Someone asked why I stopped updating my my-diary account on my original Ask account. Kim? Molly’s mother? Well, no one in Texas has been on my tracker, but Maricopa County was. It made me nervous at first, but if it were someone up to no good, they would’ve remained invisible and they would’ve gone beyond my ‘about’ page, I would think, so I’m not worried. A glance at the satellite, although not always accurate, showed it coming from a health center.

A part of me worries about something bad happening a few months or so after we move like it did when we first moved into the Maricopa house, but I know it’s an irrational worry to have. I’ve done nothing wrong. But still, unless I’m just paranoid, I feel like the pigs are always, always watching, every single day without fail. They’ve already proven that they have no problem with putting lots of time and energy into the wrong people; people who merely have things to say that they don’t agree with, instead of those who are truly dangerous. It’s just that once we own a place, they know we have more to lose than we stand to by renting someone else’s place.

Being legally kidnapped and whisked away to another town was one thing, but being yanked out of my home and taken to another state all in the name of power, hate and control is another. I honestly don’t see how this could happen, but I never thought I’d have been tossed in jail for words on paper and labeled a stalker for it either.

Even if God doesn’t punish me through the law, I still worry He is against us moving and will punish us in other ways. Maybe not as extreme as before, though, since we’re not moving to a fancy house or anything like that. It’s just going to be a simple, basic little house and it’s not going to be all by itself in the middle of 10 acres, either. But I do worry about the breakage curse and things like that. Having to be put out by Jesse coming down to fix his own cooler at his own expense is one thing, but having to pay thousands of dollars for a broken AC/heat pump of our own is another.

Either way, if anyone tries to get legal revenge on me by either violating my rights or fabricating “evidence,” they will suffer the consequences. If shit breaks, we’ll deal with that, too. Can’t let it stop us from living and doing what we gotta do.

Later…

Tom was going to decide if he wanted to check out another park or pick up the mail on the way home. Instead, he got hung up in traffic. Oh, but nothing up there is trying to stop or delay the move, right? Either way, we can’t make an offer till we actually have the money in the bank because they will want to verify funds.

I worry about Tom. He has been so run down and exhausted and his heel still hurts at times. The new shoes he got help him a lot, but as I told him, I worry about him collapsing and ending up in the hospital. He went to bed earlier tonight, assuring me he’s tougher than that, and that once we get moved he won’t work as much OT. The OT is strictly extra and nothing he absolutely has to do. It’s just hard for him to pass up the money, especially since he makes so much.

Andy’s had some interesting theories about some of my dreams, saying the pregnancy dreams could symbolize that moving is a pain in the ass like giving birth. I hope it’s that and not that we’re going to be held back. I totally believe that whether you want them or not, having babies = no life, and that’s one of the many reasons I changed my mind about that in the end.

I remember 3 dreams last night, each lasting for just a few seconds. In one dream I was packing and getting ready to leave someplace (where?) and was very happy. A middle-aged to older woman was with me and she seemed very fond of me and just as happy for me. She told me if I get pregnant just blah, blah, blah – I don’t remember what came after that – but there’s the pregnancy thing again. Really would’ve preferred to see Tom and I leaving this place instead.

Tom, Andy and I were all sharing a house somewhere in the second dream. In the dream, I started smoking one cigarette a day (I’d love to see someone with that kind of self-control) after dinner. Alone in the house, I smoked it in the bathroom, then went into the bedroom and laid down on the bed. A few seconds later I heard a door close somewhere in the house. I got up to see if Tom or Andy had come home to find that Andy’s bedroom door was now closed. I hoped he couldn’t smell the smoke because I knew it would bother him.

The last dream is barely a whisper within my memory I’m not sure I really had it, but it seems I was in trouble for something, though I don’t know what. Probably something I said or wrote since people seem to care more about words than actions, as opposed to anything I actually did. I’ve never gotten in trouble for anything I’ve actually done. Not the candy and cigarettes I stole as a teen, not the long-distance calls I had billed to others, and not even the few people I actually did threaten for real. All I just have to do is say what people don’t want to hear to piss people off. Anyway, I don’t know if it was that or if my rights were being violated or if I was being set up like in the past. I just remember something very vague about my supposed lawyer insisting I not be punished due to all the deaths I’ve been surrounded by since February of 2012, and now having a sister who’s ill.

Later…

I’m surprised they haven’t caught the Boston Marathon bomber yet, though the police would know, by the type of explosives they used, if it was homegrown or foreign terrorists. As Tom said, we hope it’s the usual suspects or else then we’d have more problems to deal with and the country would be even less safe. It was tax day yesterday, so who knows? Maybe it was someone with a grudge against the government. While it’s not ok to take it out on innocent people, I understand their anger, if that’s what it was all about. The government spends money on useless shit, gives our money away to other countries, but won’t do shit for its own. We almost lost our lives because of them before he got his job.

A friend pointed out that you can’t look at someone and know if they’re a terrorist, which is true, and while we may never be 100% safe from anything, if we closed our doors to the countries known to terrorize us, wouldn’t we at least be a little safer?

I feel bad for my niece Becky. The doctor didn’t fully remove the cataract in one of her eyes, leaving it open to attack, and then of course Tammy got screwed over with the biopsy they never sent. The amount of incompetent doctors is a little scary. This is part of why I don’t usually see them unless I need to.

The fact that I have a sleep disorder that prevents me from working yet am unable to “qualify” for disability benefits really pisses the shit out of me. Benefits should be given based on whether you’re disabled and not how many years you worked in the past. But the newly minted family fresh out of Mexico gets handed a welfare check and a slice of American pie right away without any effort. WTF? I’m from here yet my government won’t take care of me. In this case, it’s not about the money since my husband makes enough to support us; it’s about doing what’s right. It’s only fair to give disability payments to those who are disabled.

I also feel bad for Becky, and her sister Sarah, for other reasons. It seems like all they have is each other. They have hundreds of “friends” on FB, but all the outings they go on seem to be with each other only, and I never hear anything about boyfriends and dating. I think I can guess why, too.

It stunned me to learn (and I don’t see why Mary would make this up) how many people are sending her money while she’s on unemployment. Wish someone had sent US money and cared about US as much when we were broke. The clothes mom sent were nice, but they weren’t really needed. Except for the $150 Eileen was kind enough to take upon herself to send, no one gave us shit, and we didn’t know till after the storm that Tammy would’ve helped us. We didn’t really start talking and become closer till after our parents died. I think most people were either just too broke themselves or they just didn’t give a shit. There will always be people in the world showered with money just for breathing while people like Tom have to not only just work for what they get but suffer for it, too. Hell, even the things I won had to be “paid” for. The time it took to keep entering, the constant reminders for them to send the prizes (they hope you’ll just “forget” them), the taxes, etc.

