I am currently on Kim’s bed and we are both writing in our journals. She says she’s been inspired to write by me.

Earlier, I spoke with both Tammy and Mom and I guess Dad’s not doing too well. They’re gonna keep me posted. Also, I spoke with Tony who I met while roller skating.

Yesterday I had a wicked bad day with horrible cramps. It went on and on for hours till I fell asleep. I shit my ass off and threw up twice.

I lost a couple of pounds. I weigh usually between 97-100. My measurements are as follows:

Waist - 26
Thighs - 21½
Bust - 32½
Hips - 33½
Lower gut - 29

Andy left a message two days ago saying he wasn’t moving till June 1st, rather than May 1st.

I also called that guy Kim and I met at Food Fart talking about bands. He gave my number to two bands that he says are drug-free. One’s called The Radiators which makes you think of a football team. The other one’s called Free Press which reminds you of a magazine or newspaper publishing company.

Since I’ve been here I’ve gotten quite a bit of editing done, but I think I’ll go listen to music now, then go to bed.

Kim, Mark, and I went to Hampden Beach today and I got only a little bit of color. I would’ve gotten tons of color if we’d left earlier and if it was warmer. Mom was right about saying it gets easier to tan as you get older. Despite the bees which I hate to death, I’d like to lie out in the parking lot tomorrow, but they predict rain. When we left here, it was damp and foggy and at the beach, it was so chilly that I got to the point where I needed to put my shirt on. I was still cold after I did that, too.

Before we left I had an appointment with my asthma doctor, and he also agreed I’m getting much better. I was so incredibly tired today as I had only two hours of sleep when I got up this morning. Also, I slept an hour and a half in the backseat on the way back home. I hate long rides and man did it seem like forever getting there and back. Surprisingly enough, though, my schedule’s been fairly normal since I moved here.

I can breathe so much better and my skin looks better, too. I no longer wake up so congested and I don’t get one cold after another anymore. Cuz of my lack of sleep I figured I could sleep but I can’t yet.

There’s a fitness center next door and a woman from this place left a message while I recorded Unsolved Mysteries and tried to sleep. I’ll wait for her to call back as she said she would.

Now, for a quick update on what’s gone on since I last wrote:

1. Andy’s moving into his new apartment today.

2. I got a musical mobile from Kim which her grandmother gave her. Quarter notes, eighth notes, and G-clefts hang from it.

3. Kim also bought me a beautiful spring jacket, a dress, and a bracelet.

4. I went skating with my new roller skates and what a grip! They feel and handle the rink like heaven.

5. This girl at the mall who I “felt” was gay never called about the signing lessons she wanted. Was she ever so flattered when I told her how nice her figure was!

6. That cop with information for me never called Kim.

7. That guy that Kim and I spoke to that works at Food Fart in Greenfield never called about band information.

8. God never failed to have that guy who hit on me at the skating rink call twice. He got the machine, though.

9. That cop Jamie’s real name is Laurie. I called her at home one night and her voice sounded manlier than I remembered, and she was a snotty bitch, denying she was gay. Although she tried her best for it, she never got any information connecting my call to me or Kim.

It’s so hard to believe I’ve only been here for 23 days. It seems like so much longer.

Kim and I have continued to have great times together. Can you believe she bought me $75 roller skates?! They’re so nice too. They’re the boot kind and they’re indoor skates rather than my old outdoor sneaker skates. The boots are white with neon pink wheels. Since I got my schedule pretty much normal, I’m gonna go roller skating this Thursday night.

Next, she’s talking about a new spring jacket. You know me, I never ask and she won’t take no for an answer, but it feels weird. Only my parents would buy me stuff like that. But then again, Brenda bought stuff here and there till she came into money problems and I helped her out. I was more than happy to return the favor, but not for crack.

Kim may have gotten a job at the doctor’s office where I went to follow up on my asthma. He gave me a new inhaler and in between that and the clean fresh air, my breathing better. Also, my skin looks and feels better and my hair is growing faster and my hair always grew like a weed to begin with.

This Earth Day thing has hundreds of people spending many hours cleaning up the Mill River. They wait till I leave to do it.

I spoke with Jenny who called earlier and we had a nice chat. Bill hasn’t called back yet but I’ve spoken with Hank and Nervous and have yet to speak with Jessie, Steve or Brenda. I’m not sure that I will but I’ve got to contact Jessie to arrange for her to either bring the bathing suits she borrowed up here or mail them. I don’t know yet when Tammy’s coming up yet or when Mom and Dad are.

Oh, almost forgot, I spoke with Andy yesterday and I played him new edits.

I do have more to write about but I’m in one of my phases where I’m not in the mood to write so, I’ll continue updating later.

I had a really good talk with Kim last night and she bought me something that cost between $20-$40 and has 20 or 30 pieces and also 5-6 colors but insists it’s a surprise. She says I’ll love it and that she can’t wait till I see it. She also said it was something I mentioned once or twice when we first met. She kept giving me all these weird clues and even drew part of it from two different angles. I still have no idea what the heck it is, but I guess it’s music-related.

Tammy also called to tell me she may be here the weekend after next but she’ll soon let me know for sure. Lisa still has strep throat and I spoke with her, too, briefly. Tammy also said that a cat she’s been feeding had two kittens under Lisa’s bed. She may give them to me, but I have to wait 6 more weeks before they’re done nursing. I also told Tammy how Kim feels about Mark and how she feels about me.

Kim came over and we chatted for a while. This week she’s gonna take me to get the discount form for the heat/AC bill. Also, I’ll go to SS and welfare about my food stamps. I don’t need to sign up for next winter’s fuel assistance program till this July or August. I will not transfer banks till my book of checks run out and I’m now on my last book. The other thing I’ve got to do is get a new address label for my license. Thank God I don’t need to renew it till ‘93 or ‘94. All I have to do is get this little sticker you stick on the back of it. I remember that when I moved to Oswego St. Of course, moving back to Woodside Terrace, all I needed to do was peel the sticker off.

I watched a little TV earlier with Mark and when Kim was here I played her the slurred edits. Of course, she was amused. I mean, they are so funny. I’ll never get sick of any of my edits although I need to start doing more which I’ve got to send to Andy along with other stuff. Old stuff that he never got that got edited right after he got the tapes I made for him and that was quite long ago. I think the last thing Andy got was Donna A so I’ll pick up from there if that’s where I left off.

I’ll write more about my hair and weight later. I may verbalize it a lot but haven’t written about it in a long time.

