After 6 or 7 months of Ron, I ditched him from my life. That was at the beginning of February, I think, then on June 30th of 1987, I moved out of Woodside Terrace. It was a mutual agreement between the landlord and me as I was having problems with some of the other tenants. They were kind enough to let me take my time and they never gave me a legal eviction notice. If only I knew then what I know now, as I could’ve fought it in court and won cuz you know me. I’d never cause anyone major trouble unless they did shit to me. Other than calling people I don’t know or those that have given me a reason to dislike them, I don’t want hostility so close to home.

So, this was when I moved to Oswego St. which at the time was 10 times worse than Woodside Terrace. First, let me back up to Feb. when I met both Fran and Nervous who lived next to each other on the 1st floor.

Ron had worked as a maintenance guy at McDonald’s where we met. Fran had worked there also at one time, so that’s how they met. Before I moved, Fran got evicted and I met up with Stuart B who I went to Longmeadow High with. Stuart’s gay too, and also was not at home most of his teenage years. He and I have been friends now for 2½ years and I think he still lives on Locust St. where he’s been for 8 years now.

I feel our friendship ending was for the better as he was the same as Fran in most ways. Both Stuart and Fran and I could hold nice conversations and lots of laughs, but at the same time, they were too off the wall and unpredictable. And I thought I was once about as bad as you can get.

Around April before I moved I had a second roommate by the name of Barbara T. She was quickly in and out before a month was out. That was the one who only stole an afghan and some coasters which didn’t mean shit but rang up a $143 phone bill. When I called the phone co. about it, they removed it from my bill due to my good acting. However, I don’t think I could get that lucky again in a million years. God was with me that day.

As for Nervous, I met him one day in February when I had the flu and asked him for a ride to the ER. I liked Nervous so much till I found out what he was all about but keep in mind I’m not the same person I was when we met. If we were starting all over and I met him for the first time now, I’d never associate with him. His obsession with me back then pissed me off and rather embarrassed me cuz of the way he is. Today, I find it quite amusing and I know that that’s life no matter what kind of person you are or what you look like. I really miss his spying and my playing dead or crossed line with him. Also, I miss taping him and Fran or Andy. That, I’d do all over again if I could in a minute.

Later...

About half a year after I moved, my friendship with Jenny C and Mary C ended. Jenny and I had grown to be two totally different people. We had met in grade school. Mary was too flaky and never returned stuff she borrowed. Her brother was a loser, too.

I missed Nancy H who had lived next door to me on Woodside Terrace. She moved out a month after I did and got married.

I still spoke with Emily B every now and then and shortly after I moved, Larry and John sold my building and hers. Right before Larry and John sold out all their Springfield property, they evicted Nervous for not paying his rent. Nervous then stood at the Y and when he couldn’t afford that he was out sleeping in his car. Because he was so obnoxious and had a lousy attitude too much of the time, I wouldn’t take him in. Eventually, he got a room in a rooming house.

My neighbors were ok, except for Nellie and José, who stole checks and a boom box from me. The bank reimbursed my money, but I always liked Nellie and felt that she’d be a decent person if she weren’t a thief and a druggie.

Hank pissed me off at first till I shocked him by going after him. Not punching him or intending to harm him, but scaring some sense into him. I intended to go further if I ever needed to, but we became friendly. Hank began to respect me, not cuz he would’ve liked to get down my pants or cuz I was gay but cuz I wasn’t scared of him. He was going with the woman next door on and off and she was ok. I only got mad at her once when she accused me of fucking around with Hank when I was only downstairs talking to him or bumming smokes. Hank lived below me and Mattie lived next door and that night she pissed me off I chased her into her apartment. She beat me to it, slammed and locked the door and I stood outside it kicking it and screaming at the top of my lungs. I heard her calling the cops, so I ran inside my place, shut my lights off and just stayed there. They knocked on my door, but I never answered. Hank told me the next day Mattie was scared of me. I told him as pissed as I was and with all my cussing at her, I’d never be dumb or cruel enough to lay a hand on a 62-year-old woman. I told Hank if Mattie wanted to be friendly, so would I but to ask, rather than accuse me of anything.

The nicest and sanest neighbors I had were these two sisters who were in their late 60s. Anna and Julia. They lived next door to me on the other side of me. Also, Dotty, who lived on the 1st floor next to Hank.

There were two adjoining buildings, each with two apartments per floor. My side was the 1-bdm side and the other was the 2-bdm side. Very different from the Woodside-Locust complex and much smaller. All the apartments were big on Woodside-Locust. The Oswego St. ones were smaller.

Locust had three 1-bdm apartments per floor. Woodside had three 1-bdm apartments per floor and 1 studio per floor.

Next time I write, I’ll write about my third roommate, Crystal C. I’ll always have mixed emotions about Crystal, but she was definitely the best roommate when she wasn’t being lazy or stealing from me. When I remember Crystal, I feel sorrier for her than angry. We had things in common, such as our backgrounds and hit it off instantly. She and I had a lot of laughs and we made phone calls and ranked on Nervous together. She was hardly ever home, though, as she was too busy hanging with the wrong kinds of people. Such as her boyfriend who was always beating the shit out of her, yet she’d keep going back for more.

She’ll always be a lost cause and forever naïve. Always be a loser and know people who are losers. She’d have a much harder time attracting decent people than I ever would.

Sometimes I feel like a lost cause only cuz there’s no possible way to get anything I really want no matter how hard I tried and how much effort I put into it. If humans lived to be 1000 years old, I’d never be a singer or get even one night with someone I’m sexually attracted to, whether I tried to or not.

However, Crystal’s the type you could hand something to on a silver platter and she’d refuse it.

So, she moved out in either late Feb. or early March of 1988.

I really don’t feel like writing now even though I have nothing better to do. I’m bored and I’m hungry but can’t get my food stamps until tomorrow. Also, I feel like shit.

Now, I’m going to try to wrap up this story once and for all. Then, I’ll get back to the past. I called Laurie since I couldn’t reach Sergeant D. Right away she came out and she told me I had two options. One was they’d seek an arrest warrant. Two, was for me to be at the Police Department the following night at 7:00.

The next day I called Sergeant D collect and told him there was no way I could get there cuz I had no car and no ride. I told him how and why I recently moved and that Kim and Mark were the only ones I knew and they were at the Cape. I also explained that Dad was coming up and that I only see him once a year.

