LOL, my rat’s a pervert. I turn him loose when I’m cleaning and was wiping the kitchen countertop down when I saw him messing with a dark object that I first thought was one of my flip-flops. Then I realized he’d managed to pull a pair of my undies from the hamper. Isn’t it kind of sad that the only one in this country who wants to get in my pants that’s sane and cute is my pet rat?

I deactivated my Ask account again not just because of the lack of a block feature, but because I really don’t need it. What’s scary is that within just minutes of reactivating it and returning to KB, Molly contacted me on both sites. Is that what she does with her life? Does she just sit there checking mine, Alison and Kim’s accounts every few minutes to see if we’ve reactivated or updated anything?

She may not be scary in the way that I think she’s going to hunt me down and shoot me, but what kind of individual does this shit over and over and tries to push themselves on those who don’t want to know them? What part of “no” does she not get? I thought I was a good writer. Haven’t I made myself clear on what it is I want? I want absolutely zero contact with this person. What part of that sentence doesn’t make sense? If anyone out there doesn’t understand what I’ve just said, please let me know.

This much may not be a good thing to mention as it’s giving the sick twist the attention it craves since no one wants to give it to her voluntarily with the way she treats people, but it’s my journal and I’m going to write whatever I feel like writing in it. What’s the point of keeping a journal anyway to write about your life if you can only write about some of it? And what’s the point of being able to run around announcing that I’m a selfish bitch and proud of it if I write to suit my readers (within reason) and not myself? So I don’t mind saying that I tormented the shit out of Molly yesterday after getting so fed up with her following and contacting me on every single fucking site I join.

Sometimes trying to be all polite and civilized or turning the other cheek simply doesn’t get people off my ass. That’s what I tried to tell Tom where the Phoenix freeloaders were concerned that were living next to us. I should never have listened to him and handled them his way. I wanted to beat the shit out of them, and believe me, had I done that they wouldn’t have been a problem anymore. But Molly’s not just a few steps away. I can’t just run over and beat her off my case and out of my life. So I figured that maybe if I give the bitch a taste of her own medicine for a day she’ll see what it’s like and realize I’m not worth it if all she’s going to get is shit like that if she contacts me. And shit is just what I gave her, alright! I was just smart enough to go about it in a way that wasn’t illegal or anything like that. I basically left a bunch of gibberish in her guestbook on KB since she deactivated her 10 million ask.fm accounts, proving that she can dish it but not take it. But she won’t have to take it if she’d just leave me the fuck alone. As I said before, I don’t care if she reads my journal. It’s public. I just don’t want any contact.

What a fucking idiot, though. All she had to do was block me yet she never did. She just kept deleting the guestbook entries as fast as I would post them.

Last night I dreamt I died of a heart attack. I know some believe that if you see yourself die in your dreams that means you really do die, but don’t worry folks! I got my throat slit 20 years ago in Dreamland yet I lived to tell about it, LOL.

I guess I was in some hospital lying on a gurney when I heard the sound of footsteps rushing towards me. Presumably, the doctors and nurses out to try to save my ass. Then I heard something about “not knowing till we open the chest cavity,” then they were announcing that I’d officially gone bye-bye.

Yesterday I got to hear Jesse’s truck and his motorcycle and his ATV and his dogs, but nothing that was ongoing enough to really get on my nerves.

The weather is slowly but surely improving. We had two unusually cold days where it didn’t even make it up into the 40s. Yesterday was the coldest morning that I’ve ever experienced here at just 23º. The morning dew was so frozen that it gave the illusion of a fine dusting of snow. Everything was glazed in ice. But by 11am the sun was kicking ass, the temperature made a huge jump, and I could turn off the heat. It was like a whole new Cali all of a sudden.

Now it’s clouded up enough to keep the warmth in and so it didn’t get under 40º last night. We’re even going to hit the 60s by the weekend and due to that Tom thinks the winter is “over” and that we’ve turned the corner, even though there’ll still be some cold days. Well, I wouldn’t go so far as to call it over, but it’s true that we should’ve just passed the peak. The first part of January always seems to be the worst. At least we’ve had only 3 days of snow, 2 of which never stuck, since coming here 3½ years ago.

Later…

After a 10-minute engine gunning spree this morning, then another one 15 minutes later in which he actually decided to go somewhere, I’m now waiting for Jesse to get back and deal with his fucking well yet again. Yeah, I discovered the water pressure was low a couple of hours ago.

Thought I just heard him drive in, but I don’t know. I don’t think his truck is that quiet. He’s got to have the dogs with him, wherever he is. I haven’t heard a single bark. They wouldn’t be this quiet this long in this cold.

Now that’s weird. I just heard the toilet flush itself and now the pressure’s back to normal. Good, because I haven’t heard a word from Jesse. Was he not able to get the messages? Did they not go through? I don’t know what the deal is so I’m just glad to have the pressure back.

Maliheh was looking to chat with me yesterday evening, but I was asleep just as I told her I would be.

I had asked her if she thought I was attractive, assuring her I could take it if the answer was no, but that I had always been curious about that. I also asked if she still wanted me to send her any dreams I have that may involve her since she’d rather them not go online.

So I guess she either doesn’t find me attractive or doesn’t want to admit that she does. All in all, I’d say that at this point there’s no way at all she’s attracted to me or interested in any more than a friendship just as she said. But why my friendship is that important to her seems strange. And if she’s only had company 3 times in 7 years (I thought it was more like 3 times a month), where is she meeting people for sex, at their place? I know it’s none of my business, but I’m just the curious type.

I sometimes wonder if I’m a good enough friend for her. I’ve written things she didn’t want written, I’ve told her about dreams she’d rather not know about, I’ve asked questions she doesn’t want to answer, and I’m not always available to chat with her in the evenings. She said she had the day off, so I sent an email hoping to bump our chat up to the afternoon, but haven’t heard a thing from her yet. There have been no blog views either.

Jesse just returned, but I’m thinking he never got my messages. That’s not like him not to respond, although I did tell him the pressure was better the second time around.

Back to Maliheh. I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. I can understand some people not wanting to be discussed online, but it’s my blog. I was going to use KB to write the things I don’t write on MyOpera, but since it appears no one’s going to read it, though I set it to members-only so Maliheh wouldn’t see it, I might as well just write about it here. No one reads this either. The new thoughts.com is horrible so forget about that, too. Then again, maybe I should return to opendiary.com under an entirely new name. I could really speak my mind without holding back and then drop it on the public for some amusement as an afterthought. This site lets you block all contact from other users but has no hit counter or tracker of any kind.

Haven’t heard from Nane yet this year. Nothing about my book or anything else. Maliheh’s the only one who genuinely seems to care about me – even more than Aly and Kim – despite only wanting friendship from me.