Scot still hasn’t heard back about the class bullshit. He tells me he wouldn’t worry about it. Yeah, that’s what Paul said; not to worry. When I told them that I hoped they’d just forget about me, Scot said he didn’t think they’d forget about me. Yeah, I’m sure they won’t.

He talks about the possibility of modifying my sentence and deleting that, which Tom thinks will happen, but I don’t. For one, people are lazy. It’s easier to tell him to tell me to just do it than to alter paperwork, not that it should be any big deal to cross something out, but if they did omit it, then they might feel compelled to do something else. Anything to control me. That’s what happens to any person in jail or on probation.

I still don’t understand who the fuck took it upon themselves to decide my reading comprehension skills are low or why the state feels it’s its responsibility to do something about it. I mean, are they gonna make me go to auto mechanic school cuz I don’t know shit about cars?

It’s just an observation someone made, Tom said. Yeah, a delusional one. All my life people have misunderstood me and that’d be fine if I didn’t usually have to suffer from their stupidity in one way or another like I do. Others don’t have to suffer when I misunderstand them, so why should I? I don’t think we’re dealing with a case of someone’s stupidity, though it’s possible. It’s possible that Paul came to some bullshit conclusion when we were going over the legal papers, but I’m not a fucking lawyer. How could I be expected to grasp all that legal mumbo jumbo in just a few minutes?

Another possibility is that they drew this conclusion based on the disjointed sentences in my journals, but I did that on purpose to be confusing.

I’m willing to bet, though, that it’s Paul’s way of spiting me. Especially since I said I wouldn’t work outside of the house. It could also be the probation department in general out to control me. I haven’t had community service or therapy in a while, so they may feel the need to keep me busy, but I’ll tell you right now, no one’s going to make me take classes. I’ll decide whether or not I take the classes, and if I don’t, I’ll decide whether or not I do the rest of my probation in jail or if I kill myself and spare myself 30 or 40 more years of society’s spite and stupidity. It’ll depend on how often the classes are and how much more money we have to shell out on account of these fucking freeloaders - damn them mother-fuckers to holy hell!!!!!! Oh, what I could fucking do to them for turning my life upside down and inside out for - what’s it been - 6 years now?

And why don’t they test my reading comprehension level, rather than jump the gun and just throw me in classes, huh? And lastly, why does Scot keep asking me how long my sentence is? Does he think I’ve forgotten? Is he so stupid that he himself needs constant reminders?

Anyway, this is the only other month this year where I get 3 wonderful weeks in between report days. Do I think he’ll bug me here before then? I don’t know. He left me alone for 3 whole weeks in March, and he was just here, but I can never know for sure. He surprised me with 4 visits in a measly 2½ months at the start of the year, so we’ll see.

Anyway, after playing, let’s-do-for-the-freeloaders, we grabbed a snack and some drinks at Circle K and headed for Tempe. There, we went to the bookstore, then to Walgreens. We could only find temporary color streaks for hair, and none of it glowed under black light. I got passionate pink, and it’s terrible! The comb was attached to the bottle, so it was easy enough to brush into my hair, but it never dried. Instead, it remained a thick, wet sticky blob in my hair that’d get over everything. At least it washed out easily.

A man complimented me on my hair too, as I was walking through the store.

Anyway, if I can’t find permanent dye to streak my hair with, I’m just gonna cut it and dye it with regular dye. Instead of going with the red, though, I think I’ll go with dark brown.

Paradise Galleries says they sent another Chris doll, and thanks to my shit luck, there’s a holiday within the next 10 business days. I’m sure God will let me have this one with no problem, though, since I didn’t get the first one. I should get it by the 31st. Of course, that holiday’s a good thing when you consider that it’s an extra day off from the freeloaders.

Later…

Tom ran over a big, 6-foot-long snake on his way to the recycling center this morning. He said it wasn’t a rattler or a black snake.

The Gray Lady finally died. What? Are all these mice gonna die off cuz they’re not going to Teddy Bear? I’m down to 5 now, and I have them in my office.

The best part of yesterday was JBS, of course. Jamie, the girl we got Jade from, wasn’t there. She was in Kingman. Some other ditz was there that you could tell didn’t have much experience. I kept an eye on everything she wrote on the order form, though, so I wouldn’t have to suffer yet again on account of someone else’s fuck-up. I also know how cursed I am with having to struggle to get dolls. There still could be a problem, anyway, though. I was surprised when she told me it may take up to 6 weeks to get Joy (Tom’s birthday). It only took two weeks to get Jade. Maybe it won’t take that long, though.

Although some of their prices were down, I wasn’t surprised to see they were asking twice as much for a couple of Paradise Galleries dolls. They wanted $160 for the $80 Mei Lin doll I have and $105 for a $40 vinyl doll they have.

This time around, most of their dolls didn’t seem all that realistic. I mean, I can find a lot more lifelikes online. The only doll I liked that I may get someday was Chari. Another Donna Rupert doll. She and her daughter Kelly are great. She’s a 23” lady doll in a black evening gown and heels. She has red shoulder-length hair and gray eyes. I’d like her hair to be a bit longer, and I’d like to try the violet eyes for a change.

I also got Jade a stand. It was a ridiculous $23, but it’s quite a stand. It’s an adjustable one on a wooden base which we’ll paint sometime. I may get her shoes from them, which were the only thing in the store that wasn’t overpriced, but first I had to measure her foot. They measure doll eyes and shoes in millimeters.

Anyway, I got Joy in an Indian slip with brown eyes and black hair. They were having a 10% off sale, so she’ll cost $225, the price her kit would normally cost.