I was honest with him, yet tried to make him feel for me at the same time. Luckily he’s very sensitive and understanding to begin with. I told him that, yes, I did have a flaky side to me, but that I’m not a bad person. He said, “I know you’re not a bad person and I know why you left the city.”

Then, he put me on hold. While waiting for him, I realized he had spoken to cops who knew me. Especially as he was just so nice and gave me a 3-day continuance until next Sat. I knew Kim could drive me then.

We also discussed the warrant about Jenny C and I told him the whole story. He said that the courts take care of that and that I’d have to go there.

So right after Dad left I discussed it all with Kim and Mark. Kim agreed to drive me. She was a little nervous, but not overly worried. I was a little on edge about the warrant, but at the same time, I told myself not to worry. Kim and I both figured Laurie would be there but she wasn’t.

I dressed up nicely and carried myself as well as I could.

Sergeant D looked nothing like he sounded. He laughed when I told him he sounded older. In fact, he was very young and Kim thought he was cute.

After we spoke, I could tell he thought I was attractive and I could see that he was honest and friendly. Of all the times I wished I was ugly and could turn people off, I really appreciated my looks that night. They helped, along with my attitude and knowing other cops. Also being related to Jim who’s a lawyer.

Finally, Sergeant D said, “The case with Laurie is over as far as I’m concerned and out of my book. I’m not even going to have you go to court as prank phone calls are not our top priority. We don’t want the hassle any more than you do.”

Then we discussed the warrant and I told him I couldn’t get to court last Thursday or Friday and I planned to go Monday. He said the W. Springfield police would have to come and get me and hold me there till Mon. morning when the courthouse opens up.

As he was saying this, Kim and I mentioned my asthma and I pretended to be terrified.

Finally, Sergeant D said, “Well, there’s no bail on defaults, but I’m gonna call W. Springfield and try to talk to them along with the clerk from the courts. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try my best. Meanwhile, you’ll still need to go downstairs and give them general information.”

Kim waited upstairs in his office while he took me downstairs to that garage area I was in 3½ years ago when I called that pig. The one I supposedly threatened over the phone that threatened me in my cell, which was perfectly ok for him to do and get away with, along with the sexually harassing calls I later got as well. There, he left me with another plainclothes cop while he went to make those calls.

That cop was nice too, and we chatted here and there. Then, as two young cops in uniform came to get in a cruiser, one looked at me and said, “Ooh.” Then he asked me if I was a social worker. I said no and that I was a singer. He was confused cuz I wasn’t handcuffed. He asked why I was there. I told him, then he asked if I’d be around for a while. I said no and told him I lived in S. Deerfield.

When I finally got inside where the cells are and began to give the guy at the desk the information, I could see 3 cops in a room with glass windows. I read their lips. They basically commented on my looks.

Then, this other cop came and stood right next to me and says, “I like short girls with nice long hair. You wouldn’t mind a guy with buck teeth would you?”

I told him I had buck teeth, too.

Then, when the guy at the desk asked for my last name, the cop that hit on me said, “Jodi?”

Then it hit me who it was and I said, “John P?”

He said yes and asked how Andy was. Andy had met him on one of his nighttime walks with his Batman cape.

So, that was when the phone rang and the guy behind the desk said that W. Springfield wasn’t coming. Then another cop came around the corner saying to another cop, “She’s going to be ROR’d right out of here.” There were maybe 6 or 7 cops.

The guy at the desk then said, “I hate to put you in a cell but it’s for your own protection as someone violent could be brought in. You’ll only be there a half-hour till the clerk of court arrives.”

I said, “Am I going to be in a cell with other people who may be violent?”

John said, “Nope. You get your own room.”

Then the matron took me to a cell till I paid bail and got out half an hour later.

On the way home, Kim and I were amazed at how nice everyone was. No one at all gave me a cold shoulder. Kim was saying, “You are so lucky. They broke the law for you. There’s no bail on defaults.”

Mark was shocked when he heard about it, and the following Monday, he took me to court. Even though we weren’t there long, Mark found it interesting.

That Saturday night when I got home from what Kim and I described as an interesting and somewhat adventurous night, I called Sergeant D and thanked him.

I go to court again on September 12th. I do not know if Jenny will be there, but my guess is that she’d love to be. I hope she is and I’ll write why after the court date.

Wait till I show Kim just how many pages it took me to write about all this.

Later...

The last thing I wrote about in my past was when I ditched Ron and told my family I was gay. That wasn’t quite the end of my sexual encounters with men as I was still naïve. I still hadn’t learned how to say “no” and was still wondering, like most 21-year-olds no doubt, how do I go about acting on being gay and finding a woman? I still was insecure and had yet to learn that you just can’t make someone feel, want or think what they don’t want to. You can’t make someone want and love you. I still didn’t know that love was out and sex was in. At least it was the in-thing in 95% of the population. Yes, guys more so than gals. I still didn’t know about gay bars or what a butch was and that gay women looked like men and not like a woman which I wanted. I still thought I was one in many thousands. That’s until my aunt Ruth told me that being gay is not as unique as I thought it was and I read statistics saying how every 1 out of 10 people is gay. I still had not met other gay people with which we both discussed it face to face. I mean, I had met plenty of gays, but was too young to understand and had met many I suspected were gay. I think it was how ugly and unattractive gay women are that’s more disappointing than how fucked up so many people are. It was still to be a while before I learned all this, though.

Anyway, as I was last saying, I realized Laurie was awake so I once again said to hell with it. I called back without giving out any information and I got right to the point. She flipped on me immediately, denying she was gay and demanding a name. I hung up without telling her a thing and was curious as to why she’d lie about being gay. Usually, hardasses like herself tell it like it is with no fear. They’re the types who don’t give a shit whatsoever what someone else thinks. It was so obvious too by her looks, the sound of her voice and definitely her attitude.

I gave up on her for almost two months till I looked in the phonebook. There were 3 others with her last name listed so I called her mother and her sister-in-law. Her parents were pissed and her sister-in-law was too, then became friendly figuring I was trying to help Laurie. I told them both that Laurie was gay and told them Laurie was afraid to tell them. The mother was swearing at me and telling me it was Laurie’s business what she does. I asked the sister-in-law if she knew. She said no and that people’s sexual preferences are none of her business. She also said that Laurie knows she can talk to her and Laurie knows she works with a gay woman.

So finally late one night at 3 AM, I called her brother Tim and crossed her with Laurie. They were confused at first until I whispered, “Laurie.”

She goes, “What was that?”

Tim said, “Someone just whispered ‘Laurie’.”

