was arrested half a year later by the Mexican pig for the little court call I never received, but did the other pig(s) arrest me???

Whether or not someone threatens me or comes to question me, how will they react to my not appearing in court? That’s what I wonder. I worry about it a little, too. Will that make them try harder to screw me? I’d like to think that no state would spend the time and money to extradite someone for whatever threats and racial slurs they may’ve inserted into my messages, but stranger things have happened.

I’m just so sick of people trying to fuck with me for expressing myself. Be it by phone, by email, online… I’m sick of being treated like a child and told what to do! No one’s told me what to do as of yet in this case, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let them start and let them seize control of my life simply because someone couldn’t handle what I had to say or because they had to falsify evidence against me for something I didn’t even do. I don’t kill people, I don’t steal from them, I don’t burn people’s houses down; all I do is speak my fucking mind! If you don’t agree with it, don’t listen! I am so, so sick of people getting on me for words and not actions. Why don’t they wait till I actually do something before they fuck with me, not that I have any desire to do anything to anyone? Not unless they give me a reason to.

I wonder if the pigs will try to friend me with a bogus profile on FB or something to see what’s going on with me. I doubt they’d go that far, but I won’t accept any strangers. I’m keeping the friends I have but am not open to new buds no matter how hot they may be. I miss the social scene but I don’t. The variety in people, countries and comments was fun, but not the drama that sometimes came of it.

Was just reading back on the summer of 2000. I was arrested around 7/17 and was supposed to be arraigned on the 31st. But the fuckers fucked up the paperwork so it was bumped up to 8/3. So I guess they arraign someone pretty quickly after deciding they have a case against them, real or falsified.

The signs were there all along. My dreams said it all. Yeah, I was reading back on some of the nightmares I had at the time. I just didn’t know I was psychic at the time! Not in that way. The thing is, though, if someone’s gonna come after me to arrest or question me I probably won’t dream about it till the night before. So just because I feel “safe” and “ok” about the situation right now doesn’t mean trouble may not be coming next Monday. I still think they’ve either set an arraignment date or are about to.

I don’t feel nervous but I guess I must be. Why else would I have shit 6 times in 30 hours? One more and I’ll plug my ass up for a day or two with anti-run pills.

The last thing I want to hear is Jesse’s daily barrage of engine gunning, but I’d also like to hear my surroundings, not that I plan to open up for any pigs. Unless Jesse lets them in or they kick their way in here or they ambush us in the drive, I have nothing to say to them.

Perhaps another reason I feel so calm is that I already made up my mind years ago that I would never let them fuck me over again. They got me once and they’ll never get me again. So let them make their “cases.” Let there be a thousand warrants, but this time they simply can’t have me.

Do I also feel calm because my psychic side (no bad dreams last night) knows I have nothing to fear like Tom says as long as I go off the grid? Maybe so, but if I’m kidding myself it isn’t going to be because I was dumb and naïve enough to open the door for them. They’d have to drag me out of here. And I won’t be honest with them like I was in the past by admitting to sending the journals, thinking the truth would set me free, so to speak, and that they’d leave me alone if I just “leveled” with them and told them what they wanted to hear.

Going off the grid is something I have mixed emotions about. I feel like they’re controlling me in a sense and I’ll miss seeing who comes around my blog and some of the comments I’d get, but I like the idea of a year or so off from the troll. I’m only blogging on Facebook – oh no! I hear the ATV. I hope he’s not coming down to tell me the pigs were questioning him about me! I think I’ll just blare the sound machine after all. Unless he really does come down here, I don’t want to hear his shit all day. I can’t concentrate on my writing and it’s just plain annoying even when I’m not writing.

So anyway, I’m only blogging for Facebook friends and via email for Andy. I’ve stopped all emails to Maliheh because I don’t know what the hell’s going on with her. I don’t know if I’ve been dumped or if she’s got some kind of crisis going on in her life, and right now all I care about is keeping crises out of my own life. Every time we get up, something or someone seems determined to pull us back down and I’ll be damned if I’ll let life or the people in it drag us through the mud again.

I may still tweet and do Formspring with Andy, but no blogging for about a year unless these sickos and pigs force me to acknowledge them. Tom guarantees going off the grid will do the trick, but I don’t know about that. I sure hope he’s right cuz there have been other times I thought I was done hearing from the law just to later find out I wasn’t. I dread checking my email, but again, ignorance isn’t always bliss. So yeah, even if they don’t come here I expect a slew of threats will be next. Call-us-or-we’ll-arrest-you type of threats. Then again, I don’t know that they’d be willing to let me in on anything else they may have in store for me from here on out.

I was mistaken in saying the pig emailed Tom, but I sure would like to know what the black pig has to do with this and why he was emailed. And how did they miss some of my email accounts?

I tweeted that I was unable to log into my main blog and that’s what I told others as well so they wouldn’t be curious and so that it wouldn’t look suspicious if the pigs were watching my online activity. I hate the idea of giving Molly the satisfaction of thinking she ran me off the site, but to hell with her. This is more important.

I know in my heart and from a logical standpoint that I did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG other than to say things people don’t want to hear and that pissed them off, but I need to act like I’m guilty as sin to protect myself from Arizona and its crazy laws/punishments. Arizona is chock full of corrupt pigs, lawyers and judges. Well, the whole country is, but Arizona’s one of the worst. I know what it’s like to be legally railroaded and victimized and I will NEVER let it happen again. I will deny, deny, deny just like Tom said if I’m ever questioned. I will also say I thought it was a scam since it was sent to multiple emails and that I thought the person might’ve been in another country and didn’t speak very good English since they said they “worked” for the PD and not that they “work” for them.

