I am so bored it isn’t funny, and Tom doesn’t like to do much but watch TV. Especially when it’s too dark to work on the truck. He did that earlier, though. He got the mufflers off both trucks so he can put the one that was on the green one on the white one to quiet it down.

Using his email address and a bogus phone number, I’ve been entering us in various contests and sweepstakes. I know the odds are ridiculous, but I’m so freaking bored out of my mind. I gotta do something besides work out.

I was as close to throwing up as one could possibly get after taking my vitamin when I got up. I don’t know if it was because I took it along with my water pill or what, but I can’t help but get the feeling that it would never have happened if it weren’t something that helps me maintain my weight.

I’m still pretty sure we won’t get it on, but I had to ask myself this: Do I want to trust in fate to see that I don’t conceive if we do, or do I want to use birth control?

Tom said it was my call and so I decided I trusted destiny enough to skip the birth control. I also asked myself: God loves to see women who don’t want to conceive get pregnant anyway, think he’ll have the same attitude with me now that that’s not what I want?

No, I don’t. I think destiny is destiny, like it or not. Besides, I’ve been right about my vibes on that for 37 years, so why would I be wrong now? I believe that being in jail taught me the reasons it wasn’t meant to be. I used to believe that it was to punish me (back when I wanted one) and that I couldn’t handle the lack of sleep having one would cause. Well, while denying a woman a child she wants is definitely a punishment, being in jail taught me that although it’s hard functioning on very little sleep and having my sleep constantly interrupted, it is survivable, nonetheless. I now believe the reasons are because I couldn’t handle the pregnancy, childbirth and just the rearing itself and having no life or freedom. I value my freedom too much to throw it away. Being locked up and in the situations I’ve been in the past has taught me not to take my freedom for granted. I have nothing against kids whatsoever and I say to each their own as far as having kids goes. I, on the other hand, see nothing but hardships pertaining to that. All I see is it making me sick, fatter and in utter pain, then eating away our time, money, freedom and lives while limiting what we do and where we go. I just don’t see it as a worthy sacrifice and I know I’d be giving up so much for so little. Oh, I may have my bursts of gladness over having the kid, but I think that most of the time it’d drive me batty and that I’d regret having it. Of course, there’d be my crazy schedule to consider, and where would Tom sleep?

I also have another blessing in my favor and that’s a man who rarely cums, and if I was right all these years in thinking it was for fear of impregnating me, he should never ever cum again.

I learned something else by getting tested like I did too, and that’s that God doesn’t need to fuck something up in order to keep it from being used. He didn’t fuck up my plumbing because he knew that all he had to do was just make sure nobody grew in it.

I also asked myself: Would you resort to birth control if he did cum?

Well, I don’t know about that, though I know I wouldn’t want him cumming. Personally, I don’t even want to get it on with him in the first place simply because I haven’t the desire to. Knowing the feeling’s mutual, I think it’s safe to say I won’t have to worry. Tuesday will tell me. He’s stopping at the grocery store. They sell KY there. We’ll see if he picks any up. Anyway, I don’t think anything would be different if we did start having sex again. This is why I think he may’ve always been this way, even with other women. Of course, there’s also no saying how our sex life would’ve been had I been on birth control from the get-go. Maybe I am the only one he’s been this way with. I’ve always been sexually cursed, though to me it’s no curse anymore, just a wet, sticky mess we don’t need if he’s as content as he’s always been to keep things relatively dry. Still, why he is the way he is, I’ll never know. Before Helen gave me that info. I thought he’d clam up with anyone not protected, but now I see that it could very well be a lifelong problem he’s had that he simply never had the guts or desire to deal with. Or maybe it’s a combination of both. Perhaps he always had this problem and his lack of desire for a kid dampened any motivation to seek help.

Yves’ mascara washes off really easily. With the old shit I used to use, I’d have to scrub at my eyes with makeup remover and even that wouldn’t get it all off. The only thing is that I can’t tell that the violet mascara is violet or that the blue mascara is blue. Maybe out in the sunlight I could.

I emailed UPS asking if they do Saturday deliveries when Tom pointed out not remembering ever seeing a UPS truck on the road on a Saturday, and sure enough, they don’t. If Samantha was really shipped by Wednesday, then there’s no reason she shouldn’t be here tomorrow. In fact, I’ll be worried if she isn’t.

Tom said he saw a brief clip of an infomercial selling a split-end trimmer that trims only the bottom eighth of each hair shaft. That does sound way cool, but a bit expensive as well. What I really need is some thinning shears!

My day’s been off to a pretty good start. Not only did my stuff from Yves come today intact but it was left in the locker they have there so he could pick it up. You can’t get big packages or packages with delivery confirmations needed at the desk on Saturdays. I love most of the stuff I got. They threw in extra freebies, too! The only thing I don’t like is the tomato body gel. Yves uses all-natural stuff from plants, fruits and vegetables. Tomatoes don’t smell great at all!

Enclosed was this deal for a $30 certificate if I get a friend to join and buy $20 worth of stuff. I sent it to Mom and Mary to check out, though I don’t know if they’d be interested. I told them not to feel obligated to order.

So, I got all kinds of things – colored mascara, shower gels, lotions, perfumes, bath stuff, face stuff, etc.

I decided to quit editing and burning CA episodes onto CDs. Instead, I’m going to wait till we get a DVD recorder and just record the episodes as they air right onto DVDs.

As far as Mary goes, I’m either going to never contact her again if she never contacts me, or let her know that she’s a real shit after all I’ve done and given to her if she writes me with any bad accusations. Either way, I’ll send her aunt a CD of her writing and pictures and be sure to let her know I didn’t take Jose’s money and let Mary have to explain that one to her.

I just completed what was the biggest workout of my life – 1½ hours long. My muscles are heavy and shaky and it’s an effort just to type this. Less resistance and more reps makes muscles tauter and less bulky so I’m making working out my job since I have no other job or commitment hogging up my time. I won’t get paid for it, but I’ll be in some serious kick-ass shape! My legs are already noticeably smaller, though I still don’t think I’ll ever lose my overall body fat and be like I was in my 20s. I’m too old for that and I also don’t have the patience or willpower to starve myself. I’ll just do what I have been doing and just try to eat reasonably, limiting the sweets to just once or twice a week.

Tom just informed me that my bird was standing just outside the front door staring up at it expectantly, so I threw out some bread.

We decided that when these two rats die not to get new big ones. We’ll get small ones that will use tubes like the mice did and live in cages that aren’t on the floor. That way, if we do have a dog, it won’t badger them. They’ll be up over the dog’s head and not out running around loose like big rats love to do. The little ones will use plastic balls to roam around in. It’ll be nice not having to worry about what I leave on the floor, too.

I don’t know if the date palm will make it, but the queen’s just about dead. It makes no fucking sense either; we start watering this tropical plant, then it dies. They’re supposed to thrive on endless amounts of water.

Tom thinks the doll will be here today or tomorrow, but I think she’ll be here Monday or Tuesday so long as she really has been sent and to the right address as well.

Still no Yves, but it hit Tom today, so he told me, that the reason that’s taking so long is because of its size. He said that the PO only flies small packages, but the big ones get driven. He thinks I’ll get that at the end of next week. Whenever I do, I can then do the rest of the survey Yves wants me to do. It better come by next Thursday or Friday or else I’m going to really be worried. I know they’re a reliable company, but that doesn’t always mean anything to those with package curses on them. I’ll bet, for example, that most people have no problems getting dolls from PG. Anyway, I hope I get the packages and that their contents are intact.