Laurie asks, “Are you serious?”

Then after Tim said yes, Laurie told him to hang up and let his machine pick up to see if they could get a voice. So I did call the brother and left a tape of Nervous and Fran’s brother Rick fighting on his machine. I did this a few times till I called back begging for him to pick up the phone all the while playing to be the AT&T operator. He did, and I crossed him with Laurie.

Laurie immediately told Tim, “That woman’s on the line. I’m gonna kill you and pummel your face in. We’re gonna come down real hard on you, woman, as soon as we get a name. We know you’re connected with the hospital. That much we got.”

Tim said, “Laurie, when you get her, have her killed.”

She said, “With my very little hands.”

So finally I spoke up with all my wacky lines and really confused them as to who the fuck I am and where I am and how I have so much information. I told her how I saw her and liked what I saw.

I asked her how you get aids in your ear and she said she didn’t know. I said by listening to assholes and then she said she must have AIDS in her ear.

Tim asked me which one was going to be the dominant one and I began singing, Crazy in Love with You by Linda and Laurie said, “You are crazy for sure.”

I said I was half sane, half-insane.

Laurie says, “No, you’re leaning on a good 95% insane.”

I said, “Well, if you let me have a date with you, I’ll drop it to 90%.”

Finally, Tim told Laurie he thought the whole thing was amusing.

Laurie said, “Well, I don’t. Not at this point.”

Even though she was pissed, you could tell she was quite curious.

After Tim hung up, I told her at that time that I’d only seen her once and mentioned her lighting my cigarette. I never mentioned Kim’s name or my last name or address but I did give her my first name and phone number.

She swore she’d never harm me and said, “We all have our skeletons in the closet, but I don’t think you’re a bad person. I have the information now, Jodi, and I could do something if I wanted to, but I’m not going to. I give you my word as a woman and as a cop, I could but I won’t. However, if you agree to stop calling my family and call me here at a decent hour, I’ll talk to you.”

After I hung up, I realized she could find out who and where I am as I know so many cops. I also knew that if she were to speak to cops who know me, they’d put in a good word for me. I figured why worry about it anyway as yes, I was skeptical, but she really had me believing she was sincere.

The next day, I left two messages on her machine in the early afternoon. Plenty of time before she’s to be at work. I tried other times too, to reach her, but hung up as soon as I’d get the machine.

It was at that point that I started to get a bad feeling. Then, after 3 days of not hearing from her, I got a call from a Sergeant D at the police dept. At first, I hung up on the guy till I realized two things. One was that he and Laurie probably had found out my full name and where I live. Secondly, I noticed this guy sounded so nice and not “out to get me” in a bad way. He sounded much nicer than Laurie. At this point, I could see that Laurie would freak out over anything and was just another insensitive, lying butch.

I then went to call Sergeant D back, but he’d already left.

I called Laurie after that, who of course, had her answering machine on and said, “I want you both to call me back and I want to know why you lied.”

I’ll write more after I watch A Current Affair. I spoke to Andy last night so later I’ll write about that, too.

Later...

I watched A Current Affair but decided not to watch Unsolved Mysteries as it’s another repeat. You’d think that with all the crime in the world, they’d come up with new shows, but I guess not.

Last night when Andy called he played me a tape of some calls he’s made. They were funny. He said that as soon as he fills up the tape, he’ll mail it to me so I can edit it.

He also told me that he and a friend of his are going to see Gloria in July. He’s going to send me two tour books. Two cuz they put pictures back to back. We figure they’ll be $10 apiece so instead of him sending me $35, which he owes me, he’ll send $15. I told him to send me the money right away and that I’m mailing him a tape of the new edits.

Now to continue once again with Laurie, Sergeant D, and the bench warrant. The following night I went to the movies with Kim. Upon returning home there were two messages on my machine. First was Sergeant D, sounding friendly and patient, telling me he just wanted to run a few things by me and to call collect if I wanted to “save a dime.” Lord only knows what my phone bill is gonna be even though it was worth it.

The second message was from Laurie with a slight snobbish edge, although she was calm. She said, “Hi Jodi, this is Laurie H. If you’re there I’d appreciate you picking up the phone (pause). Well, obviously you have my number. Return the call and I’ll talk to you at this point. Thanks. Bye.”

First I tried reaching Sergeant D, but once again it was too late. He had gone home.

I’m not gonna write too long about Laurie or all the other stuff. I can barely keep my eyes open and only had 3 hours of sleep. I had to be up by 7:30 this morning. So, about Laurie…Kim found out her name and also that she was originally from Greenfield. Kim saw her 3 times or so and also had an instant feeling that she was gay, even though she doesn’t look overly butchy. So, one night before Kim left the ER, she saw Laurie going home in a wheelchair. Kim told me she was in uniform and had been hurt on duty. Kim didn’t know how she got hurt but informed me Laurie would be out of work for a few days.

Right after this discussion, I called 411 and got her no. Although it was 2 AM and my heart was pounding, I thought, “What the fuck?” Of course, I knew I’d never have a fling with her so I figured I’d just have fun. When she answered I realized the voice sounded much manlier than I remembered. Her attitude is that of a major bull butch, too. At first, I asked for a phony name and at that point, she was nice and told me I had the wrong number, of course. I hung up and then it hit me that she was fully awake. Second-shift people usually are at that time, but I’ll finish the story tomorrow.

I am zonked so I’m gonna listen to music, then crash.

First I’ll write about my very interesting adventure which will bring my current life up to date. After that, I’ll go back into the past.

Well, cuz I never went to court for Jenny, there was a default warrant out as I figured there’d be. Before I get to that, though, I need to back up a bit and mention something else. They’re connected, though.

I’m not sure if I mentioned Laurie H or not. Nevertheless, I’ll run through it anyway. Once, right before I moved, I was in the ER and I noticed an attractive lady cop. I knew right away that cuz I liked her, God would never let me have her. So, I decided to play chase and snoop anyway like I usually do. The chase is always more enjoyable than the capture. Even though there never is a capture unless it’s someone I don’t want. After I left the ER and went outside to wait for Brenda to pick me up, she came out to her cruiser to smoke a cigarette. I asked her for a light so I could talk to her and get a better look. I noticed that yes, you could tell she was gay but she was pretty at the same time. Her hair was a little below her shoulders and she had beautiful brown eyes.

That was the last I saw of her. This was either directly before or after meeting Kim. After I moved, while Kim was still working at Baystate, she got some information on Laurie H.

