I’m lying in bed now fighting horrible, horrible fatigue. The kind that’s getting so bad that it’s literally starting to scare me. How the fuck am I going to get the energy for the nuclear stress test in a few days? I suppose worst case scenario they could give me medication that simulates exercise. Then I’ve got to go out the next day for the CPAP fitting.

My mind keeps pinging around the different ideas as to what it could be and why different things do and don’t make sense. There are so many things that can cause fatigue from diabetes to anemia to heart disease. Then there are thyroid issues, chronic fatigue, sleep apnea, and cancer. Probably plenty I’m not thinking of. My guess is still on the thyroid as the main culprit with sleep apnea and possibly chronic fatigue being a part of it as well. I’m not diabetic and I can’t believe I could possibly have cancer. No weight loss, no chronic cough. Despite WBC in my urine, I can’t imagine what kind of infection I might have that could be causing it. Maybe the gastritis? Both of us doubt it’s my heart despite my family history. I think that if my heart becomes a problem, I will be close to 70.

I just want answers once and for all and to know what to do about it! If it is my thyroid, the question is how the hell do we get that under control? How much more of the fucking medication is it finally going to take to get my numbers back down and to stay down? I still think the gland is atrophying.

I took a nap for an hour and I’m still utterly exhausted. I could be up enjoying the few hours off from the planes and doing things that are useful and fun instead of stuck in bed as usual.

I doubt it but wondered for a split second if it could be connected to the root canal. That took place during the summer of 2020 and it seems like about 6 months later the heavy fatigue started setting in. I’ve had it for three or four years. So I guess with my shit luck, I’ll have it for another three or four years and then I can be on to my next near-decade problem.

I still say that anything is better than anxiety but at least when I was anxious I could still function. This is so fucking debilitating that it is literally interfering with my day-to-day life.

I also suspect vitamin D might make me a little tired so I’ll start taking it before bed on days that I take it.

The tentative plan is to get to the lab on the 5th. I still think my TSH is going to be as bad or worse. The scale is enough to tell me that. At this point, I think I would be brave enough to add two of the 100s a week for 6 weeks rather than just one because I’ve had enough of this shit and I’ve got to do something.

The only thing I don’t get is why I wasn’t this exhausted when I was first diagnosed with a TSH of 32. I guess we really do get more sensitive to things with age. It’s only been a decade but I guess that’s enough.

I’m not surprised no one voted on my poll about tweeting pics when I get up to let people know when I’m up. Starting to feel pretty cut off online so to speak. I miss having cyber friends but I know that a part of it is my fault because I’ve been hesitant to mingle with others and risk getting caught up in toxic drama I could do without. I don’t need a lot of friends. It would just be nice to have one regular cyber buddy that I shared my life with and that shared theirs with me on a regular basis. There are a couple of people I wouldn’t mind being buddies with. The problem is that one has emotional/behavior problems and the other is pretty busy and doesn’t seem interested. I know there are apps and websites for those looking for platonic relationships but I like to let these things happen by accident. I found that you can’t make certain things happen. You can’t make love happen and you can’t make friendship happen. Basically, it has to come to you on its own and then it’s up to you whether you take it from there or not.

I was surprised by a reply from Doc A. I message her every three or four months and fill her in on what’s been going on and this time she said it was good to hear from me and that she hopes I had a lovely Thanksgiving (yeah, stuck in bed) and that she hopes my tests come out okay and wished me a happy birthday in advance.

This was so nice of her!

The dishwasher broke but I’m okay with doing dishes by hand. It might be better this way because this way we keep up on them whereas when you have a dishwasher, you’re tempted to let the dishes pile up until you have enough to run a load and then you feel like it’s more of a chore. It’s really only the pots and pans that are a pain in the ass if they’re greasy. If we only use them to boil water for pasta then we can quickly clean them afterward. The greasy ones I let soak along with silverware and utensils. It’s mostly dishes, cups, and mugs that we’re washing after we use them.

Wish we could get rid of the dishwasher and put a cabinet in its place. I definitely don’t want to spend nearly a grand for a new one. We could get a countertop one but we don’t have any place to put it. We are literally stuffed into this kitchen like a can of sardines. It would have been perfect 20 years ago when there weren’t as many gadgets and I wasn’t into cooking like I am now but now I really miss having a full-size house. The only room size that’s adequate in this place is the master bedroom. The bathrooms aren’t too bad either. I just wish they had more drawers. If the second bedroom, living room and kitchen were bigger, that would be nice, and I miss having an indoor washer and dryer too. But this is likely it for life so I just deal with it.

Not surprisingly, since it’s the weekend, the honker took the motorcycle out. I was already up when he got back but fortunately, he didn’t wake me up when he left.

I swear it’s like something up there is making up for the lack of outside disturbances because I sure do wake up a lot for no apparent reason. Sometimes it’s because I’m snoring loudly or I have to pee or I had a bad dream but most of the time it seems I simply wake up. From what I read, even if you’re not aware that you woke up or it’s only for a minute or two, that can leave you tired the next day.

Really wish I was getting the CPAP before the stress test! I just hope to hell I have the energy for it because I would prefer to get my own HR going rather than some drug do it for me and remind me of the nightmare I went through when I first started my thyroid medication.

Now I have to decide if I want to edit this 1297-word entry on the phone or do it on the computer.