Today was a bit of a rough day and a busy one for Tom who ran a lot of errands, including picking up the two new identical pairs of glasses he got.

I’m glad the truck’s working and all that, but I’m not glad the damn thing wakes me up when he leaves in it when I’m sleeping. For now, I’ll sleep with the fan on high till he quiets it down with a muffler which is what it needs.

One of the junk emailers just wouldn’t leave me alone. I mean, they just wouldn’t give up. So what did I do to these pushy, persistent pests? Sent them about 50 emails of my own, letting them know that as long as they wouldn’t let me unsubscribe and kept badgering me, I’d do the same. In each email, I’d copy and paste a paragraph from old journals. Anyway, today’s the first day I didn’t get anything from them.

Still nothing from Mary. I don’t know what the scoop is at this point. I mean, it could be any number of things, I guess. Maybe she’s in the hospital having hernia surgery. I doubt she was hurt by another inmate. I’d think that if that were going to happen, it would’ve happened by now. If I don’t hear from her by the end of the month, I guess I’ll send her aunt a copy of her books and pictures on a CD, then delete them from my drive. I’ll keep a backup copy archived on my other PC. I don’t see why I wouldn’t hear from her, though. I’m sure she’s just having a rough time of it.

Okay, here’s the worst part of my day. It really was quite frustrating! Well, as I’ve said a million times, I’ve always believed that it varies from gay to gay as to who gets what they want and who doesn’t, just like it varies from woman to woman who has kids. That’s God’s decision to make in the end as to what women he’ll allow kids to. I not only knew I was never meant to have kids, but I knew I was a man’s woman and not meant to be a woman’s woman. God wouldn’t have paired me with a man like Tom if I weren’t which is fine since Tom’s a great guy. Anyway, I don’t know why I was meant to be with a man. Could be to tease me with the kid I once wanted, could be so I’d have medical insurance. I don’t know. I just know that God never liked it when I’d get it on with a woman and that was pretty much why the phone would conveniently go dead a lot back east when I would call the gay meeting line, and why I got hurt by Teddy Bear, etc. Although Tom and I certainly wouldn’t see it this way, he’d much rather I stepped out on Tom with another man before I simply fantasized about another woman. I really believe he wouldn’t punish me for it if I did.

Anyway, Tom was trying to get my burner to be the burner it’s supposed to be and not just a player when he suddenly came out and asked where all my Charlie’s Angels clips were that I spent so much time editing. I was like, “What do you mean, where are they? They’re where they always are.”

But not only did last night’s CA not record (I’m trying to snag the ones I missed), but the clips were all gone! All the CA clips were gone, but the circus acts, our wedding and me as a toddler were all still there. Now tell me something up there wasn’t trying to tell me I was a sinner and a half and I’ll tell you you’re full of it! There’s no way either Tom or myself would be dumb enough to have deleted all those files. No way! I know damn well what did it and it’s something that sits up in the sky. Something much more powerful than I could ever be who doesn’t agree with my ways, but like I can help it? We can’t help what we’re attracted to any more than we can help what flavors, colors and music we like or don’t like. We are who we are and so be it. It’s like, what do I do if whatever’s up there decides they don’t like short people? I can’t very well stretch myself up any taller.

So I said fuck it, I’m not going to mess with this evil outer source, whatever it is, yet Tom managed to rescue most of the clips, using a special recovery program. See, they were deleted only just last night so they haven’t had time to be overwritten. Still, I learned years ago that if we fight for the not meant to be and try to avoid the meant-to-be, we’re just asking for trouble. We must take what God gives us and accept what he doesn’t give us.

I also said I’d do my duties, so to speak, and get it on with him if he picked up some KY jelly, but I know he’s not interested in that any more than I am.

Anyway, we’re getting ready to hack in and break the registration code on the digital editor we got. It only gives you 10 free days with it, then you have to pay for it, but we can break the code and trick it into thinking we paid for it. It’s a shit program. I can’t imagine anyone buying it, but unfortunately, it’s all there is that I can use. Nothing else works, but with it being such a sin for me, I figured God wouldn’t make it easy for me anyway.

I’ve been walking and jogging a lot lately to fill in all this free time I have so I don’t get too bored. Right now I’m a little wary of writing any more gay fantasies. I start off jogging, then I walk briskly. As soon as my heartbeat starts slowing down, I pump it back up with another burst of jogging. I know that walking alone isn’t very beneficial. You really have to get yourself a bit out of breath.

I once read that walking 90 minutes a day burns 500 calories. If that were the case I could eat 1500-1700 calories a day and still lose weight, though I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like walking that much. My feet get pretty tired once I get over a half-hour, so I break it up and do it on and off whenever I feel like it.

For this next week, but only this next week, I was thinking of doing the eat-every-other-day routine to settle my curiosity as far as how my body would react to it with the vitamins. Without the vitamins, I lost anywhere from 0-2 pounds on non-eating days when I thought I’d lose 3-4. Maybe I could lose weight in 5-pound intervals, but I don’t know. I mean, do I really want to bother? We’ll see, depending on the results of this little test I’m going to do for a week.

My Yves stuff still hasn’t shown up. Tom thinks it will tomorrow. I hope he’s right! He also thinks Samantha will be here Saturday, but I think that’s too soon. It took Mei Li 4 days to come from California, so I don’t see how it could take Sam just 3 from North Carolina. She might not even have been shipped till Wednesday because they didn’t take the money till then. The only thing that worries me is that no one answered my email asking when I should receive the doll. They’ve always answered emails in the past. Their site’s been around a long time, though, so hopefully I’ll get the doll. Intact, I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll get it.

Tom spoke to Mary and explained to her how he got fired for being against their having Easter egg hunts and bringing religion into the workplace, and therefore not being seen as a teamster.

He also explained the new job he’ll begin on Monday for what’s now going to be $8 an hour. Still pretty shitty. We really hope he can work his way up fast! He’s still going to need to find a part-time job in the meantime.

He got a computer-made card in the mail today from the company he’ll be working for (Modern Engineering) welcoming him aboard.

He had to have a physical as well as a drug test, but he got the luxury of being allowed to pee in private.

Although the truck runs, it needs more work as does the car which nearly caused us a brush with death the other night. There’s a part underneath that steers the car which had come loose, causing the car to vibrate. Well, had it broken off completely, we would’ve lost control and crashed.

I’m just sick of this car and truck running so much of our lives!

I really hope that the only reason I haven’t heard from Mary is that she’s been broke and not because she thinks we ripped her off. I would not only be insulted to learn if she did think that but unable to continue our friendship as I just couldn’t fathom being friends with anyone who couldn’t trust me and was thinking the worst of me. For her to think that after all I’ve done for her would really be a slap in my face if I ever did find out that that’s what she believes for sure. I hope the poor girl’s just broke and that I find out soon enough whether or not she got my two books and whatever else is going on with her.

I’m surprised I haven’t gotten any letters to her from José. Makes me wonder if they’re still in touch with each other. I don’t see how they could be. They must’ve had a fight which is unfortunate. I went out and bought extra envelopes in case I do get anything to send from her to him.