After I see The People’s Court I’ll finish the story.

The last week and a half have been incredible! I have some amazing stories to cover. First of all, the visit with Dad was great. He also stood here overnight. He brought up a few knickknacks and we went out to dinner and then to Sugar Loaf Market. I sang him two songs and played the tape Bill made of the voice exercises. I also played him a few “appropriate” edits and I showed him my drawings and some new clothes. He saw the tape of the Frontier and the Pub performances and he really got into it. We watched TV, too.

Mom will be up in a month or two, she said, and told me how beautiful Dad thought the apartment was. He really freaked when he saw it and he took several pictures of it.

Both mom and Tammy called and mom asked me if I was sure nothing at all was included in the rent. When I said no, she said from now on they’ll send in a check for $150 rather than $140. That’s great. I’ll have an extra $10 and it’ll surely help.

Again I told her as soon as anything singing job comes up, I’ll notify her and I feel it will.

That guy Joe called that I met roller skating and we had a great talk. It makes me feel better knowing Kim and Mark have known him for years. He said I sounded very serious and determined, then he mentioned my fears before I did. As far as sleeping my way there, he said, I wouldn’t embarrass myself, either. We sang some Spanish over the phone and he knows Linda’s songs from her album Canciones de mi Padre. He says he’ll call soon.

I’m gonna go listen to music for a little while, then I’ll write about the most adventurous event I had earlier.

I had a fantastic day. For starters, I went to this lake with Kim. Her grandparents live there as well as in Florida. They’ve been exactly where my parents live. We went in the paddleboat and I swam like hell, got some color. I have been dying to go swimming for ages.

From 8:00-10:00 this evening, Kim, Mark and I went to Interskate 91 and I had a blast there. I really skated up a storm, but boy did they play shitty music. I met an older man there who’s a dancer and he knows my uncle Marty. He also knows a lot of bands so he took my number.

After I gave him my number, Kim said she knew him and he’s super nice and does know a lot of people. I thought to myself, “Here goes nothing, once again.” I’m used to it, though.

My biggest and best news is that Dad’s coming up on June 6th! That’s my mom’s birthday. Ma’s not coming up, though, which is fine with me.

I haven’t forgotten about writing about past people and events in more vivid detail. I’ll get on with it, but not now as I must be up early to see Dr. Leitch.

Speaking of gay women, which I noticed I last wrote about, I never did go to Northampton as Kim was tired that night. I’ve also chickened out permanently, I guess. A lot of times when you put something off long enough, you never get back into doing it and do it.

However, I called that woman Tony told me about. I spoke to her but never met her. I don’t have to. I already know I won’t be attracted to her and she was a major turn-off over the phone. Not geeky, but someone perhaps insensitive and one of those “you better be calm, quiet, and stable all the time” characters. Someone who would only want to be there through your good times and run when you’re having a bad time.

I also met a butch, and I mean a butch, who by accident, dialed my number, and I didn’t like who she was either. She too, came across instantly as one who wants you to be what she wants and can’t let people be themselves.

Kim met her too, and before this woman came over, I made up a signal. I would shake my bracelet if she were pitifully ugly. Shake my right earring if she was so-so and my left if she were gorgeous.

Of course, I knew my left earring would never get a shake.

Kim agreed with me on her character and that she was a cross between the bracelet and the right earring. Tracy K was a 0. A so-so woman’s a 5. Beautiful is 10, but this girl was a 2.

I wish I had an electric typewriter so badly. I stopped typing these journals which I really wanted to do. I had to as the keys were sticking and jamming up, forcing me to make mistakes I wouldn’t have normally made. There were not tons and tons of mistakes, but a few per page. There should’ve been a few for every 5 pages. Maybe I’ll use Kim’s but it’s a huge one. One you can’t carry easily. I’d have to use it there. That’s ok with me, though.

I have tons and tons to write about. I mean, lots of stuff, but I’m exhausted. Also, my breathing’s not too good lately. I’ll be seeing Dr. Leitch Friday. Time for antibiotics again. Also, it’s causing my yeast infection to get worse. My nose is jammed up more and I’m coughing up shit and wheezing more. I’ll write tomorrow for sure.

Yes, I’ve been slacking off again with updates. Actually, I’ve been quite busy. I’ve been typing up my journals. It’ll be a long project yet a fun one. I’m already on number 2. I type pretty fast, too.

Last Saturday night Steve came up. We had a great time. He was here from 5:30 till 11:00 at night. We talked, watched a movie and he gave me $40! I was broke, too. He loved the apartment, of course.

It was weird too, as at the very beginning of May I had a prediction that May 19th was to be a great day. I had no idea at the time why and I saw blue and green. What that means is part of a new “prediction system” I’ve come up with. So far it works and here’s a list of the colors and what they represent:

Blue - calm, happy
Green - money
Red - pain
Black - anger, irritability
Gray - depression
Purple - sexual desires, having sex, sexual frustrations
White - nothing good, nothing bad, boredom
Yellow - something new, new opportunity
Orange - fear, anxiety, risky situation, bizarre adventure

When I saw blue and green for May 19th, the first thing that crossed my mind was a band, but I was doubtful. The blue really was my being happy to see Steve and the green was that $40.

Also, I described people and events at the ER. That’s right, I also told Kim there’d be a shooting in the next 24 hours. I was right.

So, the next night, Jai came up for an hour or so. That was nice, too.

Jai didn’t meet Mark, but he met Kim and they do know each other. Or I should say, they’ve seen each other here and there. Steve met Kim in Springfield before I moved, and when he was here, he met Mark.

I was up late yesterday afternoon and up all night so I don’t know when I’ll sleep. I doubt we’ll go to Northampton tonight to this gay bar. From what I’ve heard (Kim’s been there before) it’s gay night on Wed. and straight the other nights. You know how I feel and there’s no point in it. What’s meant to be is one thing and what’s not is another. I hate gay women and once you’ve seen one gay woman (butch) you’ve seen them all. I need to keep away from people and the stress they bring for a while.

When I came out and told mom I was gay she really wasn’t too surprised. I guess a lot of people aren’t with all the “hints” a gay person drops when they’re younger. All the female idols I always had and never being enthusiastic about males. Mom, Dad, and Tammy have no problem with it. At first, however, Dad and Tammy suggested, like most people, that maybe it was due to being hurt. I simply explained that sexual attraction was one thing, and emotional is another. Also, I’ve known plenty of other girls hurt by men in the worst possible ways but they’re straight as an arrow. I told them, you don’t just go with women to go with them, you have to have attraction.