Damn, am I bored! I wish Kim were here more often. I guess I’d still much rather be bored here than in Crack Alley. I am, however, going out Wednesday and Thursday nights.

Shadow didn’t go roof climbing today but he sure did once again yesterday. I made the perfect leash for him too, or so I thought. I took an old necklace that wasn’t too tight, nor was it loose enough for him to slip it off over his head. Then I tied a long ribbon securely to the necklace but he managed to snap the necklace in half. I’ve got to get a real leash.

Other than that I did nothing spectacular today other than walk to the store to buy smokes and watch A Current Affair.

There is something me and Kim are working on. The same fun project as what we did with that Dr. Statz. You know, snooping. Of course, as I mentioned before, the doc is gay. Or bi, I should say, but is married to some rich lawyer. Well, it’s this cop and you know I’ve always had a thing for them. I don’t know her name, therefore I’ve given her the name Jamie. Like I said long ago, every now and then I’m attracted to one where you can tell. Remember? It’s once in a million years with a feminine one and once in a billion years with a half-butchy one. Never a diesel butch. Well, maybe I should keep that last line and change the rest. Every 15 years with a feminine one and every 50 years with a half and half. You can tell but she’s pretty at the same time and Kim agrees.

Kim tried snooping around yesterday but couldn’t get her alone. She did hear Jamie say how much she hates Springfield and when she has kids, she’s not raising them in Springfield. Kim then asked her if she was married and Jamie said no and then quickly changed the subject.

Kim is like me. We both know things instantly about all kinds of people. Things that most people never know unless they’re told or find out somehow someway. My gut feeling is that she’s spoken for. She’s a cop. Not that God would allow me to have her anyway and if he did I’d dump her real soon of course. Or, of course, she’d dump me if I didn’t dump her. Anyway, it all comes down to what I said before about snooping and playing detective. It’s fun and the chase is always better than the capture. I like to be wondering and guessing even though I know I’ll never have her.

Oh. I never mentioned how I ran into her, but it was by asking for a light at the ER while waiting for Brenda to pick me up. I also think I may have seen her a little over a year or so ago late at night when Andy and I were out. Another thing is, and God I hope to hell I’m wrong, but I think that when I was dragged into jail for calling that pig, she might have seen me there.

I’ll keep writing about what happens (nothing).

I just spoke with Andy who’s still doing just fine and loving Phoenix. He reminded me that our clocks here go ahead an hour but they don’t change out there. Weird, huh? He’ll now be 3 hours earlier.

I played him the slurred edits, where I had the pause button partially down. They are so funny. I may do more editing later now that I have two tracks in working condition.

I fell asleep near 5 AM yesterday morning and woke, as usual, 4 hours later with an attack. Not a killer one, but a very annoying one. Kim is picking me up a refill on Alupent on her way to Springfield to work at Baystate. I’ve got a doctor that Kim called to follow up with this Monday.

Also, I stopped my Theodur like a jerk, but you know I hate any kind of drug. After the Navane, I’ve been really paranoid although that too has been better since I moved. What a major curse Springfield was.

Kim is so great and so sweet. She’s everything I look for in a person. I feel I can never express how grateful I am for all that she’s done for me. It’s like being rescued from Valleyhead. She’s a person that comes rare and is far and few between. I will just repay her by being a good friend.

Also, I was right from the very beginning as I may have mentioned before. She is very attracted to me and who I am. It’s amazing too, as I’ve always said, “Is there anyone out there who’s sane and upper class but yet will accept me for who and what I am?”

Sure enough, as we both agreed, we’re a lot alike. Not all serious, not all nuts. We’re both half-sane, half-insane. Also, she’s like me in always wanting to help others. I feel guilty, though, as I have no money to give her if she needed it. She doesn’t need it but part of me wishes we could swap incomes for a week or so, so I could do for her what she’s done for me. I wish she were here with me now. I could use the company and I’m bored but I don’t do walks at night even though I can usually defend myself quite well. I did cruise up and down Elm St. a bit today at around 2:30. It was 80º today and I got a great breeze through my windows, even though Kim and I have yet to figure out how to open the skylights. Thank God cats are sure-footed as Shadow went roof cruising for an hour or so. Can you believe it? I was scared shitless for him at first but even though he enjoyed it and was not hurt, I’m getting him a leash. That way he can also accompany me on walks. I tried taking a big ribbon and tying him up to one of the posts on the deck but he just kept slipping it off of his neck and going about his tour.

I feel so happy and safe since I’ve moved, but at the same time, a little lonely. I miss my friends and I can’t lie, you know me, but the urge for a lover is picking up here and there. I hate that feeling. I’ve learned now, that those feelings don’t mean I’m weak and yes I know you can be with someone and still be independent, but I still wish I could want to be alone 100% of the time. Oh well. I couldn’t get someone if I wanted to as I’ve written about 10 billion times before.

Getting back to Kim, sometimes I wish she were here to give me a hug and just hold me, but I try to keep my feelings inside. There’s no point saying anything. The last thing I need to do is make her feel depressed or burdened in any way and I don’t want her to feel used. I only hope I haven’t talked too much already. I also feel like a jerk cuz all my bottled-up frustration came out earlier today when I had that attack. Sometimes that’s the only way to vent it out, though, and get it out of me, rather than trash my place or something stupid like that. Those days are over and I haven’t slashed my wrists since age 17 and even though I was trapped, a minor and couldn’t and wouldn’t hurt the ones hurting me. Like I said, they’re over.

I don’t want to lead Kim on either, as I am not attracted to her.

Time for some hot chocolate.

I want to be a singer!!!

Wait till I tell Kim about that call.

South Deerfield…

Boy, do I ever have lots to write about. Yes, I’ve finally moved and man oh man is it quiet here. No people yelling. No horns honking. All you hear 2-3 times a day, but only during the day, is a train passing by. It runs right by Kim’s apt. I like trains, though.

Today is my father’s b-day. He’s 60, but he says he still feels young. No one in the family looks their age except for Tammy.

Tammy had told me she was writing a farewell letter to Mom, but she and Dad could call to keep in touch with Lisa, Becky, and Sarah. However, she must have spoken to them or maybe only Dad cuz he said earlier tonight that Tammy said she was gonna drive up this weekend but Lisa got sick.

I feel like I’m on some luxury vacation in a big beautiful hotel. I mean this place is huge! I never thought I’d laugh my ass off about the Woodside apartment. I had so much fun using my dishwasher, Jacuzzi, trash compactor and my washer and dryer.

