Heard from Nane briefly yesterday, and super-sized, teary Aira is being a pest as usual. She lost her dad too, so Father’s Day was hard on her. Yeah, I shed a tear or two for my own dad, but she’s still so typical of what I get. Even being in cyberspace hasn’t changed that much. If it’s ugly, deluded or unstable in any way, I can have all the attention I want from it. I don’t know that Aira’s that out of it, though that’s what I thought about Kim till I realized some of the things I blamed on Molly were actually from her, and she proved this by reacting the way she did. Hey, when in doubt just deny, delete and delude, right?

Even Alison, who hasn’t been online as much due to depression, says Kim is getting more delusional by the day. Also, she blocked me on Ask and claims someone’s harassing her on her new account. Yeah, she’s delusional, all right. Especially if she thinks I would care enough or want to ask her anything in the first place that she felt the need to block me. Yeah, she’s great at turning the tables and acting like the victim. It’s amazing how many people out there think I care enough to give them the time of day. I blocked her as soon as I saw her new account. Then when I realized that wouldn’t stop her from pestering me anonymously, I disabled anonymous comments. I may allow for them again, though. I hate denying myself the fun of it all for a couple of assholes. No, I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of being able to “ask” me anything, but I don’t want to stifle my own fun either.

She still tells Aly she has a job, though oddly enough she finds time to update her sites when she’s supposedly working. Yeah, and she was supposed to be “offline forever” too. I still say she never did have a job and probably never will. I think she’ll be on disability all her life. I also doubt anyone’s picking on her on Ask. I think she’s just making that up to get Aly to wonder if it’s me and hope to play her against me. Well, it’s not. Yeah, it’d be fun to say all kinds of mean, degrading nasty shit just for a day or so cuz I know she’d have a heart attack over it, but I also know she’d only take it out on Aly by whining to her about it throughout the day with a zillion text messages, and I do have more important things to spend my time on. So if I don’t like someone I try to just stay away from them.

If being cursed with a sleep disorder isn’t bad enough to piss me off, it pisses me off even more than I again missed Maliheh. :( She messaged me a few hours before I got up but didn’t say what was up. Only asked if I were there.

Jesse stopped the leak in the pipe underneath the place, which ended up leaking water like crazy and pumping the well dry. Today (I guess it’s today anyway) he’ll be running a pipe that will allow us to switch to the ditch the minute there’s a problem with the main well. He should’ve done this years ago! Regardless, with an average of 4 problems per year in this place, his mutts and his rudeness, I don’t know how much longer I can stand to stay here before I lose it and kick the crap out of both him and his mutts. At least I got to have fun doing that to him in my dreams last night. I think it was him anyway. Well, let’s just say that some cock or another pushed my buttons a little too hard cuz I grabbed the front of their shirt with my left hand so they couldn’t back away, and started pummeling their face in with my right fist.

It was only because he was our landlord that I couldn’t do anything about the barking. We couldn’t have afforded to be spited into being evicted back when we were dirt poor if we were lucky enough to get the law/courts to help us in the first place. Whoever complained on him before we got here had no luck, which makes me think he has friends in the right places. No judge should’ve accepted his lame excuse of, “Well, when I’m not home there’s nothing I can do about it.” I could’ve sworn he mentioned having a cop friend back when he got into it with the people in back a couple of years ago for letting their pit bulls run loose. But yeah, there is something he could do about the barking if he actually gave a shit about others, and from what I researched it really is against the law to let your dogs bark for hours at a time, even if the “law” usually hurts more than it helps. Our lives would be damn near perfect if it weren’t for this place and the shit that goes with it. I’ve been in places far worse than this, mind you, but this is getting old enough and it’s definitely time to move on.

Friends in high places or not, I’m only human and that means that once I’m pushed too far, I don’t care how superior you may be. I don’t care what kind of a hold or power you may have on me. I don’t care how many inches and pounds you may have on me. At this point, if this guy looks at me wrong I just may hurt all 6 feet 2 inches and 240 pounds of him and end up in jail. That’s what he says he is, though honestly, he looks more like 5’ 10”, 180 pounds, not that it matters.

The breakage may not be his fault. Shit gets old and needs to be replaced. But his rudeness as far as letting the dogs do whatever the fuck they please when he’s gone IS his fault, and after 4 years, 2 months and 6 days, I’ve had enough! It’s no wonder he couldn’t keep people in this place for long before us. They no doubt got fed up with all the problems even if they could tolerate the barking. We never would’ve been here so damn long if we didn’t get stuck on unemployment for 28 months. We moved in in April of 2008 when he was out of work for a bad back and Whiskey was still just a puppy. But by November I wanted out of here when the cock returned to work as a construction worker and the fucking mutt was full-grown and barking from 5am – 5pm 5 days a week. I hope to hell he gets one nightmare in here after another when we’re gone! If they’re like most people, they’ll sleep at night every night and they won’t be unusually tolerant as Tom is. In other words, not many people are going to want to stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning on Fridays and Saturdays waiting for his mutts to shut the fuck up after starting up between 7pm - 9pm when he first left. But knowing how backward, twisted and unfair life is, I’m sure God will reward him with tenants who don’t give a shit about his dogs cuz they’ll be letting their own do the same thing and so it won’t make any difference.

Meanwhile, the water’s filthy and not even clean enough to shit in. Who knows how long it’s going to take to clear up this time?

I just worry that whatever this thing is that’s been obsessed with me being where I don’t want to be since I was 15 years old is going to limit our options. So far within the 55+ communities we’ve looked at, everything that’s affordable is either an apartment or too far from work. There is, however, a trailer for sale for 12K. It’s a double-wide and newer than this heap of shit, and I love the idea of being the boss again and having more control over what gets done and when, but the fact that they don’t have any interior pictures listed makes me think something’s wrong with it. I don’t want to keep having to deal with breakage every other goddamn month and having to pay for it, too. Still, the idea of owning again is appealing and eventually not having a payment other than the lot the trailer was on or property taxes. I just don’t want to spend my life in old dumps!

For a couple of days, I had pain in my left shoulder, arm and hand, but there was no numbness or tingling in my hand, so I’m sure I just pulled something and that my heart is fine. My teeth are holding steady and I’m getting way behind in my writing again. I may say “fuck it” to the writing once again until after the move. Right now getting the fuck out of here is pretty much all I can concentrate on.