Mom, I know, was immediately thrilled. She never questioned my feelings or experiences with men. It’s obvious why, too. She knows most guys are assholes, especially in today’s world. She knows I do great at attracting losers. She also knows you can’t get pregnant from a woman. I’m not stupid. Even if it had been Tammy, they’d have gone along with it and handled it ok but they’d have been more shocked. If you gave them a choice a few years ago and asked them who they’d prefer straight, they’d say Tammy. Tammy’s not only their favorite daughter but she’s “good enough” to be a mom. That’s only in their eyes, though, cuz she’s got a rich Jewish husband. In my eyes, and many others have agreed, she’s too much like Mom.

I got a little lazy last night so I never wrote. By 2:00 or 3:00 late last night I fell asleep. I woke up at 11:00 this morning and went grocery shopping with Kim a little later.

Right now, it is absolutely beautiful. It was horrible earlier. Too hot. My central AC took care of that though. The breeze in here is amazing. Funny how I freaked out over the breeze in my last place which is nothing compared to this. This is like my parent’s tropical island in Florida and it’s not polluted. It’s not a once-in-a-while breeze either. It’s every day and night.

Now, two more things before I get down to business. When Steve and I spoke the other night, I mentioned Kim and Mark moving out and getting a house this summer. I’ve already told him about the apartment and the town. Steve told me to talk to Peter M and I did. He sounded pleased about it. If Steve didn’t get in next door, he could afford to get a house or something else nearby. He despises Springfield too, and we miss each other.

The other thing is Tony, who I met roller skating with Kim. He was interested in me especially cuz I was shorter than him and he’s not more than 2 or 3 inches taller. He called and I told him, “I know Kim already spoke to you about my being gay and I have no problem with being friends as long as you understand that. But, I’ll make a deal and that is if I meet anyone who’s looking and who’s my height, I’ll let you know. Also, let me know if you meet any women who’re not butchy and drug-free.”

He agreed. The funny thing about it is last night I saw a vision of him calling me about someone and today he did. But guess what? I’ve really had it with second best and you know that’s all I’ll get. I’ve also had it with relationships and everything that goes along with them and I just need to be alone. I feel I’m better off, as I said before and that I’d rather fantasize about first best before I settle again and feel that great void. Realizing I was better off alone and saying, “Is this all I’m ever gonna get?” Also, she’s not into blind dates, which is understandable, so he said for me to go to one of their AA meetings.

If I speak to her, as Tony gave me her number, I’ll have to tell her no as I have no car. If she came to pick me up here, that’d still be a blind date. I would like to be friends if it’s a mutual possibility. I called and left my number with some girl who answered.

I guess Tony’s known her for quite a while and it’s funny how earlier I was thinking of all the people I’ve slept with or that wanted me that I said no to and most of them had one thing in common. They were ex-alkies. I really know how to attract ex and current alkies and a few good dope heads, don’t I? Why do half the people I meet have to be members of AA?! Well, anyway, no more stress, arguments or compromises. No more of my getting smothered by desperadoes or geeky shy wimps. No more sleeping with people I don’t feel “the spark” with and no more being dumped by the “decent” people I’m no good for.

I’ve read back in my first few journals and I’ve found not only that I’ve changed so much (I already knew that), but I’m not as good at spelling as I thought. Also, my poor punctuation which I still never bother to do correctly. What I noticed, most importantly of all is the lack of detail pertaining to certain events, people or places. An example is that in my first book, the first thing I mentioned about Nervous was, “Nervous is coming over soon.” I never wrote about how we met, where, who and what he is. How he got his nickname, although, that’s quite obvious after reading not even one page about him.

What I’m now gonna do is go back over the basics of life since I moved out on my own. That was December 3rd, 1985, the day before I turned 20. I’ll run through it as briefly as possible, but with all the essential details. It’ll be quite fun and adventurous even though I’d never want to relive it. It’ll make me laugh but that’s good that it makes me laugh as a reminder of how far I’ve come in life. How much I’ve grown and learned due to experience and of course my 6th sense. As, you know, I’ve been a victim of everything except child molestation as a kid, my parents weren’t alkies or druggies and neither was I. I, of course, experimented till that time I tripped.

Some of these people have been friends, lovers, neighbors or roommates. No person I’ve slept with whether it’s been for only 1 night has been left out, but many names of non-importance have been omitted.

I think it was around February of 1985 when I was hired at the Harley Hotel as a housekeeper. I’ve had other jobs which I’ve quit. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m sick of second best.

On December 3rd of 1985, the day before I turned 20, I moved out on my own to the first floor of Locust St. I still worked at the Harley where 2-3 months later, I took in a 17-year-old girl named Michelle L. She wanted out of her home fast as she says she was molested by her father. We got along ok till she met my brother Larry. It started as Larry and I having problems and him getting in the way of Michelle and I having a good friendship. He also was cheating on his wife Sandy with Michelle. Finally, I just wanted to be alone and in order to get rid of him, I had to get rid of her. She went to live with Larry and Sandy.

Shortly after I moved upstairs, around the corner on Woodside with the same landlords, I never saw them again. A few months after I kicked Michelle out, I was fired from the Harley. After suppressing my past, the impact of my past finally caught up with me. It all came out and very very hard and got in the way of my job.

A few months later, Dad got me on SS and SSI and got a back payment of $6,100. According to my dad, my disability checks were terminated when I was 18 and they shouldn’t have been. Of course, Dad lies by telling me it’s cuz of my ear. Even back then, when I was gullible, I knew it was cuz I’m supposed to be a nut head. An unbalanced joke of society. In a way I was, but my version of that is different than theirs.

I don’t know the exact date. All I know is it was late May of 1986 when someone began to knock on my bedroom window very late at night. I believe my brother was behind it. At first, I was scared, then I became furious. One night I vowed not to give this bastard the reaction he wanted and due to becoming so mad with fury, I planned to wait outside my bedroom window just before what would’ve been his third visit. I think it was his third. Anyway, right after the first incident with this sicko, I told Larry and John, the brothers who owned the building at the time, who had an apartment available on the 4th floor around the corner. I freaked when I saw it. It was so big and so much nicer, I had to have it.

Even though I forgot about the visit with the sicko and moved up right away, I knew from now on I’d never cower down to anyone again. I learned if you show fear to any kind of troublemaker or be naïve or vulnerable, you’ll be taken advantage of. So, I moved up there and Jenny, Jim and a friend of Jim’s helped.

