I am so, so furiously pissed right now. God, I hate God for putting me through this! Not only did Bev’s animals get on my nerves for 7 hours, but they’re also staying overnight! The father probably threatened the newborn, the other kids, the wife, or all of the above, so now I gotta deal with them being over here until they patch things up. Of all the guys in this world who hate kids, why did this one have to have some of his own and marry into a ready-made litter? And why am I so destined to listen to other people’s kids?! There’s just no escaping them! How I’ve come to hate the little animals! Why oh why did I ever think I wanted one of my own? I’m doing the same thing I was doing a decade ago; listening to other people’s shit! If it isn’t their music or dogs, it’s their fucking kids. It never ends! I just can’t run from it. No matter where we go, we’ve got a guaranteed lifetime noise curse on us. So much so that we may as well get an apartment and pay just 2 or 3 hundred a month. Why not? I sure as hell felt like I was in an apartment today. The question is, how many days are they going to be over there? I can tell the mother had the kid, cuz although she’s fat and huge in the hips, she doesn’t look pregnant. When I saw they were still here at 8:00, I knew they were staying overnight. I just never expected them to show up on a Thursday night of all nights, and now they’re going to be here God knows how many nights. And I thought the quietness was a sign of the end of our time here. No chance! Between what Pam said and now this shit, I know we’re going to be here till at least November. Tom thinks we can get away with just a few more months and then there’ll be enough money to move, but I know better. Things always take longer than expected, and I know this management company is too greedy to let us go month to month. They’re going to demand we vacate in 30 days or renew the lease, but what does it matter? Anyplace we could live in for the rest of our lives will have some sort of noise, so who cares? It makes no difference. If it wasn’t the rumbling vibrations of running kids and slamming doors, it’d just be music, dogs, screaming, etc. I’m tired of running from what I cannot escape. So much so that I set a lot of my stuff back up and that’s the way it’s staying! Meanwhile, if Bev’s going to turn into such a rude selfish bitch by letting all this chaos into the place, I’m not going to worry about my stereo, not that she could hear it over the shit going on over there. How utterly rude to bring little kids into places like duplexes and apartments. We’re wild animals until we’re at least 12 years old. Most of us are anyway. She should really be a little more considerate!

They pretty much crashed over there just after 10:00, but the question is, are they going to let me sleep? The thought of living with other people for the rest of my life alone makes me want to kill myself, but he keeps on insisting that things will get better. Yeah, when? When will they get better? Nothing’s changed. We’re still listening to other people’s noise, we’re still broke, and we’re still unable to do the things we want to do in life, so why does he continually insist we go on? I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to be some puppet in a controlled environment. He’s so sure we can buy a house in 5-10 years, but what do we do in the meantime? Be forced to be a part of our neighbor’s business? Part of the reason I don’t want kids (not that I ever had a choice anyway) is because I don’t want to have to listen to their shit. Instead, I gotta listen to other people’s kids! Fuck this never-ending cycle of shit! It’s going to be a zoo here in the morning! Some of the kids may go to school, but if they’re staying overnight tonight, then they’re likely to be there indefinitely. As soon as those kids get out of school if not before, it’s going to be nothing but a series of bumps and bangs from 3 PM - 10 PM. As I said, it makes no sense to move other than to save money or to go to a warmer climate, and I doubt we’ll get to California anytime too soon. I just don’t understand it – live where you don’t want to live and don’t get most of what you want in life – why am I so doomed to fall under this rule? What did I ever do to anyone to deserve so much shit and for so long?

Meanwhile, Tom’s pretty sure he’s going to get the job at the transmission place. This is what he said about Walmart, so we’ll see. He says if we can stand to hold out another few months, we could save enough money for a house that’s more secluded, but why bother? Like I said, if it isn’t one thing, it’s something else. So why not spend at least 237 more days here? It’s better than jail, Phoenix or the NHA. All I know is that we can’t escape what we run from. We ran from the sickos in Phoenix, but they caught up with us in Maricopa. We came here to build a house on a secluded mountain and look where we are. Back in the city with kids, stereos, etc. If we’re going to have to deal with shit like this, we may as well take the warmth of California and the convenience of a bigger city, since we’re fated to live with people and their bullshit no matter where we go.

I said I wasn’t going to blast her out on our last night here – well, you can scratch that one! Like I said, I’ve been so stressed out that I’ve had very little to eat. Stress is a good diet, though I’d rather be fat and happy than thin and miserable. But that’s just the thing; I know I’m never going to be happy no matter where I go or what I do.

I’m still pretty sure they got in a fight, although they could be painting or remodeling their place. I wondered if it could be her birthday, but you don’t usually do slumber parties at 52 years old. Romeo was over at around 6:00 and had to park on the lawn cuz this bitch has a big old black SUV. I pretty much ruled out her being sick or hurt, cuz you wouldn’t have the damn animals running around like that in that case. I’m sure they just got into a fight and now her problem is our problem. Meanwhile, why did she have to come here? Doesn’t she have a mother to go to? Tom said that because we’ve never seen this vehicle before it could be out-of-town visitors, but I’m sure it’s her very local daughter-in-law and animals. If only we were on solid concrete! That’d eliminate the bulk of the banging, but like I said, if it isn’t one thing, it’s another. I see a very definite pattern here. Let me guess - we live with various people’s bullshit too close for comfort, then we get a nice house in a nice quiet area and we lose it. Right? We may as well just stay right here then. Or at least return to a warmer climate as soon as we can break free of this place. Getting out of places I don’t want to be is always tough, though I don’t know why it should be since we’d only be going to another one just like it. Maybe even worse. This isn’t a family curse. I’m the only one who’s been forced to move around like crazy and live huddled in with others like this. So why is it just me who has to live this way? Everyone else can have money and live in peace, but not Jodi. I hate God’s guts with a passion for putting me through this time and time again, year after year! Oh, how I hate Him!

I’m too pissed off to write any more about Tom’s interview or anything else right now. All I know is that just like old times, I want to hit the sack as early as I can, knowing they’ll be up by 7:00 over there.