It also is easier to breathe here for sure and the temperature was 72º today. Therefore, I had my big window door open and other windows and I got a hell of a breeze. We are more up in the mountains and cuz it’s further north, it’s colder and it snows more in the winter.

Shadow loves it here. He seems much happier here and causes less trouble. No more eating my napkins or going in the pails.

Like I mentioned before, we each have our own stairwells. There are 30 stairs that go straight up and Shadow loves it when I toss his balls down and he chases them. His litter box is down there too, along with Gloria’s pictures. I keep him there at night with a bowl of dry food. His canned food is up in the kitchen. And, of course, the toilet paper in the bathroom.

The day before I left, Jai came over and we had a great visit. I saw his place too and says he and Jenny will come up sometime. Also Steve and Jessie and hopefully Brenda, too. Also, Nervous came up the day before I moved and helped Kim and I drain the waterbed. It really was easy and lots of fun. I really enjoyed Nervous visiting, too.

Later...

I just finished listening to my stereo. I used that $488 fuel assistance check but I got a great deal on it anyway. It’s sort of like my old stereo which Brenda now has. It looks a lot like it and it came with the same kind of stand. I got it all for only $275 and that includes a turntable, dual cassette, AM/FM radio, and the CD player. The CD player was a separate unit. Editing works out great and the only thing I hate is the continuous play. I can’t rewind a tape while I’m listening to another. I have one speaker on top of the bedroom. The bedroom is the only one with a lower ceiling and is basically in the center of the place. The cathedral ceilings slant down over that and the rest of the place. The bedroom ceiling does slant too and part of it is straight. It’s super hard to describe. You have to see it.

Earlier, I had pork chops for dinner with Kim and Mark.

Mark saw the place since it’s all been fixed up and decorated and he freaked. Kim saw it when I got it all done 2 days ago. I love to decorate. I guess it’s the creativity in me and also being artistic.

So that’s it. Other than that, I spoke with Tammy and Hank, painted my nails and drew a picture.

God, I wish moving day would hurry the fuck up and arrive. 8 more days!

I spoke to Andy last night. He’s really happy. He says it’s beautiful and that there are so many stores, and everything’s cheaper, including a movie theater with current movies that only cost a buck. He also says that even though Phoenix is a huge city, it’s spaced out so you don’t feel claustrophobic. He says maybe I’ll be out there sooner than I think, and says he misses me. I miss him, and Donna sounds really nice. I had spoken to her here before Andy left. Her mother Diane sounds nice, too. He says there are tons of singing contests and that no doubt talent agents go there and there are 22 gay bars. Can you imagine 22 gay bars?

I’m so psyched to move, but wanting to be what I want to be means I’m gonna need to get out of the area in a few years. I don’t want to ever have to say goodbye to Kim, either. Or Steve. Steve sounds really eager to check out Deerfield for himself too, after I told him all about it.

Kim’s so in love with me. I mean really. She told me how she had another wet dream about me, but she really is sincere and true straight from the heart. Even though I’m not sexually attracted to her she’s so right as a person. That’s the way it always works. Sexual attraction may be forbidden, but no more settling! I’ve done that for 25 years. If not getting someone who I’m attracted to inside and out means being alone, I’ll be alone. Plus, why get what I want for just 2 or 3 weeks?

I feel shitty, so I’m not going to write much. I couldn’t fall asleep till almost noon yesterday and I had to get up at 6:00 and then an hour later I went grocery shopping. I have felt very groggy all day. Or night, I should say.

Kim called about a vacancy next door to her. She’s going to talk to the owner, but it’ll no doubt be too expensive.

I’m dead tired so I’m going to bed now.

Now I’m even more pissed than I was last night as these antibiotics are like speed. I’ve only slept 2 hours in 30 hours. I just spoke to Kim about it and I think Andy tried to call me this morning. I know he called Brenda but when he called me, I never got to the phone in time. It turned out that Kim wouldn’t have been able to come down last Saturday anyway. I pray I don’t sleep too late tomorrow. I need food, then Wed. I see Martha.

Kim is such a super person. I’m so grateful for her helping me take care of this infection, getting me out of Crack Alley and much more. I told Kim about my ear surgery on building my outer ear and about going to Mass Eye & Ear Infirmary 3 years ago. I told her how the chief of ear surgery took CAT scans which they didn’t have when I was little, and determined that if he opens the closed-up opening, I should hear. I also told her the operation never got done as no one wanted to bother taking me and I didn’t want to disrupt their lives. There’d be a few visits besides the operation itself and several follow-ups. I explained I was too chicken to go alone and didn’t have the money for all these bus tickets back and forth from Boston. Also, the hospital people would never let me go home by bus after having major head surgery. Lastly, I told her with mom being 1400 miles away and Tammy with 3 kids, a husband and a business, there was no help there, either.

She was just as thrilled at the thought as I was even though I tried to block it all out of my mind. I tried telling myself I was born partially deaf, stay that way, it’s nothing new. Her eyes watered as well as mine and she half begged, half demanded she take me through this operation maybe this summer. She said it would thrill her and make her just as happy.

Also, she said I’m stuck with her no matter what. That’s ok with me as she’s one in billions of decent people I can ever get. I told her 3 or 4 years ago, she’d have run like hell and she said, “You never know. You may have been surprised.”

Boy, am I pissed at myself and frustrated in general. I just can’t kick my schedule back on days. Bill’s coming tomorrow and I need to go do some food shopping. Also, I want to see Jessie before I leave to get my bathing suits back and see if she wants Toffee. I’m sick of taking care of him. Besides that, I have not seen Jessie or her son in ages.

Both Kim and Andy probably aren’t too happy as I was sleeping when they were due to call.

Yesterday I woke up after 4 hours with an attack. It’s always 4 hours after going to sleep. I woke up mega congested and was so bloated that I could say I was 4 months pregnant and be believed. So, Kim called on her break and came and brought me to the ER.

The doctor I liked took care of me in Fast-Track as the main ER room was swamped. Even though she’s married, me, Kim and several others who work there feel she’s bi. She drops enough hints anyway with the way she was looking at me and asking me all kinds of questions about my being gay with utter interest and fascination. She even told me she liked my underwear. Thought they were quite cute.