Tom said the less I give them and the less I seem to exist, the better my chances are of not being hassled. But each thing I do can add up. In other words, they wanted to get me for earlier pranks I pulled on the blacks, but it wasn’t enough. It was the journal and the call that ultimately gave them enough ammo to screw me.

But what did I do between October and now to “give them enough ammo?” Or were they just planning a case all along?

That’s another thing that bugs me is the usage of the word “case,” along with the fact that this time the pig that’s on my tail is a Mexican. Figures, huh? But they’re the ones that usually go after us whities when someone plays the race card. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s been done, and God knows what evidence they may’ve falsified. Digital things can be easily manipulated. Tom said, though, that it’s just a police report from the statement the black bitch gave, but then why didn’t the pig say, “A complaint has been made against you” instead of “A case has been made against you?” That word really bugs me and I think they either already set a court date for what I guess would be an arraignment or they’re trying to find out my address to make a date and send me a summons. I don’t know if they need to know one’s address to do that, but I still think they could find out our addresses if they wanted to. And our phone numbers. I just hope that Tom’s right in saying that all he is is just a small-town cop trying to get me to put my foot in my mouth so they can nail me. The law mostly thrives on vengeance, not justice. If it were mostly about justice you wouldn’t have so many people getting off so easy or not even being charged in the first place.

We were talking about someone we knew in Oregon who had a full-blown criminal investigation going against them and had already reached the courts in which they were ordered but failed to appear. It was a felony, too. Anyway, Tom explained to me how they went off the grid and why they weren’t arrested and extradited being in another state and all that.

I just hope he’s right and that they’ll leave me the fuck alone! But I will say this… sometimes people can come to regret tapping one on the shoulder one too many times and forcing them to face them. Really, if you stick your hand in a hole in the ground, something just might bite you and make you sorry as hell:) Yes, sometimes fishing someone out of their little nest has a way of making us wish to hell we’d never gone fishing in the first place. And I promise that this time around I WILL make anyone responsible for turning my life upside down, should that happen in a legal way or not, sorry they were ever even born. I am, however, determined to do all I can to see to it that it doesn’t come to that but yes, I will kill for my freedom and I will die for my enemies at this point. Had I handled these people as I should have from the get-go things never would’ve snowballed and gotten so damn out of control! But I was too “nice” and “cooperative” and definitely naïve in some ways to stop the mountain from forming from the molehill. I just hope that for everyone’s sake, I don’t become an obsession to the pigs. I am white, like it or not, she’s black, and unfortunately there is history there.

Later…

I called my parents, wanting to see if Dad was feeling better. I’ve been concerned about him. Again, I know there’s nothing I could do from afar or even as his neighbor, but that still doesn’t mean I don’t care and worry about what’s going on. Fortunately, Dad himself answered. Ma was at the store. He said he was feeling better and he sounded it, too. Last time he sounded a bit winded.

He said he just finished my book and that it was good. Wow! That’s not only quite a compliment but I wasn’t sure he’d get through it, sick or not, LOL.

Why can’t we have a landlord that likes to do nothing but sit on his ass inside his house all the time? This isn’t the city for God’s sake! Yet nearly every day these woods are filled with the sounds of engine gunning, loud vehicles and chainsaws. I’m really getting sick of the daytime noise around here. I wish it would rain this guy indoors! But we’re having a serious drought. It hasn’t rained but maybe a dozen times since last May and I’m beginning to wonder if it ever will again. The 5-cast says the same thing it’s said for a while now – sunny and 60s. It gets down in the 30s at night, though, so it’s pretty cold then.

Been having congestion and it was more noticeable this morning for some reason. I don’t think I’ve been getting too carried away with my love of incense, but I’ll take a break from burning any for a while. After all, this shitbox is only 500 square feet.

I’ve been hit with writer’s block and hope to pull out of it this week and get back to work on my current book. It’s not that I don’t have enough ideas for the story; I just can’t focus at times. Like most writers, we have our cycles and these blocks tend to come in waves where we’re on a roll for a while, then we don’t write, and back and forth. I’m only consistent with my journal because that doesn’t take as much thinking. Also, when you have ADHD it can make it hard to concentrate when your efficient but noisy landlord starts gunning and running loud vehicles or you’re suddenly thinking of other things.

Like hoping things will continue running smoothly. Things were so bad for so long that I admit I’m not used to them going well for more than 5 minutes. But it’s now been a few months and I hope it will last while I fear it won’t. I try to suppress these fears, however, for our fears sometimes have a way of manifesting themselves if we dwell on them too much.

“Kate” was doing a fine job of pissing off and even making the troll rather anxious yesterday to the point that I thought she just might leave Thoughts after all. Instead, she just ran poor Aly off before I went off the grid. She is spewing hate and anger toward Alison like crazy. Well, she’s angry over a lot of things, but a lot of it seems directed at Alison lately. She simply makes it too hard for people to ignore her.

While I was never much of a people person to begin with, it was interesting seeing people from all over the world visit my blog and learning about their own lives. Some of them anyway. Most I don’t care to know as it’s the same old predictable shit that doesn’t interest me, but a few could be rather fascinating.

But Molly really spoiled the fun and the fact that she’s acting worse than even a 15-year-old typically acts at 28 years of age is not only sad but kind of scary as well. She’s been this way for so many years that I wonder if she’ll be doing the same thing 10, 20 years from now. It makes me furious to know the pigs can “make a case” out of me when there’s no comparison to anything I’ve done as opposed to what Molly’s been doing for over a decade now. But that’s just our unfair God for you. I’m sure she’ll continue to get away with it. He may punish her in other ways, but I don’t know if the torture of anger and depression over lost friends and exes is good enough. I think legal action should and needs to be taken against her to scare her straight, so to speak, if that’s even possible. If it’s not then she needs to be kept away from the internet.

