I feel so bad right now for both Tom and Marie. The man I love has a very painful ear infection, and the woman I love is down and in need of a hug I can’t give her being 3000 miles away.

It is still kind of hard being torn between two people. I never thought I would be, though I kind of was with a certain officer from a decade ago. In the end, she made things a lot easier for me by blowing me off completely. Not that I want Marie to go away, but I told her that if she ever needed to I would understand. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing her any good by sticking around myself, but I couldn’t abandon her unless she told me too, and she said she doesn’t want me to, so here I am.

I have such mixed emotions about the whole thing! I could never leave Tom for the unknown, and a relationship with Marie would be entering the unknown, alright. I can pretty much guarantee that we’d be perfectly compatible in bed, but there’s no way to know for sure how we’d be out of it since that’s so much more complex. But I’ve known years ago that Tom and I can and will make it. I also couldn’t abandon him and leave him all alone, lonely and hurt. This is Side A of me. Flip me over to Side B and you got a lovesick, horny bitch who’d love to throw herself at the tall, dark Italian hottie! I have all the love in the world for my husband, but not an ounce of lust after all these years together, like most long-term couples.

I want Marie out here, but I don’t. It’d be safer and easier if she’d stay away, but just like with her, that adventurous side of me dares to come out and take a walk on the wild side despite whatever risks and dangers may lay ahead.

“Come play with me,” I see myself saying, arm extended in warm and eager invitation. But I know it wouldn’t be just playing. We’re not just a game to each other. It would be easier if we were, yet Marie is someone I love and I know she loves me.

She personalized a radio station just for me today. I’ll Stand By You by the Pretenders has become our song, you could say.

She also sent me a news video she was in. It was when she worked for the city and it’s only a few seconds long as she walks by the camera, but she looked mighty fine to me! licks lips

Jesse came down in the truck today to pick up something of his, saying he had to do some work. He never came to the door, though. I went out, cuz I thought it was Tom returning from the store, and asked what was up.