Oh, Teddy Bear, how could you have done this to me? You stole my heart and then you broke it. I still can’t believe you, of all people, went back on your word.

Can anybody keep their word about anything? Why is it that so many people are all talk and no action? Most of what most of the people I’ve known have said has turned out to be just talk. But why? Is it just me? Or is that really just human nature for most people?

I think she’s gotta be seeing someone. Why else would she blow me off without a care in the world as if I were nothing more than yesterday’s trash? Why would she want to be all alone and lonely if she were single? I’m sure she’s with someone who isn’t married and who has a job and a car.

But what if they broke up in a few months to a year? Would she call me then, or would she feel funny calling after so long? And what would she say? That she forgot? That she just got tied up and too busy to call?

She’ll never call and I know it. I just wish I could get that woman out of my mind! I could be doing something and be focused on that for a while, then all of a sudden an image of her and something we may’ve said pops into my head. I’ll be listening to music, then we’re laughing all over again about my “dead friends.” I’ll be reading, then: “She’s only a little ugly. Call her Ronda.”

She’ll never know just how much she’s hurt me. And I never knew just how easy it could be for her to simply walk away and ignore someone she very much appeared to care for.

Does she still have the kites and pictures I gave her? If she does, it’s probably only with the hopes of helping to build a stalking case against me if I keep on writing her or manage to call her at home somehow, but of course, she’ll never hear from me again either. I can’t make her want me. I can’t make her call me. I can’t make her visit me.

When Tom checked last night, he found that they didn’t take the money for the doll till the 19th, so the end of the 10-business day thing is today. Wouldn’t it be oh so nice if Tom could go to work tonight and stop at the PO on the way back with the doll and my letter returned, saying she either no longer works there or is back at Estrella. Then I could resend the letter to Estrella or hunt her down through the white pages just to find out that she lost my address and number!

Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ll keep dreaming.

Anyway, the freeloaders didn’t have me woken up today, so that’s good. I slept till 1:15. They still could have me woken up this week. Time will tell. That’s the least of my worries right now. Right now I just want to get through this class bullshit somehow.