My problem turned out to be not a yeast infection but rather a urinary tract infection and I let it go too long. That’s why the congestion never got any better. When you have two different infections and you take medicine that kills only one of them, the other one worsens while the first infection comes back. She gave me Seldane to take along with my Theodur and an antibiotic called Bactrim and crotch cream to ease the irritation.

I received a check from fuel assistance for $488.

I really want to get a new stereo, but first I’ve got to start getting boxes.

Kim came over after Friendly’s, after the ER and took back with her some packed boxes. She was supposed to bring them back over and get more stuff when I fucking overslept.

Well, Andy’s now in New Mexico and will be arriving in Phoenix tomorrow. I haven’t spoken with him since he left on March 12th except for last night. He either calls collect or I call him since it’s Kevin’s problem. I don’t know if I remembered to write about that or not but when Andy was here, he got the phone put in that name and he gave a phony social security number.

When I move the phone will be under Maria S and it’ll be listed. My monthly charge will be $16 and whatever cents. I will not have call-waiting as that has become a major annoyance. Especially if I’m talking long distance or having a serious talk and don’t care to be interrupted. Call-forwarding I don’t need as Kim and I plan to keep our front doors open, therefore, I’ll hear my phone if it rings. I can live without 3-way calling for a while. In Deerfield, they only have pulse dialing anyway.

When I went to call the phone company here in Springfield, they insisted on speaking only to dear old Kevin himself. So I called Hank, my old neighbor from Oswego St., to be Kevin and he did.

I have arranged for Nervous to collect my final bill and either ditch it or keep it. Of course, he’ll keep it. Of course, he’ll probably open it and read it, but that’s fine with me.

Nervous hasn’t gotten his butt up here yet as he’s been working almost 70 hours a week. He says he will as soon as he finds the time. Also, he sounds impressed by Deerfield and my new apartment. I wish Feinstein’s and the Bucket of Cruds would fire him till April 1st.

I have had some very pleasant talks with Mary who still feels bad about what she did. She should, too. I told her that after what happened I was tempted to go to her workplace and make mincemeat out of her there, but didn’t want to get jumped by lots of people who worked there or were customers. I also didn’t want to get arrested either. She said, “I don’t blame you.”

Since I haven’t written in a while, I shall update the last two subjects I wrote about. First of all, I guess there isn’t an arrest warrant out for me. It’s really weird, though, as I came home one afternoon and found a subpoena shoved under my door. It said I must go to court on March 21st. That’s crazy as I never knew they gave you second chances. I’m not sure yet what I’ll do about it, but I sure as hell ain’t worried. Nor do I really give a damn as again, Jenny got what she deserved.

As far as Brenda goes, I did not speak to her for a few days after she snapped me out, but after that, we had some decent talks. She said it’s the coke that’s screwing her up and ruining her life. I admire the fact, once again, that she can admit she’s got a problem but I don’t want to be involved with her cuz of it. Also, the fact that I’m not attracted to her and that she’s not my type still stands. I guess I can now understand some of those that dumped me all the while saying I wasn’t a bad person. I’m not a bad person, just not their type. I just want to be alone more than ever for 10,000 reasons. There’s nothing wrong with being alone, though. Me, myself, and I make a great team.

So, my other news is that Andy left on March 12th. I feel he took a great piece of me with him. I feel alone. I miss him. However, I’m happy for him at the same time. Also, I’ve had a lot of problems with him so I’ll enjoy the break from that.

Well, now there’s a warrant out for my arrest (I think). I wonder if sweet little Jenny will call me about it. Oh well. When I’m ready to take care of it I will.

I am now at CC waiting for Martha. I took the bus here as I am in no mood to associate with Brenda. She’s doing everything I used to do which I haven’t done for many months. She pushes me away and she takes her anger out on me and it all always comes down to sex. She said she wanted to make love to me one more time before I move. I told her I didn’t feel it would be a good idea cuz of how she always says she’s all or nothing. She says she can’t have sex every now and then. She says it’s for memories and that she’s not asking for sex once a week. I told her again, as a reminder, I broke it off with her cuz I felt I wasn’t what she wanted and that we didn’t have enough in common. I also told her I felt it was the right thing to do. It’s happened to me so much and it happens to everyone else all the time, too. This is the 90s. So, last night she was grouchy and she snapped at me.

My hatred towards people only continues to grow and grow. I’m sick of people!

I got that apartment!! It’s gorgeous, but it is a little different than Kim’s. I like it better.

Kim and I spoke with Mom and at first, she refused to listen, then Kim melted her right down to the ground. I knew she would. Mom was impressed with the area, which she’s familiar with, everything the apartment has to offer, the price, and Kim and Mark. She kept telling Kim she was a guardian angel. That is true in a way.

I’m moving on April 1st and I’ve sent Russ a written notice. Brenda and Jimmy are also moving on the 1st. Jimmy bought a house here in Forest Park and Brenda’s moving to Palmer. Bonny moved this March 1st.

The night I saw the apartment, Kim and I went roller skating at Interskate 91. I had a blast. I hope to get new skates, though, cuz mine suck. They’re outdoor skates anyway.

Kim came over today and brought back with her some odds and ends. Big bulky stuff that’ll take up valuable box space.

I forgot to mention I had a really good talk with both Nervous and Mary D.

Also, I was right all along about Kim. Kim is very happy with Mark. He’s a great guy but Kim feels he’s too quiet and not exciting in bed. I guess, even though Mark is 28, he’s only been with one other girl before Kim. Kim also told me that she had a wet dream about me and that she’s fantasized about both males and females. Whether Kim is married or not, she’s definitely my type pretty much, but why are they always ugly? I mean Kim’s not ugly, but she’s plain. Even Brenda’s better looking. It goes to prove more and more that God forbids sexual attraction for me personally for some reason.

I’m so bored and impatient and excited! I want to hurry up and check out that apartment. I hope Peter (the owner), who said his cousin’s undecided, gives the place to me as I know I want it for damn sure. I don’t know if I remembered to write about that before, but I guess his cousin, who’s getting divorced, saw the place and may be interested. I hope not. Yesterday, Kim spoke to Peter who said his cousin was still undecided and needed another day or two. That may be a good sign, though; him being undecided. Hopefully, he’ll go back to his wife and kids or maybe move out of state. Kim, however, seems to think he’s more on our side and would never have bothered to discuss it with us in the first place or have us come see it if I didn’t stand a chance. Let’s hope his cousin’s made up his mind for the better today!

Also, I hope the guy who’s in there now moves out before April 1st. The sooner the better.

