It kind of sucks to know that not only will the drama queen probably get most of whatever my folks leave behind, but because I won’t be the one going through their things, in the end, I’ll never get to see what interesting papers/pictures they may’ve had. As I get older, I become more fascinated with the past. I think it works that way for most of us. I mean it’s interesting but at the same time, I don’t give a shit who my great-great-great-great-grandmother was.

This period is heavier than usual. Tom said to expect my cycle to do weird things as I head toward menopause. I would’ve thought my periods would get lighter and less frequent, but he thinks it varies from person to person and that they’ll vary in consistency. Why can’t I just get insured and get a hysterectomy? That’d be so much easier!

Nane messaged me at work like I hoped she would. She’s still without Internet at home due to the renovation excursion. She’s only working half a day cuz her new bed is arriving today. It still amazes me how much time off they get from work in Europe! How do they live? She said to check out a picture on her wall and I did. It was the back of a guy (Askim?) painting her bedroom walls red, but I thought she said she wanted them cream-colored.

sighs Oh, to be able to run over for a visit! She’d be all for it too, though I know we’d end up fucking like rabbits no matter how much she may be devoted to Askim. Hey, I love the hell out of Tom, but I’m also only human and I have no qualms about admitting it. When two people who are attracted to each other are left alone in the same room…things happen.

I forgot to mention in one of my last posts that while I always figured my grandparents went through high school, both my mom’s parents were actually listed as completing just one year of high school. I guess it was common back then that as soon as you were old enough to work, you quit school and went to work.

Tom said there have been a couple of cats hanging around here lately, so no, I’m not imagining the meows I sometimes hear.

I ended up reading some fascinating material on the various theories out there on the afterlife and those who have had near-death experiences. Most of what I read made sense but didn’t, and what didn’t make sense also did make sense, if that – well - makes any sense. It was still a very interesting read.

Some say near-death experiences may just be the brain’s reaction to dying. It makes sense that it could cause such hallucinations like going through a tunnel with a bright light at the end of it and meeting friends and family. But it doesn’t explain how some people are able to recount exactly what happened to them during surgery.

It makes sense that people would come up with the same stories based on pure wishful thinking. Hey, everyone wants to think that their life goes on somehow after death and that they get to be reunited with loved ones. But if they’re just stories how come there are so many of them and the people telling them come from all different walks of life?

I still don’t know what to believe, but I realize that if psychic phenomena can exist that can’t really be explained by science (though they think they’ve located the region of the brain responsible for the 6th sense and psychic phenomena), I guess that means an afterlife is possible. Tom believes there’s one; he just doesn’t know what it is.

Having had surgery myself, though, and rendered completely unconscious with zero sense of awareness, it’s also safe to assume that there is a state of complete and total unawareness that also exists on some plane, somewhere, which could signify that without a sense of awareness, there is absolutely nothing and therefore no afterlife.

Those who disagree say that when the body dies it’s a lot like turning off a television. Like a brain shutting down, you can also shut down a television, but that doesn’t mean that the airwaves still don’t exist. Instead, they continue to live on even after the TV is turned off.

I also read up on theories of other dimensions. In many of my dreams, I have often felt like I actually visited some of the places I saw in the dreams. It was like I was there and not just dreaming of being there. Like I left my body and entered this other plane of existence. Are they really astral projections? I wonder about this at times and how I “find” my way back to my body in the end. What if one day I can’t find the way back? Better yet, why’d I ever have to be psychic in the first place??? I mean one who’s actually developed and kind of good at it. However, I doubt I could contact the dead if there really is an afterlife, though I’m not sure I’d want to. And ask them what, if they have free lobster there?