At the same time, our twisted God/laws infuriate me, I giggle at the thought of her wondering what the hell became of me for the next year or so since I’ll probably spend at least the rest of 2012 off the grid. Well, she’ll see my posts on Twitter and Formspring, but she’ll wonder where the hell I’ve been blogging and what I’ve been saying about her. Oh, and one of her posts (she makes tons a day that are usually not much longer than status updates) said that one of the 5 reasons she wanted to be Alison’s friend was because they both wear makeup, LOL. That’s a good one.

I also liked how she statused that her mother was taking her laptop away until she could stop going to Alison’s, Kim’s and my pages. It didn’t last very long at all if she really did take it away.

I don’t want to dwell on trolls, pigs, blacks, courts, laws or God. I’m still asking God to protect me this time around, but I don’t know that He will in the end. I know that if he really wants to feed me to the wolves, He can and He will and there won’t be anything I can do about it. And so it is up to me to do everything within my power and control to keep the evil away.

I’m sick of the online scares as it is, so yeah, I’m kind of looking forward to keeping a low profile for a while. Online terrors like Molly, Molly’s mother and then the pigs, have gotten quite old. The only way to stop that cycle is for me to back off for a while.

Tammy, on the other hand, tells me she’s thinking of journaling herself. I’m surprised. I didn’t think writing was her thing any more than learning languages.

She said she was almost admitted to the hospital yesterday, is on oxygen and high doses of valium, and in need of bed rest. She also said it’s been hard on her and the girls emotionally.

I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. If she’s not terminal, then why is she suffering so much? Either way, I still don’t know if I like the idea of her contacting me for tips on journaling. She’s getting too close lately. Too close for comfort. And every time she says she wishes I’d visit, I cringe.

“We’re never visiting her and she’s never visiting us,” Tom said.

Damn right! Tammy is a flame that if you get too close to for too long, you will get burned. There’s still a lot of anger there toward her. Tom said some warrants really do expire and I guess he’s done more research and would know these things. Battered woman’s syndrome or not, confused or not, had she not gone and sicced the pigs on me, the black’s warrant would’ve expired probably within a year and what was a then naïve little me would never have been abused by these sickos other than the shit we went through as neighbors.

Oh God, you can’t let them get me again! You can’t!

Up and awake now and so is the troll. It seems to only sleep 3 hours a day, claiming it’s having flashbacks to the day she was supposedly attacked and wondering when there’ll ever be justice for what happened to her. That’s what I wonder as far as those in Arizona go.

Before being funny farmed she bitched that she was sleeping 12-15 hours a day. I wish she’d sleep 24 hours a day! She might’ve gone back to bed, though. She wouldn’t go 44 minutes without viewing my blog if she were home and awake.

A part of me wants to share the parts of yesterday’s entry where I talk about her, but another part doesn’t want to get her going again and fuel the fire when she does that herself enough of the time as it is for no reason and without provocation.

I asked Tammy if she’s hit menopause yet. The lucky bitch had a full hysterectomy in 2005. Right now she’s dealing with pain management doctors, I guess, for a better quality of life. She also says she’s glad we’re happy, she misses me and wishes I could visit, and has read some of my writing or journals, thinks they’re great, and is something she might look into. Compliments like that make the idea of dumping her a bit harder. I’m surprised she’d want to look into writing, though. I just never thought she had any interest in that any more than learning other languages.

It’s been so warm in here in the afternoons that I’ve had to run fans and open windows for a little while. I assumed we’d have a wetter spring to make up for the fall and winter drought, but at the rate we’re going I’m not so sure about that. It seems the whole country is having an easier winter.

Haven’t had any dreams about moving for the last two nights, and while I’m not really sure what my dreams were about, it seems they had a negative undertone to them. Nothing about money or jobs, but it seemed like I may have been running from something or someone.

Okay, time to go post an entry for her to vote down.

Later…

She did vote me down but others, including myself and the bogus account I created, voted me back up:) I’m picking on her from that other account too, and down-voting her in return. I’m trying to drive her off Thoughts and make her feel as unwelcome as she claims she feels, but she’s too obsessive to give up that easily. Hopefully, I can drive her crazy enough in ways that won’t get “Kate” in any trouble.

Later…

NOTE: This was a scam, as in fake email, fake detective, fake everything. Unfortunately, because I was legally screwed over in the past, I let my paranoia get the better of me. Yes, the same people that screwed me over in the past were likely involved, but there was no "case" made against me. This farce stemmed from me sending them some emails in which I said nothing they wanted to hear.

I wish I could say an engine-gunning landlord who seems to spend more and more time gunning his vehicles than riding them was my worst of problems, and no, Tom hasn’t been laid off or anything like that. But an Arizona PD made a case against me. So much for praying to God not to beat me over the head with my perps, old perps or not. It’s like He put them on this earth just to torture me! And this is right after I have dreams about running from someone or something. My first thought when I awoke from the dream was the black pig for some reason. It was just a fleeting thought, but a thought nonetheless.

Oddly enough I’m not freaking out and having the runs like I did when Google first informed me they were snooping into my account (if it’s even real). And just maybe God will protect me this time around and my worst problem will be having a default warrant out on me that never amounts to anything. But if that warrant is for anything federal, I’m fucked and I may as well be in Arizona. Meaning, they can arrest me in any state if the charges are federal. If I knew it was a misdemeanor or non-federal then I wouldn’t worry.

The email was from a Det. Juan D in the Criminal Investigations Division saying a case had been made against me and to please contact him, but no information was given about the "case." The strange thing about it was that the email was not only sent to 3 of my email accounts, one of which hasn’t existed in years, and to Tom as well. It was also sent to what appears to be an invalid email as well as the pig that was involved in the last case and that O Group that held the contest for a grand of cash when we lived in Oregon. Tom said cops weren’t allowed to post their pics online in cases like that but after I entered I saw a picture of what I swear was the pig standing with his wife. After that, I contacted them, said who I was, and requested my name to be pulled from the contest. But what the hell do they have to do with anything???

