I’m not in the kind of pain I was in yesterday, but overall my mouth feels like it’s been burned. So I’m not doing great either.

Tom will soon be off to the store and I’ll be off to clean the kitchen with what little time I’ll have with him out of my way. I’m sooo sick of him always, always being here! But I know I better just deal with it because he’s got months yet before he gets a job.

Yesterday I was thinking about my life ten years ago. Today I’m thinking about what it’ll be like ten years from now. That’s a scary and depressing thought. I think things will be similar to what they are today, though I doubt my parents will be alive. I think we’ll still be broke, though he may have a job with insurance by then. I see us living here or in some other tiny old rental like it. Who knows who I’ll have for friends at the time or what kind of health problems we may have? I only know that within one year of getting my teeth dealt with, if I ever really can, I will be cursed with a whole new long-term problem. Since there is so much change on the internet I probably won’t be journaling where I’m currently journaling. I’ll probably still prefer rats as pets and hopefully, I’ll be even better in the languages I’ve studied. I will still be heavy and will probably still cut my hair only every 4 years or so.

It’s a few hours later now. I was going to post this entry earlier, but then I got busy doing the kitchen and sidetracked with other stuff.

Right now I am cold, tired, depressed and in pain. The future just looks so, so bleak. As I sit here looking up the hill towards Jesse’s place I think that even he has so much more of a life and more to live for even though he too, is older. He has what seems to be the place of his dreams. He doesn’t have to worry about finding a job since he’s going on disability or retiring or whatever. He probably has insurance, and he’s got just about every vehicle in existence save for a plane, boat and a train.

Tom and I were talking about how similar and dissimilar our lives our from the day we left Arizona almost exactly 7 years ago. We’re more developed as people and have had some fun times along the way, but we’re just as broke and uninsured as we were the day we slowly crawled out of the desert at 40’ long with our little old RV pulling our little old truck. We had Blondie and Baldilocks for rats then and a ton of hopeless dreams. But as I lay in the sweltering heat with no AC that night at the truck stop in Quartzite, I couldn’t yet know I had so very much more to learn.

That little old RV probably still sits today, abandoned on the far-out piece of land that nobody will ever want being so far from civilization and too volcanic and rocky for trying to dig septic holes on. I hope the local wildlife got better use out of that old ugly RV than we ever could.

Now why did Paula just leave me a 4-second silent voice message when she knows I prefer email? And how can she do it on a phone I deactivated in the first place???

Of the 8 friends and family members of Nane’s I’ve friended, only one has accepted so far.