Paula left a message saying she moved to Connecticut and to call for her new address. Couldn’t she have just left the damn thing in her message?

Facebook really annoys me with its constant changes. No site has ever come close to the number of changes and problems FB has. They decided our timelines needed a facelift, so just when I get used to their last round of changes, I have to re-learn where things are and all that shit. I hate how the first thing I see on my timeline is people I may know, based on who our friends are friends with. I really don’t give a shit who my friends are friends with, and if I want to look for someone I can do so on my own, thank you.

Great day for us but a sad day for Boston where there were explosions during the marathon. Let me guess…savage beasts called Muslims that think the answer to everything is violence, right? Or could it be another Timothy McVeigh who’s pissed at the government? Statistically speaking, Muslims are most likely, especially since there was more than one bomb. However, the only thing that doesn’t go with it being the muzzies is the lack of suicide on their part which they love to commit after they kill, kill and kill some more. They WANT their “work” to be known, and they WANT to take credit for what their imaginary “Allah” told them to do. And no, I don’t care who may be pissed at these words and disagree with me. We all have a right to think, feel and believe as we do, me included. For the longest time, I held back on things, not wanting to hurt or offend anyone. But if you’re “hurt” by reading someone else’s journal, then you shouldn’t be reading it in the first place. Seriously, though, I would never try to get anyone to conform to my beliefs. Just don’t expect me to conform to yours either.

I don’t get why we, and other countries, don’t take care of the Middle East to protect ourselves from this shit that will always happen as long as Muslims exist. If you don’t kill the cockroach it will multiply. Again, my feelings are actually mixed when it comes to Muslims. Muslim women and children are usually innocent victims caught up in their twisted society. Men are the main problem as they are in most societies, just like blacks make up for most of the crimes committed in the US. But don’t take my word for it, go look it up yourself. Ah, but I’m still supposed to love them and give them special treatment, right?

When I was in jail I was shocked to find that most of the inmates were actually white. And then I eventually learned why; because Arizona is one of the states that favor blacks and lets them get away with an awful lot of shit.

Tom said, “Strange how Andy was worried about us yet he was just a few hours away from a much more dangerous place than we’re in.”

It seems to be the major cities they like to pick on.

I said to Tom that I not only don’t understand why we continue to allow them into the US but why we don’t wipe out as much of the Middle East as we can. It would only be a matter of self-defense when you think about it. He said that’d make them more violent. snorts with disgust Aren’t they already violent enough? Besides, not doing anything at all doesn’t exactly send a very good message.

And why do they bother coming here if they hate us so much? I don’t like Africans because they force children to marry, and of course, I won’t get into how they treat gays, so I will never go to Africa. It’s that simple. So then why can’t they just stay the fuck out of this country if they hate Americans???

On the selfish side, I’m glad it’s someone else’s problem (at least for today) and that we’re doing great. They got bombed, we got 8K. It is to be sent by Monday. Time to get ready to follow the yellow brick road home!

Later…

I was shocked to see someone spent an hour and 10 minutes in my blogs yesterday (a regular from OD) and viewed 203 pages! They were like Molly used to be, though, clicking away and spending just a few seconds on most pages. Were they looking for something? I know it wasn’t a BOT because they went around to 3 of my blogs.

Still no trolls on my old Ask account since Molly was put out of commission. Makes me wonder how many “questions” I thought were from Kim that were really from her. I just didn’t think she was smart enough to ask herself the same kinds of questions to make her look less obvious. She really had me fooled!

Andy had a pretty interesting theory on yesterday’s airplane dream. He thinks it was a “moving” dream and that the plane represents the fact that we thought we’d move this month but the move is at a standstill cuz we haven’t found the right home yet. Him talking about sex slaves lately and the fact that Nane flies to TR a lot = the airplane staff servicing the passengers and Nane being one of the staff.

I think he misunderstood me, though. We never expected to move this month; we expected to have the place picked out this month and move into it in May. The paperwork usually takes about a month once it goes into escrow.

It’s so exciting knowing my inheritance will be sent in full by next Monday from Walter, along with papers to sign, but we’re not 100% out of the woods yet. There are still one – maybe two – more hurdles to climb. First we have to hope the parks won’t all reject us, though I still don’t expect to get into our top two favorite parks, and then we might have trouble qualifying for a loan. What worries me are the recurring dreams I’ve been having about being knocked up. At my age I can’t conceive, not that I would want to. But babies tend to tie us down and hold us back in life, and I’m wondering if that’s the message behind all these pregnancy dreams. Could they represent us being delayed even more due to not having perfect credit? Well, we’ll just start at the top with our favorite parks and work our way down until someone takes us. He makes a ton of money. What more could they want? I mean, if our current finances aren’t good enough for whoever, then I don’t know what else we can do other than pay the Oregon scammers their $200 and I do not want to do that if I can help it to get what we want. That’d be so like blackmail.

When I had the “12K” dream I thought it might be the amount of my inheritance. Then I thought it might be the cost of the house. Now I’m wondering if it’s the amount of the down payment we’ll end up making.

I wish I could tell God the same thing I tell people who don’t like me – if you don’t like me, don’t have anything to do with me, but I fear He will still do little things to “punish” and delay us for finally getting what we want. I’m never going to forgive Him for the past no matter how much love, health, happiness and money life throws at me, and He’s never going to be welcomed into our lives or our home. So why bother with those that don’t like Him, like we’d ask Molly when she’d focus on trying to win over those that wanted nothing to do with her? But I guess any master of any universe feels compelled to pick on those it hates as well as to bless those it likes. Well, no one’s been picking on us lately and I really hope they don’t start once we get settled!

Still not sure if I’ll go public with the name of whatever town we end up in, but I guess it couldn’t hurt. Stating that we currently live in Auburn hasn’t hurt me since I don’t provide addresses to go with the town. Besides, any trolls, corrupt cops, and corrupt ex-cops that hunt me down and make trouble for me would only be hurting themselves in the end a lot more than they’d be hurting me.

Had a dream last night that Tom and I were flying on a plane. But the plane suddenly stalled in mid-air. So the captain announced that they were working on figuring out why the plane’s engine seized up and promised to get the plane moving again in no time. Until then, the flight attendants offered to “service” the passengers. At that time I realized that one of the attendants looked remarkably like Nane. I was pissed when I remembered I was on the rag.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m no longer psychic. Seriously. I haven’t had any moving dreams and the few I’ve had don’t add up to much.

We found a place in the best location yet in nearby Newcastle. It’s small and old but nice. What makes it so appealing is all the space around it. It’s more rural-like, but then again Newcastle is a lot like Auburn. I just worry that dogs may be allowed to live outdoors there and that they don’t have cable, so we’ll have to check that out.

There’s another place we’re watching that’s even smaller and in a typical park, but it’s got all-new carpet, flooring and appliances.