I still think this has gotta be connected to the black bitch and the auto-sent blog posts, though I still don’t see how they can make a case out of that for spam or any kind of slander case. Nothing I’ve written isn’t already a matter of public information, nor did I write anything threatening or racist in any way short of expressing my opinion on reverse discrimination like a million others have done.

I didn’t want to forward the message to Tom, so I not only called him but sent him an email about it, though he got the same message. How rude of the pig to send it to 7 different addresses, but that’s just the pigs for you – can do no wrong/can do anything they want. Still, emailing Tom my two cents on the issue might’ve been a dumb idea if they were watching me. Then again, I probably would’ve had to be notified if they were reading my emails like Google had to notify me they were looking at my account.

It’s either got to be spam or slander they’re trying to nail me with if it’s not a scam of some kind. But how do you nail someone for spam that’s sent just a handful of messages as opposed to thousands? And how do you nail someone for slander when no last names are used and nothing I said wasn’t public info anyway? This makes me wonder if they’ve got something on me I don’t know about. Something they made up or altered. Like maybe they took the posts and added threats? Damn myself for ever sending them! Then again, the pigs should know to check for that unless they’re in on any alterations themselves. A non-white person’s word is automatically taken over a white person’s so that right there may cause them to skip looking into any wrongdoing on her part if this really has to do with her. I don’t see how it could be connected to the pig cuz he was in Phoenix. So was that O Group. I clearly remember looking at the address on the site when I thought I recognized the pig.

Tom called me back and said not to worry and that he’d find out what was going on when he got home and everything would be okay, and it’s likely just a scam.

Is it? Cuz I’m older now. I can’t handle jail like 12 years ago and even then it nearly killed me. But that was just the lack of sleep, cold showers, horrendous noise, inedible food and emotional stress. Now I can’t see without glasses which they’d never let me have. I also can’t go without lotion or lip balm of some kind, especially lip balm. Lastly, I now have an ear that is a regular problem and needs regular attention. Sorry, but they just won’t oil my ear in jail. Even if I could handle it, I won’t let myself be victimized by my perps all over again! I refuse to be humiliated like that all over again when my worst crime was daring to speak my mind in a legal and civilized way like a million other bloggers. If she didn’t want the entries (if that’s what this is about) all she had to do was mark them as spam. That’s what the “spam” button is for! And if it’s slander they’re trying to get me for, then somebody’s got a very guilty conscience somewhere. Why else would you worry about what people may say, especially if no last names are used? That’s why I wonder if something more is going on.

I don’t know if having the internet in Jesse’s name is a good thing or not. The thought of the pigs coming here is bad enough, but what if they get him involved? Then what? I would still think they could get both our addresses if they really want to. Cops wanting to talk to me and sending subpoenas isn’t my worst fear. It’s being sued or extradited. Whether or not I could handle jail itself, we can’t afford to have me extradited! And we also can’t afford any probation fees or to be sued! Tom said the pigs don’t get involved in lawsuits, so suing may not be likely, but I wonder if it would say something like “Federal Crimes Division” if it was federal. If it’s not federal or if it’s a misdemeanor then I’ve got nothing to worry about since I’m not in Arizona. It was a government email but it probably is for all pigs whether they’re investigating petty misdemeanors or murder.

The shitty thing is that whatever it is they’ve got, real, imagined or altered, it’s almost guaranteed to be a no-win situation for me. Not that I ever plan to go to court willingly, but if they’ve got a case on you, they’ve got a case on you. Period. Very seldom does anyone walk from it with just a slap on the wrist unless it’s something like petty phone calls like back East. No one gets off easy in Arizona and when a perp plays victim that isn’t white, that’s guaranteed to sink your ass right there. In other words, no matter what I did or said in court, I would never win. Not many people go to court on criminal charges just to get off. Lawsuits may be hit or miss but not this type of thing. They wouldn’t make a case without being 100% sure they could hang me, just like I feared they wouldn’t be investigating me if they didn’t think they had a case to begin with.

The only options I can see that this shit leaves us with is:

1. Carry on as if we never got the emails and hope for the best.

2. Go underground from the net and just let my friends and family think I’m dead.

3. Kill myself. I would kill myself before I let them wreak havoc on my life all over again for God knows how many years and how much freedom and money.

4. Run, even though we don’t have the money to run with.

I’d rather be homeless on the streets in freezing cold weather than in jail. Really, I can’t go through that again!!! Not even if it was just down the street much less in Arizona of all states! I’m too old now and we can’t afford it. Even if we could, how will we ever have a life and get out of here if our money’s tied up in jail/probation costs? I refuse to spend money on them by buying a lawyer and I refuse to use a public defender who would only make sure we did everything wrong and that would hurt me. I know that if I’m ever backed into a corner I’m going to deny whatever it is they’re accusing me of, guilty or not. I should’ve listened to the bonds lady who told me never to plea bargain. I’m just really worried about it being federal or that they set me up somehow. Damn myself for ever contacting them! I should’ve known I wouldn’t get the same protection others get that do much, much worse than I ever have.

I don’t want to give up any of my life for these sickos! They took so much from me before that I don’t want to give them anything else to take. Not my time, not my freedom, not money, not my online life, not our possessions, etc. Just because it was legal doesn’t make what they did to me right in any way, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let them fuck me over again! They will not get me this time! They will NOT! I will not let them have me! Not me, not Tom, not any part of our lives! If I’m going to give up anything in this case I would rather just give up my life altogether and kill myself.

