Yesterday turned out to be a great day. I had no anxiety at all, and again, I’m no closer to figuring out what triggers it and what stops it. It’s very random and unpredictable. There might be a pattern, however, where I seem to be more likely to be anxious when I’m well-rested and more energetic as opposed to tired. What am I supposed to do then, make sure I don’t get enough sleep?

A friend said birth control helped her get through perimenopause, but that’s another issue right there… I don’t know what, if any, my magic concoction is. And even more so, I don’t know what I can take that won’t give me unbearable side effects. Hell, I’m terrified just to lose more weight. My thyroid medication is way too weight-sensitive and just a few micrograms too many are all it takes to send some of us straight into hell. For now, I just enjoy what peace and calmness I can get and try not to let it disrupt my daily life.

This weather sure is disrupting my outdoor workouts. We had an unbelievable storm last night! I’ve been here almost a decade and I never heard such fierce wind before. I loved listening to the pounding rain and the howling wind and the wind chimes surrounding the place, but come on! Enough is enough already and I want to go outdoors for a run. Skiing to shows is okay, but every now and then I like to get out in the fresh air for my workouts. I work at home, so I make a point of getting out regularly.

Not much else going on right now. Tom is on his way home from work.

Taught Burke some more tricks last night, and I’m sure he’ll be ready to come out and play soon enough as the nighttime sets in.

Later…

OMG, this is too fucking funny. Before I get to the hilarious idea I came up with as a form of sweet revenge on Stacey, well, right or wrong I called her private line for a couple of reasons, though I didn’t leave a message. The main reason is that I’m curious to see if it draws any kind of a response from her as much as I doubt it will. I don’t even know if she can see her incoming numbers because I’m pretty sure that this line is affiliated with the medical group itself. It’s not literally her own private line.

I also admit I called because I wanted to hear her voice one last time. That deep, soothing sexy voice. Not sure most people would consider it sexy, though. I’m going to miss her, but she’s the one that drove me away. She really left me with no choice as I can’t trust anybody that would lead me on and jerk me around like she did, intentional or not. The difference between the person I saw on December 22 and the person I saw on August 11 was like night and day.

One of the things I noticed right away on her outgoing message, which has been updated since I last saw her, is that she made a point of saying that she wasn’t in the office on Fridays. She’s at her private practice on those days in another town. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was the one that inspired her to point that out, since I tried to reach her late Thursday, and then I wrote about it in my blog. The one she said she doesn’t read, but that’s another thing I can’t help wondering about. I just don’t see how I could suppress my natural curiosity and have the willpower not to check it out if I were her, especially when our “relationship” was a little different in the end than your typical counselor/patient relationship. If you had a thing for a patient who liked you as well, and then you became scared of your feelings, didn’t want things to go too far, and that caused you to back off, even if it meant unintentionally disappointing that patient who had hoped for at least a digital friendship in the end, would you really not at least be interested in her blog?

When I last saw her I told her, “I don’t know if your ‘no blog’ rule extends to Facebook profiles, but if it doesn’t, my photo albums are public now.”

I told her this after we were talking about different places we’ve lived and vacationed. She didn’t say anything but she sort of grunted an “oh” and looked away with a slight smile, giving me the instant impression that maybe she already checked them out. Like I said, I’m either very intuitive or I’m very stupid. I’d really like to think it’s not the latter after dealing with life and people for over half a century now. LOL

Okay, so here’s my unique and creative form of “revenge.” It’s more like a prank than revenge, only mine’s a bit more elaborate and sophisticated, and yes, I would do it for my own benefit first and foremost. Meaning I’m not doing this just for her. She’s just an afterthought and a hilarious one at best.

There’s a popular saying amongst writers: Never piss a writer off, they may throw you in a story and kill you.

Well, I don’t want to kill her in the story, but the story will basically have two different parts and I’ll change names, too. It’s bullshit that’s going to stem from reality only “Melissa” will be a lot more like her than “Katie” will be like me.

Now here’s the basic plot. “Katie” we’ll share similar traits to me for realism, but she needs to be single at the time in order for “Melissa” to “rescue” her. That’s okay; I’ll just have her be divorced. Okay, so Melissa gets in a terrible car accident and ends up with LIS (locked-in syndrome) which I’ve done some research on. This is basically where a patient can’t move much more than their facial features, but they have total awareness. I’m going to have to fictionalize a little bit because some movement is going to be pertinent to the story.

In real life I sent her a letter, as some of you know, giving her a piece of my mind and expressing my feelings on what happened with us in the end. It’s at that point that I’m going to take reality and turn it into a tall and entertaining tale. I hope so, anyway.

Melissa is going to take Katie in once she’s released from the hospital because she doesn’t have any family in the area, and anyone else who may be around that may want to take her won’t exactly be qualified to care for. So Melissa is going to volunteer (though a nurse will stay with her while she’s at work) and to others, she’s going to come across as someone who cares and wants to help. Nothing more, nothing less. But Katie’s going to know better because Melissa isn’t afraid to speak her mind when no one else is in the hospital room, so Katie knows it’s her convenient way of getting revenge because the letter was accidentally exposed to the wrong people and she lost her husband over it as well.

So she takes her and tortures her.

As I was thinking the story through I realized I could make a book based on just some of the funny-mean scenarios that pop into mind where Stacey’s concerned, like getting a good laugh out of the thought of 50 rats suddenly appearing out of nowhere when she’s home alone and silly shit like that.

So after she tortures her for a while, Katie could suddenly disappear into thin air one day. A year or so can pass and then the real fun can begin. Rats showing up in the house… rats appearing in her office… rats suddenly appearing in her car and causing an accident on the freeway… windows suddenly smashing when she’s home at night alone… a seemingly new and ordinary patient suddenly flirting with her and asking if she ever thinks of Katie… the police going over Katie’s files and then confirming that no such person never existed, etc.

LMAO!

And then… figuring out a way to share the story with Stacey in a way that won’t get me into trouble would be the final task. I’m just not sure how. We live in a very word-sensitive country with very little protection when it comes to speech rights whether they’re spoken or written. My absolute last choice is going through the postal mail because for all I know that could be considered a federal offense. That leaves Facebook or email, even if there’d be no guarantee she would get it, since not everyone notices or checks for messages from non-friends, and the story could be marked as spam if I emailed it to her. It’s nothing I would do too soon if I ever did. I would really like to wait at least a year, so sometime in 2018 or later.

Charles Manson has been hospitalized but all they’ll say is that he’s “seriously ill.” I didn’t know this but apparently, inmates have medical privacy.

Since when? You mean to tell me they could print lie after lie about me, but they can’t say why someone’s been hospitalized? What the fuck is up with that?

And how the hell come he’s given instant medical care while I have to wait nearly half a year for a shrink?