Lost a few pounds for no apparent reason, but they’ll be back soon enough. I still refuse to diet after the Alli attack. The hives are now barely visible, but they’re still there if you know where to look. If you’re fat, just stay fat. Diet aids aren’t worth the side effects and diets alone aren’t worth the hunger and cravings.

What’s really annoying is the pain I have today on the side of my left breast toward where it meets the armpit. I usually get soreness before periods, but this is bordering on pain. I’ve had this once or twice before. It’s really annoying.

These rats are never going in the bedroom again. Last night I thought they might like running around in there for variety, but all they did was piss and shit. This is a typical reaction to being nervous. But I thought they knew and trusted their mommy enough to know she wouldn’t bring them to harm! And how did a 1-pound rat get to be so strong? First I brought Sugar home, then when I went to lift the roof to put Romeo back in, he grabbed the edge of it and just did not want to let go.

My lesson of the day: Eyeshadow “stickers” that are really temp tats are a waste of money. First I was too blind to apply them since I couldn’t do it with my glasses on, then I realized they were a bit big, even though my eyes are kind of big. But it wasn’t a total waste in the end because they make good “rings.” Even toe rings. I gotta laugh when I imagine Nane’s reaction to seeing my rainbow ring on my index finger. Her BF may be stable and “normal” and all things good, but her cyber GF is a definite loon, haha.

I realize, though, that I should lay off the “young” and colorful stuff wanting to get into an adult community. They only need to know I’m over 45. They don’t need to know I’m crazy. :)

I also got the 2 pounds of acrylic fuchsia rocks today for my large bamboo, but it’s not quite enough. I need 1 more pound. So I got a pound of clear rocks (same brand) to mix in with the fuchsia rocks. Two pounds is still enough but I think it would look better with the vase filled more than it is.

Wonder when they’re going to reach a verdict in the Jodi Arias case. I also wonder how high-profile cases can expect to be tried fairly with the way the internet is today. The jurors certainly must see all the comments, theories and opinions people have on the case. What was funny was that the Arizona PD says they’re aware that she’s dictating tweets from jail but can’t do anything about it. LOL, it’s nice to see them rendered powerless for once! Yet they “thought” they could try to get me for having copies of my old Blogger blog posts auto-sent privately to an individual. Nice try, buddies, though I still doubt that was a real cop. If it was, well, I sure showed them this time around just who’s NOT going to be railroaded. :)

Anyway, I think she’s guilty. If half of what I read is true, then she wasn’t an abused GF acting in self-defense. She was a jealous monster who killed out of rage and revenge.

Later…

My pork chops came out too dry. Why am I such a shitty cook? They sure tasted good, though. Next time I’ll wet them and maybe add a touch of margarine to them before I coat them with Shake-n-Bake.

Another Jodi juror gets dismissed, this one for health reasons, unlike the last one who was dismissed for saying something biased. How could they not be biased with all the info on the net these days??? I can just imagine the cyber media frenzy my own case would’ve made had the net been what it is today, all for a fabricated letter and all because the “victim” wasn’t white. I STILL can’t believe it got the kind of attention a celebrity or a murder case gets, but yeah, I can easily see it being on the net as much as the Jodi Arias case.

Someone once asked me if I wished I’d actually written the damn letter so I could say I’d have at least gotten what I deserved, and I said no. No letter, no matter what it may say, is worth 6 months in jail. I sometimes wish I’d beaten the living crap out of some folks at times, though.

I wonder why my blogs have been getting so much attention lately. There’s been a lot of visitors that spend hours in it, and yes, I can tell they’re not BOTs. Just what am I saying that’s so damn interesting, though? LOL, I’ve been getting friend requests up the ass, but I’m really not open to more friends these days. I have enough.

Had another negative money dream that was a little disturbing, though nothing too worrisome. In the dream, Nancy, one of my meanest cellies, told me she created a bank account in my name and had 2K of our money transferred to it to use as she saw fit. I was worried about not only how I’d get the money back, but also how I’d prove that I was the real Jodi S.

When I lift the roof of the rats’ cage, Sugar now has a way of standing straight up and giving me a “hug.” It’s so damn cute.

Andy thinks he saw Brenda in Springfield and that she saw and recognized him too, though he had no desire to talk to her. That’s how I feel about a lot of people I once knew. No hard feelings, but I wouldn’t care to associate with them these days.

He said Brenda looked the same only older. Same old, sad, worn-out face. I wonder if she ever kicked the crack and got custody of her kids. Brenda wasn’t a bad person, just a loser. She had no backbone of her own and chose to try to drown her problems with drugs. Only I was too naïve to see it at first back in 1990 when we met.

Imagine if she knew I was a published author who spent 12 years in Arizona, 3 in Oregon, and 6 in Cali and was married to a guy, hahaha. She’d probably think I gave up on women and settled. Oh, I gave up on women, all right. But SHE was the settlement, not Tom. She’s one of the few who taught me that being alone was better than settling. Brenda wasn’t ugly, but there was no real spark there either. She was way more attracted to me than I was to her. It always, always seems that way with women. I could always forget about those I was hot for, but I was welcome to an unlimited supply of uglies and crazies or women who were just so-so. Kind of insulting, if you ask me. Makes me feel like I’m ugly, too. Well, I wasn’t then, but I sure am now. Fat, old and ugly for sure. Still, how did one who danced in T&A bars that don’t take just anybody end up with as much rejection as she did??? I could’ve had plenty of guys, but the women treated me like I was Tracy or Bonny kind of ugly.

Molly’s friends have been a nightmare for Alison. She’s blocked 6 of them so far, trying to get her to think Molly’s in this oh-so-horrible place because she’s not allowed online. They even restrict her cell phone usage. Finally, Aly got fed up and emailed Marbridge. I’m surprised Marbridge doesn’t monitor their online activity. These sickos are in their custody, so they should be responsible for what they do. Personally, I don’t think anyone who’s fucked in the head should have online access. Seriously, Marbridge needs to remember why these nutjobs are there in the first place and use some common sense.

Tom said that part of what a group home does is teach the people how to get along in the world and that it takes a long time to “program” them. I say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and while this may sound like a very cruel and insensitive thing to say, I think they should all be lined up and shot dead. They’re nothing but a waste of space on earth and a menace to society. I don’t know if Molly is the way she is due to something traumatic or if she was just born that way, but that’s no excuse and I know she’ll never change. I was abused as a kid too, yet I don’t go around stalking people and trying to make people like me. I give up on those who give up on me, and if I’m not good enough for you, you’re not good enough for me. It’s ok to miss someone or to wish they liked you as much as you like them, but it’s not ok to try to force them to do anything they don’t want to do.

Meanwhile, I’m enjoying every moment that she’s forbidden from going online because I know it’s only a matter of time before she’s back, following us from site to site, using her friends to reach out to us, and reaching out to our friends. That’s why I try to hide them as best I can on Facebook. Really wish people would help protect themselves by not “liking” my cover photos. I can’t make those private.