I’m going to take a break from emailing journal entries to Maliheh because I just don’t know what’s going on with her. This is the longest I’ve gone without hearing from her. She’s a very blunt, honest and outspoken person and since she has insisted it’s not me, I have to believe that and that she’d tell me if she wanted to dump me for any reason or was mad at me. Therefore, something must be going on with her and I don’t know if she’s been getting my messages or has had the time to read them. I will wait till I hear from her, then I’ll catch her up to date on what’s been going on with me. I’ve asked her numerous times to reply to my messages and let me know what’s up with her, but haven’t heard back. This isn’t like her. Something’s going on. Just wish I knew what!

Aside from learning that Dad was in the hospital, yesterday was a fun day at Walmart. As always, I can never resist shiny things and good smells, so I got some more of those scented body mists (Enchanted Forest & White Gardenia) and a gorgeous necklace with matching earrings. Got a ring similar to my pink one too, only this one is lavender and in a smaller size. I wanted a pinky ring, but they didn’t go under size 5. I’ll have to get a kid’s ring to fit my pinkies. Even the glitter bangle I liked slipped right off my wrist that’s how damn small I am.

I also did get new earbuds after all. They’re pink and the kind I can insert in both ears.

I know we should be saving but one has to have fun every now and then and have a life.

I even got some new workout equipment that will allow me to work my arms more and with a wider range of exercises. I can even work my legs with this thing. Running doesn’t necessarily work the inner and outer thigh muscles very well. I bought a trio of resistance bands. They’re similar to my others only longer so I can work both biceps at once, for example. The gray one equates to 5 pounds, the red to 10, and the black to 15. When used all together it’s 30 pounds.

Instead of getting Windows 7, we decided to just get Word for Mac for now. We’re going to order it online.

Time to bitch about Molly, but this can’t go online, of course. Well, she’s the craziest I’ve ever known her to be. Totally at the worst I’ve ever seen her behave since she first latched onto me in 2009. Paranoid, delusional, accusatory and very angry. She’s leaving messages on profiles of people I’ve never heard of saying, “Why are you talking about me to ratgirl?”

But they’re not! I’ve never even heard of the users she’s accusing of talking about her with me.

Her current status says: Jodi shut your trashy mouth.

But I haven’t said one single thing about her on any site I use and I even told Andy not to mention her. Hmm… not sure if this insanity is more funny or creepy.

Now it’s: I dislike ratgirl.

One status update that was funny was when she said she went into her parents’ bedroom at 5:30 this morning and laid her head down on her mother’s leg who has a very bad cold. Quite a coincidence that she gets sick after pissing me off again, huh?

Anyway, while I do admit I read her blog at times just to laugh at the craziness of it, I really wish she would kill herself or that someone else would do it for her. I really fear the rest of my online life is going to be forced to have her included in it. I can’t post links just anywhere, I can’t allow for anonymous comments or anything like that which may open me up to more harassment from this loony tune. It never ends! I just get a few days off here and there. Dani said she went through this with her years ago, then she left her alone for two years, and now she’s back at it in full swing. Wish she would give me two years off!

One blog post which was directed to me as a “letter” said I should leave her alone. After all, why would I want to bother with someone who’s just 28 years old?

But I’m not doing anything to her! I’m not mentioning her in my journal, not contacting her – nothing. Anything I’ve said about her has been done in private only. And what’s with the 28-year-old thing? Oh, but it’s no problem for her to keep following a 46-year-old, right? It’s only okay to harass those that are older, is that it?

Alison said she’s been hospitalized before for threatening suicide and her parents (which she also recently stated isn’t the answer), but how the hell one gets out of the hospital after just 5 days for making threats like that is beyond us. Why hasn’t she been committed or had tests run on her? The doctor is probably unaware of her online obsessions and behavior, and of course her enabling parents continue to make one excuse after another for their darling daughter.

She’s not even sleeping anymore, so it seems. Been up round the clock blogging about her misguided and senseless rage, mostly towards Alison, her parents and her ex-boyfriend. One minute she wants to kiss and make up, the next she’s “better off without them.”

It isn’t just her erratic moods and clinginess that drive people crazy, but her warped sense of reality and blatant lies as well. She gets mad at people for things they didn’t even do or that normal people wouldn’t get mad at. You never know if asking her what her weather is like is going to piss her off! Even she admits the slightest thing gets her fuming. And to say she’s as bad as a bad liar can possibly get is an understatement! Her lies are so damn obvious that I don’t know who the hell she thinks she’s kidding. Certainly not most people.

She’s mentioned the possibility of going to a group home. She needs to go somewhere but most of all she needs to be banned from joining social sites since she just can’t leave people alone. All she does is piss them off so she can have fun stalking them and trying to “win” them back over. It’s a sick, twisted game to her.

She’s also mentioned the Caesar case. This is the guy who she claims raped her, but as Aly said, she wouldn’t trust anything she says about that. Besides, her story has changed numerous times. According to Aly, Caesar was a nurse who visited her grandparents in the retirement community they lived in. She liked him and he flirted with her. Then one night things went a little too far. But as Aly said, Caesar is supposedly still on the loose and she doesn’t get why the parents haven’t done anything to have him apprehended or Molly avenged if something serious really happened. Aly agrees it was probably just a case of assault at its worst. All Molly said was something about telling the DA she was afraid to testify for fear of him harming her and her family. I wish he would!

Aly said her mother said to just ignore her and she’d eventually go away, but as we both know, ignorance isn’t bliss in the Molly case. Yes, the less we mention her the less we hear from her, but that doesn’t make her go away altogether. And so I came up with an idea and a suggestion for Alison. I told her it’s great that she didn’t die of cancer for real, but who says she can’t die of it at least for Molly’s sake? Yeah, as in faking her own death, LOL! Kim and I could maybe blog that Dustin told us she died or something.