I still have mixed feelings about our friendship. Yes, it’s nice to have a pen pal like her when I do hear from her, but a part of me is also like, go ahead. Accuse me of being a thief and give me a reason to dump you so I can avoid any potential problems between us in the future. It will be her loss if she does let this Buffy chick come between us by being dumb and naïve enough to believe her over me. The ball’s in her court and it’s strictly up to her at this point. I’m going to send a letter out tomorrow and send no more till and if I hear from her.

It really is weird that she and José haven’t swapped letters. It makes me think that they either got caught or she does think I ripped her off and therefore told him not to send me anything for her.

The good thing about it if our friendship ends, is that for once it’ll be of no loss to me. It’ll certainly be a hell of a loss for her, though! She’ll have a hell of a time getting her book done without me. Without me, she’d have to hand over hand-written, barely legible drafts with one misspelled word after another unless she gets out, gets a computer, and then writes the book.

My nose bled earlier, though only one side. The doctor said the sprays can cause that. This is the first time it has. Before, all I’d get was the post-nasal drip. I’m surprised it bled cuz I’m only using the spray once a week. Maybe I’ll just stop using it and let myself sneeze all the time. I sneeze enough as it is anyway.

Speaking of feeling insulted, boy do I feel insulted by God over this job shit! I mean, here my husband was working his ass off for that damn bank for years, twenty of those weekly hours being for free, and what’s he do to reward him for it? Leads him to a shitty-paying job. That’s his reward for all his hard work.

We just can’t get ahead in life and when we do it’s only temporary.

Tom feels pretty certain that as long as he doesn’t come across as desperate, he can get his mother to give us a lot of money. Like $500, $1,000 or maybe even more. I hope so! I really do. Things may not be too bad right now, but they certainly could end up that way if we don’t either get him a better-paying job, a part-time job, or if his mother doesn’t help out. He hopes to find contract work for part-time work where he can do computer programming from home.

No, but they can send email. I was surprised, but last night I got an email from Mary and Dave saying that because it’d been so long since they’ve heard from us, they were starting to get a little worried. They lost Tom’s number, so that’s why I was emailed. I gave them both our numbers and told them not to give them out, then I told them that yes, a lot’s been going on but I wanted Tom to be the one to explain it all, so just hang tight till he calls.

Anyway, he’s been gone since I got up 5 hours ago. I hope today’s the day he comes home with my Yves stuff!

Before stopping at the PO, he’ll be stopping to give the new place his driving record. Originally, he was given a shitty-paying job as just a driver, but then he got offered another daytime position doing all kinds of things. He’ll be a porter, though still with the shit pay. The good thing about it is, though, that with this position versus driving, he can show off his skills to more important people and obtain more important positions within the company. In the meantime, he’ll probably look for a part-time job elsewhere and we’ll probably cut our grocery budget from $90 to $80 and our monthly allowance from $60 to $40. This job will include benefits.

To my utter astonishment, the truck was registered and licensed yesterday! Now we’ll spend the next few days testing it before we take it too far.

He’s been working in the utility area stringing old well wire around the wall with a white covering so it won’t look ugly. This is because he wants a more kick-ass outlet outside for running the air compressor.

He ordered Samantha yesterday morning at 8:30 our time. As it turned out, the number he called went to the couple’s home and he woke them up, too. I was surprised they’d be sleeping at that hour and that their store was closed, but anyway, if all went well, she was shipped out to me sometime today.

As for a mannequin – that’s something I really want to buy in person, so if we go to California and I get one, fine, but if not, then I probably won’t get one.

Yesterday we received the few things we ordered like the colorful bead mobile, floral hummingbird magnets and ring toss game. Was anything broken? Well, of course. What’s a package to us without something broken in it? Fortunately, the breakage was minor enough. Just a fallen bead on the mobile and a wimpy magnet on one of the floral birds.

I had a badass idea for making a mobile using the hanger that we cut the crystals off of. Hopefully, he’s got a glass cutter because I want to take an old mirror and hang pieces of it. That’d look way cool.

A high-pressure system has swept through the area, leaving the weather more like it normally is in June, hot, dry and cloudless, though the system’s heading east and clouds are beginning to swing back in.

I decided that like it or not, chubby or not, 125 is my weight and that’s that. It’s just such an incredibly easy weight to maintain. Especially with these vitamins. It’s 20 more pounds than I need, but oh well. I’m just too sick of dieting to lose any more weight in the near future.

My editing is temporarily done and now I’m back to being bored silly till I can think of something to entertain myself with. Maybe I’ll cook up some other bullshit story. We’ll see. I can’t think of anything right now.

I’m almost done with the editing.

Tom’s going to order Samantha first thing in the morning.

How I hope my Yves stuff comes tomorrow and intact, too! The other stuff would be nice and so would a letter from Mary updating me on what’s been going on with her. I doubt it, though. I mean, I don’t think she’s been broke. I think she thinks we ripped her off. I don’t know how she could believe Buffy over me, but that’s just the impression I get. Oh well. Can’t help what she thinks.

Tom doesn’t want to talk to his mom till he gets a job, saying it may worry her. I don’t think a little worrying would hurt her. If anything, it’ll get some money out of her. Of course, they’d never call him because that’s how self-absorbed they are, and when they do call it’s only when they want something. They can never call just to say hi and see what’s up.

Tom went for the driving test today and was surprised at just how aggressive the driving was. At one point he had to do 90 MPH as well as weave between cones and on the slalom. He’s not sure he did as well as they’d like, though anyone can drive like a maniac at $7.50 an hour if you ask us.

I just hope he gets something, somewhere real soon! He said getting in at a temp agency will be no problem if it came down to it. That’s what he’s done before. In fact, that’s how he ended up at the fucking bank.

All I know is that the cock that fired him better end up doing us a favor because I am so, so sick of people fucking us over! Then, to add insult to injury, they get away with it! Ugh, it just gets so damn old! It’s scary, too. Especially what with knowing that time and age haven’t changed this old pattern of fuck-them-over-and-get-away-with-it. Take jail, for example. If I can be held in a place against my will in my 30s, then why not at any age?

Sometimes I wonder if the reason we’re not meant to have fences is to allow easier access to bad news. Bad news that walks on 2 legs, that is, and not 4.

I also wonder about the music I heard last night and the night before, if only for a few minutes at a time. Since living here, the before jail time was by far the most musical, shall I say, with the bass thumping. Looking back on it now, I take it as a nasty omen of the shit that was destined to come. Well, I just hope there are no hidden messages in anything I have heard and may hear in the future! Although I don’t have any bad vibes, I still fear pending shit in the future. I don’t always have bad vibes that far in advance, either. New Year’s Eve of ’00, I didn’t have any bad vibes. Not till I was swiped out of here by the pigs, and although I didn’t hear about the freeloaders again for 6 months, bad vibes lingered in the air only because I knew the word of a pig was as worthless as that of the cow shit on these farms.

If I don’t go where the trouble is, the trouble will come to me, and unfortunately, I have enemies out there. I got welfare bums who were obsessed with me enough and sporting enough hate and anger to hunt me down all the way out here, and then there’s Teddy Bear. I’m still 99% sure I didn’t get her fired, but what if I did and what if she’s planning on getting even? She’d be an obvious suspect if anything did happen to me, but so? God would protect her and why would the pigs care? After all, I’d only be a Jew to them and nothing more.