Funny how the strange/rude questions on Ask stop the day Molly’s removed from cyberspace. Again I have to wonder if she’s a little smarter than I gave her credit for. I really thought most of that shit was coming from Kim. Either way, it’s wonderful not having either troll in my life… until they once again return to haunt me.

I heard Jesse roar out on the Harley at 11:00. A few hours later I thought he was going to blow off installing a new cooler pump, but he came down at 3:30. I was glad too, cuz next week my schedule will be worse for him coming down, even though it’s to be cooler out.

“Do you know what today is?” I asked him.

He said, “No, what is today?”

“Today’s the day we moved in here half a decade ago.”

He was surprised it’s been that long. It’s kinda sad that we’ve been cramped in such a dump for so long, but it’s better than an apartment and I do love these woods when they’re not assaulted with the sounds of loud equipment/vehicles.

He’s gonna run his gravity-forced pipe to the cooler so that it gets that off the well, but he says I won’t hear him. He asked what my schedule would be next week cuz he’s got to spray more Round-Up, but if all he’s doing is just coming down with a spray bottle, I won’t hear that either. I’ll have the sound machine on so that if he farts, it won’t wake me up.

I talked to my German hottie again. She still makes me laugh. :)

Tammy’s message didn’t make me laugh. Just when I was more hopeful for her than ever, the CAT scan results now show that both lungs have worsened. They still can’t figure out why, but they do know that it’s obviously not going to magically get better on its own. So the next step is to do another biopsy, then a team of doctors will then decide what to do from there.

Let’s see what else… I swapped messages with Andy and Alison and that’s about it.

Later…

Ordered the groceries for tomorrow’s pick-up, then some goodies on Amazon. I always wondered how they made such perfect dots when doing various nail designs. Then I saw an ad for dotting and marbleizing pens and tons of nail designs that were awesome. Although my nails are usually long, I have small hands and so that means small nails with not much room to play around on. I couldn’t do all of the designs, but I could do some. So I jumped on Amazon and am getting a set of 5 pens that allows you to make dots and swirls, as well as some rhinestones and special tweezers to apply them with.

I also grabbed a couple of bottles of hologram nail polish by Color Club in Cloud Nine and Angel Kiss. It supposedly reflects a rainbow of colors, and you know me and my rainbows. I just love them, haha. The rainbow eyeshadow stickers I ordered last week should be at the mail place, along with my big bamboo plant’s fuchsia gemstones that I plan to plant it in. Tom will be picking that and the groceries up on the way home from work.

Because I didn’t sleep well last night as I was expecting the Jes pest to come down to fix his damn cooler, I hope to sleep long and well tomorrow. I probably won’t crash before 2am - 3am and I don’t expect to be up before noon.

For the longest time, I thought I’d leave a note behind when we left for the Jes pest all about how much he and his mutts have annoyed me over the years, but now I just don’t care. I just want to move and be done with this place altogether. If he asks why we’re moving I’ll be honest with him and tell him that while the dogs have been amazingly quiet lately except for when anyone comes up the drive, we’re sick of the lack of space. We want a newer, bigger place that’s ours.

I also didn’t come here to listen to so many saws, hammers and loud vehicles. I’m surprised shooting hasn’t been an issue all along, though it used to be back when some asshole around here once went target practicing. I’ll never forget that first gunshot blast that sent me flying off the bed and out of a sound sleep! I was pissed! I’m all for the right to bear arms in the name of self-defense, but go to a fucking range to practice, will ya?

It’s so funny how a simple box can bring these rats to life, haha. They were just sitting there till I threw in an empty chip box, figuring it’d be small enough to remove once they made a mess, and they started bouncing with joy. Like, “Ooh, look what we got!”

Rats are so like little kids. If you don’t watch them they’ll go where they KNOW they’re not supposed to be. I was using the computer in the bedroom while letting the rats play in the living room. After a while, I thought I’d go check on them and sure enough they were hanging out by the power strip. I yelled at them and they took off running in a very guilty fashion, LOL. It was so funny, though, the way they were like, oh no, she caught us! Run!

I talked to my German hottie earlier. She makes me laugh. :)

Most of today turned out to be good with one small pisser in the mix. The dumbshit up the hill replaced the broken cooler pump with the same pump that would stop and start and stop and start before. Tom got in and switched it from fan to cool when we noticed that foul chemical odor. He got up on the roof and found it had seized up, so he called up to the Jes pest and it’s going to come down and hopefully fix it right BEFORE I’d like to get up tomorrow. He knows I know he’ll be coming down, though, and so when I hear him I’ll know it’s him and what’s going on and just go back to sleep. He knows to pound on the bedroom wall if he absolutely needs me to get up.

When I do get up, after it’s fixed, I’ll have to set it manually since we can’t have it hooked to the computer’s thermostat with him replacing it. I am sooo sick of things breaking around here! Just so sick of it, and of course Tom says it’s “normal” for an old place. No, it’s not. There’s a breakage curse on us. That’s not normal. But we learned this with our brand new Maricopa house. As long as it’s ours or shit we use, it will break. Not looking forward to being the ones to have to pay for repairs in the new place, but I’m looking VERY forward to it being ours.

I giggle to myself when I think of the surprise and disappointment Jesse’s bound to feel when we give notice in what will hopefully be just a few weeks. I got messages from both Walter and Tammy letting me know that they’re wrapping up the estate by the 15th, their deadline. At this time I will immediately be sent half of whatever’s owed to me, then they’ll have 30 days to send the rest.

Tom got a hold of our favorite park and was told he can’t fill out an application without having a specific place picked out. I still don’t think we’re going to end up in our favorite parks. I think it’ll be just a basic park with elevated homes, and I doubt we’ll be lucky enough to find a place where no one parks alongside us, but I don’t care about that anymore. I know it’s going to be hard to sleep there for the first month or two until I readapt to civilization once again and having so many people so close to me. Tom, on the other hand, could sleep in the middle of a busy freeway. Whatever we get, wherever it may be, it’s going to be a lot bigger and nicer than this place! I won’t like the car door slamming as people and their company come and go, but I’m sure I’ll love everything else.

So the new plan is to wait till we have exact figures since our hands are pretty much tied until we know precisely what we have to work with, then we can really start aggressively hunting. We’ve been watching the listings every day. Really hope my dreams start providing more clues soon, too.

Speaking of dreams; a while back I had a dream he got transferred to second shift and was given a raise. But it never happened so we thought the dream didn’t mean anything. But he recently learned he is getting a raise after all! We just don’t know how much.

Last November or December I sensed a serious change to come in April. I’d say I’m definitely going to be right on that one!