Aly got quite a kick out of this idea, but worries the troll may still have her parents’ number and the last thing she wants are her parents getting a call from this batshit crazy nutty sicko in regards to it. I can understand her concern, but at this point, I’d worry more about myself than my parents. Or maybe she can warn her parents up front about what she plans to do.

Ignoring her simply doesn’t work, but as crazy as she’s driving people she’s well within the law. Even if she wasn’t, after being a victim of corrupt law enforcement officials, I could never reach out to the law and trust them anyway.

Later…

Geez, now she’s posting things like “I feel hurt and betrayed by Alison,” on random profiles, some of which are minors.

She can’t even watch a movie without whining about how horrible her life is. That oughta tell you something right there about someone who can’t even sit through a whole movie without bitching about friends they’ve lost forever.

What’s got me pissed off is that even though I’ve got her blocked from leaving messages and making comments, she can still vote on posts. She’s been down-voting a lot of my posts as well as Alison’s and Kim’s. This pisses me off more than her trashing me with lies in her blog because it makes me feel like she’s controlling my stuff. Her blogs are her blogs, but mine are mine, and I feel like she’s got a hold on me of sorts by having the power to vote on them. I can delete unwanted comments and messages, but I can’t undo her votes.

She’s spent almost 9 hours on my blog so far today.

Tammy apparently read my blog. Not only did TIP say so but she left a comment on Facebook in regards to the entry about Dad being in the hospital saying she was sorry she didn’t tell me about it and that she should have. No worries, I told her. I find out about things sooner or later either way.

“I will be 50 in less than 4 months,” ugly Lori left on my wall.

So? What does she want for it, a medal? Really, I am so sick of an unlimited supply of attention from crazies and uglies! Am I really that crazy and ugly myself? Except for Alison, what do these people see in me that attracts them so? Why do the hot Nanes and Malihehs of the world keep their distance along with the saner ones? What is it about me that scares them off? Or am I simply overreacting and taking something personally that most people experience in life?

I prayed for whatever was up there to show me a time frame in my dreams of when and if we may be moving. Instead, I just had another dream about moving. At least they’re coming and I hope they’re a sign of good things to come. I feel like there are hidden messages in some of them if only I learn how to read them.

There were a few things I didn’t like about last night’s dream. For one my hair was down to my waist. If that’s any sign of a time frame, well, my hair is about two years from being waist-length again. It grows fast and I may be short, but my hair is still barely past my shoulders.

The dream started with me telling Tom that I had a dream that we got a place with a pool toward the back right side of the house. It was enclosed by a black iron rail fence and was behind the end of the driveway.

Then we went to an “open house” party of sorts where all the people in the adult community we were hoping to rent a place in were out and about in the streets and in their yards dancing to country music. Some houses seemed to have two stories and I watched some couples dancing on their balconies. I was glad to see that they were all older people being in an adult community and all that but hoped that they wouldn’t make these parties a regular thing if we were going to live there.

A short heavy blond woman admired my long hair and seemed to be attracted to me, though I pretended not to notice.

The other thing I didn’t like about the dream was my being worried that they may discover Tom was just a temp. I hope this isn’t suggesting he’ll still be a temp next summer when he turns 55, but I’d rather he keep working as a temp than be laid off.

I don’t know if we were able to rent a place there in the end or not, but I was given a little booklet about the community and what it had to offer. Apparently, there was a community pool. I wanted to see if I could find a picture of it and see if it was toward the right of the house to get a sense of whether or not the dream I had in the dream could mean anything, but the page that pictured the pool had been torn out of the booklet.

Later…

I called my parents now that we configured the phone properly on the Mac. As I was hoping it would be the case, Dad answered instead of Mom. Mom was at the store. He told me he was in the hospital the last few days and was just released yesterday. I was sorry to hear this too, and I feel so frustrated and helpless being so far away. On the other hand, there’d be nothing I could do to stop him from aging and to fix his heart and lungs if I lived down the street from him. I still wish I could be there just long enough to give him a hug at times!

I thanked him for the gift cards and we touched base before some nurse came to the house. I just wonder how much longer he’s got. And why didn’t I have any bad dreams about him upon going into the hospital? I’ve had bad dreams about others right before bad things happened to them. Maybe it’s because it’s simply part of aging and all that and while I don’t like it any more than most of us do, my mind has simply come to accept this sad fact of life in which no one is exempt.

I’d love to write more, but it’s been a long and tiring day. A fun day other than learning my dad was ill, but a tiring one just the same. I’m going to just go make myself comfortable in bed with the Kindle and read till I fall asleep.

I wasn’t going to do another entry today, but since I’m usually busier on weekends, I thought I would bitch and complain about phones and computers. I love ‘em and I hate ‘em!

I went to call my folks to thank them for the $50 Red Lobster GC they sent but the phone would only sound through the computer and not the phone itself. My parents might also be having problems on their end because I got nothing but static and screeching when either Dad or the machine picked up. It wasn’t clear enough to tell which it was.

As for computers – I’m still trying to get used to this Mac crap and not liking it very much either. Still not sure I want to spend money to upgrade to Windows 7 right now because we really want to save for the move, wherever that may be. OSX isn’t as fun as Windows, but it’s not impossible to use or completely intolerable.

The earbuds I was using for watching movies on the computer broke and I’m so determined to save money that I’d rather use my headphones than buy new ones even though they don’t cost much. I use the headphones when Tom’s sleeping because this new heater is so loud I have to really crank the volume up. Even with the door shut it’s loud. Sure works well, though.

Whoever’s in here next is going to have it easy as far as things breaking go because, by the time we get out of here, everything will have been replaced or upgraded.

