It hit me today that things aren’t the same anymore as far as my feelings for Nane go. When she dumped me last December, I felt hurt and angry. Not just for being dumped but also because she chose to do it during one of my worst times in life. Yet if she dumped me right now I’d be like, oh well. Once realizing this is the way I would feel I realized that my feelings for her aren’t what they used to be. I guess most cases of lust eventually fizzle out with time, though this doesn’t mean I don’t care about her. She will always be special and hold some fun and interesting memories for me whether or not she’s in my life forever or not for much longer.

I won’t tell her this but after Bunny Nose, if the damn thing ever gets finished, I’m thinking of dropping her as a supporting-lead character. For the last several books I’ve based at least one of the leads on her physical description as well as personality, with some fictitious twists and turns mixed in, of course. But that’s getting kind of old for me just like some others I’d base characters on that either didn’t mind or didn’t know they inspired the character. Like Kate Jackson, for example. I’m sure she’ll never know that some of my earlier stories had characters I pictured in mind to look, talk and act much like her. Most writers base the leads on someone they know or have seen for obvious reasons; it gives them a sense of realism, thus making for a more believable story with more realistic characters. That is unless you’re doing some sci-fi or fantasy-based story that doesn’t have much realism to it anyway. The point is that now it’s time for someone new if I ever write another story again and pull out of this dry spell I’ve been having, but I don’t know who it will be. Maybe I should try my hand at a 100% fictitious cast of characters.

I managed to finish chapter 12 of Bunny Nose last night, but I don’t know if I stand much of a chance of being one of this summer’s NaNo winners. I entered the story as mainstream fiction since gay/lesbian wasn’t an option, but it’s actually a mix of things.

When browsing through Nane’s latest vacation album I saw pics of what I’m pretty sure are of Askim, and was thinking to myself, this is what she calls sexy??? Ok, so we all have our different turn-ons, but there’s nothing sexy in him that I could see. Really, I don’t see what she sees in a bald guy with a hairy chest even if his body isn’t the worst. Hair should be on the head, as far as I’m concerned, not the chest.

I guess I better keep this entry out of her viewing pleasure, LOL.