Later…

I thought Tammy sounded the best I’ve heard her sound in a long time, and what she told me gave me hope that she’ll live a full life after all. She may not always have it easy, and she may never be able to work again, but they apparently aren’t in a hurry to do the transplant. So the fact that they’re not pushing to do it ASAP makes me think she’s not that critical. She still has to undergo more testing and might even have to have another biopsy done. They’re still not 100% sure what’s wrong with her, and the only way they can narrow down the possibilities is to be able to eliminate and rule out this, this and that.

I’m looking sooo forward to the move, but not the neighbors. Even if they’re dead quiet, I know the judgment will begin as soon as they know I’m under 65 and mostly living off my husband. Most people these days think it’s just plain wrong for a husband to support his wife. You just don’t do that nowadays unless she’s disabled, but you know how people are – if they can’t “see” your problem or if they don’t get it, then you’re not disabled as far as they’re concerned. Well, I’m going to spare myself the judgments, false assumptions and whatever other bullshit by being polite but not friendly. I’ll say hello to people at the pool, but forget about playing games with them at the clubhouse. If some lady invites me to tea or asks me to play bingo with her, then she better be really damn good-looking! I just don’t want trouble too close to home, is all.

I feel bad for one of Tom’s coworker’s parents. They’re broke and being evicted, so the daughter is looking for a place for them to live. She found a place that seemed to be a really good deal on some land around here, but when she saw the place she thought it was such a dump that she wouldn’t even think of letting them live there. Then she found another place that’s really nice and really cheap. The catch? It’s attached to a bar. That’d be worse than being attached to a kennel or a playground! At least the father’s lucky enough to be deaf.

Tom was able to download something that stops his computer from crashing when he goes to use his portable drive.

It’s to be in the 70s for the next few days, then a cool spell is going to take it down to the 60s. I know it won’t be long before we’re in the 80s or higher! Love that dry heat we get, but that’s not like the oven Arizona was.

So this supposedly gay-only drunk has now bought Mary a fireplace, a fish and fish tank, a 50” HD TV, given her oodles of cash, and I guess that next comes a car. I nearly fainted when I read that in Mary’s blog earlier. I finally had to ask where the hell he gets all this money, and I guess he inherited millions of dollars from what she says.

Miss You Can Abuse Me If You Buy Me Things just better know what she’s doing. When she finally gets fed up with the abuse, there’s no saying how he’ll react. Those who are broke can react in a pretty nasty way, and having money only makes that more likely.

What kind of “friend” showers another friend with all this shit anyway unless they’re hot for them? I wouldn’t give my friends that kind of stuff/money. Then again, if I suddenly had 20 mil, I don’t see why I wouldn’t want to give a million to my top few closest friends. Why not? How much money could we need this late in life anyway?

While I still think it’s sad that she’s putting up with his shit just to get stuff, I can also understand it. She could very well be on the street now if it weren’t for him. People do what they need to do in order to survive. She’s unemployed and her monthly expenses are over a grand, and this is without yet owning a car.

When I lived back east I never drove. I had a driving phobia and couldn’t afford a car anyway. So I used “Nervous” for rides since taking the bus was a major pain in the ass. Well, I had to put up with a lot of shit for those rides that in many ways weren’t worth it, and was glad when I finally broke free of him. It was best for us both. He was never going to get what he wanted from me anyway.

I really worry about Mary. She has proven to be the same naïve fool she was before prison. The only mistake she hasn’t repeated (yet) is to get knocked up by an asshole she keeps forgiving over and over again till something tragic happens.

But her supposedly gay friend Steven could very well be a tragedy waiting to happen if she doesn’t smarten up and quit being so nice. But this is more than her being too nice and naïve, it’s about her being stupid. She’s using the guy to help support her and buy her extras. No wonder she’s been shopping like crazy while unemployed. I thought maybe she had a book deal in the works or something or was receiving money from her abusive family she claims she wants to see as “people” and not “abusers.”

Steven is a drunk with a guy that beats up on him. From what Mary’s written in her blog, Steven has shown up drunk, has been destructive, and has said mean things to Mary. Mary told him not to bring his lover around, but he does anyway, even though he’s just as bad as his lover. He may not be violent, but still… he’s clearly not someone Mary needs in her life no matter what material things he may have to offer. Not only that, but she is still on probation and if she’s caught hanging around with a drunk she could get in trouble.

One minute she’s writing that she’s done with him, the next he’s buying her something. I tried to tell her that no one’s gifts are worth the abuse and asked if he’s really just gay. Usually, it’s those who are intimate (or want to be intimate with us) as well as family that tries to buy our love or at least our forgiveness and acceptance. This is a very common tactic for abusers to abuse and then go out and buy the people they abuse a gift, thinking they can buy their forgiveness and a chance to do it all again. Why isn’t she smart enough to see this? She is a true fool at heart to put up with him just for his money and gifts.

“Well, if he wants to buy me a new HD TV I’m not going to stop him,” she says, and also mentioned something about him paying a year of her rent even if she gets a job. Although Mary is a wonderful person otherwise, she definitely has no problem asking for favors and accepting whatever people will give her for free, even if they’re ax murderers. I love money and gifts too, just like anyone else, but not if the person giving it to me is going to abuse me for it.

When I asked about Steven’s feelings for her she said she’d never pass up the chance to turn a gay man straight. rolls eyes At 34 she should be smart enough to know you can’t turn a gay person straight anymore than you can turn a straight person gay. Every now and then, though, a predominantly gay person will be attracted to the opposite sex (it happened to me with Tom), but he didn’t make me attracted to him.

I didn’t hesitate to tell her she’s being foolish and will one day tell me she wished she’d listened to me, but it’s her mistake to make. I have not only suspected that Mary’s sweet, calm nature attracts bad news, but that she still has a twisted fondness for abuse. I think she always has and that a part of her will always like “living on the edge” with abusive people. It’s all she’s ever known anyway. Well, I just hope that when she gets knocked up, she doesn’t end up doing another 15 years when the abusive father kills the kid after she forgave him and let him back into her life one too many times.

Later…

Poor Tom. The portable drive he got crashes his computer. That’s something like over a year since he’s crashed, and I can’t even remember the last time I crashed. Macs are not only tough to infect, but also tough to crash. I laughed at him, but of course I’d be pissed as hell if it were my computer, haha.

I set the alarm for 9:00 and was a little tired when it went off, but not too bad. Jesse was a half-hour late but managed to get the cooler vacuumed and re-pumped in 45 minutes. Again he mentioned the roof, promising to let me know in advance when he’s going to do it. I asked about the hammering and he said he’s building a new deck in front. I thought he already had one, but he said there’s one in the back. Oh great, so now he can hang out in front and spy on us and his future tenants, as hard as it is to see through the trees and have company hang out there with him too, that we can hear down here. Unless he got the lumber from a friend or something, he can’t be doing too badly financially these days. I just hope the next time we see him will be to tell him we’re leaving!