At least it’s some consolation to know that once the decibel laws they have pertaining to loud music get out here, they’ll no doubt be as strict as other laws in this state and people will be quick to follow them. Then again, maybe not. People out here seem pretty rebellious when it comes to noise. Telling someone to cut their weeds or pay their taxes is one thing, but when you tell someone to lower their music, you’re basically telling them to shut up, and people don’t like to be told to shut up. So, stricter laws don’t always mean people are going to be more willing to abide by them or else so many people wouldn’t be constantly in and out of jail like they are.

Anyway, in better news, we’ll be ordering Samantha on Monday. She could be here as soon as next Saturday, one week from today.

Yves’ latest story was that my stuff was shipped on the 31st, so now I don’t know what to believe. I still think I’ll get it this coming week. At least I sure hope so!

They’re putting in a well on Dan’s property. What was weird, though, was the tractor we saw that appeared to be leveling for a house on the other side of the property towards the back. If a house is coming in, I just hope it’s a new one that will bring value to the properties around here and not some old junk rental that will just bring people and dogs.

The renters seem to have let up a bit as far as trashing the place goes. Perhaps this is because they’ve been home more often and are back to burning most of it. I’ve seen more vehicles there more often, but no fires going.

Today I helped Tom put the new windshield in the truck. Now, after 8 months of problems and delays, Tom will call about the insurance. The good part of it is that it need not be inspected. Just insured and registered.

I hope I hear from Mary real soon as to whether or not she got both my stories. I’d really like to know.

It’s not looking good, after all, as far as Tom getting the temp job from the woman going on maternity leave because they haven’t called him for a second interview yet. The first one was just a preliminary interview. He still has a driving test scheduled for Saturday, but that’s for the shitty-paying position, of course. At least it’ll have benefits and be just 15 minutes away which will save us roughly $120 a month on gas.

Dolls-n-More didn’t forget my freebie after all, though as expected, it’s just a dull knickknack. It’s a tiny baby with white frizzy hair and butterfly wings sitting atop a glittery mushroom.

Here’s the best news yet, assuming Tom gets a job somewhere soon enough that won’t cut out our allowance. Well, one of my favorite doll sites is actually cheaper than Tracy’s and Sherry’s! It seems the more I research, the more I learn. I don’t know what took me so long to discover this, but this site, owned by a husband and wife team in NC, does free shipping on orders $100 or more! Not knowing this, one would think Tracy and Sherry were just a little cheaper when they’re not. I asked and learned that ready-to-dress Haiku is just $110! That’s $5 less than Tracy’s kit including shipping, and Sherry wanted $150 with shipping. Also, we’re ordering Donna Rubert’s 24” dressed Samantha doll from them real soon! They’ve got a few dressed dolls on sale right now. She’ll cost $110 and come by UPS. Samantha’s a standing doll with blond hair and an unusual shade of realistic blue eyes that’s really beautiful. She wears a soft blue dress with white lace. They only have two pieces left, but Frank said he’d hold her for me till we’re ready to order her which was very nice of him.

I got a draft from Mary. At first I was confused because the first thing I pulled out was to “Mr. S,” saying, “Here are the legal transcripts you requested.”

Then it hit me that she was broke and that all legal mail is paid for by the jail.

Anyway, two nights ago we had a big storm. I fell asleep at 11:30 and was woken up by it at 3:30. Then I slept on and off till 5:30.

I began editing Kate scenes, though the only editor we could find that actually works is horrible. Its timing is way off so it’s going to take me a long time to edit all the scenes. I figured it’s okay, though, as what have I got better to do?

Tom went for a job interview yesterday at Nissan’s proving grounds just 15 minutes away in Stanfield. It looks like my vibe’s going to be sort of right. He didn’t start working there on the 22nd, but that’s the date he found them when searching for jobs online. It’s not definite that he’ll be working there, but it seems very likely and my vibes say he will, too. The pay and whether or not he’ll have a permanent or temp position is still unknown, though. There’s a lady he may fill in for who’s going on maternity leave and who does data entry on the computers at I guess around $11 an hour. He’s hoping she won’t return, but these days, they usually do. As soon as they pop them out, they’re back at work. That leaves driving positions open that are permanent and have benefits, but they pay only $7.50 an hour, so we’ll see. He’s kind of hoping to work his way up to something that involves more computer work and less driving. He’ll probably work nights, too.

He was working 20 extra hours a week for free at that damn bank. How much longer he would’ve permitted it to go on, I don’t know, but anyway, he could make as much or more money working just a little overtime at this place. We’d save a ton of money on gas alone. Another factor in how much money we’d have is how much we pay into insurance. We were paying a lot for that before. He hopes to find a place with a plan that doesn’t cost so much per month.

In the end, I hope the cock that fired him did us both a favor, but I’m a pessimist, so I’m going to act like worse is going to come to worse and that we’ll no longer have an allowance. Assuming this is going to be the case, though I hope not, I’ve decided to get Haiku next.

Tom’s going to show me how to split and edit video files today. This way I can keep just the Kate scenes. It’ll save a ton of room on the TV’s drive, too.

Tom believes the reason the mesquites died is that he had to cut the roots in order to get them out. I hope that’s the only reason cuz I still get the feeling something doesn’t want us here and doesn’t want us to do things to improve this place and give us more privacy.

A realization hit me the other day. I got to thinking about something that made me wonder. Could I have succeeded in getting Teddy Bear fired as much as I didn’t want to, and could that be why Tom was fired? Cuz that’s something God would do. On the other hand, I find it hard to believe she was ever fired because God’s not in the habit of making others pay for wronging me. Plus, she’s a pig and pigs stick together. They may’ve questioned her about it, but that’s as far as I think it went.

Sometimes I still find myself angry at those who have fucked me over throughout my life, wishing they’d come to my door and give me a reason to do all kinds of things I won’t even write about. I wish God treated everyone the same too, and that in his eyes, other people wronging me wasn’t okay, but it is okay as far as he’s concerned and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I can’t seem to come up with any more story ideas and those I have come up with seem rather vague and half-assed, so I’ll just have to wait patiently till something more concrete comes to me. Meanwhile, to keep from getting too bored, I’ve been downloading audiobooks and even started working on an old puzzle. I can always do some proofreading too, if I get really bored.

Tom decided not to stop at the PO yesterday, but that’s okay. There could’ve only been Mary and José favors waiting for me.

Now that my story’s finished, I’m bored silly. Mary hardly works on her book anymore, and I can’t come up with new story ideas to keep me occupied. I’ll think of something, though in the meantime, I suppose I could do more proofreading. Maybe some of the 2000 journals.

Well, I went from having $35 to having $75. This is because the people I ordered the Red Hot Barbie from are sold out. After deciding she wasn’t worth paying $60 for at other sites since Barbie’s not my number one cup of tea, I decided to make a $99 Yves order using extra money that will be left over after the grocery shopping. I am still going to get the December Birthstone Barbie for $30, but only that one.

From Yves, I’m getting a ton of stuff. They discontinued the caramel candle, but that’s okay, as I’ll be getting plenty of other goodies, including 12 different lotions, 8 different shower gels, then a variety of things like Tropical mist body spray, lavender mist body spray, effervescent bath beads, purple and blue mascara, bubble bath and cleansing lotion. I’ll be getting gels and lotions with scents like Ming Shu, arnica, watermelon, honey, almond, mint, rose, peach, coconut, lily, lilac, raspberry, strawberry, vanilla and African shea butter, plus a couple of iridescent perfumed lotions that have a touch of glitter.