All I’ll have to take care of, besides physically moving there will be SS, The bank, fuel assistance, and whatever happens with the police exam I passed. I also need to follow up with my doctor’s appointments as I should have done a long time ago. I’ll need a new asthma doctor and I need to see a GYN for this fucking yeast infection I always seem to have. I also need a dental checkup. I need to call fuel assistance anyway to find out what the hell’s going on with my checks. I really need them and I’m sick of waiting.

God, that apartment has so many features, that upon reading back a few pages, I realized I forgot one - ceiling fans.

I’ll write more about the apartment later but first, I passed the police officer exam!!! And can you believe I passed with 81%?! I wasn’t too sure about that test for a while and you know how I suck at math. Tammy even said not to be upset if I failed cuz they’re tough tests to pass.

Everyone’s now asking what’s next and I guess what’s next is I just wait. Wait and see what they say and if I move what they say.

So, that night at Kim and Mark’s place, Kim played the piano and I sang and played the piano, too. Kim is an awesome piano player. I would listen to her play songs without looking, then I showed her how I play by ear. She would play songs while I’d sing along. It was a lot of fun, then after a great home-cooked dinner, we went to the Hampshire Mall. At first, I told myself, you can look, but you can’t buy. Then I said to myself, wait a minute. I’m not buying a new stereo yet. I just got into a band that looks promising. I haven’t bought anything but Gloria’s new CD since last August. Fuck this, I’m going shopping!

So I did, and with perfect timing too, as I got a fantastic deal on this beautiful party dress. Or evening dress, as you’d call it. It’s perfect for performing. It was regularly $54 down to $10 and it’s a little big. It’s a 7/9 though I’m a 3/5 but for $10, I’ll make it fit. I’ve got to hem the sleeves and take it in, in the bust area since I’m so small, but it fits fine at the waist. I also bought a red skirt with a wide black belt. It’s the ruffled kind of skirt I like. Also, two pretty journals at a pretty nice price.

Due to my being up 21½ hours the last time I wrote, I never got to write more of my good news. Yes, believe it or not, I’ve got two fantastic things to write about. If all goes well with both of them, this will be my year for record-breaking luck and happiness and things going my way for once. I deserve it and I have a good feeling as far as both of these things go. Once again, I know I can count on my feelings.

I even called Anna B about my good news and she was happy for me and said she would like to get together with me. I told Jim and Jai about it, too. Steve said, “What did I always tell you about you wanting to be a singer? I told you it would all work out.”

He also told me it was so nice to see me happy. It’s great to finally feel this way. My horoscope was hinting at this the day before Susie told me I was in the band and now it’s hinting about the so-called relationship coming up soon in March. I guess it’s in mid-March. That’s what that psychic astrologer said over the phone. I think maybe Steve can foresee things too, as he said he feels I’ll hit the peak of fame by 1996, and then after that, I’ll meet the “right” woman. I never told Steve that year was the year I felt this would be the year, as well as the psychic astrologer. Also, he always said he felt I’d move before him and I may very well be moving. I’m 80% sure of it and that’s my other good news but I have something to say first as far as my predictions. I’m always either right or very, very close. I always had a feeling I’d get in a band by accident when I least expected it and always felt it may happen at home. I always felt that cuz I’m a homebody 95% of the time, fate would lead it to me at my door and then I’d take it from there. I was right all along on that one, too.

Later...

I took a quick break to talk to Brenda, a bite to eat and a cigarette, but I forgot to mention speaking to Mary D. I called there and said, “What’s up, butch?”

She goes, “Who’s this?”

And I said, “Just cuz it’s been a long time, do you think I’ve forgotten about what happened?” So, I expected her to start screaming at me and cussing me out and threatening me but she was friendly. I know it was sincere too, and not a trap.

She said it was done and over with and she just wanted to be friendly and I said if she wanted to fight, I’d fight her, but if she wanted to be friends, fine. I’ve got to call her back on Tuesday night and I’m simply going to tell her what I wasn’t able to tell her years ago. I’m just not into dykes as lovers. Being friends is one thing, but if they’re gonna be in my bed, they must be feminine.

The night I made prank calls to her while Margaret, her sister, was in the hospital in labor was wrong, and I can see if she came over to yell at me to knock it off, but you don’t try to beat someone up and trash their apartment over shit like that. Therefore, of course, I’m gonna fuck her over. Mary knows I did not hurt her, I simply restrained her but if she’d come back a second time I would have destroyed her. I’d have kicked her ass to Japan.

Ok, now I’m going to get on with my other good news. As I mentioned before, I feel as if I’ve known Kim for years. And her husband, too. I’ve only known her a few months, but if I gave her my keys to take care of Shadow if I was to go away, I know I could trust her.

She knows how desperately I want to move and why I decided not to go to Arizona or Connecticut, and now I have the band, too. So, one day she told me to come see her place which is one out of only two apartments on the top floor of a 3-story office building. She told me the guy could easily ask for $1,000 if he wanted to but cuz of who they are in town, they could have it for $525. Jesus, you’ve got to see this place before you can believe it! And I thought my place was huge and beautiful. My place is a joke. It’s 1200 square feet with a washer and a dryer, Jacuzzi, dishwasher, trash compactor, central AC, burglar alarm, sprinklers, and a microwave that’s better than mine. Everything is so glamorously modern. I don’t mean just plainly modern, it’s beautifully modern. It has skylights, too. Everything’s electric and I assumed the heating bill would be $50 - $100 a month, especially with cathedral ceilings, but she showed me both her electric bill and heating bill and they were both around $23. I know I’d be saving on the monthly charge on the phone bill as they do not offer 3-way or call-waiting and call-forwarding out there in Deerfield.

I called Tammy and told her about it and she seemed interested. I told her everything I just wrote and that Deerfield’s 40 minutes away. It’s like Longmeadow where everyone knows your name, but it doesn’t seem to have that stuck-up attitude like most ritzy towns do.

I have got the news of my life!!! The news I’ve been waiting for for 25 years! I got in that band with Susie!!! Yes, I really, really did! I feel as if I’m dreaming such a fantastic dream that I can’t wake up from, but this is all real. It’s really happening. The band’s name is ERA and there are 5 people in the band besides me and Susie as the singers. She’s going to be taking me to a recording studio to meet the other band members. When she’s gonna do this, I don’t know. She’s going to call me. They perform 2-3 nights a week starting March 9th and she said I could expect to earn $600 a month on average. That’s $1,221 a month, counting my SS and Bill!