Andy’s all worried about me because North Korea’s threatening to nuke Cali, but they’ve been threatening us for years, so why should we believe them this time? Whatever’s going to happen is going to happen anyway. Nothing I can do about it. If they do kill me, though, then I guess I won’t have to worry about getting any fatter. Besides, if the US stops it over the ocean and it still explodes, like Andy said it would, maybe the winds will carry it right back to them.

I wish they would simply kill those they give the death sentence to and be done with it in a timely fashion. We don’t wait 13 years to send someone to prison that we sentence to prison, so why are there tons of death row inmates running around still alive and well years, even decades, after they were condemned to death? If you’re not going to kill someone, don’t sentence them to die then. If you are, just do it!

I think America needs to get a little Muslim when it comes to death row inmates, and adopt the attitude of those savage muzzie beasts – kill, kill, and kill some more.

Jodi Arias will probably get death for killing her BF, but will she really ever be executed? I doubt it. Another woman who beat and poisoned her husband to death, also in Arizona, was sentenced to die in 2000, yet she’s alive and kicking. So tell me, what is the point of giving anyone the death penalty if you’re not serious about killing them?

Today’s one of those days where I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. The scale was up. There were no updates from Walter. I had a backache. I had PMS hunger two weeks before my period. I also had dreams again of renting. Oh, but I’m supposed to believe I’ll get my money and we’ll get out of here soon, right? Well, I’ve got a feeling we not only won’t be going anywhere soon, but we won’t be going to our top parks either.

Even though I had my main meal, the one I try to reserve for the middle to end of my day, I’m still hungry. For some reason, whenever I wake up really hungry, I could stuff myself all day but nothing curbs it. If it does it’s very short-lived. For the thousandth time, I gotta wonder just what the hell’s going on in my body to make it crave so much food. I don’t run 10 miles a day and spend the day doing a physical job. So why am I always so damn hungry???

Just got up and tossed down an additional 230 calories on top of my 350-calorie meal and I’m still hungry. :( I’m ready to take a Schläger to my stomach!

Later…

I had been kind of depressed the last couple of days, impatient about the move and feeling like it was never going to happen. I was torn between taking anything we could get and just giving up. I know the bastard above is going to continue to do all He can to hold us back and that owning is totally against His wishes for us, otherwise He wouldn’t have taken two places from us already.

Then Tom got home from work, went to turn the water on to the cooler since it’s supposed to hit 80° tomorrow, and sure enough the pump that was working just fine the other day no longer worked. I just knew there had to be a fucking problem with the thing like there is every single fucking year. Apparently, the cheap pumps only last a year and that’s what Jesse put in the thing last year. I was really worried at first, until Tom reminded me that cheap pumps don’t last long and that if the so-called breakage curse was living on through other people’s new to semi-new stuff, then it would surely break our own stuff once we moved.

Anyway, this pulled me out of my about-to-give-up mood and I said fuck what any God wants! I’m tired of all the problems around here – normal for old places or not – and listening to saws, hammers and other annoyances nearly every day. I’m going to have to listen to shit even in an adult community. I know that. But at least I’ll be doing it in a place that’s ours and that’s not so damn old and small. Today was actually quiet, though, probably because it was windy.

I realize that waiting around for first best may be a waste of time, and that’s fine. After Tom takes a shot at talking to the people at our favorite park, and after they turn us down, I’m willing to settle for almost anything. Even what we don’t want is what we do want. Meaning that even a place that’s old, not that nice, and in a less-than-ideal section of the park would still be heaven compared to this. I’d rather listen to people trim trees from our own place than someone else’s.

Speaking of trees, one went down in back. Actually, it was a large branch and not a whole tree. Thankfully, it’s out of the way and didn’t hurt anything.

Tom is going to call the park people tomorrow from work. He hopes to be able to meet with them on Saturday, but knowing how much something up there loves to delay things, they probably won’t be available till next week, which means he’ll have to put in for a day off since they like a week’s notice.

“We’re giving notice by May 1st,” I said to Tom after Jesse left. “No matter what, we’re taking what we can get and we’re getting the fuck out of here.”

He agreed. Enough is enough! We won’t have as many options if I don’t get my inheritance, but that’s ok. We’ll be happy enough with whatever we can get in the non-Beverly Hills of parks.

Meanwhile, the Jes pest has to return tomorrow around 10:00 to vacuum out leaves and other debris from his fucking cooler and to install a new pump. Watch, this time he’ll probably get an expensive one so the next people in here don’t have to deal with it for a few years if they can stand to stay cramped in here with such a noisy landlord for so long.

I really realize, though, that if we keep expecting to leisurely walk out of here and into first best, we could be here for months if not a year. Instead, we need to go crashing out of here head first and into what’s more like second best, but also more realistic, if we want to get out of here anytime soon.

Well, whatever’s up there can hate us, but it can’t stop us. We’re about to go crashing out and that’s that!

It’s pretty windy today so I’m taking a chance at keeping the sound machines off and hoping I won’t get the usual hammers, saws and loud vehicles you hear around here when it’s not raining or over 90°. It’s cool today, but by Wednesday we’ll have jumped 20°. The cooler’s water, pads and pump are ready to go. And I’m still hearing people bitch about spring not arriving yet in other states/countries, LOL.

One of Mary’s wall posts said something like, “When a person tells you their problems, it doesn’t mean they’re complaining, it means they trust you.” This is so true. At least for me it is. I can’t count how many times people have gotten the wrong idea by my “complaining” by either pegging me for a liar, a wimp, a whiner or someone out for attention. Talk about being seriously offended! That’s why I’m careful who I confide in until and if the trust I had for anyone who’s taken it wrong can be restored. I wonder about people at times, though.

I also wonder how some have concluded that I’m an atheist. Believing there’s an evil God up there does not make one atheist. Believing there’s NO God up there makes one atheist. Oh, I believe there’s something up there, all right. I just don’t believe it’s what most people believe it is. I don’t believe God is mostly good and that we can all run to Him with our problems, “give” them to Him, and tell ourselves all will be ok if we give them to Him and basically do nothing about them ourselves. Nor do I believe we can simply pray for what we want no matter how fair and reasonable our requests may be or else we’d have everything we ever wanted. To each their own, but to me, saying I’m going to give my problems to God would be like saying I’m going to give them to my porcelain ballerina doll. If I don’t try to figure them out and solve them, who will? I believe something up there (I don’t know if it’s necessarily God) can help influence us to either succeed or fail same as other people can, but if I have an infected tooth, I need a dentist to help me, not God. God’s not going to drop down from the sky and say, “Open up, Ms. S,” and yank that tooth out of my mouth.

Why I don’t think God is good should be obvious enough if you look not just at what’s gone on in my life, but other lives as well. What “good” God lets innocent babies be murdered and natural disasters take the lives of millions? Even if it isn’t actually God doing the evil but some devil instead, He still lets it happen.

