Despite the fact that my last entry was full of doom and gloom, I had a productive night. I guess I’ll always be more productive when my schedule clashes with Marie’s, LOL. I do miss her, but I definitely get more done when our schedules are off. She’s such a fun distraction, though! I miss her already. But I know the weekend will be here soon enough.

For now, I got a 90% on my last German lesson, did some writing (obviously) and proofread more of my bio. The next chunk should be posted tomorrow.

All is quiet now. Nothing but the sounds of snoring, frogs croaking and rain. I’m beginning to wonder if it’ll ever stop raining here. We’re really making up for all those dry months! But it will make fire season less scary when it rolls around again.

Later…

I don’t know either of you, but I wanted to warn you about Marie. I’ve read her entries and she seems…unstable. She has latched onto you something fierce and I worry for you that this is going to turn into a gong show. She seems very obsessive.

Just a warning to keep your head up. Don’t think she’s as real as she’d like everyone to believe.

The above is what was waiting for me on the journal site today, and while I hate to say it, I agree. Marie does seem unstable at times, she does seem to have latched onto me fiercely, but turn into a gong show? Not sure about that one. Not all obsessions are unhealthy or dangerous. I’m obsessed with incense. Hooked on me or not, I can’t picture her visiting and kidnapping me or anything crazy like that. And women don’t typically force their way on other women. Right now I can’t see her forcing me to do anything I might not want to do. She knows I’m attracted to her, but would never leave Tom. I will, however, not hesitate to tell her not to visit if she does do anything between now and then to make either Tom or myself uncomfortable. For now, though, I’m taking Tom’s advice and trying not to look too far ahead, cuz if she does visit, it’s going to be a couple of years or so, by which time she may be sick of me. Or maybe she’ll piss me off into dumping her. There’s no way to know for sure. A lot can happen in two years. If anyone’s learned that, it’s me.

Marie herself has also admitted to not being the most stable person on earth. She admits to being moody at times, particularly before her period, and she does take meds.

I traced the email to Woonsocket, RI which rules out her roommates and sisters Melanie and Michelle since they’re in FL, but I wondered if the person really knew her because of the way they worded the last sentence. Wouldn’t you have said, “I wouldn’t think she’s as real as she’d like everyone to believe,” if you didn’t know her?

I asked Tom if he thought it was someone who knew her and he doesn’t think so.

Anyway, it’s strange. I wrote stories with obsessive characters like Marie in which other characters would warn the woman she was obsessed with. Once again, life’s almost imitating art in a strange sort of way.

After reflecting on the issue for a while, I think Marie will always remain little more than a forbidden fruit. Why? Oh, I don’t know right now. It’s just a feeling, I guess. Lust of that degree was never meant to be for me, so it seems, and it’s not just those I lust for, but also those I just really like. With the exception of Tom, all the good people seem to “go away” and just aren’t in my life for as long as I’d like. That pattern is very clear enough just in the 3 years I spent in Oregon. Jane moved, Jan closed her store, Liz left Safeway, Randy changed routes.

Like I said, I miss some aspects of it at times. If the pause button of our lives could ever get unstuck and if we could ever really get ahead, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way. I definitely don’t miss the cold. It was worse than in New England!

As I said before, a lot can happen in two years as far as Marie is concerned. So I shouldn’t try to assume too much in the way of her and I. Hell, maybe we’ll be sick of each other! Right now, though, as nutty as that woman can be at times (and she admits it), she definitely has a way of putting a smile on my face and making me laugh.

And very wet.

But I will certainly keep my mind and eyes open to various possibilities that I need to be aware of. Things aren’t always what they seem. I know this. And so I know it’s important not to get too far ahead of myself. She genuinely seems to care about me, though I must admit I am amazed at just how much.

She wrote me a sweet poem today, “typos and all,” as she said. Yup, I’m the writer here and she knows it! But she’s definitely a lot of other things.

She also got the incense I sent her as a surprise. I was getting worried there! She thanked me for thinking about her (I always do) and said that although it was a bit feminine, she liked the Blue Angel.

Anyway, now that my period’s working its way through, things don’t seem as bleak to me. Sure, there are still plenty of reasons to feel cursed from above, but I also know I’m very blessed in many ways. Furthermore, I’m hoping that getting my period over means I can stand to jump back on the diet wagon. The last week or so, though, I haven’t been able to keep food out of my mouth!

My second story made #1 and my first story is #7 right now.

I asked Marie and a couple of other cyber pals to join LiveMocha so I could get the free travel course you get for getting 3 people to join. I’m also experimenting with a new way of learning. I’m recording the audio parts of my lessons and copying my flashcards. I thought if I read along with the audio a few times to give things a better chance of sinking in since it usually takes a few takes to retain much, then I’d go back and do the other exercises. So for now there won’t be progress percentages or scores. Just repetitiously going through dialog and reading much in the way I did when I learned Spanish.