When I was working out earlier, I glanced over at Tom, who can sleep through anything, and studied his sleeping form. I had to suppress a giggle at the thought of him magically becoming someone I’m not at all fond of just long enough for me to run up and stick a blaring earbud in their ear, LOL. The iPod’s earbuds still work just fine. Leave it to his evil wife to have that kind of fantasy. :)

Speaking of fantasies involving the same sex, I still miss hearing from Nane and Barbara but I know I’m better off not hearing from them.

I’m disappointed that my second book isn’t selling very well so far. I was hoping more people would actually buy it instead of just saying, “I’ll check it out.”

They had Tom sign a form at work giving the temp company permission to disclose his background check with a company that the company he’s working for wants to do business with so he can access their computer. Hopefully, this is a good sign that they’re not going to let him go anytime soon.

Last night I got the sign I asked for in my dreams. Now all I need is a time frame. Well, I don’t need one. I’d just like to have one. I’m naturally curious.

Tom and I may go to Walmart tomorrow just for fun and for variety since it’s been a while since we’ve been there. We kind of miss it. We don’t like the store and the crowds, but we like the selection and the prices. Walmart is sort of like computers; can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Hopefully, we’ll go early enough to beat the crowds, though that may mean having to deal with tons of boxes in the aisles instead.

When I was going to bed I did my usual prayers to help guard against financial and health problems. Still not sure it does me any good, but can it hurt? I also asked for a sign in my dreams as to whether or not we’re moving and where to. I ended up having an interesting dream, alright. While no particular state was ever mentioned and no landscape of any kind was visible to get a sense of what kind of climate the dream took place in, we definitely moved long-distance. This I know because in the dream I giggled to myself thinking what experts we’ve become at that sort of thing and here we go again, jobless and homeless till we land on our feet somewhere after making the big leap.

Then some guy was showing us rentals. I don’t know if we knew him or not, but I don’t think we did. He pointed out that there was this particular string of rentals that celebrities rented from time to time. I was just about to ask how the hell we could afford to rent something they could afford when he explained it with just one word. I don’t remember the word but it all made sense to me in the dream how we could afford it. I just wanted to rent what was right for us and not because celebs rented it, too.

Once I was awake enough to analyze the dream I came to 4 possible conclusions and was no closer to knowing what the future holds as far as moving goes and where to. I figure the dream could mean that a long-distance move is many years away, or we could be sitting on a bunch of money I don’t know about to get us moved sooner, or something’s just playing with me, or it means absolutely nothing at all. So it’s nice that I got the sign I asked for. I just wish I knew what it meant if it meant anything at all. How should I interpret it?

Makes me wonder, though, if those other rental dreams I had that I assumed were in this area could’ve been elsewhere.

So the troll is capable of threats after all. After a wonderful 5-day absence from my blog, she wrote in her own blog that she just got home from the hospital after threatening to kill herself and her parents, she feels better now, she’s back on medication, and she misses talking to Alison.

I wish she would off mommy and daddy if she’s not going to be kind enough to do herself in. That way she would go bye-bye for a lot longer than 5 days (she spent over an hour on my blog today) and I wouldn’t have to worry about that scary mother of hers who has got to be the most intimidating person I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting online. Does she want to be so protective of her now? Now that she’s threatened her? Really, does she want to threaten to file suit now?

She’s still talking about Aly and why she hasn’t heard from her. She also said it was funny how a few people started talking to her for a while after being mean to her for so long. Of course being “mean” means trying to avoid her and telling her to go away and stay away, not wanting anything to do with her.

Some people have asked about what I’m writing at the moment, so I thought I’d let people in on my next book. To make a character stand out we authors sometimes give them unique traits. One of my lead character’s noses sometimes twitches like a rabbit and as people notice this along the way, they nickname her Bunny Nose. So that’s how the book got its title. I had mapped out this plot in a half-assed sort of way before I “split” with Nane and it will definitely be the very last role-inspired story she’ll ever be in. It will also probably be the last story to take place in Germany that I’ll ever write. But that’s only if I can get myself to write it. It’s not that I haven’t got enough ideas for it (the plot is simple yet a little more intricate than my last couple of books). It’s just that I haven’t been in the mood to write much lately. Maybe when I’m on days I’ll work on it. Unfortunately, I have to work around my sometimes noisy landlord’s schedule. Because of all the loud vehicles I often hear up there I have sound machines going during the daytime. I can write and read and do things like that with the sound machine, but I can’t watch movies that way. So nights are usually reserved for movies while the days are for writing.

I realized I don’t have to work out to music only. I wouldn’t want to work out to movies since the sound of the treadmill running would make it hard to hear. This newer louder heater is bad enough. But I can set the Kindle on the treadmill and read while I work out if I want to so I might try that for my next workout. I’ve got 15% left of The White Angel Murder.

I’ve noticed that with half-hour workouts on the treadmill 5 days a week, I can maintain my weight on 1500 calories a day. That’s the perfect amount of calories for me. 1000 leaves me too hungry, 2000 too stuffed. But I’m still a fatty even though I do look quite fit. I wonder, though… could I lose weight if I upped my time to an hour and still have 1500 calories? 1500 still seems like a bit much for me to lose on even if I worked out 5 hours a day, but I may try it sometime.

The part of the floor that got wet from the hot water tank leaking smells kind of musty so I sprayed perfume on it and then sprinkled powder over it. Hopefully, that will absorb any leftover moisture and smells.

We’re still setting record highs with record dryness. It’s barely rained a dozen times since last May. I’ve had to sleep with the fan on low because it gets close to 80º inside here in the afternoons.

Evie now has a Facebook account. I sent her the link to both my books, LOL, knowing I’m not going to get a reply, but that it’ll spark some talk and curiosity. You never know; maybe even a sale or two. The last time I sent David an unrated, unreviewed book link. But Evie gets to have two 4-star book links with great reviews, thanks to Eileen and Mitch.

