Today was the best day I’ve had in days. This was waiting for me from Lisa on MS:

“Hey just got your message and thank you very much. The only isssue I has was with you and Sarah. I love my sisters very much they are pretty much the only family that I do talk to. I have decided it would be best that I dont talk to my mom because we do not see eye to eye on anything. Not saying anything bad cause I know how she will react if a, she finds out im talking to you and b, if she hears im talking shit on her and I will not give her the satisfaction and act immature and say bad things about her even though she is a very negative mean person, who I want nothing to do with. I am the type of person who gives everyone a chance and tries to help people even though my childhood and young adult life have been nothing but hell! I have dealt with severe depression, eating disorders, drug and alchol issues and many others. (cant spell today lol). I am trying to get my life back in order. Getting rid of all the horrible memories of my past that I have hidden with drugs and alchol. Im also trying to get rid of any type of drama or negativity as well. I live on my own and I can talk to any one I want. But family is family so from time to time please check in with me, between us so that I know you are ok. Mom has no influence on me and never will be be able to control me again. As long as you dont contact them I give you my word I am ok. But also on that note I would hope nothing bad will be done or said to my sisters cause I love them dearly. I have spent years trying to locate you, and regardless on what you have done in your past I would never judge cuz I know what its like to be judged and put down by your own family. Hope to hear from you soon in response to this letter thanks hun! Lisa”

In my reply I told her I was sorry if I offended her by calling Sarah rude, reminding her that I understood it was all Tammy-inspired and that she was just a kid who’d no doubt gone through similar nightmares and so I didn’t hold it against her.

I was a bit surprised to learn she’s tight with her sisters. For some reason, I pictured them treating her as an outsider being a half-sister and all that.

I told her I agreed it’s wise not to associate with her mom, I myself have no desire to ever do so again and would keep her a secret and out of my online journal.

While it may be easy to say I don’t care, I am truly sorry I couldn’t do more to help her in the past. She said her childhood and young adult life were hell and I believe it.

I was also surprised to learn she tried to locate me for years. I figured she’d one day get curious, yes, but I had no idea she spent years searching for me! I’m as flattered as I am shocked.

As I reminded her, I went through everything she listed but the drugs and alcohol, though I ended up experiencing more anger than depression as I got older. Some of the neighbors and coworkers that treated me like shit in the past – I’d never handle them today the same as I handled them in the past. Maybe it’s a good thing they are in the past in that case, since I’d have wracked up God knows how many assault sentences if they had crossed the me of today as opposed to the me of yesterday.

As I also told her, I never liked Bill and felt so bad for the way he treated her and her mother. I knew Tammy was making a mistake in marrying him. I’m just sorry she had to pay for her mistake as well. We can laugh off shit like “you should’ve jumped from a higher window” as adults, but you can’t tell a 10-year-old they’ll amount to nothing and not expect it to leave any scars. Did our mothers realize the damage they were inflicting at the time? I don’t know. I just know that “sorry” doesn’t cut it, not that they’re capable of saying that word anyway.

I told her I wouldn’t judge her either. They could say she was an ax murderer and even if it were true, well, she hasn’t wielded an ax at Tom and I, so it’s okay.

Lastly, I asked if she lived in a house or apartment and if she was married and working.

We had all kinds of goodies waiting for us at the mail place today. Nothing from Mary or Paula, but I got a package from my folks, a letter from Rosa, and a few samples.

The DVD of them swimming with dolphins was awesome! It looked like such fun. They were with two other couples I didn’t recognize. I loved how the dolphins gave them kisses in the end after pulling them around and jumping through hoops. I once read that dolphins, chimps and rats are the smartest animals. Yes, you can train rats to do tricks too, and of course I had to laugh at the thought of the dolphins suddenly turning into giant rats. “Imagine my mom’s reaction!” I said to Tom.

The package also contained a jewelry box, a small wicker basket, mouse magnets, a photo magnet of themselves, sunglasses, dreidels, two personal fans in my top two favorite colors (pink and purple), clothes, a Star of David-shaped pad with colorful ‘shalom’-shaped stickers, Cotton Blossom scented lotion, a game you plug into your TV, and headphones with a radio in it. Tom will enjoy the last two items. I especially like one of the dresses and the scented lotion.

So I sent them a letter with the highlights of our lives but haven’t responded to Rosa’s letter yet. That’s ok. There’s no hurry.

Rosa’s doing as well as can be in her case. She has a TV, keeps busy, and her mother and son come to visit her from Mexico. She didn’t mention her husband, so I guess he’s out of the picture. She sent a picture of herself which was taken at the prison. It appears to have been taken outdoors in some sort of visiting area. She also enclosed a picture of her son, now 8 and living with her mom.

It was funny how she said, “I was skinny in this picture at only 144 pounds.” She did look thin too, even though she’s not much taller than me. You’d think I’d be anorexic at 123 pounds, but in truth, I actually look around 115 cuz muscle weighs so much more than fat. Yet I don’t look skinny at all but just average being barely 5’ tall.

I’m really amazed at all the English she’s learned, but spending a decade around English-speaking people, Mexican national or not, will do that to you. She did do some writing in Spanish, like what she wrote on back of the pictures and the card she made for me. As she said, she’s a pretty crafty person.

I understood every word in Spanish and never had to look anything up – yes!

She said she can’t believe how much I remember about County, I have a good memory… Yeah, too good at times, but hey, I do also keep a journal! I’m sure she was laughing her ass off remembering the pranks we’d pull.

She said she’s sorry we’re having a rough time and hopes things get better.

Lastly, she loved my pics, I’m beautiful, keep in touch. I sent 5 pics from 2000 on up till now.

Later…

I finally got around to trying on the clothes Ma sent in the last package and they’re too big for me. Argh! I went and checked the tags and sure enough, they were larges and mediums. But just because some of the shirts are a bit loose and baggy doesn’t mean I still can’t wear them, although I can’t wear some of the strapless tops and pants.

I got to thinking about how Tammy the drama queen insists she didn’t know where we moved to and wondered if she might’ve been a little more truthful than I gave her credit for. This doesn’t change anything and I still don’t want to know she exists, but maybe she really didn’t know our address. Maybe the pigs traced us from Phoenix to the Tempe PO box to the Maricopa one in which we had to give them a physical address. IDK, but that doesn’t change the fact that she defended her abuser and unknowing – and I said UNKNOWINGLY – led the police to arrest me when they routinely ran my name for warrants, thus delivering me into the hands of some very sick, hateful people who were highly obsessed with tormenting me through the law in any way they could just because they knew they could do it and get away with it. Especially with their connections.