I know I shouldn’t drive myself too crazy in anticipation of whatever Maliheh’s response to my email will be, but I can’t help but wonder about it. I’m thinking tomorrow evening she’ll email me, and while she doesn’t seem upset, the more I think about it, the more I don’t see how it can be anything good. If she felt the same, what much could she possibly have to say that would take “time to give it the attention it deserves?” I would think that if it were mutual all she would do is simply say so. But just the fact that she wants to take the time to get the words right makes me think she’s going to tell me what I don’t want to hear.

Later…

Nothing from Maliheh yet, though again she peeked in at my blog. I can’t figure out her work hours. They’re as hard to keep up with as she finds my schedule hard to keep up with. It’s like she doesn’t quite work days but she doesn’t work nights either.

Later…

And still nothing from Maliheh. Wow, she’s either really busy or really struggling to come up with the “right” words on how to tell me she doesn’t feel the same for me. Or worse, that she doesn’t think we should contact each other again.

Later…

Okay, I heard from her. She said pretty much what I expected her to say which is that she likes being alone.

Tom said that they don’t know if they’ll let him work it, but they’re talking about adding a night shift at work. Too bad they’re not talking about hiring him on, but I’ve accepted long ago that it could be a good many years before we’re insured again. We’re just going to have to pay for our own medical needs. Until we become terrorists in Palestine or starving in some third-world country, this country isn’t going to do shit for us.

I’m loving my new necklace and am going to wear it for the rest of my life unless it breaks. Yeah, I’m a real sucker for bright colors and shiny things, even at 45.

I organized the file box earlier. You know I hate clutter and disorganization, so I mostly organized our rent receipts.

I discovered something by accident, but that’s how most of my life seems to be anyway; one big accident. When bad things happen to me it doesn’t surprise me and I usually figure as much. But when good things come my way it’s usually an unexpected surprise. As most of you know, I gave up on dieting about a week ago and expected my weight to climb steadily from there. I’ve hardly even exercised. Last Saturday, though, I got a huge bag of meatballs. They’re yummy. :) And they’re super quick and easy to make, too. Just throw them on a plate and zap them for a minute and they’re ready to go. So every few hours or so I’ve been having 6-8 meatballs with an occasional yogurt or diet bar thrown in along the way, and I not only haven’t gained weight, but I’ve lost weight enough times in my life to know how my body acts when it’s about to drop a pound, and it does seem to be making a run for the 131-pound marker. Till now I’ve been steadily at 132 for about a week now. The only thing is that I get the runs. I like how that helps my weight, but I don’t like how it makes me feel.

I guess I should go do some writing. I’ve been slacking off. I’ve even been slacking off on the languages. I don’t know what’s up with me lately. I’ve been just as busy, just not as productive.