It’s been almost a month now since I heard from Maliheh. What the hell is going on with her? Can she really be that busy that she can’t at least send a quick email once a week instead of once a month???

Sold a copy of Evil Amongst the Evergreens in the UK today. :)

Nothing broke around here today, Tom had a busy but ok day at work, and I’m definitely climbing back in the Windows once again. But not until we order Win7 this weekend and upgrade to a safer, newer version of it. I just can’t get used to OSX and we’re having enough problems with it anyway – keyboard dying, mouse dying, etc. It totally sucks shit!

Something hasn’t wanted me to sleep very well so far this year. It seems I kept waking up constantly. A tickle in my throat caused a coughing fit. The smell of food cooking woke me up. I also woke up just because. What was weird was that Jesse didn’t wake me up when he came down to make sure the new hot water tank was working out ok, and it is.

Had to sleep longer to make up for all the waking up I did along the way, but once I got up for good I was good to go. Except for a slight cough I’m fully over my cold or flu or whatever it was I had and was able to do a complete workout now that my body’s energy isn’t being used to fight the illness. After I was done I felt refreshed instead of drained. This was the first time I’ve been sick since 2007. Before that, I was sick in 2000, and before that in 1997. I hope it will be many years before I’m sick again!

We’re just about done setting up house in OSX. Still gotta tweak and fine-tune a few more things. The conversion and configuring was a huge job but will hopefully be well worth it in the end. If Tom, who’s been using OSX for years says it is, then it is. It’s a bit of a pain using my old word processor in a virtual box since I had to reconfigure everything but it sure beats OpenOffice and AbiWord. I may one day buy the latest version of WinWord which now has an application for Macs.

Tom showed and explained to me that copying/pasting pictures from sites isn’t a safe way to go about it and that I should use the codes only because the codes only contain the pictures themselves. But if you copy the whole thing it can have viruses and other junk embedded in it which may very well be how I got infected with Windows. These infections aren’t as likely in OSX, but not impossible so I guess I’ll have to be more careful about how I do things online.

No “jobless” or other bad dreams to warn of impending trouble ahead. Instead, I’ve been having more dreams of living in newer, bigger places so hopefully that’s a good sign. It’s a damn good feeling to know that if the car suddenly completely died and was totally unfixable, we could buy another car. It’d be an old used piece of shit, but we’d still have a car and Tom could still get to work. That possibility alone of the car possibly dying, even if it was unlikely, was a huge stress for a long time.

No views from the troll for two days. Her sister just popped a kid and she last said she wasn’t getting along with her mother, so hopefully they’ll both be too busy to bother with me for a good long while and then hopefully Molly will take up new obsessions and go stalk someone else. As Aly said, while the mother can seem a bit scary with her threats, she wouldn’t sweat over her because it’s only natural, right or wrong, for a mother to defend her kid. No mother wants to believe their kid simply can’t make/keep friends.

Aly, like me, realized the few days she gave her some time and attention was a waste and that she’ll never change, so she’s silently bowed out of her life and will also be doing her best to block and ignore her whenever possible. I knew Molly had a thing for trying to “make” people like her, but I didn’t realize she was so damn needy with her constant cries for help with this person and with that person who she either can’t get along with or who’s been trying to avoid her for the same reasons most people do. “Help me!” is a constant plea from her. And “I feel like I have no one to talk to. No one cares. No one wants to comment on my blogs.” She even said this when I was giving her attention and comments several times a day. There’s just no pleasing this girl. That’s how she first snared Aly in; by begging for help and coming off as desperate, helpless, and doomed. I think that’s how she reaches out to just about everybody. That’s what she did with me when she first contacted me deciding that I would be a good one to talk to when she was supposedly raped by a male nurse. But I know that wasn’t all that was motivating her. It was my connection to others she knows that drove her to contact me. Molly likes to come off as a damsel in distress and she likes to pick fights, make enemies, and then stalk those who come to loathe her.

With the exception of some lost sleep, the hot water tank breaking turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It started with a slow drip but then it started leaking big time sometime during the night. Once again that same area of the bedroom by the wall where the bathroom sink pipe was leaking was wet and stained and I almost considered waking Tom up, but said, nah. As long as none of our stuff got damaged, to hell with pesky Jesse’s baseboards and carpet.

I crashed around 6am and about 4 hours later awoke to them working on it. It turns out that Jesse had bought a brand-new water tank because he thought something was wrong with his own tank, though the problem turned out to be something else. So it worked out great for us not only because we won’t have to wait till Tuesday for him to get a new one, but because we went from a noisy 20-gallon tank where the hot water would be gone in 10 minutes or less to a quiet 35-gallon tank. Now I can take the 15 to 20-minute showers I like to take and this tank doesn’t “popcorn.” The other one was so ancient and made popping sounds when it would fire up. It had probably been in there for about 20 years or so. This new one barely fits in the cubbyhole the tank goes in, but thankfully they managed to get it in. And to kill the beehive that was in there as well. Yeah, we knew by all the yellow jackets hanging around that there had to be a hive somewhere close by.

What sucks is that Jesse will probably want to come down tomorrow to check on things and fuck with my sleep then as well. They left the door open to it to air out the wet walls and floor. It’s pretty dry out, so that’ll help. At the rate we’re going it’s never going to rain here again. We’re going to come close to hitting 70°. It saves us propane in the afternoons because the heater doesn’t usually need to run for about 4-6 hours during the daytime.

Still setting up and configuring my little world in OSX and converting this and that. It takes some serious getting used to. I hate all the other word processors I’ve tried so far because they don’t do everything I want them to do, so we’re going to set up a way to use my old word processor without actually running Windows. It’s called Virtual Box. You set it up to think it’s running a whole separate computer within your computer.