The only shitty thing about it is that I know something’s going to break open and spill all over. Some asshole’s going to have to get his kicks by throwing heavy shit on the package or jostling it around really well.

Six of the things I’m getting are free and so is the purple cosmetic case they’re sending as well as the striped handbag.

The mesquite by my office window is definitely greener, but not bigger.

The big rattlesnake was asleep just outside the side door by the AC yesterday morning. I got a couple of good shots of it.

I finished my romantic comedy with its adventurous surprise twist at the end. It’s barely half as long as the Kate story. Mary and Bob should get their copies next week.

I dropped and permanently tangled my crystal prism mobile when I went to move it into my office since I’ll want to hang the multicolored one in the kitchen when it arrives. I was pissed at first, but then I had a clever idea. I cut them off and hung them by a thin, silver metallic thread from the living room valance and they look better there.

The job Tom wanted has been filled, not surprisingly, but he has an interview with the same company on Monday to see about other positions.

He has an eye exam scheduled for next Monday.

We got the pension money yesterday, so that’s one less thing we have to worry about.

Tom said we can still get a dog so long as we use a snake repellant, but we’ll see. That’s still a ways off if it does happen.

We took most of the filters out of the vents. They seemed to be restricting too much airflow, trapping most of the cold air under the house.

The Wings of Wonder ornaments came today, and of course one had to be broken, but that’s not why they’re going back. A drop of glue would’ve fixed the broken wings on one of them, it’s just that the Wings of Wonder aren’t so wondrous after all. They’re not what I thought they were. Online, they looked like sculpted little girls on sculpted flowers. Well, the flowers are sculpted, but the girls are actually pictures that were glued onto the flowers in an upright position. They just weren’t that nice. Fortunately, Ashton gives you up to a year to return stuff at their expense.

As for Barbie, I emailed them to ask what was up with her and all they said was she was sold out. So I asked them well, what does this mean? Does it mean I’m not going to get it at all, or are they waiting on a new shipment?

We’re going to be ordering $20 worth of little gifts from that catalog we get things from periodically. I’m getting a multicolored mobile of various glass shapes, a ring-toss game for us for when it cools down to go along with the Barbie kites he got for just pennies at the grocery store and 6 beautiful magnets of hummingbirds/flowers. I get a free gift of some kind too, to be shipped separately. I think it might be a little flower basket.

I got no mail from Mary, but my fairy finally came. Although I wouldn’t say it was worth the $12 it cost, it is cute. The dress is a great color – pink with glitter sprinkled throughout it as well as the fairy’s white hair. It’s only 3”. I don’t really like the fact that it’s so small you can barely see it anyway. It’s cute, though, and I have it hanging from the kitchen light fixture at the lowest part of the ceiling just over the sink. It looks nice in the daytime with the way the light plays off the glitter. They lied about the bonus they said they were going to include for the long wait, but oh well. For all I know, that bonus could be some little stuffed animal or something like that which wouldn’t interest me.

To date, one of the doll albums has only been viewed 11 times, yet one of the albums with pics of me has had over 3000 viewings.

I decided to put the glow-in-the-dark paint off for a while. Because I like it pitch dark when I’m sleeping at night, I wouldn’t want that much stuff glowing other than the mobile that’s in there right now.

I’ve once again cut my calories way back as I’ve jumped back up to 126 pounds.

I didn’t hold back yesterday, though. We set the bombs off at 4 AM, then drove to Casa Grande and found a Denny’s by the freeway where I got fried shrimp and a T-bone steak. I’d have loved to have finished it all, but I was quite full by the time I was half done with it, so I certainly didn’t have the room for the chocolate peanut butter pie that looked so good. Tom and I decided to go back sometime just for their desserts with maybe a large order of fries for us to split.

A few hours before we left, we had quite a storm, and of course, both the front and back doors just had to leak. It never fucking fails when it comes to leaks! I guess the doors need more weather stripping.

Last night it rained pretty hard for a few hours, but tonight we didn’t get much. Just a light rain.

Tom said he’s got to watch for snakes more closely. He went out the side stairs to roll up the car windows in the late afternoon. When he turned to head back inside, the big rattlesnake was coiled up sound asleep under the stairs. It’s a damn good thing they’re deaf! He entered the front door instead. This is why we really want to replace these stairs with something that nothing can get under. It’s just too hard to see under every section of these stairs we’ve now got. Especially the ones by the AC which they love.

Tom said he saw a tiny snake peering out at him from under the house, though he couldn’t tell what kind of snake it was. Just that it wasn’t a rattlesnake of any kind because it didn’t have a triangular head.

Haven’t seen my roadrunner in days now.

On the way back from Casa Grande, we cruised by the rentals. The furthest one looks like it may be vacant and the second one’s still well-kept. As for the slobs closest to us, the trash wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be, but it’s not a pretty sight back there, either. The two big dogs they’ve got didn’t help the scene, but at least they were in a pen. Still, why do the young, loud kids and the dogs always, always have to go closest to us?!

Anyway, Tom says he doubts all of the shit back there is theirs. It could’ve blown over from the other rentals before this one arrived. He also thinks that the trash in back is mostly the same trash that just gets shifted around when it’s windy, making it appear like there’s more and more coming in. Maybe so, but I still wish people would keep their shit contained to their own land. It’s terrible everywhere in this town. Even in sections where they have trash services. I know it’s mostly because there are no laws about that yet here. Andy and I used to marvel in surprise at how clean Phoenix was compared to Springfield, but this was before we understood why. Before we knew of the strict laws out here. You might get a little fine back east for littering, but it’s a major felony out here like most things are. That was one of crazy Melinda’s charges. Anyway, once we do get laws pertaining to trash, people will be too scared to ignore them, for the most part, cuz they’ll know they’ll be practically hanged for it if they’re caught.

The renters still continue to be home only on weekends. During the week, they leave early and return after dark. Tom said he heard the kids outside on Sunday. I was surprised to hear they’d be out playing in this heat and with the snakes lurking about. I’m also glad they don’t play their music for us or take their noise into our house, though I really do think they’ll steal the peace when we do get a pool and some kind of porch. That’s probably still a ways away yet, though. I still worry that Tom will have anything but a guardian angel guiding him in his job search and that the devil will be the one guiding him. In other words, to all the wrong jobs so we can’t afford to do any more home improvements. If all he can get are shitty-paying jobs, then he’ll have to work two jobs which will mean that just like with the last job, he wouldn’t have the time to do anything even with all the money in the world available.

We also went by the house in front of next door and found that rather than there being stakes for more houses, it appears that the stakes are for where the house that’s there is to ultimately end up being placed. See, I had thought it was where it was going to be set up, but now we don’t think so. I guess they will end up straight in front of next door’s house rather than more like in between their house and ours. They’ll still be close enough for us to hear their dogs and kids, though, once the house is put together and occupied. I’ll still take the outside barks and screams over the inside bass, though I’d still prefer peace and quiet. That is, after all, why we moved out here.

It’s really frustrating just how quickly my eyesight is deteriorating. I’m getting more and more farsighted by the month, so it seems, but am still determined to put off a trip to the eye doctor as long as I can stand to. When I can no longer read, then it’ll be time to go. For now, I’m going to hope to at least do the rest of my 30s without glasses.

My skin, on the other hand, is now like it was in my 20s. Another thing that changes when you get into your 30s is your skin. It dries out and loses its firmness. Well, there really isn’t anything you can do to firm it back up, but I just love these shower gels and lotions! I’ve been using them like crazy.