In fact, I think something up there is going to do all it can to delay the move even more. I worry that the park is going to turn us down. We know for sure we could get in in a year from now, but we both do NOT want to wait another year. I don’t even want to wait 2-3 months, though that’s what it’ll take to get our credit up to their standards if they’re not willing to work with us where we’re at now. We won’t know for sure till Tom talks to them hopefully within a week. That’s the next step now that we’ve seen and ruled out the co-op park. While I would never give up without trying first, I learned years ago that if we put all our time and energy into struggling for what isn’t meant to be, we miss out on what IS meant to be. So if Park A is meant to be, I don’t want to waste time trying to get into Park B and keeping us stuck here even longer unnecessarily.

If we have to settle for our runner-up parks, we will if we can’t get into our favorite parks. Life is often about settling and making the best of what you can get and we’re used to that. The runner-up parks are still plenty nice and it’s pretty much what I’m counting on in the end. Our two favorites are certainly the Beverley Hills of all parks, and so I’m not expecting to get into them what with the high standards they have. If Tom’s right, however, then they’ll take us and it’ll just be a matter of picking out the house we want and moving into it probably sometime in May. But Tom is notorious for being overly optimistic and I just don’t “feel” like we’re moving anytime soon. My dreams don’t suggest it’s going to happen that soon either.

I’m just about all out of hope inheritance-wise. Walter said he contacted the CPA this morning to see what’s up and hasn’t heard back from them yet. And yes, that’s something God would do or at least allow to be done to me; see to it that my perps not only go unpunished but that I don’t profit from them either. That’s ok, though. We don’t need their money. Tom alone makes around 4K a month. Mommy Dearest and her enabling husband would’ve just been a bonus.

Still no Molly. I did a little test and got some pretty interesting results. Since she’s been kicked offline I decided to open my old Ask account and pulled myself off the stream (that way anyone who asked me anything would have to look for me specifically or be following me) to see if I still got the same weird questions we were both getting which I had thought were from Kim or Kathy, but they’ve stopped. Just stopped. Now I’m actually wondering if she was a little smarter than I gave her credit for. I just didn’t think she’d have brains enough to change her writing style and be sure to ask us both questions to make it look like someone else. Think it could’ve been her? Makes me wonder if perhaps Kim really has gotten sick of checking my blogs.

I was shocked to learn from Andy that he not only placed an ad showing his face and dick but that this is actually a very common thing. Don’t people have any class or self-respect these days? I can see hookers, dancers and escorts doing this, but what kind of a “date” does one expect to get by posting pictures that make a person seem desperate, promiscuous and trashy?

Before I write about the co-op park which we agreed before seeing much of that we won’t even consider moving to, Tom had me laughing my ass off last night when trying to set up the microphone for the German language learning program I’ve been using. I once won a Sexy Jesus prize pack (when aiming for the first prize which was something big, though I don’t remember what) and one of the things was a little Sexy Jesus figurine on a spring with a round sticky base that you can stick wherever. Jesus sort of bounces around when any movement jars him. Well, this idiot stuck him on her microphone. The opening, which is up top, is so tiny I never even noticed it, and of course I don’t have the best of vision to begin with. So once I pried him off and tossed Jesus aside, Tom starts testing the microphone to one of the speaking exercises where you speak the name of the object in the picture you see. German commonly uses “the” before objects (der, die, das) and he didn’t know the word for pear, of course, so he just goes, “Der pear.” LOL, it was pretty funny. Andy would’ve laughed his ass off and I could picture him goofing off and trying to pronounce the words and me laughing over that, too.

We took off around 10am and arrived in Sac Shitty about 40 minutes later at a suburb of the Sac called Florin. This is where the really cheap co-op park is located. Once we saw how rundown the area was we wouldn’t even drive through the park. We saw enough of it from the outside anyway, and it was just so-so. The trailers were raised. I would much rather pay an additional 1-3 hundred a month for a safer, cleaner area and a nicer park where the tenants can’t vote against keeping dogs as household pets only.

Being there made me realize just how much nicer and safer this little town is, but we don’t see ourselves staying in Auburn. Other towns are also nice and closer to work and on bus lines if we ever need them, and have more stores and restaurants around. Besides, Sac City isn’t exactly where I want to live anyway. It was so hard to find the place, even with the navigator and printed directions due to the hilly terrain. In Arizona, it was so flat when you weren’t on a mountain that you could see landmarks way off in the distance to help guide you.

Once we returned to Auburn we hit KFC. Neither of us was ready to return home afterward, but we wanted to do something different and go someplace fun that we hadn’t been to in a while. So we went to Walgreens, which always has tons of nice things to look at without the crowds of Walmart. Some screaming kid was there when we first went in, but fortunately it left a few minutes later. All I could think was how my mother would’ve killed me if I carried on like that in public or at home as a kid. Really, I just wanted to slap it silent!

We got new AARP cards so we can get various discounts. Even though I’m under 50 being married to someone over 50 entitles me to the same benefits. Tom was lucky I was with him because I remembered that Walgreens was one of the AARP stores, not that we couldn’t afford to pay in full. It came to around $78 after the discount, but that was ok since I never ordered the incense I was going to order. That’s because they only accept PayPal and we don’t have a PayPal account at the moment, thanks to the scammers that caused us to have to shut our account down.

He got some games and a few electronic gadgets, and I got a nice sundress, a glittery overcoat for nails, a pink throw, plus some other odds and ends, like one of those air fresheners you hook to your car’s vent. I always wanted to try one of those.

Of the things he got for just $10, he got a dock/speakers for the iPod that would sit on the treadmill, since I won’t be able to blast my music when we move, and it also came with headphones and earbuds. The speakers aren’t very loud at all, though, and I don’t know if I could hear the music over the sound of the treadmill, but if not, I can just use earbuds.

The nicest thing I got is a beautiful bamboo plant with little pink flowers stuck between the 4 stalks that are supported by a gold twisty tie. They really did a good job making it look like one with the plant. Love the clear and purple rocks in the clear vase, too.

My older, bigger bamboo is just in water, but I think I may get decorative rocks for that one as well.

Tom got the water turned on to the cooler to the usual tune of saws and hammers, none of which was Jesse’s, and amazingly there were no issues with it this year. No ruptured hoses causing water to spray all over the place and no pump seizing up, so that’s good. As I said to Tom, I bet it would have something wrong with it if we were stuck here indefinitely and broke just to add to our stress, not that we’d have to pay to fix it as renters.

I took a few days off from working my arms, then did a light workout yesterday thinking my shoulder was healed, but that only aggravated it, so I’m taking a few more days off.

