Saw the Amanda Knox movie and wow. Just wow. I don’t know what to think anymore as far as Amanda’s guilt. I just know that what happened to Meredith was terrible! That much I do know. Along with the fact that the media’s big mouths and the sloppy police work didn’t help the case at all. Amanda’s behavior says she’s guilty, but the lack of evidence says she may be innocent. You just can’t always trust everything you see and hear in the media, in movies, or from the police. Since I myself was involved in a high-profile case about a decade ago, I know what a nightmare it can be. Like it or not, right or wrong, the media’s job is to “entertain” and not to present the truth. Especially if the truth isn’t fun or entertaining enough in most people’s eyes. Also, it is a sad fact that corruption is more common than many people may think within the police and the courts. I can’t believe they let this prosecutor - already convicted of abusing his power - prosecute the case. Then again I can. Unfortunately, the police, lawyers and judges are often treated like invincible gods.

The doctor who played around with her and teased her about having AIDS and then gave a list of past sexual partners and her diary to the press ought to be fired and stripped of his right to practice medicine.

There’s always the possibility that those involved in investigating and trying the case were anti-American, but we’ll probably never know if that’s the case because I don’t expect they’ll come out and say so. As with any group of people, some hate Americans, some don’t. I think we should all hate someone at some point in our lifetime because without hate it’s hard to really appreciate love, just like it’s hard to really appreciate the good times and the things we may ordinarily take for granted without some bad times mixed in. Would we really appreciate chocolate as much without liver and Brussels sprouts, or the smell of roses without the smell of shit and bleach?

Back to the movie. If there was no such thing as the media and if the cops, lawyers and judges had nothing to gain by convicting someone, and if such cases were kept private, then many more cases would be tried more fairly and accurately. But the press isn’t going to go away and the cops, lawyers and judges do gain in many ways by convicting those they help to convict. Sometimes it’s a power play thing and the sense of power goes to their heads and for them, it’s all about getting patted on the back while having their pictures taken for the newspaper. In other cases, it has to do with elections and climbing the so-called ladder within their departments.

I totally believe Amanda’s claims that the cops hit her. Not just because cops often love to get physical and threaten suspects into confessing, but because they indicted her parents for repeating what she told them. If you weren’t guilty you wouldn’t care what people said, right? But the fact that they’re indicting them makes me think they’re guilty and are doing it out of spite. I say that if you have nothing to hide, then why would you have reason to fear or react to what people may say?

I’m no expert on international law but it does seem odd that the interrogation was never taped, and why weren’t the suspects given lie-detector tests? Does such a thing even exist in Italy?

Such an ugly country, such a beautiful language. But it’s only ugly to me because I’m not a fan of old things. Still, it makes me wish Tom and I could take the trip I won there and that he shared my passion for languages even though I hate to travel. Italy really does have that romantic air to some of its tiny and quaint little villages that makes one imagine meeting a beautiful lover of the opposite sex (with me it’s the same sex) and having this fast-paced and adventurous affair with them till it gets as old as playing the same song over and over. Yes, a fun liaison with one of the Italian guards escorting Amanda at least makes for a nice story idea. Hey, just because I may be a little on the smart side doesn’t mean I have to be sane, does it?

Later…

Tom’s been employed with a good-paying job for half a year now yet our lives still suck. Because they wouldn’t credit him for those two hours he worked, we get screwed out of being paid for the next holiday (Memorial Day) which was going to be the first one he’d have gotten paid for. Ain’t God sweet with the way He looks out for us and makes sure we get what’s due us?

I told him I feared he may still be forever meant to be a temp and that we may not be insured until and if the universal health care kicks in, but he’s sure that no one’s been there a year and still a temp, and no one’s been kept there for half a year that they didn’t intend to hire on. I’m not sure this eases my mind, though. Not when we have an evil God of some kind that’s so damn destined to hold us back in life, kick us back when we do start to get ahead, and basically put all kinds of restraints and limitations on us. I feel like we’re going to be stuck here and in the same damn rut forever, but Tom pointed out that that’s how I felt when he was on Unemployment for so damn long. That’s the problem, though; change is so slow to occur in our lives. I never expected change every day or even every month, but why must things take so long to happen? Why is everything months or even years with us? The only real change that’s affected us both is his being laid off and then his being hired where he works. Just two things in the nearly 3 years we’ve lived in this dive.

He called around and got pricing ideas from various dentists, but I said, “Fuck it! Just fuck it. If I’m meant to live like a bum and to suffer in pain, then I’ll stay right here and suffer.”

Then he said that there was no reason we couldn’t do one or the other. If we don’t move we can deal with my teeth and if we don’t do my teeth we can move.

So now I’m stuck with the incredibly tough decision of having to decide which to do. I don’t want to be in pain anymore, we won’t be insured until at least July, but I don’t want to have to put off moving even though painkillers usually relieve the pain for a while. And I don’t want to stay cramped in what’s not a real house, even though I know it could be a lot noisier if we move and things could be worse.

I’m just so sick of not being able to have the simplest of things in life!

The good news is that we no longer have to live paycheck to paycheck and we’re finally ahead. Meaning, we don’t have to use any of the next paycheck towards rent or bills. Just food and some more scented oil samples. I get nearly $20 off my next order because of the credit I accumulated for doing reviews. Another good thing is that my teeth haven’t hurt yet so far today. But we’ll see how long that lasts, along with being ahead.

I just really feel like I’m stuck in a state of Never Land (notice there’s just one Never in this case), but moving onto the Land with two Nevers, today’s imaginary profession is being a forensic scientist. Yeah, that’d be a cool job. Ain’t it sad, though, that all these professions can only be in my imagination? But every dark side has its bright side. As soon as I get sick of each job, country or woman I mentally place myself with, I can click it all off in a heartbeat. :)

Last night I dreamt that Maliheh and I went to a deserted beach at night and went swimming. We were about 25’ from shore when two women showed up who were fighting. I called to Maliheh since the moonlight barely cast enough light to see around me. I spotted her as still as could be.

“Do you think she killed her?” I whispered, and she seemed worried enough to think that was about to or had just happened, so we floated silently about hoping no one would see us.