While my strawberry Suave shampoo smells great, it really is cheap shit. It’s stripping my hair, making it all dry and straw-like, but I’ll use it all up. Then in November when I order from Yves, I’ll get some good stuff. It’s $6 for a bottle of shampoo and another $6 for a bottle of conditioner, but it’s of good quality (each bottle’s the same size as the shampoo I’m now using). It does what I need - moisturizes and detangles. It’s hard to find companies that are reliable, fast and inexpensive (though I wouldn’t call Yves cheap either. At least not without all the freebies they include), so I’ll probably use them from now on for everything other than my flavored Chap Sticks.

For the dog’s sake, I think it might be best if we forget about him. In an interior fence, he wouldn’t have much space to get away from the rattlesnakes when they come around, and without an exterior, he’d be free to get hit by cars or shot by someone who doesn’t want other people’s dogs on their land any more than we do.

Later…

There’s this job Tom really wants that he wants me to try to psychically influence him to get. It’s working at a testing grounds site for cars and it’d be a hell of a lot closer than the bank was. His guess is that they pay well, too. I’d love to see him get a job like this. However, 95% of the population doesn’t get their “ideal job.” Most people hate their jobs, or they at least don’t like them if they don’t downright hate them. I just hope we don’t end up suffering financially no matter where he works. It just wouldn’t be fair after all the years we struggled in the past and I’m sick of the setbacks. We work so hard to get to a certain point, then something or somebody comes and tears it all apart. Well, our lives haven’t been torn apart like it was when the welfare bums were onto us, but I fear a serious setback.

Tom won $10 on a bingo scratch ticket, so that’s cool.

I got a letter from Mary and one from José to her. I only briefly skimmed through his letter to her. The highlights were Clarence and smut. I told her I’d piggyback their letters, but I don’t want either of them to get carried away. Weekly letters are enough since stamps aren’t very cheap and since they have to come out of my personal allowance. Doing for others for free is one thing, but paying to do for others is another. I know Mary will try to get stamps to me, though, whenever she can. It’s not like she’s taking advantage of me. It’s fate that always takes advantage of me! As fate would have it, her aunt’s probably not going to want to send me money because Mary says they’re having a tough time of it financially themselves, and as fate would have it, the jail pigs steal half the stamps Mary tries sending. Maybe José will send stamps every now and then too, though somehow I doubt he’ll even consider it.

Anyway, she was bothered by my not trusting José, though she knew I was just looking out for her and said she hadn’t told me of his case because she was afraid I’d be prejudiced, and so I told her I’d lighten up on him and reminded her that what I think shouldn’t matter anyway. It’s what she thinks that matters. If she’s happy, then I’m happy she’s happy. I still don’t think he’s all that great of a guy, though. Meaning, he may not be a murderer, but I’m sure he was a gang-banging druggie. His brother sure was, from what Mary finally told me. I guess some cock took a shot at David over drugs and David emptied a gun into him, killing him instantly. Well, David had been threatening to kill this guy, but José never took it seriously since most threats are bullshit. I guess that’s why he’s locked up; because he never called the cops and told him about the threats. Jose should’ve kept his mouth shut and not admitted to the cops that David made the threats. He should’ve insisted he knew nothing about it and kept quiet. How else would they have proven he knew about the threats?

Mary said she knew too many people with tats to buy that it was a sign of aggression and Tom agreed with her, saying it’s a popular trend for all young people today to have tats.

She also explained to me how they met in Fort Myers when it was co-ed and that he encouraged her not to cut herself with the razor that other inmates had slipped her which is nice.

Anyway, she’s still in denial over the theft of her money, so it seems. She told me to send it back to her when I get it because she’s not well off money-wise. I wish I could get and send it to her, I told her. What I don’t understand is how this happened so fast. One minute she was offering me the $65-a-month job, saying that’d still leave her $100, and now she’s broke. I know she mentioned her uncle recently lost $800 to gambling, so I guess that’s got something to do with it.

As I told Tom about a week ago, my job vibe for the 22nd has faded a bit. I still think he’ll have a job soon enough, though.

The bad news is that the mesquites we planted are dead and half the olies will end up dead, too. Something does not want us to make the grounds more private and nice-looking, so it seems. All we can really plant out here are the sister olies. They seem to thrive better than the regular ones. If we ever get any more palms, we’ll get older ones. Same with the olies. Younger plants just don’t have as much of a chance as the older, more established ones.

The good news is that my beauty supplies arrived yesterday, though not without the usual glitch. This time around, some asshole threw something heavy on the box and crushed it. Fortunately, only one bottle leaked. That was one of the shower gels. Other than that, I’m quite happy with what I got. I got like 10 sample packets of various facial lotions and 10 perfume samplers. I got a couple of bottles of perfume, too. The Ming Shu is really nice. I think I’ll dab a bit on Mary’s next letter, though I know that it may get mixed in with other scents. It seems that most people who send in mail spray it with something.

Amazingly, none of this stuff has upset my allergies in any way and when Mary gets out, I can get some freebies for getting her an account. I’d never ask her to make an order if she weren’t interested, though I’m sure she will be. What woman wouldn’t like Yves Rocher? They’re pretty inexpensive even without all the free stuff they give away.

I also got 6 different bottles of lotion, though one’s a sample size that I threw in my purse and one’s for feet. I got 5 different shower gels (2 lavender, 1 vanilla, 1 peach, 1 blackberry), 2 little tubes of perfumed cream, light blue eyeshadow and the free stuff they sent. Of the 10 free trial lipsticks, 4 of them were too dark. The watch was too big, but that’s okay because I have nicer watches.

I’m going to make another order in a few months or so. They don’t have a very extensive collection and they only have so many things I’d want. So I went through and picked out everything I want that I don’t have. Combined with their latest deals, it comes to about $50. I’m going to have Tom hold $15 a month towards my next order, which combined with the last one, will keep me set for about a year, particularly with the shower gels and lotions which is what I’m mainly after and something I could never have too much of. Then I can still put most of my money towards dolls, but be able to get other things in between for a change.

My next order will consist of a caramel-scented candle, effervescent bath beads, rose body lotion, lilac body lotion, tropical lagoon body spray, lip defender (goes under lipstick), and shower gels that include vanilla, watermelon, alpine mint, acacia honey, California almond and African shea butter. For free for making the order, I’ll get 3 different lotions, 2 shower gels, a bottle of facial cleanser and a bottle of makeup remover. That’s a lot to get for about $50, and of course, the shipping’s free.

Tom saw a sign by that doll shop here in town that we never got around to checking out yet saying they now give classes. I was like, classes in Maricopa? Wow! Depending on what he’ll be making at his next job (I still fear God’s going to set us back financially after doing so much better there for a while), we’ll find out exactly what they have to offer and figure out which is the better deal. I still think my best bet will probably be just to get kits and ready-to-dress dolls at those cheaper sites, though maybe theirs are just as cheap. We’ll have to find out, though I have a feeling that when you add the cost of the kiln, plus all the supplies, there won’t be much of a savings. It’s still something we’ll definitely check into one of these days. I just wonder how many people they could possibly get to attend their classes in such a small town!

No mail from Mary today, but in her last letter to me, she mentioned me organizing her book again. At first, the thought of it made me want to cry, but when it came down to it, it really wasn’t that hard at all. I just organized it by the years heading each section. If she continues to head each section with the year like I asked her to, then keeping it organized shouldn’t be a problem from here on out.

