The burning down there that was better yesterday is worse today (now I know why I was swept out to sea in my dreams) and the lack of alone time is getting to me. He forgets just how observant I am. I've noticed that he goes to bed earlier when I'm crashing in the late afternoon to early evening and then stays up later when I'm on nights. He claims he does it for “variety” but I'm not stupid. He'll occasionally take a quick nap in his chair when we're both on days but when I'm on nights he'll often nap for hours before I get up which means he stays up later. Hard to believe this is a coincidence and while I do appreciate his concern, I've reminded him that I do need some space and I'm going to feel however I’m going to feel whether he's there or not. 

I'm starting to get to the point where I miss him working. Not just for the extra money but to have a little more space. As long as I didn't get as bad as I was before and he wasn't working crazy hours. I certainly wouldn't want to never see him either. 

We both slept shitty. I only slept 5.5 hours. I tried to nap but couldn't. He says he didn't sleep long and that's why he took a nap. So now he’ll be up for most of my day and it's like come on! I just want a little space and to be up for a few days in a row during the entire time he sleeps. Everyone on earth except for Tom S needs solitude at times. 

I haven't had any significant anxiety or depression and I'm not having anything physical going on except for a backache from this shitty mattress and burning down there. I still have no idea what the fuck it could be but I'm going to give it a little more time to see if it will resolve on its own. I'm just tired of doctors, labs, meds, and appointments! So I'm doing all I can not to give in to it. 

A guy added me who said in the park group that he hopes to see me at Bicycle Bingo again but of course, I don't remember who the hell he is, LOL. All these old folks look the same. Besides, I'm getting old too and my memory isn't what it used to be. The guy is a God freak based on all the religious memes on his wall but seems harmless otherwise. 

One person in the group complained about a radio station playing non-stop Christmas music so far in advance of Christmas. Now why can’t I say something like that without being called a complainer? Yeah, I won't dare complain about all the Christmas movies on Lifetime. Despite that and the lack of diversity and old-fashionedness, I still love their non-Christmas movies. 

Decided to have a little fun rather than just save and save and save all the money from doing studies toward the new bed. So I got a small incense variety pack, a set of 35 essential oils, and a colorful rhinestone purse. The purse and oils are coming from Temu so it'll be a while since they're in China. Tomorrow I'll get the incense from Amazon. 

Still checking out various mattresses and decided that if I go with a GhostBed, I think the 3D Matrix would be better for me because it's a little softer, even if it’s an extra grand. A few people in the reviews on the Luxe complained about it being too firm and when I looked at the slider it was between medium to firm. I would prefer soft to medium. 

There's also a mattress company called Emma with an air mattress I’m considering, and of course, so is a water bed. For years I had a full-wave and loved it. But I'm not young and skinny anymore so I think a semi-wave would be better for me if I went with that option.

Nectar would have been great given their 365-day trial and lifetime warranty but all their beds are medium-firm.