Right after that, I met Nancy H next door. I also had met Emily B who lived down the street in a building also owned by the same brothers. Also, I became friends with an old couple on the 2nd floor, Jo and Eddy L. Jo was always sweet and sincere, but Eddy went out of his mind due to Alzheimer’s disease. I met a girl named Mary C, a few buildings down who had a young son. Whenever I could, I helped her out with food or by giving her things I didn’t want or need.

Jenny and I were friends since I was 9 and she was 10. Jim was her boyfriend.

I had discussed my being gay with only my brother and my therapist at this time, but wouldn’t act on it for a while. I was too young to know about gay bars and all the other stuff I know now. All I knew was that I had always been attracted to women, but would take whatever I could get for a while. Jenny also told me her sister Robin was gay and I found out Shelly R was too. Shelly’s the daughter of my mom’s best friend Charlotte. They go back way before Larry was even born.

I met Ron M in July of 1986. He was ok at first then changed as most people do. He was never brutal as he knew just what I’d do to people like that and he was patient in bed. The sex was boring and all the while he was “down there” I’d continue to fantasize about women. It took 3 months or so before he could get inside me without pain and he was small, too. Only 4” hard. His goal was to be married and have kids and when we went over to my parent’s house and he told them he wanted to marry me, I was shocked they didn’t say anything against it. I’m not shocked they told me to wait 5-10 years before I got pregnant and to get it medically approved. That was their way of saying, “You’re not rich and you’re not good enough to be a mother.” Of course, to them, money’s the number one thing. Not love. And they had said, “Do you want your kids to have the same problems you do? Or have no ear too?”

I said, “First of all, my kid won’t have the same problem cuz they won’t be raised the way you raised me. Also, I checked with a doctor and this ear bit is bullshit. You guys never had a missing ear. You were born with two normal ears. Yet you produced a child with a missing ear.”

This was around my 21st birthday and Dad said if we still felt the same by his birthday, April 5th, he’d set something up. Something small, they said, so we could be given the money that would’ve been spent on a big wedding. Mom said Tammy got a big wedding cuz Bill already had a home for them and a good job. Tammy, in some ways, was more screwed up than me, but could always get men with houses and money. 98% of the people I meet, males or females, are broke.

By the end of January, Ron and I were finished. He was just too immature, flaky, naïve, impractical, possessive and pushy. He was into pot and booze too which I was finished with. He may have cheated on me, but I doubt he did. I called Mom, told her why I kicked him out and laid it out on the line right then and there about being gay.

Later...

Just to quickly update you, I’m doing laundry now and had a nice chat with Steve on the phone last night. I guess he’ll be up this Saturday.

Other than that nothing’s really new. I’ve pretty much maintained a day schedule for the last week or so. However, I think I’ll be up most of the night. I was up till 6 AM yesterday but I got up at noon so that wasn’t too bad. No, actually I think it was 5 AM but that’s enough sleep, usually.

Now, let me go stop my VCR, get a cigarette, then I’ll continue with what I began last night.

Boy, sometimes I really feel like a complete waste product. Not only is the past depressing to think about, but the future is, too. The future is depressing and a bit scary. If I never become a singer or have a child or a woman (first best), what will my life be about? Will I be on SS forever?

I know I’ll never have the last two things up above in my last paragraph, as I know the difference between fantasy and a vision. For example, when I think of a woman, it’s a fantasy cuz I know it’s not meant to be.

As far as singing goes, I know it’d be easier to say “fuck it” and settle for some stupid job I hate. I feel helpless and like I’ll never get anywhere with it but the vision just won’t go away. When I picture myself as a singer, performing, rehearsals, traveling, studios, interviews, and Grammys, it just seems so real and so natural. I’m already 25 now and I feel like my voice isn’t a gift I can use. It’s more like a curse and a tease to me now even though I’d never stop singing. Could I ever make it by being poor, anti-drugs, and by having no car, no money, no sex, and with all the fears and lack of trust I have in people?

I know these bands, Free Press and Radiators, will never call me. If they did, they’d turn me down cuz I have no car, no experience, or maybe not the type of singer or person they’re looking for. Like I said before, some people get everything or some things they want, but I’ve never been granted one wish. I mean a major wish. A wish that really really matters. Yes, I have made more personal growth than I expected. Yes, I have gotten more of a voice and other abilities than I expected. Yes, I’ve moved to a great apartment in a nice town, but should I give up? Is it now really time to give in to a job I hate? A nothing-nobody job?

I am currently on Kim’s bed and we are both writing in our journals. She says she’s been inspired to write by me.

Earlier, I spoke with both Tammy and Mom and I guess Dad’s not doing too well. They’re gonna keep me posted. Also, I spoke with Tony who I met while roller skating.

Yesterday I had a wicked bad day with horrible cramps. It went on and on for hours till I fell asleep. I shit my ass off and threw up twice.

I lost a couple of pounds. I weigh usually between 97-100. My measurements are as follows:

Waist - 26
Thighs - 21½
Bust - 32½
Hips - 33½
Lower gut - 29

Andy left a message two days ago saying he wasn’t moving till June 1st, rather than May 1st.

I also called that guy Kim and I met at Food Fart talking about bands. He gave my number to two bands that he says are drug-free. One’s called The Radiators which makes you think of a football team. The other one’s called Free Press which reminds you of a magazine or newspaper publishing company.

Since I’ve been here I’ve gotten quite a bit of editing done, but I think I’ll go listen to music now, then go to bed.

Kim, Mark, and I went to Hampden Beach today and I got only a little bit of color. I would’ve gotten tons of color if we’d left earlier and if it was warmer. Mom was right about saying it gets easier to tan as you get older. Despite the bees which I hate to death, I’d like to lie out in the parking lot tomorrow, but they predict rain. When we left here, it was damp and foggy and at the beach, it was so chilly that I got to the point where I needed to put my shirt on. I was still cold after I did that, too.

Before we left I had an appointment with my asthma doctor, and he also agreed I’m getting much better. I was so incredibly tired today as I had only two hours of sleep when I got up this morning. Also, I slept an hour and a half in the backseat on the way back home. I hate long rides and man did it seem like forever getting there and back. Surprisingly enough, though, my schedule’s been fairly normal since I moved here.

I can breathe so much better and my skin looks better, too. I no longer wake up so congested and I don’t get one cold after another anymore. Cuz of my lack of sleep I figured I could sleep but I can’t yet.