I just wish she’d come down to earth where Buffy and her cock’s concerned. Being an optimist is one thing and not wanting to face reality is another. I mean, I really get the impression that she doesn’t want to admit she got fucked over but denying it won’t change it. I’m just trying to convince her not to trust them to take any more money from her, be it for me or for José, or else she’ll get ripped off again. If her aunt won’t send me money directly, all she can do is try sending stamps or envelopes.

I also wish I knew why it’s so important to God that I don’t get paid for my work. At least not some of it, anyway. What, is it a sin for me to generate money or something?

Also, I decided that if we have to have trash on our land, some of it’s going to be ours, so I started dumping old boxes on one corner. It’s hard to care about something no one else cares about.

Sent a fan letter to Kate. I got the address online. It’s going to Sherman Oaks, CA. I know she won’t read it herself and that I won’t get anything, but I thought it’d be fun to send it anyway.

I’m getting hounded with junk mail! Why these companies need to bombard me with so much, beats me. I can see them sending one message every few months, but these assholes are sending me two messages a day! I tried unsubscribing, but they still send me shit. I don’t know why they think harassing people will earn them any sales because I’m sure it won’t.

I haven’t seen my roadrunner for a few days.

I may be wrapping up my current story real soon only because I can’t think of that many exciting twists and turns for it, so it’ll be a short story. That’s okay, though. Length doesn’t matter.

Later…

It’s been very cloudy since I got up at 1 PM. We should definitely be getting a storm as soon as the sun starts setting.

When Tom saw the Florida area code on my phone, we thought it was Mary calling, but it was Dolls-n-More calling to say that the fairy twinkle would be sent today or tomorrow. I have 4 things on their way to me at the moment (the beauty supplies, the fairy, the ornaments and Barbie), all of which the money was pulled for except for Barbie.

I got one letter from Mary and one of mine to her returned to me because of magazine cutouts. The “magazine cutouts” were pictures from a calendar the Humane Society sent. Oh well. I’ll probably get that religious booklet returned, too. I’ll at least get the letter back to her. I’m glad the kitties from my own homemade calendar made it to her as did the little calendar from my planner.

Still no money orders. Maybe Buffy truly believes her boyfriend did get and send them, but if he did, it wasn’t to my PO Box. She still thinks that I should be getting these money orders that Buffy says were sent on the 30th and the 8th, but it’s time for her to come down to earth and let the reality she seems to be fighting settle in – they ripped her off. Either both of them did, or the boyfriend did.

It’s just our shit luck that they’d start requiring inmates to put their booking numbers on their outgoing mail. Now she and José can’t write to each other which means I’ll probably be doing the kiting and all for free, I’m sure. She wants to pay me $65 a month and send a couple of books of stamps a month which is very nice and generous of her, but as I keep trying to tell her, I’ll never see these things, especially the money, if she thinks she’s going to get them to me through anyone there. She confirmed what I figured – her aunt doesn’t know she tried to get money to José. I asked her to ask her aunt if she’d be willing to send me $40 a month with no stamps since Mary said her aunt accepts José and since I’d love to have a home job, but if she says no, she can try sending stamps. Maybe I’ll get some of them. It’s just that God’s so damn determined to see me work for free and I don’t know why! Oh well. If it’s so important to him that I do, then it must be for a reason, and I’ll still help her out because she’s my friend. I just don’t want to do any more favors after this! I really think I’ve done enough.

I’m not using any bogus names, though. She likes the name Marie, but you know Tom, who’s even more paranoid than I am. I’ll just use my own name and address.

As for Clarence, how silly of her to be scared of such a weak, immature little cock as he is! He sent her a rather threatening letter with references to satanic curses cuz he can’t handle her rejection and he’s jealous of José. I assured her that he couldn’t touch her. She’s in jail! She’s 100% safe. I got a kick out of how the little fuck said he got so mad he almost drove to Naples. And just what would he have done if he had? Busted into the jail to get at her? He’s just your typical shit cock who can’t handle rejection. I decided it’d be best if I didn’t contact his mom about it like she asked me to because I don’t think it’d do any good. Clarence is an adult and she can’t watch every little thing he does. I doubt he’d listen to her, anyway, if she told him to knock it off. Besides, why can’t Mary do this herself?

I suggested Mary just keep any letters she gets for the pigs if need be. I don’t know how seriously they’d take them with her being white, though, and with the fact that most threats are just that – threats. However, I’m sure that if she just ignores him, he’ll be long gone long before she’s out of there. She just needs to stop writing to him. It’s like she’s teasing these cocks and likes to get them going. She needs to quit telling them they’re her soul mate and how much she loves them. In fact, I wonder if she swapped the letters deliberately (she said she accidentally sent José Clarence’s letter and Clarence Jose’s letter). She’s got to stop playing with fire the way she does and just ignore the hypocritical wimp (I call him a hypocrite cuz he misspells words after picking on Mary for doing the same thing). Don’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction, I told her. That’s what he wants. Don’t write to him to tell him off, don’t tell him he’s your soul mate, don’t tell him shit. Just cease to exist for him and save up the letters, I told her. They should trickle to a stop sooner or later. He’ll want to eventually go pick on someone he can get a reaction from. Someone within physical reach. Meanwhile, I’ll do my best to put spells on both him, Buffy and her cock.

She’s just so naïve at times! Her and her fondness for assholes! She loves to fuck with their heads and she loves the thrill of being scared of them. It’s like a sick adrenaline rush for her or something.

She doesn’t know anyone off the top of her head who would want the CDs, and as I told her, the reason I never brought my CDs in to sell was that most don’t have their original inner sleeves. I removed them and made my own back when I was first getting into computers. It’s okay, though. They can sit where they are. And like God would let me earn extra cash for them? Yeah, right!

She said the only reason she hasn’t called is because of how expensive it is.

She says she now knows everything about Jose’s case and that the only reason he got charged with murder is that he didn’t call the police, whatever that means. The real murderer is doing time without the possibility of parole and assures me that Jose’s innocent. He simply thought that if he helped the state, the state would help him, but found he was wrong just like I did. She’s just worried I’ll judge him, but I promised her I wouldn’t if she’d at least tell me what the hell happened. Besides, it doesn’t matter what I think. He’s her friend. It’d be like her telling me she didn’t like Bob. I mean, so what if she did? That’s just her opinion. Meanwhile, I could still associate with him if I chose to.

I’m trying to urge Tom to go visit his mom soon. He just hasn’t done so because he doesn’t want them to worry, but I say a little worrying never killed anyone. It’s just that I know he could get money from her. As of yet, we still haven’t hit any financial crisis and hopefully we never will. We’ve struggled enough with money throughout our lives so we don’t deserve or need to struggle anymore. However, Jewish or not, I believe in the eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth saying. See, Mom’s paying for the well to be fixed was one thing. It paid us back for the money we lost to her in Phoenix. However, she can never pay us enough for the time she stole from us. You can’t put a price on time. Time is priceless. Therefore, I’ll take anything I can get from that woman.

We ended up having quite a windstorm last night which, of course, meant having to take more of the neighbor’s trash. The Mexibums have a piece of cardboard hung up on their fence which will no doubt make it over here soon enough to remain snugly caught in one of our trees. Better that than music, since I know I’m not allowed to live anywhere where the neighbors don’t do something.