It’s so nice to be able to enjoy life without the stress we were under in the past, wondering if we’d be able to pay next month’s rent or even if we’d survive and be alive in a few months. But sadly, I’m hearing many of the same stories of struggling that we used to tell. So in the midst of my happiness, I do worry about the health and finances of others that I know aren’t as fortunate these days.

What else? Nothing really. I chatted with my Argentina friend for a bit and that’s pretty much it.

Later…

My new Spotlight glitter nail polish is so pretty to look at just sitting in its bottle, let alone on my nails. Instead of small specs of glitter, these are tiny strips of glitter that are about the size of a printed dash. So right now I have dashes of silver glitter that change color depending on how the light hits it over nail polish that matches apple green Tic Tacs perfectly.

Deciding that I like the bamboos planted in decorative rocks as opposed to sitting in just plain water, I’m going to be getting a bag of acrylic rocks for my big bamboo in fuchsia. This will help weigh it down and will be easier to just add new water to as it evaporates. They’re made for this sort of thing too, so I won’t have to worry about the “gems” floating.

I’m still enjoying my Instant Immersion language learning software, but it’s too soon to say if I like it better than LiveMocha’s setup. It’s different but similar. It has a memory match game that LM doesn’t have, and it helps drill in the vocabulary. So far I have yet to encounter anything as tough as LM’s magnet exercises where you form sentences from a scattering of words, but it’s still extensive enough that I think it would be tough for someone who was learning German from scratch. I think a lot of this is better for the more advanced levels. Tom read that we pretty much only use about 2500 words in any language, so the key is to learn those, plus proper grammar, but with German’s complex grammar rules, I don’t ever expect to have great grammar.

When I went into the bathroom in KFC to wash my hands after I was done eating, I glanced in the mirror. I don’t have any hair anymore, I thought to myself. All I have is fuzz. So I got some deluxe leave-in conditioner, and we’ll see if that helps it so it doesn’t look and feel so shabby. Dying it and straightening it has really done a number on it.

Been having so much fun with the new language-learning software, but it is way too soon to really judge how effective it is. It’s helping me to learn even more vocabulary. That much I can say.

I have bitched and bitched about the many ordinary, everyday abilities that I have been denied in this life, but I have definitely been blessed with the ability to learn languages quickly and easily, and that helps make up for some of my shortcomings. Although not fluently and not always correctly, I was able to read, write and speak German in less than a year after I started with knowing just a few words.

If Jesse can keep his racket to himself today, I’ll spend most of the day studying in between my workout, shower and doing a few loads of laundry.

Tomorrow we’ll change the rats’ cage, turn the water on the cooler now that we’re to be in the 80s, then enjoy the day checking out that co-op park.

Tom continues to wish he had a life while loving all the money he’s making. It’s insane and this could very well be the last time he ever makes so much. We’re certainly not going to get as much when he retires, but we’ll be much better off than we were on unemployment.

I really, really hope we really do find our home this month. One that’s nice but something we could still afford if he were laid off and we were back on unemployment.

For old-time’s sake, I’m going to order one last round of my favorites from Incense Galore.

I had a dream about Maliheh last night, but we didn’t just exchange emails, we met in person and all seemed to be fine. Does this mean I’m finally going to hear from her? I doubt it. I really believe without a doubt that she befriended me for dishonest reasons.

Our day of rain is over, so now it’s back to hammers, saws and loud vehicles. :( At least the dogs are still amazingly quiet. He’s gotta have someone staying with him. I doubt anyone’s complained on him because that’s been done before we entered the picture and it didn’t do any good then, so why would it now?

It’s gotten kind of green out there, but a month from now the browning effect will occur and that’s how the underbrush will stay till the fall.

Yesterday was dead quiet. So much so that I could get a lot of proofreading done.

Last night I had a couple of senseless dreams that weren’t very good.

One took place in the house we had when we lived in Maricopa, Arizona. Tom and I were sitting in the den when he told me I was a bad wife. I said, “I know,” then got up, crossed the kitchen, walked through the living room, and out the front door. I felt spider webs stick to me as I descended the wooden steps and quickly brushed them off. I expected it to be cool and crisp, but instead it was warm and sticky like it was the monsoon season. Instead of the ground consisting mostly of dirt, it had thick green grass. There was just enough moonlight to see that there were a few inches of water in the wash and that it was drizzling. In real life, you’d need a helluva lot more than just a drizzle to put water in that wash. I remember. Although I heard Tom open the door and call to me, I simply ignored him and walked off into the night.

In real life, Tom has never thought or told me I was a bad wife and he never would.

In the other dream we were moving, but we were going into the new place as renters with the idea in mind that we’d buy a place in a few years. Not gonna happen. It actually costs more to rent mobile homes than to buy them, and of course buying an on-site house in a retirement community is really out of the question. They’re super expensive. We considered renting first to test the waters, but when you rent mobile homes you have to pay for the space rent and the rent that the owner charges. If you own it outright, you just pay the space rent.

I briefly considered buying a few single-wides for a few grand each, figuring we’d be less likely to get assholes in a 55+ park to rent them out to, but then quickly dumped the idea when I realized that we’d be the ones to have to fix whatever broke, and if they all happened to be empty at once, we’d have to pay all that space rent.

Now it’s time to work out, shower and do some laundry and cleaning. Gotta order groceries too, to be picked up tomorrow.

Later…

Oh my, my, my. I accidentally offended cousin Sharyn, though she said it was no problem when I apologized for it, assuring her I was just joking. She made a post about being grateful to be alive as there were other people hit by cabs that day in NY that didn’t make it. She concluded the status update by saying she hoped that feeling never ended. Jokingly, I wrote: It will end January 1, 2178 :) ox

Not long afterward, I noticed the post disappeared. So I PM’d her to let her know it was meant only as a joke and not intended to offend anyone.

It’s really gotten me to realize that Sharyn has absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever, and has never really been much of a friend to me any more than the distant cousin that she is, but like Tom said, she’s a relative but not “family.” She is how she is, though, and so I just won’t comment anymore on her posts. That way I don’t take any chances of saying something seemingly innocent that she ends up taking the wrong way. She’s just too serious and too sensitive.

I noticed Renate unblocked me, though I don’t know why she ever did in the first place. When someone doesn’t want anything to do with me I respect their wishes and I back off. Really, I don’t understand why people can’t just unfriend me and leave it at that. Why do they have to go so far as to block me? I really wish they could just ignore me, though, because too many blocks could put my account in jeopardy. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to have to create a new account, but still… who needs the hassle because people have to go to extremes?

Anyway, I said hello and let her know I miss our chats. She didn’t re-block me, but she didn’t reply either. It’s amazing how unforgiving people can be, but in most cases that’s a good thing. Being too nice can get you in trouble. I wish Mary could see that. She’s come a long way, but she’s still allowing other forms of abuse into her life and as I tried to tell her, abusive friends and family aren’t any more acceptable than abusive lovers and spouses.