There’s a fitness center next door and a woman from this place left a message while I recorded Unsolved Mysteries and tried to sleep. I’ll wait for her to call back as she said she would.

Now, for a quick update on what’s gone on since I last wrote:

1. Andy’s moving into his new apartment today.

2. I got a musical mobile from Kim which her grandmother gave her. Quarter notes, eighth notes, and G-clefts hang from it.

3. Kim also bought me a beautiful spring jacket, a dress, and a bracelet.

4. I went skating with my new roller skates and what a grip! They feel and handle the rink like heaven.

5. This girl at the mall who I “felt” was gay never called about the signing lessons she wanted. Was she ever so flattered when I told her how nice her figure was!

6. That cop with information for me never called Kim.

7. That guy that Kim and I spoke to that works at Food Fart in Greenfield never called about band information.

8. God never failed to have that guy who hit on me at the skating rink call twice. He got the machine, though.

9. That cop Jamie’s real name is Laurie. I called her at home one night and her voice sounded manlier than I remembered, and she was a snotty bitch, denying she was gay. Although she tried her best for it, she never got any information connecting my call to me or Kim.

It’s so hard to believe I’ve only been here for 23 days. It seems like so much longer.

Kim and I have continued to have great times together. Can you believe she bought me $75 roller skates?! They’re so nice too. They’re the boot kind and they’re indoor skates rather than my old outdoor sneaker skates. The boots are white with neon pink wheels. Since I got my schedule pretty much normal, I’m gonna go roller skating this Thursday night.

Next, she’s talking about a new spring jacket. You know me, I never ask and she won’t take no for an answer, but it feels weird. Only my parents would buy me stuff like that. But then again, Brenda bought stuff here and there till she came into money problems and I helped her out. I was more than happy to return the favor, but not for crack.

Kim may have gotten a job at the doctor’s office where I went to follow up on my asthma. He gave me a new inhaler and in between that and the clean fresh air, my breathing better. Also, my skin looks and feels better and my hair is growing faster and my hair always grew like a weed to begin with.

This Earth Day thing has hundreds of people spending many hours cleaning up the Mill River. They wait till I leave to do it.

I spoke with Jenny who called earlier and we had a nice chat. Bill hasn’t called back yet but I’ve spoken with Hank and Nervous and have yet to speak with Jessie, Steve or Brenda. I’m not sure that I will but I’ve got to contact Jessie to arrange for her to either bring the bathing suits she borrowed up here or mail them. I don’t know yet when Tammy’s coming up yet or when Mom and Dad are.

Oh, almost forgot, I spoke with Andy yesterday and I played him new edits.

I do have more to write about but I’m in one of my phases where I’m not in the mood to write so, I’ll continue updating later.

I had a really good talk with Kim last night and she bought me something that cost between $20-$40 and has 20 or 30 pieces and also 5-6 colors but insists it’s a surprise. She says I’ll love it and that she can’t wait till I see it. She also said it was something I mentioned once or twice when we first met. She kept giving me all these weird clues and even drew part of it from two different angles. I still have no idea what the heck it is, but I guess it’s music-related.

Tammy also called to tell me she may be here the weekend after next but she’ll soon let me know for sure. Lisa still has strep throat and I spoke with her, too, briefly. Tammy also said that a cat she’s been feeding had two kittens under Lisa’s bed. She may give them to me, but I have to wait 6 more weeks before they’re done nursing. I also told Tammy how Kim feels about Mark and how she feels about me.

Kim came over and we chatted for a while. This week she’s gonna take me to get the discount form for the heat/AC bill. Also, I’ll go to SS and welfare about my food stamps. I don’t need to sign up for next winter’s fuel assistance program till this July or August. I will not transfer banks till my book of checks run out and I’m now on my last book. The other thing I’ve got to do is get a new address label for my license. Thank God I don’t need to renew it till ‘93 or ‘94. All I have to do is get this little sticker you stick on the back of it. I remember that when I moved to Oswego St. Of course, moving back to Woodside Terrace, all I needed to do was peel the sticker off.

I watched a little TV earlier with Mark and when Kim was here I played her the slurred edits. Of course, she was amused. I mean, they are so funny. I’ll never get sick of any of my edits although I need to start doing more which I’ve got to send to Andy along with other stuff. Old stuff that he never got that got edited right after he got the tapes I made for him and that was quite long ago. I think the last thing Andy got was Donna A so I’ll pick up from there if that’s where I left off.

I’ll write more about my hair and weight later. I may verbalize it a lot but haven’t written about it in a long time.

Damn, am I bored! I wish Kim were here more often. I guess I’d still much rather be bored here than in Crack Alley. I am, however, going out Wednesday and Thursday nights.

Shadow didn’t go roof climbing today but he sure did once again yesterday. I made the perfect leash for him too, or so I thought. I took an old necklace that wasn’t too tight, nor was it loose enough for him to slip it off over his head. Then I tied a long ribbon securely to the necklace but he managed to snap the necklace in half. I’ve got to get a real leash.

Other than that I did nothing spectacular today other than walk to the store to buy smokes and watch A Current Affair.

There is something me and Kim are working on. The same fun project as what we did with that Dr. Statz. You know, snooping. Of course, as I mentioned before, the doc is gay. Or bi, I should say, but is married to some rich lawyer. Well, it’s this cop and you know I’ve always had a thing for them. I don’t know her name, therefore I’ve given her the name Jamie. Like I said long ago, every now and then I’m attracted to one where you can tell. Remember? It’s once in a million years with a feminine one and once in a billion years with a half-butchy one. Never a diesel butch. Well, maybe I should keep that last line and change the rest. Every 15 years with a feminine one and every 50 years with a half and half. You can tell but she’s pretty at the same time and Kim agrees.

Kim tried snooping around yesterday but couldn’t get her alone. She did hear Jamie say how much she hates Springfield and when she has kids, she’s not raising them in Springfield. Kim then asked her if she was married and Jamie said no and then quickly changed the subject.

Kim is like me. We both know things instantly about all kinds of people. Things that most people never know unless they’re told or find out somehow someway. My gut feeling is that she’s spoken for. She’s a cop. Not that God would allow me to have her anyway and if he did I’d dump her real soon of course. Or, of course, she’d dump me if I didn’t dump her. Anyway, it all comes down to what I said before about snooping and playing detective. It’s fun and the chase is always better than the capture. I like to be wondering and guessing even though I know I’ll never have her.