The only mail I got today was a religious booklet. Knowing Mary likes stuff like that, I sent it to her, but I don’t know if it’ll make it to her. I’ll scan it if it doesn’t.

I called Ashton and they confirmed that the ornaments were shipped on the 15th.

The beauty supply people called to tell me they shipped my stuff on the 14th.

I woke up at 122, I’m quite shocked to say. Tom just started taking these vitamins, too.

He says my July 22nd job vibe might be right because there’s this big company called Abbott’s in Casa Grande that’s got a lot of positions open. They deal with medical stuff, I guess. I just hope my pay vibe isn’t right, though, I know God loves to sic setbacks on us. It’s just that while $8 an hour may not be literally half the $16 an hour he was making when you consider taxes, but would still be a huge pay cut.

I got a letter from Mary all stressed out over my not receiving the money orders. Although she didn’t accuse me, I got the feeling she was suspicious, which I can clearly understand. However, I’m sure she’s smart enough to know which one’s more trustworthy, me or shithead Buffy’s shithead boyfriend. I hope she finds out who the hell cashed those money orders! We’d never rip her off even if we needed the money and so I do hope she finds out what happened. I’m not really familiar with how money orders work, though, so I don’t know if that’s possible. I hope it is just so I can prove to her what a huge mistake she made in letting anyone withdraw money from her. I don’t know that anyone actually did get money orders, though. I think they simply pocketed the money for themselves after they withdrew it. That’d really suck too, cuz that’d just make it harder to prove Buffy’s sick cock guilty and us innocent.

God really does protect an asshole, cuz if I were there right now, oh, I’m not even going to say it. I think it’s obvious what I’d do to that split chick. See, it doesn’t just burn me up to be the one to get fucked over, but it also burns me up to see those I care for get burned as well. Mary’s my best friend, and while she may’ve made a hell of a poor judgment call just like she did with spending so much money on Clarence and others, it doesn’t change the fact that she still got taken advantage of and fucked over and it really pisses me off. I wish we were rich. I’d then put thousands of dollars in her account and make her promise to only spend it on herself. Normally, I’d tell people to do what they want with whatever I give them, but in this case, I’d want her to swear to keep it for herself. Well, maybe we’ll win the lotto someday!

She also misunderstood me as far as payment goes. She thinks I want money for piggy-backing Jose’s letters and for working for him should he need a typist, so I’m sending off a letter assuring her that I never expected money for piggy-backing letters, though I would want payment if I ever do type for him.

I was going to call her aunt so that she could clarify this to Mary in case they spoke before she got my letter but then thought better of it just in case her aunt doesn’t know about her foolishly letting an inmate’s associate take money from her. I don’t think she’d approve of that even if the person could be trusted.

Mary really needs to smarten up and keep money and stamps. I told her this, too. She’s never gonna get any associates of any inmate to get money to anyone anywhere, and stamps are hit or miss. I never counted, but I think she said she sent a total of 4 books of stamps to me, though not all at once since she’s been in Florida. Well, I only got two of them. One of the last two she sent was supposed to be for me and one was supposed to be for him, though they were never in the envelope. I’d still be willing to bet an officer took them and even some letters to me, too. I mean, what would the PO want with them? They might’ve taken the stamps, but why would they have any interest in removing her letters from those two empty envelopes I got? I think it was all officer-related.

Anyway, the spider curse is on the fritz again. So far this month, we’ve seen two a week.

The good news, though, is that I may still get my fairy. They responded to my email for once, saying that the amount of email they get is phenomenal, so they’ve been busy. Also, there’s been a huge demand for that fairy (it figures), so they’ve been behind in their orders. They say it should be done within the next week and that they’re going to include a bonus for having to wait, which is nice.

It looks like they’re going to PG me again with this latest Ashton order as well. First the assholes say they’ve been shipped when I checked at the order status site, then I get an automated email saying they won’t be shipped till 9/22. Tom said they accessed the account but didn’t take any money yet. So, I replied to that email asking what the real story is. More than likely, I won’t see the things till October.

The beauty supply people did take their money, after all, so that’s good.

I see a car parked by the new house in front, but can’t tell from here if it’s put together yet. I know no one’s living in it yet because one, there’s been no barking, and two, there’s no outside light on at night. That’s another unique thing about us. We’re not just the only ones out here with no dogs, but we don’t leave outside lights on at night. I mean, what exactly do they expect these lights to do for them other than to draw bugs unless their bug lights? They wouldn’t keep them any safer.

It’s too damn hot to walk out far enough to see if it’s together yet, but when it is, and when it’s occupied, we’ll know it.

It’s been incredibly hot. Last night I glanced at the outdoor thermometer at 1 AM and it was 100º!

Tom says the biggest mesquite looks greener and that it’s probably getting ready to have a growth spurt. That’d be nice.

He planted Palo Verde seeds where the few dead olies are, but I doubt they’ll amount to anything. I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work. Maybe with the drip system going, it will, but I don’t think so. In the fall when we get more olies, we’re getting ones that are more mature, like 5’ tall.

Later…

We actually had some rain there for a while and lots of wind. The rain only lasted a few minutes, though we still felt it was enough to turn the drip off. It seems to be dying down out there now.

Here’s the shocking part, though. Tom went out when it started raining to cover some things up that he didn’t want to get wet. The sun was setting, though there was still some light. Not even 30 seconds later, he turned to re-enter the house the same way in which he’d exited when he heard the rattle. Well, there were two rattlesnakes coiled up by the steps! He was like, where the hell did they come from? Probably from under the house, I guess. These two seem smaller than the other one, so now that we know we’ve got 3 of them, we’re now thinking about getting traps, snake repellent, or both. This is because Tom works outdoors a lot. Rattlesnakes are brave and he can’t afford to have one sneak up on him while he’s under the truck working on its muffler or whatever. Rattlers aren’t king snakes. They don’t run from people, they stand and fight. If a person happens to be in the direction they’re going, that won’t deter them from forging ahead in that direction. They’re just too toxic to give a shit and they know it.

If Tom didn’t work outside a lot, then it wouldn’t matter because this house has 3 doors. The odds of them all being blocked by snakes at once seems unlikely.

This is when I got my brilliant idea. You see, there are no doubt some people we don’t like living in the city. People who may very well live in houses with fenced-in yards. Well, why can’t they live there? Then the recipients can have dead dogs on their hands as well as a poisonous snake to deal with. We’d have to hide the traps somewhere afterward, though, in case they came to check, and keep our prints off of them. In this state, just the coincidence alone of us having the trap, even in spite of where we live, would be enough to fry our asses, and we aren’t like most people, which means God wouldn’t protect us. Not in the least. He’d be doing all he could to lead the authorities to our door, so we’ve got that to consider, too. We’d also have to buy the trap in a way that couldn’t be traced back to us, and lastly, hope a small kid didn’t get hit and killed. I wouldn’t give a shit if they did lose any kids they may have, despite how innocent that kid would be, but the pigs certainly would.

Since most people never do the things they plan or talk about, I know this will never happen, but it sure is a nice fantasy; them heading out into their yards to find a rattlesnake!

I’ve been stuck like never before. I’ve only done one half-assed dump in 4 days. My body’s totally rebelling against dropping significantly under 125, so I’m finally like, okay, okay! Keep the damn weight if you want it that bad, just start shitting again one of these days soon!