It was one whole decade ago at age 35 that I, not yet in need of glasses, walked out of the jail I was so wrongly put in for half a year down in Arizona. It too, was on a Sunday. I wonder about some of the officers who worked there and some of the inmates. I know some of the inmates eventually made it on to prison either for life or close to it, but I wonder about “Teddy Bear,” Perez, Palma and a few other officers.

I’m glad I found Rosa even if it took me forever and I stopped hearing from her. Furthermore, I hope Mary is released next month. I’ll have to check the site and see if I can find out. I hope her lawyer gives her the stuff I sent for him to give to her when she was lied to about getting out nearly two years ago in exchange for her testimony against her murdering husband.

Who knew that a decade later I’d be living in a bummy little trailer in northern California, dirt poor, uninsured and without much hope for a brighter future? At least I got some good things mixed in – all the things I’ve won, my cyber friends, a few new languages, and a book for sale even if it’s only sold 4 copies.

I had a dream Nane messaged me, but if it’s a dream premonition it has yet to come to pass. I now know, however, for the first time since her last message to me on the 10th, that she is at least alive because she added a new friend today on Facebook.

Some “friend” she’s turned out to be for me. :( I try not to get upset with her because she can’t help what she feels and she has every right to feel whatever it is she feels, but it still kind of sucks to know she doesn’t care enough to keep in touch more often.

I sent friend invites to her closest – or what seems to be her closest – connections in hopes of them having some pictures to drool over, but other than that I have a feeling our “friendship” is just about over. The good in it is the thought of laughing over sharing a certain story with her.

I slept shitty last night because my tooth kept waking me up in pain every few hours. I’m still in pain. :( Tom’s going to call on Tuesday and is so sure the waiting is over and that something can finally be done about it soon enough.

The pain and our never-ending situation of being stuck in a rut have me a little down. In fact, I’m in too much pain to write much more and hating God – or whatever the fuck is cursing me – more and more by the day.

I was thinking of the fact that something up there has been obsessed with me being stuck in various places since I was in my teens. But what if I were to stop trying to get out of wherever I was trapped? It can’t trap me where I agree to stay, can it? So while I may accept the fact that a house in Florida is just a fantasy and that it’s safer and smarter to just stay put, can’t I ever at least be able to fix this place up? If no one out there is ever willing to give him a job, we not only can’t get out, but we can’t fix this place up either so we can stay here more comfortably.