Oh. I never mentioned how I ran into her, but it was by asking for a light at the ER while waiting for Brenda to pick me up. I also think I may have seen her a little over a year or so ago late at night when Andy and I were out. Another thing is, and God I hope to hell I’m wrong, but I think that when I was dragged into jail for calling that pig, she might have seen me there.

I’ll keep writing about what happens (nothing).

I just spoke with Andy who’s still doing just fine and loving Phoenix. He reminded me that our clocks here go ahead an hour but they don’t change out there. Weird, huh? He’ll now be 3 hours earlier.

I played him the slurred edits, where I had the pause button partially down. They are so funny. I may do more editing later now that I have two tracks in working condition.

I fell asleep near 5 AM yesterday morning and woke, as usual, 4 hours later with an attack. Not a killer one, but a very annoying one. Kim is picking me up a refill on Alupent on her way to Springfield to work at Baystate. I’ve got a doctor that Kim called to follow up with this Monday.

Also, I stopped my Theodur like a jerk, but you know I hate any kind of drug. After the Navane, I’ve been really paranoid although that too has been better since I moved. What a major curse Springfield was.

Kim is so great and so sweet. She’s everything I look for in a person. I feel I can never express how grateful I am for all that she’s done for me. It’s like being rescued from Valleyhead. She’s a person that comes rare and is far and few between. I will just repay her by being a good friend.

Also, I was right from the very beginning as I may have mentioned before. She is very attracted to me and who I am. It’s amazing too, as I’ve always said, “Is there anyone out there who’s sane and upper class but yet will accept me for who and what I am?”

Sure enough, as we both agreed, we’re a lot alike. Not all serious, not all nuts. We’re both half-sane, half-insane. Also, she’s like me in always wanting to help others. I feel guilty, though, as I have no money to give her if she needed it. She doesn’t need it but part of me wishes we could swap incomes for a week or so, so I could do for her what she’s done for me. I wish she were here with me now. I could use the company and I’m bored but I don’t do walks at night even though I can usually defend myself quite well. I did cruise up and down Elm St. a bit today at around 2:30. It was 80º today and I got a great breeze through my windows, even though Kim and I have yet to figure out how to open the skylights. Thank God cats are sure-footed as Shadow went roof cruising for an hour or so. Can you believe it? I was scared shitless for him at first but even though he enjoyed it and was not hurt, I’m getting him a leash. That way he can also accompany me on walks. I tried taking a big ribbon and tying him up to one of the posts on the deck but he just kept slipping it off of his neck and going about his tour.

I feel so happy and safe since I’ve moved, but at the same time, a little lonely. I miss my friends and I can’t lie, you know me, but the urge for a lover is picking up here and there. I hate that feeling. I’ve learned now, that those feelings don’t mean I’m weak and yes I know you can be with someone and still be independent, but I still wish I could want to be alone 100% of the time. Oh well. I couldn’t get someone if I wanted to as I’ve written about 10 billion times before.

Getting back to Kim, sometimes I wish she were here to give me a hug and just hold me, but I try to keep my feelings inside. There’s no point saying anything. The last thing I need to do is make her feel depressed or burdened in any way and I don’t want her to feel used. I only hope I haven’t talked too much already. I also feel like a jerk cuz all my bottled-up frustration came out earlier today when I had that attack. Sometimes that’s the only way to vent it out, though, and get it out of me, rather than trash my place or something stupid like that. Those days are over and I haven’t slashed my wrists since age 17 and even though I was trapped, a minor and couldn’t and wouldn’t hurt the ones hurting me. Like I said, they’re over.

I don’t want to lead Kim on either, as I am not attracted to her.

Time for some hot chocolate.

I want to be a singer!!!

Wait till I tell Kim about that call.

South Deerfield…

Boy, do I ever have lots to write about. Yes, I’ve finally moved and man oh man is it quiet here. No people yelling. No horns honking. All you hear 2-3 times a day, but only during the day, is a train passing by. It runs right by Kim’s apt. I like trains, though.

Today is my father’s b-day. He’s 60, but he says he still feels young. No one in the family looks their age except for Tammy.

Tammy had told me she was writing a farewell letter to Mom, but she and Dad could call to keep in touch with Lisa, Becky, and Sarah. However, she must have spoken to them or maybe only Dad cuz he said earlier tonight that Tammy said she was gonna drive up this weekend but Lisa got sick.

I feel like I’m on some luxury vacation in a big beautiful hotel. I mean this place is huge! I never thought I’d laugh my ass off about the Woodside apartment. I had so much fun using my dishwasher, Jacuzzi, trash compactor and my washer and dryer.

It also is easier to breathe here for sure and the temperature was 72º today. Therefore, I had my big window door open and other windows and I got a hell of a breeze. We are more up in the mountains and cuz it’s further north, it’s colder and it snows more in the winter.

Shadow loves it here. He seems much happier here and causes less trouble. No more eating my napkins or going in the pails.

Like I mentioned before, we each have our own stairwells. There are 30 stairs that go straight up and Shadow loves it when I toss his balls down and he chases them. His litter box is down there too, along with Gloria’s pictures. I keep him there at night with a bowl of dry food. His canned food is up in the kitchen. And, of course, the toilet paper in the bathroom.

The day before I left, Jai came over and we had a great visit. I saw his place too and says he and Jenny will come up sometime. Also Steve and Jessie and hopefully Brenda, too. Also, Nervous came up the day before I moved and helped Kim and I drain the waterbed. It really was easy and lots of fun. I really enjoyed Nervous visiting, too.

Later...

I just finished listening to my stereo. I used that $488 fuel assistance check but I got a great deal on it anyway. It’s sort of like my old stereo which Brenda now has. It looks a lot like it and it came with the same kind of stand. I got it all for only $275 and that includes a turntable, dual cassette, AM/FM radio, and the CD player. The CD player was a separate unit. Editing works out great and the only thing I hate is the continuous play. I can’t rewind a tape while I’m listening to another. I have one speaker on top of the bedroom. The bedroom is the only one with a lower ceiling and is basically in the center of the place. The cathedral ceilings slant down over that and the rest of the place. The bedroom ceiling does slant too and part of it is straight. It’s super hard to describe. You have to see it.

Earlier, I had pork chops for dinner with Kim and Mark.

Mark saw the place since it’s all been fixed up and decorated and he freaked. Kim saw it when I got it all done 2 days ago. I love to decorate. I guess it’s the creativity in me and also being artistic.

So that’s it. Other than that, I spoke with Tammy and Hank, painted my nails and drew a picture.