I called everyone about it including Tammy, Mom, Andy, Brenda, Steve, Philip and Martha. Next, I’ve got to tell Jai and Jimmy.

Believe it or not, I’m not done with the good news, so let me now mention that I saw Kim’s apartment. Man, is it huge!

I spent the day with her and her husband Mark who’s a cop in the town of Greenfield. They live in South Deerfield. I felt an unusual, yet immediate comfort with him and felt as if I’d known him for years like with Kim. Many people have told me that they’ve felt as if they’d known me for years, but you know me. I feel as though I can truly say that about someone once in a lifetime. Then again, I also know someone’s character the second I lay eyes on them. Besides psychic vibes, I’ve had a lot of experiences.

I feel shitty, so I’m not going to write much. I couldn’t fall asleep till almost noon yesterday and I had to get up at 6:00 and then an hour later I went grocery shopping. I have felt very groggy all day. Or night, I should say.

Kim called about a vacancy next door to her. She’s going to talk to the owner, but it’ll no doubt be too expensive.

I’m dead tired so I’m going to bed now.

Not a whole heck of a lot happened since I woke up last night at 7:00. I spoke to Brenda briefly, watched a movie while taping another, and talked with Steve.

I am totally wiped out of food. I may go shopping this morning. Brenda’s going to take me, I guess.

Bonny says she’s moving on March 1st and Brenda says she’s moving on April 1st. I feel like I’m losing everybody. Andy’s moving, Brenda’s moving, Jimmy’s moving. Before I know it, Steve will be moving and I’ll be left behind with no one. I’ll be damned, though, if I’m going to move into a project. I don’t care if the neighborhood it’s in is better or not.

About singing, yeah well ha, ha. That Susan girl will no doubt, not come through. I don’t think I can count on anything coming up with her. But will I ever be able to count on anything pertaining to music? Sometimes I wonder. I wonder how I can keep surviving. When I’m gonna break down and lose my mind. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to or to live for. If there is truly a God, I can’t even compromise and sacrifice with him. I prayed for him to take away the right woman and a baby if he must, but to please let me have my music. Why was I dumb enough to keep hoping and believing in the first place? I keep telling myself there’s no way and why, but the vision won’t go away. Why? Why, oh why, oh why? What’s left for me now?

I wish Nervous would call me. I really miss him despite his mouth and his attitude. I have not seen Nervous for many, many months. I called him where he works at the Bucket of Suds Laundromat. He still works at Feinstein’s Leather, too. For the last couple of months I’ve called him, be it by myself or with Fran or Andy, he’s hung up instantly on us but this time he spoke to me. I simply told him I was sincere about wanting him to visit me and that any shit I’ve pulled in the past had been cuz of his mouth and his attitude. I never hated Nervous. Just some of his ways. To tell you the truth, I miss that sucker. I think back in my mind to the days when he was in the worst of his obsession with me on Oswego St. and it really was funny. I really had a lot of fun playing with his head and everyone knows he enjoyed it, too. Anyone not enjoying it wouldn’t have stuck around as long as he did.

What made him flee, though, was definitely Andy. He got tired of competing with him and he knew he could never mean to me what Andy does. And you know Andy and I have had our share of problems, too. Another thing is how I finally let him start meeting my girlfriends if you know what I mean. I miss playing “dead phone line” with him and also the crossed call-waiting game. I wish I could make things like they used to be with him for a while and then get rid of him once I started getting really sick of him again. True, there’s only so much I can take of the guy before I want to kill him.

I want to get some more really heated-up fights over the phone with him and Fran so I can tape them. I need more edits of him. The old ones are classics and I’ll always love them and find them funny as all hell, but it’s time for new ones. Nervous never liked his edits. He just never had that kind of a sense of humor even if they were never played for his boss, among other people. But then again maybe he would. It’s not as if he has no sense of humor. Of course, Nervous is not the type to make prank phone calls, other than the calls he made to me. He never said anything, though. It was simply a case of wanting to hear the girl’s voice that he was so obsessed with. See if I’m home, who I’m with, what I might say. But to call people with funny last names, people you hate or just dial random numbers, no way. It just wasn’t in him.

I can say I’m really quite proud of myself to stick with something besides music or music-related projects for so long. I have been keeping journals since 10/27/1987. I was 21 years old. In fact, I think I’m going to go read back to kill time.

Well, sure enough, but not surprisingly enough, I woke up with a bad attack yesterday. It wasn’t the worst attack, but it wasn’t very fun either. I had too many cigarettes. I didn’t get up till 7:00 cuz I kept waking up a billion times. I fell asleep near 10:00 yesterday morning and if I had been able to sleep straight through I’d have woken up at 5:00. It’s going to be a heck of a while before I fall asleep and I’ve got Bill coming around 6:30 tonight.

I need to psych myself up to quit smoking again. I hate this feeling of having pressure on me and feeling like I can’t take control. These cigarettes have such power over me and I don’t like it. But then again look at all the other powers and controls I’ve had over other things. I don’t mean just psychic powers either. Speaking of psychic powers, it just gets weirder all the time. It’s developing more and more that it’s almost too hard to believe and accept. My nana Bella always told me that if you have a gift, don’t question it, just accept it and use it. I guess she’s right and I have to consider my “bad vibes” as a gift when I remember the fire.

If I ever do run into Mark B, who set that fire, I don’t think he’d want to look in the mirror for quite a while.

I am now in the ER waiting for Brenda to get her nose checked. It feels good to be here, not needing to be here as a patient for once. I guess Brenda and Bonny were babysitting for Paul and Kathy’s kids and Brenda went to the store and got punched out. Brenda called me from Kathy’s asking me if I would go to the ER with her. Naturally, I said yes since she’s taken me here before, but as I was waiting, Andy came over. Andy and I both figured at first that she went to buy drugs and got robbed or that they just beat her up. According to Brenda, though, she went out to get cigarettes for her and Bonny when a guy came up to her and she rolled down her window. I asked her why she’d roll her window down and she said for all she knew, he could’ve been asking for directions. The guy, however, was insisting that she buy drugs and she refused and his girlfriend punched her in the nose. She also spit all over her window, which I saw and as Brenda was trying to back out her car kept stalling and the girl threw a bottle at her windshield. The windshield wasn’t broken, but you could see that something had spilled out all over it. She insists she wouldn’t lie about that or Gail to me or Bonny and she has mentioned it when she’s done it. Drugs, I mean. Also, I was over earlier and Gail was begging her to get high with her and she kept refusing. Why she associates with people like Gail, I’ll never know. Brenda says, “She’s got problems, you can’t push her away for that.” I said she most certainly could if this girl is only out to hurt her and be a bad influence on her. Gail’s gonna keep on influencing Brenda to get high with Brenda till Brenda dies. Bonny said that and Bonny’s right about that one. When she was on the phone with Gail, I kept yelling in the background for her to go get high with someone else or do it herself. If Brenda’s not gonna be firm enough, then her friends will be. It’s too bad Brenda’s wimpy and has this problem cuz she’s such a good person. Too good a person to have to be going through this kind of shit. She deserves better and she deserves to be better.

Later...

Earlier I was all set to go to bed but now I’m wide awake. I’ve had plenty of cigarettes and I pray I don’t wake up sick.

Earlier I was listening to music when a strange feeling came over me. It was weird as I was remembering the fire we had here a little over a year ago. Then that funny feeling came as I was taking off my headphones I could hear yelling and sirens. At first, I thought it was a drug bust till I looked out my window and saw tons of fire trucks. I also saw tons of smoke coming out of a 4th-floor window. The firemen were on a huge ladder with their hoses. Not surprisingly enough, it’s one of the major crack buildings on Locust St. near the Red Lion Cafe. I just hope no kids or innocent victims were hurt. I don’t think anyone was hurt, though. Also, I don’t think there are any “innocent” people in that building so hopefully, they’ve been evacuated. That’ll make one less crack house on the street.

I’m going to try and get some sleep now. I want to be up by 5:00 or 6:00. That way I’ll have time to wake up, eat and take a shower.

Andy may come over but I told him to call first, and he better cuz at 9:00 I’ll be watching a movie while taping another. Since I can’t tape them both at once, I’ll need to watch one.

Oh, one more thing, Kevin got a subpoena today to appear in court on charges of annoying phone calls. That’s the name this phone is now in. That was Andy’s idea to choose a name from one of the characters of Twin Peaks.

Brenda is a major crackhead. About 3 or 4 months ago, Bonny and Dave got her hooked on crack by tricking her into it. They, I guess, put it in a bowl without telling her what it was. I assume Brenda figured it was pot. Now Bonny blames Dave for this, but I believe Brenda when she says Bonny knew exactly what Dave was doing. I know Bonny’s type and she’s already proven herself a pathological liar to me, Andy, and other people. Let me also say that ever since I confronted Bonny with her lies and offered her a “try” at beating my ass she’s been a major sweetheart to me. I told her if she wanted to be nice, I’ll be nice and if she wanted to fight, we could do it at her place, my place, the hall, outside or wherever. So, anyway, as I was saying, Brenda smokes pot occasionally and used to smoke coke here and there, but quit two years ago. I know Brenda’s no liar and she knows she has a problem and wants to do something about it, but goddamn it, is that all I ever can get?!?!?! Don’t I deserve better for once? All I can get is dope heads, loud obnoxious mental cases or shy, geeky, wimpy type mental cases. Damn, can’t I get anyone both emotionally and financially stable for once? And when oh when am I gonna get someone I’m really attracted to? I’m 25 years old goddamn it. I want to feel that true sexual spark and overwhelming feeling for once. I’m bored with the so-so-looking ones. I also feel I deserve my ideal type of person with the qualities in them I want. Of course, I’m not asking for Miss Perfect, but can’t I come close for once?

Other than Brenda’s problems which are 10 times worse than mine, she is a good person who’s far from ugly and I know she still has true feelings for me but I’m not stupid either. She always comes over saying, “I miss you and I love you,” when she’s horny. She hardly comes over just to visit and we never do nonsexual things together and we never really talk. She’s too quiet although she has been talking more. She told me she noticed I’m talking less and I’ve changed a lot and I don’t push her away as much, then what did she do earlier? Well, yesterday I mentioned I got my hair trimmed and I went over and said she did a good job and Brenda goes, “Yeah, but I’m not in the mood to talk about your hair.” I told her she’s been talking to me non-stop about the fights she and Bonny have been having for the last month or so and I haven’t pushed her away. Or jumped down her throat and hacked her head off. So, I got up and left and she called me apologizing saying she felt shitty from withdrawal.

I have fully accepted the fact that I’ll never get first best, but damn am I sick of second best! That’s why I’ve been spending so much time alone too, and there’s always way more bad than good when I get involved with someone, and there shouldn’t be. That’s how I know I’m with the wrong person. They say when you meet the right person, you’ll know it, and I believe that. I’ve met them, they’ve just been taken or not interested in me. Again, I either do it right or I don’t do it at all. Better to take care of yourself, than to be taken care of by the wrong person.

The last week has taken a weird turn but a nice one, I hope. First of all, I’m definitely not going to Phoenix cuz I just can’t see myself selling every single thing I own except for the clothes on my back. A move should be happy, exciting and adventurous in every way. It should be much more secure. Especially as big of a move as that. Not sad, stressful and miserable, too. You know me, I either take my time and do it right or I don’t do it at all.

Russ and I went to see that mediator who was a very obvious butch. Ugly as all hell, but very nice. Very on my side, too. I simply told Russ that if he drops the eviction, I won’t press charges in small claims court. He did. After getting home from that meeting, I made a stop by the apartment Eddie and Jo L used to live in. Before I begin explaining why I stopped there, let me back up a bit. About a month or so ago I met this girl Susan in the laundry room. As we were talking I learned she’s a singer who has sung quite a bit in Springfield and also New York. I told her I sang and that was my goal and she asked me to stop by but I was on my negative “I give up” streak due to all the shit I’ve been through.

It’s going to be so hard losing Andy despite the differences we’ve had in the past. We love each other to death and always will even though I’ve had many a desire to mutilate him here and there. I hope, however, he goes to Phoenix, discovers it’s all he’s wanted it to be and I can save money and join him someday.

So, as far as Sue goes, I finally said, what the fuck? If I don’t gain I have nothing to lose. I stopped by, left my number with her roommate Jen and she called me when she got in and came up. We harmonized together and it sounded great. She had a cold and I felt I sang a little better but she’s still good and probably much better with no cold. She sings pretty much all over, but usually not in the winter. She has a band and all that and performs 3 times a month. 3 weekends a month, I mean. I asked her how much she usually made a month and she said $1600. I don’t think she meant the whole band, either. That was just her money. She said she did an anniversary and made $200 and that was just in 3 hours. Hey, I don’t care if it’s the shittiest pay as long as it’s singing and not doing nothing or doing something I hate.

Kathy, Bonny’s sister-in-law, trimmed my hair today. She did a great job. She also did a great job on Bonny’s hair and on her daughter’s hair. Kathy trimmed my bangs and trimmed half an inch, straight across the bottom. God, have I got split ends, though! Oh, I’d say 8 out of every 10 hairs are split. That doesn’t necessarily mean only once either. I have some that are split up to 6 or 7 times.

By the 23rd of this month, it’ll be 120 days since the police exam I took so I guess I’ll be notified soon. I always knew I’d make a good cop but I also figured that at the same time, it wasn’t meant to be. Not now, for sure as there’s going to be a default warrant out for me cuz of Jenny’s shit on March 6th. Like I said before, Jenny got all she deserved and I’m not giving her the satisfaction of coming to court. Andy says the cops I know will take care of the warrant. I thought about that, but I can’t count on that.

Most of all, I very well may have flunked that test. You know my math sucks.

I spoke to Jai and Jenny. Jenny’s now living with Jai on Mattoon St. I hope they like it still, but I know Jai hates the landlord.

I left a message for Debbie at PCS to call me. I spoke to her a few days ago and I told her my “feelings” said she was gay, and she is. She’s now on break.

Later...

Andy came over stoned out of his mind but in a good mood. Tomorrow’s Andy’s b-day. He’s gonna be 29. I gave him a card and a bag of hard candy. He’s leaving next month and he’s still saying how much he wants me to come with him. Of course, I wish I could go too, but I just can’t sell everything. Also, even though Jimmy offered to store my stuff in the new house he’s buying, he’s still not sure he’s getting the house and when. He may not get it for several more months.

I thought of calling Philip about storing my stuff but never bothered figuring he’d say no.

Well, I was right about the snow date I predicted right after the big snowstorm last December 28th. The vibe was really weak, though, probably cuz it only snowed 10 minutes yesterday, February 11th.

Andy’s going to Phoenix at the beginning of next month and I doubt I’ll be going, too. My sister and my parents refuse to help me. You know how Ma is. It’s either her way or no way.

Jimmy’s buying a house and he’s offered to store my stuff there, which is nice, but then how am I going to get it cross-country? It’ll take me quite a while to save the money to ship it across. I’d rent a furnished apartment but Andy wouldn’t get an apartment till he gets a job. He doesn’t have guaranteed money like I do from disability (he’s taking the money his folks gave him and he’s going to stay with friends he knows that used to live here, till he gets on his feet). The other alternative would be to sell all my stuff and I really don’t want to do that. The last alternative is to wait and save the money to move out by shipping my stuff and by me flying out but that would cost a pretty penny. I’d have to work part-time for several months like Tammy said. If I do get out there, I’ll work part-time hopefully in a restaurant with Andy. Perhaps I could call Philip, but I seriously doubt he’d help me. I want to go to Phoenix not only for my music, but I need a change. It’s cheaper to live there and it’s warmer but there’s no humidity. Also, it’s great for asthma and allergies and all the apartments have pools and air conditioning.

Tomorrow I am going to see a mediator with Russ about our so-called heating problem that he’s dying to resolve. I told him I know he’s sincere, and he is, but I’m going to tell it like it is. I have to meet him there at 4:00. Brenda’s taking me.

I feel bad for Brenda cuz I know she’ll miss me if I move and that she still loves me. I’ll miss her too, of course, and I love her still, but not like she does. She’s a very honest and sincere person, but I’m not overwhelmed by her looks and she’s not quite my type as great as she is. But of course you know there was something there or I’d never have slept with her in the first place. I’d have only been her friend. She’s far from ugly or a bad person, but that’s the way it always is. They’re either way more into me, or I’m way more into them.

Bonny has been a major sweetheart for a long time now. Ever since I confronted her about her lies and offered for her to “try” and kick my ass.

As usual, I have another horrible cold where I just can’t stop fucking sneezing or blowing my nose.

I really want to perform tonight, believe it or not, but I still don’t feel too good. I woke up at 11:00 this morning with a bad attack that lasted till 5:00 this afternoon. I put my humidifier on, took some Sudafed and drank two cups of tea.

Andy will be over later so I can record his Dark Shadows show, and so we can call Tammy. I’ll write more about what we’re gonna talk to Tammy about later. Right now I have to go pee and make some more tea.

What I had was bad withdrawal too, since I had not smoked for 18 hours.

I feel like my whole life’s come to an end. In a month Andy’s moving to Phoenix and the only place my mother will move me to is Connecticut. Here I watch my best friend go and follow his dream, while mine gets further and further away. Maybe what I swore was meant to be for 25 years is only a dream I’ll dream and never do. But if it isn’t really meant to be then why is the vision still so damn clear? It gets clearer and clearer all the time. My voice gets better and better but it’s like a tease if I can never use it the way I want to. I never said I wouldn’t work for the music but if I’m never going to be in the right place, then what’s the point?

My mother’s so hung up on controlling me and having me where she wants me to be and doing what she wants me to do. Hey, it’s better than Valleyhead, right? And if anyone’s used to having to settle for second best, it’s me. Some people get everything they want. Some people get some of the things they want. Some people get none of the things they want.

I called and talked one on one with a psychic and you know I believe in them after the “strange” things I’ve done. I’ll write more about what I’ve done another time. Meanwhile, this woman told me everything I’ve always felt. Here goes:

1. You will try to quit smoking again and fail and you may feel bummed out, but don’t cuz in 6 months you won’t be smoking anymore.

2. If you ever have a baby, you won’t be a young mother, you may be between 33-35.

3. Fame will come in 7 years, and when I’m just starting to make it in 1994 or so, I’ll meet Linda. Maybe not Gloria for a while as she’s skittish about meeting new people.

4. I may live in L.A. for a while, then maybe have a huge home in Santa Barbara.

5. Be prepared for a potential break-in, in March of 1993. I won’t be living here at the time.

6. This March I’ll meet a woman with very long dark hair 5’ 2”-5’ 4” and see her on and off for 6 months. The problem will be me as I’ll be unsure, as usual, or thinking, “This woman is too good to be true.”

7. I’ll meet another woman at the end of this year or very beginning of next who has light to medium brown hair just below her shoulders. She’ll be 5’ 6” and we’ll have more in common, although she won’t be as well off financially.

To me, it sounds like another Kacey followed by another Brenda.